Friday, December 22, 2006

Be of Good Cheer. If You Can.

Right. Something is making me ill. For the past several days I have had a metallic taste in my mouth. It can be covered by some food, but not all. Water seems to magnify it, while life savors cover it nicely. Anyway, this is leading to constant snacking to keep my mouth happy. I'm also feeling nauseous. This could be because of the yucky taste or totally separate. Either way, large parts of my day are spent eating and/or resting. No. I'm not pregnant in case anyone was curious.

So let's head for the holidays. Tonight we will have our Christmas with Peanut and Husband. Tomorrow we head to Missouri. Sunday we have Christmas with my family (say a little prayer we survive) and then leave Monday to go to Husbands Uncle's house to have a lunch with Husbands family. At some point we will go to my Father-In-Law's house and stay there a while. I think we'll spend some (a lot of ?) time visiting friends in that area. We have to be home by Saturday as we are having yet another Christmas with our friends. Then Sunday is when we are celebrating my nephews birthday. His birthday is actually the 28th, but no one will be around then so they moved it to New Year's Day. Splendid.

So Merry Christmas to all and be safe in your travels. May the New Year be prosperous and kind to you all.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Secret Spot

While I was away this weekend I bought husband a Christmas gift. When I got home I put it in a 'secret' spot to hide until I could wrap it later. Husband also bought me gifts while I was away. As I was unpacking, husband realized he left a bag from one of the stores in the living room. I hadn't really noticed it and only saw it was a pink bag. He had me close my eyes while he rushed to hide the bag.

So the next day I was wrapping gifts and went to get his present from its hiding spot. It was in a big box in the basement. I opened the box and there on top was the bag from VS that husband tried to hide. Directly under the bag was his gift still in it's bag. The funny thing is that he was in such a hurry to hide the bag he didn't look in the box, he just shoved it in. So now I know where one of my gifts came from, but I don't know what it is. And he only know where I hid his gift. Guess we'll have to find new hiding spots.

Thursday, December 07, 2006


What's a girl got to do to stop breaking out? I know it's because of stress mostly, but I'm not 13 anymore. What is up with this? I wash may face, I give it lotion and I make it pretty once in a while. What more does it want? Help!

I do not look as good in black & silver outfits as I do the tan & browns. Today I did grey sweater, jeans, tennis shoes that happen to match the purple in the sweater and it just wasn't rocking for me. Granted the jeans are a bit old, but they fit so they got picked. I did my makeup with pink and grey and no love there either. I guess it's true that you have colors that flatter and the brown family is it for me. I really like this sweater though. Don't get me wrong, I look nice, but not wow you know? I believe that clothes can make you feel certain ways and today I'm saying "I look nice, but a little off."

What kind of make up am I supposed to wear? Let's start with foundation. Liquid, powder, lotion or what? Nothing seems to give me the 'flawless' appearance that Cover Girl talks about. This sort of relates to the skin problems (see paragraph 1) so maybe if that was fixed then the make up wouldn't matter. I'm thinking of going to Sephora and throwing myself at the mercy of the clerks there. My fear is I'll either look like Tammy F. Baker or Death. I can be a bit on the pale side so I need a hint of color, but too much and I look like I'm playing in mothers makeup. Again. Help!

I need jeans. I HATE shopping for jeans. You must try them on because a size x in one brand is not a size x in another. I also hate paying $50 for jeans. Can't they make denim for like $25? Maybe I'm cheap, but it's just jeans. Any suggestions as to store, style, brand, make, model and gas mileage. Wait, not that last part, unless you know something I don't.

Spending money on myself is a problem too. I just don't do it. Sure I buy a book or magazine once in a while, but I don't just buy outfits. Price tends to be the biggest factor. I can find a pair of pants I like for $70. What happens when Peanut barfs on it? Uhhh, can you say stain? Dry clean or whatever, some things just don't come out.

I need something done to my hair. The color is ok, but the style is a little tired. It's just all one length and straight. I pull it into a pony tail and then it looks blah, boring. I don't want to cut it, but maybe some bangs. I don't know. To fix it it really needs to be washed, dried straight and then have the ends curled a bit. That looks great, but takes like an hour. Are there any products I should try? Once again (say it with me now). Help!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


I'm tired. Went to the doctor. Got new medication. One side effect is insomnia. Great. I haven't slept through the night in three days. Almost feels like I have a newborn again except milk doesn't squirt out of me anymore.

On the up side some things are getting better. I'm just having a little trouble enjoying them while being sleepy. We'll see how things progress.

In other news I am thankful that we are fortunate enough to have a regular babysitter. It's a lot of money if you just sit and think about it (I don't!) but my sanity is worth it. Peanut is/was sick and me being sleepy I need the breaks from him. While he doesn't feel good though he does like to snuggle.

Not much else to report right now. Computer is having issues so you never know when it will up and reboot on you. Save. Save. Save.

I'll try to be more amusing next time.

Monday, December 04, 2006


Peanut is walking now. Actually, he has been walking for a while now and has gotten pretty good at it. Our friends K and H have a boy as well and he began walking a couple months before Peanut. He would fall and crash into things all the time. Every time we saw him he had bruises on his head or a cut lip. Peanut didn't crash. Sure he lands on his bottom a lot and the house sort of shudders in response, but no bruising.

Then this weekend happened. Apparently, while I was out Peanut crashed into the tub. There was a toy or cup or something in there he wanted and just fell in head first. He must have bit his lips because there are cuts on top and bottom lips. Daddy cleaned him up and soothed away his tears. When I can home the first thing I noticed was that Peanut had on a different shirt. I asked Husband about it and he said there was an accident. I imagined a poopie diaper, but it was the crash.

Then the next day as I was watching him while Husband was out we were again in the bathroom. He started to head to the tub and I ran over to him to head off another fall into the tub. I got there and we started to walk away only to fall over between the toilet and tub. He now has a tiny bruise on his head. He also crashed into a doorway, but that wasn't quite as exciting. Just a few tears and he was ok and on his way.

The kid is wild about moving around. He just does not sit still much. That's ok with me except it makes me much more tired. At least I get my exercise chasing after him.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

There is a Monster in my House

Why is it that I have fabulous ideas for posts and then when I sit down to write them I can't remember anything? Since the good stuff has been forgotten I'll tell you a story of the worst encounter I had in our basement bathroom.

