Sunday, December 21, 2008

Little Boy Lost

Second Child Syndrome is a real thing. During my pregnancy I heard stories of how baby books were never filled out, if they were even bought. They told me how the second child gets lost in the bustle of activities for the first child. I knew you took far less photos and video of the second.
I didn't believe it. Actually, I did believe it, but I thought I could overcome it. If I just put my mind to it we would have plentiful pictures and video. The baby book would be purchased and filled out even better than the first. I would protect the nap time of the second child, venturing out only when necessary.

How am I doing? Not so good. SF has had life better and worse than Peanut. I knew what mistakes not to make, but I made some anyway. I knew what to look for and when not to panic, but I panicked anyway. I knew not to stress over every feeding, sometimes they eat and sometimes not, but I stressed anyway. I bought the baby book and filled in several pages, but then the baby came and it's not been opened.

There are two things I feel awful about regarding the second child. These are two things I can never fix. I cannot go back in time and change things. I'm trying very hard to not be upset about them. I have the child and he is wonderful. That really is enough for me. If our house were to be destroyed along with all our belongings I would rejoice that my family is safe. Pictures are pieces of paper, but my children are most precious.

The first thing is that I don't know the birth weight of SF. The scale said 9 lbs 13 oz when he was put on it. We had a picture of it. BUT. Twelve hours after his birth he only weighed 9 lbs 1 oz. The doctor and nurses didn't believe he lost that much in so little time. He nursed well and had no other medical problems. The next weight was only a couple ounces less so they think the 9#13 was wrong. So I don't know what his true birth weight was. I'll never know if he was more or less than Peanut. It doesn't matter, but it's a stat. everyone asks and I don't know the answer. My friend K said this "when it's 100 degrees out and someone says 'it's only 98' it's still really F&*$ing hot".

The second thing is that we seem to have lost all pictures of SF before July. Two months of his life are gone. The birth day. Peanut holding him for the first time. Seeing his naked little body on the scale. Looking at him wrapped up laying on his mommy for the first time. Pictures of all the family meeting him for the first time. It's all gone. I can't get it back, though Husband has been trying to find it. I remember every detail. I can see it very clearly. How do I share that with SF in two, six or fifteen years when he asks to see his baby pictures? Will he care? Will he feel like I love him less?

These two things give me a sense of failure. I am heartbroken that we didn't go to the lengths we did to protect everything for Peanut. He has over 1000 pictures and SF has maybe 100, but very few of just him.

My New Year's Resolution will be to constantly have a camera with me to capture the fabulous moments in my children's lives. Another will be to back up everything fanatically.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

You May or May Not Know

I'm not sure who started this, but it looked entertaining.

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to: leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog.

2. Slept under the stars.

3. Played in a band. I played in the school band.

4. Visited Hawaii.

5. Watched a meteor shower. I’m pretty sure I did this, but maybe not.

6. Given more than you can afford to charity. Never more than I can afford, but I do give quite a bit this time of year.

7. Been to Disneyland/world. Yes. Both I think.

8. Climbed a mountain. Not really, though when we went skiing one time we made this wrong turn and started going down some sort of triple black diamond and had to hike back up a bit to the turn so we could go down the easy green.

9. Held a praying mantis. No, thank you.

10. Sang a solo. The shower counts, right?

11. Bungee jumped. Absolutely not.

12. Visited Paris. Love to.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.

15. Adopted a child.

16. Had food poisoning.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.

18. Grown your own vegetables. I can’t grow anything.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.

20. Slept on an overnight train.

21. Had a pillow fight.

22. Hitch hiked.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.

24. Built a snow fort.

25. Held a lamb. Does a lamb chop count?

26. Gone skinny dipping.

27. Run a Marathon.

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. I’ve ridden the one at that hotel in Vegas.

29. Seen a total eclipse. I always miss it.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.

31. Hit a home run. Does the Wii count?

32. Been on a cruise.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.

35. Seen an Amish community.

36. Taught yourself a new language.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.

39. Gone rock climbing.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.

41. Sung karaoke.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.

43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.

44. Visited Africa.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.

46. Been transported in an ambulance.

47. Had your portrait painted.

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I went to the top of the one in Vegas and it made me sick. The real one is like 3 times as tall so I doubt you will ever get me up there.

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.

52. Kissed in the rain.

53. Played in the mud.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater.

55. Been in a movie.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China.

57. Started a business.

58. Taken a martial arts class.

59. Visited Russia.

60. Served at a soup kitchen.

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Gotten flowers for no reason.

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.

65. Gone sky diving.

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.

67. Bounced a check.

68. Flown in a helicopter.

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.

71. Eaten Caviar.

72. Pieced a quilt. Not a whole one, but I did ¼ of one.

73. Stood in Times Square.

74. Toured the Everglades.

75. Been fired from a job.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.

77. Broken a bone.

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
How fast do you have to go for it to count as speeding?

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.

80. Published a book.

81. Visited the Vatican.

82. Bought a brand new car.

83. Walked in Jerusalem.

84. Had your picture in the newspaper.

85. Read the entire Bible.

86. Visited the White House.

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. I don’t think so, but thanks for asking.

88. Had chickenpox. Mom says yes, but dad says no. Mom can’t remember when my birthday is so I’m not sure I trust her account.

89. Saved someone’s life. I ran in and scooped up my nephew. He was bobbing along one of those lazy river things. Not sure his life was saved, but I felt like it could have been a bad situation otherwise.

90. Sat on a jury.

91. Met someone famous.

92. Joined a book club.

93. Lost a loved one.

94. Had a baby.

95. Seen the Alamo in person.

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. I’ve been there, but I don’t think it was warm enough to swim. We might have dipped our toes.