I was pretty pregnant at the time, but can't remember the exact date. Maybe somewhere in month 8 I guess. Husband and I were in our television room in the basement watching TV or a movie and eating something. I spilled it on my shirt. Now usually I would have let it sit too long and become a permanent stain, but this time I went to wash it off. I think I liked the shirt so I wanted to keep it stain free. Anyway, I went into the bathroom and ran a washcloth under the sink. Then I started to rub away the stain. When I looked back into the sink there was the absolute biggest spider I've ever seen. I let out a scream and my toes curled under (a sign of true fear for me). Husband came running thinking it was something to do with the baby. As I was running away from it I mumbled something like "a spider, a spider, a spider go kill it."

Husband did not kill it right away. He took pictures and sort of captured it under a towel or cup for a while. It was huge. This wasn't a spider you could just step on and be done with it. He had to plan out how to kill and dispose of it. You had to poison this thing, get a crane to lift it out and dig a giant grave for it. Blech! It still creeps me out to think of it. I'm not that crazy about any bugs, but having a giant spider in my house really sent me over the top. I wanted to move.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

To Give is Better than...

On one hand I really like this time of year. Things look so beautiful with lights and greenery. I love just sitting and watching the tree lights twinkle. Wrapping gifts is my absolute favorite. I need to find a job where all I do is wrap gifts for money. That would be awesome.

On the other hand I don't care too much for having to find gifts for people I can't think of something for. It feels so fake to buy them something just so I can wrap it and hand it to them. Unless there is some emotion or meaning behind it, it feels fake. I'm trying this year to really think of the person and try to come up with something that fits them.

At Target today I managed to grab a few gifts. Mostly toys for the kids, but one or two adults are taken care of. I'm heading to the Mall tomorrow for some more shopping time. I'd like to have it all done in the next week. The stores all get SO crazy this time of year and it only gets worse as Christmas gets nearer.

My biggest trouble this year is what to get the husband. There are several things he would like, but most of the things I think of are pretty expensive and we're on a budget with only one income. Anyone have any suggestions? Again, the trouble is I want it to fit him. I don't want to give something just for the sake of handing him something. When he opens it I want him to be delighted to have gotten it from me. Maybe I should check Ebay. Because you know you can get it on Ebay.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Sugar and Spice, Snips and Snails

So much for posting every day. Doesn't feel like I've been gone that long though.

My sister and her husband went on a much needed vacation sans kids. Guess who watched them. Yup. From Wednesday to Sunday we adopted a 6 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. It's wasn't too bad. Aside from two gymnastic practices, a playdate, going out to eat, to the mall, putt putt golfing, and the park we weren't that busy. Yeah right. I was totally wiped out by Sunday night. When the parents came it was Heaven on Earth for me.

Something occurred to me though. I liked being a mom. I liked driving the van and taking the kids to gymnastics (the girl and the boy). I liked it. It felt right to me. This means that once Peanut is truly walking and talking I'll probably like this parenting thing a little more. I love him now and things are going pretty well, but it was so nice that the kids could talk and do things for themselves. In another few years that part of it will be easier. I know that with the joy of talking comes the joy of yelling as well.

Another thing that hit me was how much I want to have a little girl. I'm blessed and so happy to have Peanut, but I'd like a little girl too. The frills and ribbons and cute dresses are like candy to a 6 yr old to me. I want to comb hair and braid it and curl it and make her all cutesy. I may end up with another boy the next time around and that would be ok. My heart would love another child regardless of sex. But honestly I'd like it to be a girl.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Oprah's On Rerun. Did You See It?

More teeth. At least I know the reason for the crankies. Peanut has been like a switch. Happy and 'on' one minute and a cranky 'off' beast the next.

I watched Oprah tonight. Her Dr. friend was on. I guess he has a new book out and was telling all about the 'new' diet. Anyway, at one point he was talking about a woman or a man at a certain age and weight being at as much health risk as having cancer. In other words if you had cancer wouldn't you fight it? Why not fight the bulge? This sort of turned a light on for me. I know eating right and exercising is the way to go, but I don't really do it. To put myself at the same risk as cancer and not do something about it is amazing. I'll still have a candy bar tomorrow. I'll still have a Pepsi at lunch. This does not stir me enough to not do it. Ahhh, but it got me thinking. Maybe it's a start. Who knows?

In other news...What do you buy for a four year olds birthday party? What do you buy if there are three of them? Toys? Clothes? I just don't know.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Fathers Day in November. Give Thanks.

I'm taking life one day at a time lately. It's been a struggle for me. On Monday the babysitter came and I spent a portion of the time sitting on the floor in my room. I just didn't know what to do and didn't feel like finding anything. Eventually, I got moving and took a shower and got ready for family pictures. I felt like that again today, but tried to just keep moving. As long as I was moving I was ok. When I stopped moving though, I just zoned out.

My dad came for a visit. Tonight I realized I don't know much about my dad anymore. I only see him a few times a year and only for a couple of hours. A lot of information about his life doesn't make it my way. I don't want to be so far out of touch.

When I was younger my dad was always the answer to everything. He could fix things and find things and make everything better. He would listen and try to help me to help myself. A lot of times he helped me figure out problems that had been bothering me. Now, I don't even know where he is half the time. He calls me the day before he stops by. He usually stays for one a few hours before rushing off to the next visiting stop. Tonight he came and spent the night. We got to go to dinner and talk a little more than usual.

My dad is still the same, but way different. I realized tonight I want him to live to be 1000. Only seeing him once in a while it will take me that long to learn about who he is now. I hope I can be the kind of parent he was to me to Peanut. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Yes. It would. Peanut would be so lucky.

I love you dad.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Monday Morning Update

The boy has learned a few sign language signs. He doesn't always use them correctly, but he's so cute when he does them. He knows eat and will use this 24 hours a day. He doesn't really know to use it when he is hungry. He just uses it all the time. He was doing 'out' for a while, but has sort of stopped doing it and replaced it with some new sign. He puts both arms out to the side with the palms up and sort of shrugs his shoulders. It looks more like "I don't know" than "I want out". He will also do 'more' on occasion. Mostly he claps, but usually means give me more of that.

He doesn't seem to be crazy about walking. He'll do it, but would rather just crawl. I think maybe he is teething again and that's taking most of his brain power. I'm confident he will walk when he wants to.

We have a new regular babysitter. She comes three days a week for three hours. So it's kind of like having one day off only spread out over three days. It gives me a few hours to clean or run errands. The house is staying a little cleaner and I get a nice little mommy break. Peanut really likes her so he likes to play when she comes. So far it's working out for all of us.

Another family birthday party this weekend. The fun just never stops. This is for my sisters kids. Not sure what to get them. At least the party is closer. Instead of being in Columbia it will be closer to KC. That's nice. That way we can stay at our own house and just go for the party. We can leave anytime we want. Hopefully no one is sick this time.

I'm still tired. I guess I need to do some of the things the Dr. suggested. That would require me getting off my duff and doing something though. Not sure how likely that is. Anyone got a dose of get up and go I can have? Blah.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Oh, The Drama

So. The call was made, the doctor was seen, symptoms were spoken, suggestions were offered, blood was drawn, medication was prescribed and follow ups were scheduled. I'm not better, but it seems I've just landed on the Wicked Witch and found the Yellow Brick Road. In other words, I've taken the first step towards feeling better. I could use some of that now.

Peanut is scheduled to have his 'friend' birthday party tomorrow. It may not happen. Husband got sick last night around 3 am and hasn't felt better yet. I really don't want to cancel the party, but there is a lot to do and I don't want to do it by myself. Most important I want husband to be well and for us all to have fun. Unless he is cured overnight I don't see that happening.

I had a mini breakdown last night. We went to have Peanuts 1 year photos taken as well as a family photo. Now the place I've been going has taken great pictures, but the customer service is far below par. I made the appt. for 5:40 pm. Peanut had a doctor appt. earlier and husband just took the rest of the day off. So I called the picture place about an hour before the appt. and they were "on schedule". So when we get there ten minutes before our appt. I asked again and was told they were "a little behind, but we'll have you in on time". Thirty minutes pass. Thirty. 30. I am mad. They are so disorganized I want to start ringing customers up myself just to get things moving. They stand around and then act surprised that it's busy. We walked out. It was dinner time and I thought Peanut would be hungry and we were all hungry so we walked out. Then I cried.

I've been wanting to have this done for many, many months. I agonized for two days over what we should wear so we all match. I even went shopping the morning of the pictures to get better matching clothes. I showered, dried and curled my hair. The day was busy with trying to plan the birthday party, get new clothes, go to the doctor and then to the mall. The disappointment I felt ran so deep. Why oh why was it so difficult to get a picture taken? Why can't they just be honest and say it will be an hour wait? Why do I put up with it?

The food court was on the opposite end of the mall and once we left we headed that way. I was mad. I wanted nothing more than to knock over all their tidy little displays. I wanted to scream and make them suffer in some way so they knew they had done something wrong. That's what got me, they don't and won't ever care about losing one person. Heck, I lightened their load. It only mattered to me and I was suffering.

I lost my appetite. I wanted to go home. I threw down my bags and started to cry. Husband told me to calm down. Let’s go eat, he said. I didn’t want to be calm. I didn’t want to eat. I wanted to scream and shout and have things feel less awful. I wanted to be comforted and told we’d get it fixed and they were (insert bad words here) for being so mean to me. It felt like a really big deal to me and only me. I wanted to know it mattered to him too. Logically, I know we can go somewhere else and get a picture taken, but that’s where I had gone every month since Peanut was born. That’s the package I’m used to and wanted. That’s what I expected and when it didn’t happen I could not cope. Husband could only tell me to eat. I was livid. I did not want to eat. I just wanted to go home so I could cry somewhere other than at the Mall.

Now we have to pick a new place, find a day we can go, get showered and fixed up, get on the matching clothes and hope it all goes ok. Any suggestions for a good photo place?

If you suggest the place with initials and change in the name I think I’ll scream.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Mommy, I'm Sick.

My baby is sick.

Over the weekend we were at my sisters house for the family birthday party. On Saturday night two of her children were sick. Vomit sick. Then in the morning a third child was sick. I kept Peanut as far away from them as possible. I kept myself away too. You know, because we catch stuff so easy. Anyway, I thought we had come away unscathed. I guess not.

We also forgot the baby monitor. So until tonight we were trying to do without until the weekend when we can get it back. Screw that. Husband is out at Wally World right now buying a baby monitor, more sheets, mattress pads, and various medicines that probably won’t help any.

I cannot begin to tell you what it does to me (and probably Husband) to see my little boy sick. He was tired and covered in yuck and so helpless. We cleaned him and changed him and the bed and he seems to be going to sleep now, but I’ve got my ears glued to his room in case he needs me.

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Peanut 10-17-05. What a great way to ring in your 1 year birthday.

More on the birthday festivities later.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Down. More Down. Less Down. Down.

Lately my mood has really been up and down. At times things are going fine and all is well, the next I feel so lost. For the past several days (weeks?) I've been tired, but not always sleepy tired, more of a lazy tired. I don't want to do anything. When I try to think about issues I feel fuzzy. I can't make my brain think through a problem and figure it out. I just start coming apart and feeling grumpy.

Last weekend I got a massage (thanks husband!) and asked the gal if she had any ideas for me. She isn't a doctor, but she is a woman, mom and in the health and wellness field. She suggested a daily vitamin and some vitamin rich juice drinks. I may try them. I have also considered going to the doctor to see if I have any sort of immune problem that's keeping me so lifeless. This option scares me a little. It's possible it's something more like SAD or depression and I'm not ready to admit that yet. I'll tell you a secret though, I did take some medication for depression almost two years ago. Perhaps I need a re-fill?

I have an amazing child and can't seem to enjoy him. I see how cute and wonderful he is, but can't make myself teach him and interact with him as much as I should. I play with him and watch him all the time - he is not neglected. I just feel like I should be doing more. This part makes me the most sad. What if he gets behind in any type of skill because mommy didn't make the effort to teach him something? That brings tears to my eyes.

I guess it's time to do something, anything to make me feel better. So what if that means drugs or something else? Isn't it in the best interest of Peanut for me to find something to get me going? With winter coming it will only get worse. I guess I'll go make a call. Wish me luck.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Mad. Not Going To Take It.

So Peanut was born on a Monday in October. His cousin was born the Friday before. The boys are less than three days apart. They will always have their birthdays right next to each other. There is also a large craft fair that all my sisters usually go to each year. They have been going to this thing for over 10 years. So it's sort of tradition. Anyway, this all happens in a span of one week. So I talked to several family members trying to come up with the best way to have a first birthday party for my son. I didn't want to randomly pick a weekend and force the family to choose between Peanut and Cousin. That didn't seem fair. So I worked it out where we will have a family birthday party for both boys on Saturday at Cousins house. The next Saturday Peanut will have his own party here at home with all his 'friends'. Really our friends that have kids, but still. The friend party is during the craft fair, but I'll just skip it and the family can go.

I called my sister to make a plan and she said "you plan whatever you want since this is your first child’s first birthday." Cousin is her fifth child. So I made the aforementioned plan, sent out invitations, bought plates and other cute birthday party stuff. The party is in nine days. Three days ago a different sister called to see if I would move the party. She wants her daughter (age 6) to go to a cheerleading class from 10 – 2. The party is scheduled for noon. I said no. I didn’t want to have the party at dinner time and then try to put my kid to bed. She scheduled the class anyway and decided she would miss the party and just come late. Today, Cousins mom called to ask if we could move the party. Her husband has some to-do and won’t be home until 5. I said no. My father-in-law probably will only come if it is in the daytime, not evening. She said ok.

As a side story, I wanted to tell Cousins mom that his father has missed half his life and could care less to be there during the party. Does his father even know when his birthday is? You see he travels to the Middle East a lot for work and is gone for up to a couple months at a time. He left my sister at home (with 5 kids,) when Cousin was only about 6 WEEKS old. You can leave a 6 week old, but all the sudden you care if you get cake at noon or a little later? Please.

So I talked to Husband and he suggested we have lunch or something with his father and then go to the party in the evening. That’s all well and good, but I’m so mad that I worked to make sure my one and only son would have a nice party all of his family could attend. Now everyone wants me to change it. It's not fair that husbands family is getting screwed. It's his fathers only grandchild. Don't you think maybe that's a big deal to him? Now he gets to attend a quick lunch instead of a party. I hope he can come to the friend party so he can spend some special time with Peanut. I’m mad. So mad, that I don’t even want to go now. I want to just have his party here and tough love to those that can’t make it. My family sucks the fun out of everything. Next year I’m picking a weekend and whoever can come is welcome. I’m done trying to please everyone.

I’m still mad my sister had a baby so close to us. I feel like Peanut will always be sold short. Will he get the same attention on his birthday at a joint celebration that he would have gotten alone? Is it wrong of me to want that for him? He probably won’t get as many or as nice of gifts, because everyone will have had to buy two instead of just one. Is that wrong too? I’m going to make certain that he knows how important and special he is.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Mr. Sandman

I'm tired. Not just a little, but wiped out. I took Peanut to the Mall today to pick up his pictures and we strolled around for a while. I got to the other end and wondered how I would make it back. My body felt like I'd been running for hours and my mind felt fuzzy. Too tired. When we got home I flopped onto the floor with a pillow and Peanut played a little. I wonder if I'm still sick or lacking in something. I haven't really been all that active, but just walking around the block wears me out.

The timing of this is not good. There are several things around the house that need done. I feel too tired during the day and after husband gets home I just can't seem to move. We're looking for a new babysitter. Did I mention we lost ours? She found a better job. In all honesty I'm happy for her, just a little sad for me. So I want someone to watch Peanut for a few hours each week so I can get some things done and maybe even relax a little. I'm just worn out and having a hard time recovering from that.

I was doing well with the exercise program until I got sick. Now the tired has hit me. I'd like to get back to it, but I can't right now. Blah.

Peanut will be 1 year old in 13 days. Oh my gosh! I can't believe it.

Monday, October 02, 2006

First Blood

We had a garage sale this weekend. Peanut did really well since we didn't have a babysitter. He mostly crawled around the garage and driveway playing with all the junk for sale. By day three he had holes in his socks and a terrible scrape on his big toe. It was all dirty and yucky so we gave him a bath hoping it would soften the dirt. It looked ok, but we would keep an eye on it.

This morning he was barefoot since it was much warmer and just crawling around on the carpet in the living room. I let him crawl up the stairs to the kitchen and when he crossed the bottom of the baby gate I saw a little red streak. There was also a little red in the carpet. I wondered what he had thrown up. He didn't eat anything red for breakfast. It was blood. I started to panic a little, but since he wasn't fussing I new it wasn't serious. I scooped him up and saw his toe bleeding pretty good. We went to the bathroom and ran it under some water. He liked splashing in the sink so that was helpful. It looked ok so I put a sock on him to keep it protected a little.

I'm not ready for all the bumps he is getting. I know the more they walk the more they fall, but geez he looks beat up.

BTW, the garage sale was a success. I'm amazed at the junk that people will buy. We sold a lot of big things, but still have some stuff left.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Why You Cry?

The last couple nights Peanut has started crying about 15 minutes after we put him to bed. He goes down ok and is quiet for a while. Then you can hear the binky being hit on the crib. After he loses all his binkies he starts crying. Once in a while I go in and snuggle him for a minute and he is ok and goes back to being quiet. Last night I did this three times before I felt like a big sucker. He finally went to bed about an hour past bedtime.

Tonight we left him with the neighbors while we went out to dinner. He had a little catnap before actually being put into bed. Then since we were home he wanted to be up with us. I read him a few stories and snuggled him and put him down. All was fine for about 15 minutes and then the crying started. I went in to snuggle and check on him. After a minute or two of laying on me he started trying to move around and play. I gave him a couple kisses and put him in bed. Then the screaming began. We just left him. I guess only 10-15 minutes passed and now he is quiet again. Except that it's now and hour and a half past his bedtime.

It breaks my heart. I HATE letting him cry. Every fiber of my being wants to go get him and make it all better. Resisting is so hard. It is the right thing though. He needs to re-learn to put himself to sleep. The more times I go get him the more he thinks his crying is working. My nerves are shot though.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Calling Richard Simmons

I have good intentions. Don't we all? A few ladies in my online mom group wanted to start a fitness group. I wasn't sure if they were totally serious or not, but decided to extend my hand and try to be active in the group. So I started a fitness group. Just an online Yahoo group with thoughts that it could turn into something bigger. Now I kind of wish I hadn't started it.

Some women think weighing 110 lbs. will make them the happiest on Earth. They don't realize that it isn't a realistic goal. How to I sway them when all they can think of is how many pounds they can lose? Their goals should be to eat healthier, to exercise more, to just get moving. Don't sweat the numbers. The clothes will start to fit better and the exercises will get easier.

I'm the creator of the group and therefore 'in charge'. They keep suggesting things that I don't know what are. One gal suggested we have challenges. What does that mean? You want to come over and we see who can lift more? Who cares? That doesn't mean one person is better or any more fit. I suggested personal challenges and rewards/punishments for achieving them. They didn't like that. They wanted to see who could do the most push ups. That's fabulous. What's my motivation to win?

Maybe I'm expecting too much. I guess I want to be the trainer and tell them what to do, but that is not what I created. I just made a forum for women to discuss and encourage fitness. I just wish we could do that instead of push up challenges. On the other hand I did suggest we all state official goals so we knew what we were working toward and would know when we got there. A couple of them did this, but it was mostly "I want to weigh xxx by Christmas". I'm not sure they can do that. Some of them probably are at a healthy weight, but have more fat then muscle. If they work out they will lose the fat and gain muscle. They may weigh the same, but be smaller. Oh well.

I'm going to try to stay positive and see where this leads. It would be wonderful if more people would join. Yahoo/groups/kcsahmfitness then log in.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Share and Share Alike

Peanut is so sweet. He has already learned to share. Unfortunately for me, he has shared Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. It all started last Wednesday when Peanut had a fever. That lasted a couple days and he was generally cranky and not eating or sleeping well. I took him to the doctor on Friday and she spotted HFM right away, though he had no spots on his hands or feet. He had Mouth Disease I guess. Anyway, she tells me that he is highly contagious to children under 5 and adults won't get it.

We cancel all our weekend plans. A wedding, a birthday party and a BBQ. We stay home and try to get the boy well. So he starts perking up by Saturday and things seem great. On Sunday we met my mom and sisters for dinner (since adults don't get it). By the time we got home I had a sore throat, fever, chills and body aches. My fever that night was 102.

So Monday I go to the doctor. I'm worried that whatever I have I could give to Peanut. The doctor says I don't have HFM I just have a virus. So Husband stays home with me on Tuesday to take care of Peanut and let me rest. THANKS BABY!

Now today I feel ok. I'm tired and my throat hurts a lot. Well, what's this? What are these little spots on my hands and feet? Hmmm. Back to the doctor. I have HFM disease. Lovely. The mouth lesions are painful, but the others don't bother me (yet). So much for adults not getting it. Did I mention that I tend to get everything? This should be interesting. Every time Peanut gets something I'll get it too. Wonderful.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

It's Later, Here's More

So I forgot about the babysitter story. We wanted someone to come a couple times a week to help me out. My plan was to use the time to either get things done or to just rest and relax a little. I've been a bit stressed out and needed some extra time for myself. So we tried to find someone and just couldn't come up with anything. A guy that husband works with said his daughter might be interested. OK cool. So he emails us and gives us her cell number and says "I'll tell her you'll call next week." Great.

So next week rolls around and I give the girl a call. I start with hi my name is and your dad must have mentioned I'd call, right? Wrong. At least that's what she said. So I was way thrown off. I felt awkward asking her questions about her job and references and all that when she had no clue I was calling. I asked if she was in fact interested in a babysitting job. "Sure." Ok. How many hours could you work? "Whatever." Ok. She works at another job all afternoon, so I asked could she come in the morning? "Sure."

The whole conversation went like that. Sure. Whatever. Ok. No details, no excitement at any of it. We hung up and left it sort of hanging. I thought maybe she would think about it for a day or two, but when I called back she was still sort of vague. I guess that's how girls are at 17. So she said she would come and watch Peanut so we set a trial week. She came the first day and I played in the room with them so he could get used to her without me just leaving.

They hit it off really well. He likes her just fine. She's been coming for two-three weeks now and I'm happy with it. She starts school next week so she'll be coming on different days and times. I'm just happy she still comes. So far I've just been doing things around the house while she is here. I've gotten quite a bit of the house clean. I rest a little too, but mostly work on little projects.

She's not at all what I pictured from the phone conversation. She is a really nice girl that seems to have things in order. I guess you can't judge someone by the vague responses you get over the phone.

31 Today, 10 Months Tomorrow

Wow. I've been a bit inactive haven't I? There hasn't been much I've felt like writing. Today I still have nothing to say, but I'm going to say it anyway.

Peanut got his third tooth on Sunday. It may be silly, but I'm so proud of him. It's another sign he's growing up like he is supposed to. He's crawling really well now and pull up on everything. He will take a few steps behind his hippo walking toy. Someone suggested he would be walking soon, but I think it will be closer to the one year mark. He still has some balance issues to work out.

Last night we read books and I put him in bed and he didn't make a peep. About ten minutes later he started to cry. It got pretty bad and he had crossed the point of no calming down so I went in and got him. He snuggled on my lap and fell asleep that way. I love that. I love to have him snuggle with me. I always put him down because I know it's important for him to sleep in his own bed, but I do enjoy the snuggles beforehand. One day he won't want to do that. He won't want to sit on my lap. He won't want me to hold him while I breath in his baby smell (the good one, not the poopy one). I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

Ten months old tomorrow. Two months away from the big 1 year old. I can't believe it. He's not a baby anymore, he's turning into a little boy. Yes the other number is mine. I don't feel it. Of course I don't care much for birthdays in general so this one is no different. It's just a number.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Sir Mix-A-Lot

Gah! It's August. I wasn't ready for this. Wasn't it just June? Peanut will be 1 year old (October) before I can blink again.

Peanut crawls on hands and knees now, but if he wants to go fast he usually flops onto his tummy to commando crawl.

I think the next batch of teeth are on the way. There is an awful lot of drool and his fingers are constantly in his mouth. He isn't 'playing' with toys as much as he is chewing on them.

He was a peach today. I woke up feeling yucky. He must have felt a bit yucky too because he was extra lovey and snuggly today. He played really well, took good naps and nursed well too. It was a good day.

Last weekend Peanut spent the night at his Aunt J's house while we had our party. He did fine there even though they don't really use their air conditioning. It was less hot than outside, but not really cool if you ask me. Anyway, I had to drop him off by myself and I actually cried a little when I left. That's never happened. Of course, I've always had husband with me so I guess that's the difference.

The party was fun, but I was tired by about 10:00 pm. We were all tired on Sunday, but seemed to have recovered ok (except I have some sort of cold or something). It was awesome to visit with Karaoke Diva and her husband. That was cool. Every time I see her I wish we lived closer together.

The babysitter comes tomorrow for the first time. Sure. Whatever. More on this later.

I'm tired.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Red Rover, Marco, uhhh Tag! That's it!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I’m not sure I even remember. I think I was in school at CMSU.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was working at Dick’s Sporting Goods. I was five months pregnant too.

Five snacks you enjoy
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies
Chocolate covered strawberries
4. Yogurt covered pretzels or raisins
5. Butterfinger Crisps

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics

1. Who knows? I know a lot of lyrics, but then again I mess them up sometimes.
2. Keane – Hopes and Fears CD
3. Phill Collins/Genesis
4. Sting (newer stuff)
5. Various stuff on the radio – see #1.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire
1. Pay off everything.
2. Build/buy a new house with some land.
3. Help out some friends and family
4. Set up Peanut to be taken care of
5. Buy a lot of clothes and get a lot of massages and take a really cool vacation.

Five bad habits (they aren’t really bad, but maybe just annoying?)
1. Let the dishes sit too long sometimes.
2. Won’t drink the last cup of milk out of the jug.
3. Won’t drink any milk past the date on the jug.
4. I goof off when I should be cleaning or doing some other chore.
5. Dunno

Five things you like doing
1. Reading
2. Working puzzles
3. Playing piano
Hanging out with Husband and Peanut
Shopping, though I rarely buy stuff for myself

Five things you would never wear, buy, or get new again
1. Flip flops (thong style)
2. A perm.
3. Off-brand peanut butter

Five favorite toys
Tv. Is that a toy?
2. Father-in-laws boat at the Lake
3. Music, in the car, at home or anywhere.
4. Snow skis
5. I don’t have much in the way of toys.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Jumble, Rumble, Scrambled Egg

Peanut is growing so fast. Sometimes while I'm watching him play, I'm amazed at what he can do. I know every mother believes her child is the cutest, smartest, whateverest. I'm not saying mine is better than yours. I'm just amazed at mine. I'm amazed at babies in general. The whole process of getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth and then raising a child just, well, amazes me.

He climbs the stairs pretty well now, but always needs a spotter. He crawls anywhere he wants to go and doesn't mind having to go over someone to get there. He can get to a sitting position from laying on his tummy. He can stand up next to a couch or other fairly sturdy object. He is starting to notice more and more around him. Today I was talking to the neighbor standing under a tree and he was playing with the leaves. He pulled a piece of one off and sort of stared at it a while before trying to eat it. When I took it from him he looked back at the tree like "that's ok, there are a bunch of them."

He has also been a bit of a crankpot lately. He was diagnosed and is being treated for an ear infection. That should be on the way out if the medicine is doing it's job. Yesterday and today were really bad nursing days. He seems interested, but once things get going he arches his back and screams. I haven't found a position that keeps the screaming at bay. Here is the rundown in case you have advice. The milk is flowing, position doesn't seem to help (we've really tried them all), he has to be hungry after not eating all night. We go 4+ hours during the day between trying. He is eating his cereal, fruit and veggies ok, just not nursing well. There don't seem to be any new teeth coming in. Oh yah, and I'm taking the Fenugreek.

I'm so not ready to give up nursing. Everything about it is uncertain except that it is good for him. How much does he get? Is it enough? All those questions make my head hurt. On the other hand, I don't know how long I can deal with the screaming.

I realize that even if I had to stop today I've done really well. Almost nine months is nothing to sneeze at. Some women can't/don't go that long. I feel some un-voiced pressure in that both my sisters managed to nurse their kids just fine until about a year old. Makes me wonder what boob gene they got that I didn't. I know, that's crazy, but it's what goes through my mind. A lot of our friends are bottle feeding and I'm proud that I was able to succeed with it where they did not. I wouldn't want to hear any of them say anything about giving up and going the easy route. Again, no one would say that, but I hear it in my head. Shut up head.

So, there you have it. What now?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Cold, Dark and Lonely

I tried to start a moms night out club. Whine and Dine. Two of my friends joined in. The first night was last month and we went to dinner. It was fun and we sat talking for several hours. The second night was tonight and again we went to dinner with thoughts of a movie afterwards. We met at 6:30 and got a table right away. Dinner was good and we talked easily. Then at 8:00 they split. Both wanted to get home to put their kids to bed.

On one hand I understand. They both worked all day and haven’t really gotten to hang out with their kid(s). On the other hand I was really bummed. It was 8:00. Now I don’t stay up too late knowing I have to be up around 6:30am to feed peanut, but come on. The whole purpose of the night was for the moms to get a break. We were supposed to throw caution to the wind and have a good time without husbands or children. I walked to my car not knowing what to do. I sat there for a while trying to think of somewhere to go. All the movies didn’t start for another hour and I didn’t want to be out that late anyway. So I sat in my car in the restaurant parking lot and finished my book. Then I drove home. I was home a little after 9. Wahoo. Some rowdy evening I had hunh? The whole evening reminds me of my bachelorette party. No, really.

At the time I told The FiancĂ© I didn’t want to go to a strip club, but going out to dinner and whatever sounded nice. So I went with 4 other girls to The Cheesecake Factory on the Plaza for dinner. I don’t remember the time we started, but it was like 8:30 when we were done with dinner. We walked around the plaza for a little bit until the shops closed and then everyone split. No one mentioned going to a bar or even something lame like a movie. I was done with my last night of freedom at 9:00. I cried. True, I didn’t want to go to a strip club, but was there nothing else to be done. I was so sad that the people I was with didn’t plan some sort of last hurrah for me.

I could go on about no close friends and even though The Husband is my best friend I don’t have a girl best friend and that makes me sad. I wanted a night out. I wanted someone I knew to be with me. I wanted it to be fun, relaxing and to burn off any negative baby feelings. This was supposed to recharge me to finish out the week happy and carefree with Peanut. Now I’m bummed and don’t know what to do. I need some friends. How do you make friends at this age?

Monday, June 26, 2006

Danger, Will Robinson

The baby proofing must get done ASAP. Today alone he climbed a couple stairs, splashed his hands in the toilet, opened bathroom drawers and climbed onto the fireplace. I was watching the whole time. The toilet incident is the only one I dropped the ball on.

I was cleaning the bathroom and of course Peanut was helping me. I had just put cleaner in the toilet and was washing the sink when he zipped by me on the floor. I figured he was all right since I had picked everything up. Next thing I look over and he has used the toilet to pull himself up on his knees and has one hand in the toilet bowl. Bleck! I scooped him up and washed him off with soap and water. I put him in his room and he crawled all the way back and tried to do it again.

He likes the stairs now too. We have junk living on some of them. I guess it’s time to find homes for all the stuff. It’s too attractive to him. He can pull up on one step and sort of stand up enough to get his knees onto the step. He would tumble down if no one was there to catch him, but he can make it up 3 or 4 steps without help, just a hand to keep him from falling.

Drawers are fun too. Did you know there is stuff in them? The one he gets too the most has my ponytail holders in it. I’ve got headbands, holders, clips and brushes in that drawer. He plucks them out and tosses them aside to grab another handful. Fun Stuff. So I guess we’ll start installing some of the door and drawer locks we bought.

This post is brought to you by the letter ‘D’. Peanut has learned to say ‘da’ as well as ‘ba’ now. Once in a while he does an ‘m’, but it’s more like ‘mmmmm’ and not ‘ma’. Oh well. His vocabulary is expanding.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Stuck Like Glue to My Guy

Separation Anxiety. I don't think we really get that far. Peanut cries if I'm not within arms reach. Really. Sometimes we go into a room and I set him down and if I don't sit down right away he cries. He looks up at me and reaches for me and cries. Yes folks, I'm standing right next to him. He is not okay with my head being 5 feet in the air.

So, I try to entertain him with toys. He does alright for a little while and then realizes he is not sitting on mama. It is a little cute when he looks over at me from across the room and then starts crawling toward me as fast as he can. It's so wonderful to be loved that much. But it is getting old that he cries when I am not right next to him.

We have an appointment at the YMCA today. He's been pretty clingy today, so I'm not sure how it will go. I may not get much time to workout before he loses it. We were there on Monday and he was not ok with me being gone the whole hour. When I found him he was bright red doing that gasping cry where he is so upset he can't even take time to breath between cries. He settled right down when I picked him up. The girl said he was just staring at the door and each time it opened he got excited until it wasn't me, then he screamed.

I hope that if we keep going 2-3 times a week he'll figure it out. Mommy ALWAYS comes back. Last night I read a bit about separation/stranger anxiety. Seems like it hits around 8 months. The timing is a little crappy in that he is also getting his teeth now. Oh well. He's a tough kid, but with so many forces against him, who can blame him for wanting mama?

Last night I also emailed a few potential babysitters. I'm hoping to find one that will come a couple times a week for a few hours. I'm going to make a list of things to do while they are here. I don't want to waste the time. I need the break, but I'm not sure Peanut will appreciate another person coming in to care for him. He's not been friendly toward anyone but mom and dad. He did do ok with Grandpa over the weekend though. Again, we'll see how it all works out.

Monday, June 19, 2006

To the Future

I caught a glimpse of the future today. Peanut was playing in the living room and he crawled over to me. I was sitting on the floor by our ottoman. He grabbed at the ottoman and tried to pull himself up so I put him on his knees and he kept pulling until he was standing. Then he tried to pull himself up onto the furniture. I used my hand as a step for him and he got on top of it. A little later he was standing in front of the ottoman and sort of unched (it's a word) over to the chair. I could suddenly see him walking and I almost cried. The crawling is enough for now, I'm not ready for him to walk yet. My little baby is growing so fast.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I'll take Happy Points for 500 Alex

It's one of those days that nothing is really wrong and things are going fine with Peanut (so far), but I'm down. My theory is that you get so many happy points in a day and things that happen throughout the day either take away or add to the pot. Today I woke up with and ok amount, but I've got a leak or something. I just feel blah today.

I tried to get someone in my online mommy group to take a yoga class with me. Two people were interested, but not until November. One is pregnant and the other has a gym membership somewhere other than where I want to take the class. November? It's June. You want me to wait 5 months? Are you nuts?

So the online mommy group sort of sucks. I've never even met these people and I'm starting to get annoyed. The activities they plan are for older kids and not really suitable for an 8 month old. Berry picking at 10:30 in 90 degree heat? No thanks. The thing that bugs me the most is that all my posts seem to be getting ignored. Or they take my post and start something else that I can't participate in. It's annoying and not the reason I joined.

We're headed to the Lake this weekend. I hope it's relaxing in some way. I keep thinking it will be hot and Peanut will get cranky and not like the boat and we'll just be stuck inside. I do like being at the Lake, even if I'm inside it's still the Lake.

I'm tired. I'm sore. I'm sad. I'm not sure what to do about it.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Since Peanut was a baby we have ‘brushed’ his teeth every night. We take a damp washcloth and rub his gums. This is to get him used to having something in his mouth and to keep his gums clean.

For the last couple of weeks I have brushed his teeth with the washcloth and then felt around with my finger to see if his teeth are coming yet. Tonight during bath time I brushed his teeth as usual and then felt around with my finger. There is the tiniest of teeth poking through. I only feel it on his bottom left front tooth.

Hooray! My baby boy is growing a tooth. I’m so proud. I know this is a natural event, but gosh I really do feel proud of him. He has a lot of growing and learning to do this first year and so far he’s doing great.

I love you Peanut. Keep up the good work.

Sweating to the Oldies

I’m starting to feel old. My body doesn’t bounce back like it used to. Heck, my body doesn’t bounce like it used to, let alone bounce back. Peanut is heavy. He likes to be held and carried. He spends the majority of his day on the floor playing with toys, but there are times when I have to pick him up. He’s heavy. Did I mention that? Anyway, my back hurts. This is new for me, but it’s been going on for several weeks now. The last week or so it’s been bad enough for me to take some Ibuprofen on a daily basis.

I think it’s the lack of exercise. Or it could be the lack of stretching. Maybe it could be both? I’ve always been a fairly active person, but I’ve slowed way down. Which is odd since I have this boy to chase after now. I was going to the YMCA twice a week, but the timing is hard. Ok, it’s not that hard and I’m using it as an excuse, but there are a few things to consider. I am super protective of his naps. I try very hard to keep his nap schedule regular. This keeps him much happier and therefore keeps me much happier. Messed up nap days are cranky mommy days. So it’s hard for me to time it between naps and meals. The daycare doesn’t open until 8 and closes for an hour in the afternoon to clean. So we end up not going. I know it’s an excuse and I could go if I really wanted to.

I’m not sure which to tackle first, my bad eating habits or my lack of exercise. I need to do both, but I can’t handle both at the same time. Baby steps. Once I get one started and under control I can start the other. The exercise should probably come first. When I exercise it makes me want to eat better to not undo all the work I did. The problem is I have zero motivation. I REALLY want to get in shape and feel better, but not so much that I’m going to get up and go do it. What’s wrong with starting tomorrow? Other than tomorrow really never comes?

My clothes seem to be shrinking and I don’t know what happened to all the cookies I baked, but this is not enough to get me off my duff and to the gym. What will it take? I’ve been thinking about something like Weight Watchers or a trainer at the gym. Both seem silly since I know what things to eat and I used to be a trainer. It’s one thing to be someone else’s coach, but another to coach myself. Help me internet. Give me a push.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Out of the mouths of babes

I've been recalling things said by all my nieces and nephews (7 now) and wondering what cute things Peanut will say when he's a bit older. Here are some of my favorites.

Mother: Where should we go today?
Child: Toties an We. (Toys R Us)

Several Adults and one child waiting in traffic for no apparent reason while traveling out of town.
Adults: What's the hold up?
Child: Maybe a turtle is crossing the road. (It turned out to be a train we could not see)

Adult and child watching movie. Two adults in movie kiss.
Child: They love they chother.

Mother: Did you like your first day of school?
Child: Yes, I got a cookie. A long time ago, but not backwards frontwards, I will probably say 'I hate school' and I might even not remember my time in Kindergarten. But I really love school now.

Adult: That's a lovely dress you have on.
Child: Thank you, we bought it tomorrow.

Adults and child watching Toy Story for the first time on DVD. Child upset and crying when Buzz learns he cannot really fly.
Mother: Do you want to stop watching and turn it off?
Child sobbing: No, but this is the first time I'm watching this. (Meant, last time, but was totally truthful as it was the first time she saw it).

Ahhh. Children. I'm sure there are dozens more, but those are some of my favorites. We're a little way off for Peanut to start giving me material. As soon as he does though, you'll hear about it.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

It's Been a Hard Day's Night

Being a stay at home parent is a job. It takes patience, strength, wisdom and a host of other qualifications to be successful in this job. Some people go to an office and deal with annoying people and a boss that doesn’t understand. My office is my home and my boss can’t speak, walk or potty in a toilet. My phone only rings when my husband calls, no co-workers ask me to lunch and I work overtime everyday – weekends too. I don’t get paid and I get one evening off per week. Cleaning up poop, spit up and slobber is handled by me; I am the janitor at this office. Being home alone I get very lonely. There are days we go to Target or somewhere just to be out of the house. Most everyone I know is at work. They take their kids to daycare and trudge off to make a living.

There are perks though. I get to see every smile and hear every laugh. I watch him crawl from toy to toy. Some times we look at each other and just smile with the amount of love passing between us. When he cries, I pick him up and he lays his head on my shoulder relaxed, knowing mommy has him. Each day I know everything that happens to him. I know what he eats, drinks, wears and plays with. I’ve heard every new sound and seen the wonder in his eyes as he finds something new to explore.

Some days I want to give up. I want to stop breastfeeding and get Peanut on Formula. Then I could stop worrying about how much or how little milk he gets. I want to take Peanut to daycare and trudge off to work to make a living. There are days I feel I am not the best caregiver for him. There have been days where I look at my precious Peanut and cry because he got me for a mom. These days are very hard for me. I do not know how to overcome these thoughts and feelings. Mostly I just keep going. I make it to the end of the day. Once he is asleep and the house is quiet I feel better. Then I relax and watch a little television and go to bed. Then I do it all again in the morning.

Before having Peanut I used to think being a mom wasn’t all that hard. Sure babies need to be taken care of, but they grow up and then they are kids that can walk, talk and dress themselves. It never occurred to me how many days you have to endure before that happens. The days never stop. It’s not like you work Monday through Friday and get the weekend off. This really is a 24/7/365 job. Being a parent is hard. At least in most jobs you know the rules and you know when you get close to breaking them. In parenting there are no rules and you really only know what they were after you’ve broken them (the rules, not the children, though I would say if you break the child you broke the rule).

All in all I try to keep Peanut safe and happy while not losing my mind. It sure helps when he gives me a smile or a big slobbery kiss. That really makes up for so much.

Monday, June 05, 2006

"To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub."

Dear Peanut,

I realize that at some point you will go from 3 naps to 2 naps to 1 nap and some glorious day 0 naps. Today is not that day. Peanut, when you are tired, it is my job as mommy to assist you in taking a nap. I make your room dark, give you a kiss and a dozen binkies to get you on your way. Two out of three times a day this works just fine. I'm guessing you think you are ready for only two naps a day. I would agree if not for the samsonite under your eyes by 5 pm. You get a little cranky and nothing will satisfy you. As your mommy I have to say I think a little catnap would make it all better.

Since you take two decent naps I don't think this last one needs to be as long as the first two and sometimes we bend the rules. The first two must take place in your crib by yourself. The third can be in the crib or on my lap. Why oh why do you fight this? I guess 45% of the time you end up in your crib crying until your daddy gets home or I give in and let you off the hook (figure of speech, I don't actually hang him on a hook). If I give up and you do not nap, you are cranky until you are back in the crib for bed.

I love you Peanut, but work with me a little bit.


Thursday, June 01, 2006


So I walk in to work(1) and see that someone has brought donuts and juice (love that) for everyone. As I’m having my donut the boss comes over to me and says there has been a change in shifts. The guy that was the evening guy is now the morning guy and I have been moved to his shift, which starts now. He reminds me that after each batch of songs to mention the Chiefs. So I run to the booth to get started. There is a microphone on the counter that looks like the one Bob Barker uses on The Price Is Right. Only it is sticking out of a pedestal with four little buttons on it and it bends. So I push the button to make the microphone ‘live’ and then forget what to say. Oh yah, the Chiefs. I look at a picture that is supposed to tell me what to say. I do not understand it, but I do the best I can.

“The Chiefs are up with a score of 4, the other people have 3. There are three dogs in one area and then two in another. The other people have cats. There seem to be several cats, but I cannot see how many. So I hope you are all doing well today.”

At this point I am waiting for the boss to come storming in and fire me. Instead this snotty girl comes in asking for the latest gossip. She wants to know if I have the dish on them (2) because they keep breaking up and getting back together again. In my mind I’m thinking that yes I do in fact know the inside scoop, but this girl is so annoying I am not going to share it with her. Then she asks whose jacket is hanging on the chair. She wants it. I tell her it is mine and the songs are almost over so she has to get out.

This time I see a little teleprompter with the Chiefs commercial on it. I’m trying to read it, but a cat keeps getting in my way. So I start talking about the new running back (3) they got and I say his name is Terence and then the cat gets in my way so I can’t see his last name. I think it is Williams so I go with that. Wrong, but I have already said it so I just keep going. Again, I wonder where the boss is and why he has not come to fire me yet.

At this point I notice that my 7 month old son (4) has been sitting on the counter next to the microphone. He has not uttered a peep or tried to play with anything. I thank God for small miracles. My husband comes in to get the boy and I start gesturing wildly for him to go get someone to help me. He does not get any of it. He says he needs to take the boy home because it’s 7 pm and he willll need to go to bed soon. In my mind I agree, but I’m still gesturing for help.

1. I do not and have not ever worked at a radio station. 2. I don’t know who ‘they’ are and why ‘they’ keep breaking up. 3. I have no idea if the Chiefs have a new running back. 4. I do know that my son would not sit still anywhere for any length of time quietly.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

2,928,738,001 Baby Names

Hello. My name is Mutt. Not really of course, but in the name of anonymity it will suffice. My grandfather gave me the name Mutt. I don't know how or why or what it means, but each of my sisters and I got a name. Mine was Mutt. Both my grandparents have passed away, but I still remember everything about them. We lived very close to them so I was at their house a lot. In my minds eye I can see the brick house and all the flowers planted around the circle drive. Once inside you went around the brick fireplace and it would hit you. The warmth. I don't just mean the temperature, but the warm, cozy, loving feeling their house had. I don't think they had air conditioning either and since Grandma fried everything their house was hot. Once you turned that corner you hit the carpet and then the soft, fuzzy rug. Grandpa would be in his chair. Depending on the time of day he either had a cigar or glass of wine in his hand. He'd always say "Hi Mutt-A-Roo" and you'd reply with a hi and give him a kiss. My grandparents were great and I loved them so much. I regret not soaking up every bit of knowledge they had. I'm sorry they could not be physically at my wedding or see my son, but in my heart I think a part of them has and will be with me all the time. Grandma & Grandpa, I love you.