97. Been involved in a law suit.

98. Owned a cell phone.

99. Been stung by a bee.

Friday, December 19, 2008

It's Ugly Here

There is a lot of anger living in our house. We all seem to have anger issues. Peanut is 3 so you can understand he has a million things wrong or at least thinks he does. Of course, 99% of that is easily fixed. Thumper (who will now be known as SweetFace or SF) is 6 months so there are a few things that anger him. Mostly he wants to eat and we can't get the food in his mouth fast enough. Or, like tonight, he backed himself under the coffee table and got stuck again. These are also easily fixes. No, it's the anger that Husband and I carry that is the issue.

We aren't connecting like we used to. I guess kids does that to a couple, but I'm not sure how to get over it. We spend so much time getting from one tantrum to the next until bedtime, that we are both wiped out. Then we spend the evening/night doing all the things that need to be done. Babysitters are hard to find (and afford) so we don't go out much. At one point we each had a night off to go out, alone. Even that has been reduced to a couple of hours. Husband goes to his study group one night and school another. I play volleyball and have a study group. Both of those last 2-3 hours. I don't think it's enough for either of us.

I'm tired of pretending it's OK when I hear yelling in the house. I'm tired of making Husband feel bad when I call him out on anger issues. Yes, I'm sure it makes him feel bad, but am I not supposed to step in? I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me just to keep the peace. Mostly, I'm tired.

I love being a mom and I have two great kids, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the all the time-ness that seems to have taken over. I haven't had a haircut in a salon in over a year. My sister cut it 6 months ago, but it needs professional help now. I haven't gone out to do it because I hate asking Husband to watch this kids. I know he has a rough time and gets angry. So instead I just stay home. Perhaps the hour or two for volleyball and the 2-3 hours for study group is enough to ask him to watch them. It's easier for Husband to go out. It seems like when he gets time off it's a lot of time. I hate to keep score, but when he goes out he doesn't have to take a child with him (though he usually does take Peanut when he can). I usually do have to take SF. Otherwise I have to be back every 3-4 hours to feed him or use the milk in the freezer thus confirming no babysitter since there would be no milk.

On top of all of this I think we lost the baby pictures of SF. I can't find anything earlier than two months. It's bad enough he has second child syndrome and there are hardly any pictures of him, but now we have nothing. It makes me sick to think of it.

So right now it's not pretty here. The stress is getting to me. I'm tired.

Merry Christmas

Friday, December 12, 2008

Relax..For a Moment Anyway

I got a massage today. While it wasn't the fancy spa experience I would have liked it to be, it was quite nice. The place is clean and comfortable, but no bells or whistles. My favorite place had foot soaks while you wait for your appointment and a steam shower when you are done. The first few times I went it was Heaven. Then it started getting sort of run down. The soaks were still nice, but the shower was usually either out of soap or hot water. The people there were getting extra snobby and it wasn't a great experience. The up side was that the gal I saw there did a fantastic massage. Once we moved I decided to find a new place.

While getting my massage I kept thinking of all the ways to improve my life. It's funny, while the toxins are being pushed out of my body I start thinking of what other toxic things need to go. I dream of eating more vegetables and exercising. I vow to do Yoga and get a massage every other month. I start dreaming of a calm and peaceful house in which my children rarely misbehave. Then the massage is over and I drink my glass of water and head home.

I've been trying to workout, but it's not happening. I can't seem to get more than a foot away from Thumper. I'd let him just cry through it, but I'm not sure I can make it through a 20 minute workout while he wails. I guess I might have to join some sort of gym that offers childcare. At least then I would know the kid(s) would be looked after while I get my workout in. I just hate to spend the money. My stomach is starting to gross me out though. I honestly believe that if I could just workout a few times a week I'd start to look and feel better. The main goal is to fit into my clothes again. I'd say I need to lose at least 10 lbs to do that. Actually, I just need to flatten the belly a bit. I don't care how much I lose if any. I just want my clothes back.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Anyone Here?

Wow. I guess it's been a while. There are many times throughout the day that I think about posting. Thinking doesn't seem to be making it happen though. There isn't much to tell right now.

Thumper didn't do so great at sleep training. Just in the last few days have we gotten him to sleep through the night. I think he just needed more time and possibly he was a bit sick and unable or unwilling to sleep alone. Naps are still a bear, but he has good days and bad ones. He does not seem to want a bed time routine. We get to his room and he just starts wailing. Usually I get frustrated and just put him in bed. After about 3 minutes of crying he is sound asleep. Maybe I'm missing the window of sleepiness and getting him in there when he is dead tired? I will work on that.

Peanut is fine. He's been sick off and on for a while. Nothing serious, but some days he is more sluggish and tired than others. Today he seems good. He's still in his pajamas. I don't care. What's the difference? We aren't going anywhere since the wind is gusting and it's snowing.

I've had a couple of nights out by myself and that was nice. I could use an all day adventure, but I'll take what I get. The everyday -ness is getting to me. Everyday I watch at least one boy and change and feed him (them). Husband helps out on weekends and I'm happy for that, but sometime I'd like a day off during the week.

Husband has suggested a visit to the spa. I would love to, but feel guilty about doing it myself. Somehow if someone else made the appointment and paid for it then it would feel like a gift and not me spending a ton of money on something extra. I tried to explain this but I don't think he understood. I could use a massage, my shoulders and back are killing me today. Probably because I had to pick Thumper up a ton yesterday.

I bought a Wii and Wii fit. I like it, but would like some new games. They are fun, but I get bored pretty quick. Anyone have suggestions? We rented Wii Music the other night. It's OK, but not as cool as I thought it would be. I guess because I know how to play music it's discouraging to just flop my arms around and call that 'playing' an instrument. I'd rather see the music and have it really teach me arm positions and things like that. The game could really be something fabulous. I haven't explored all of it yet and maybe it gets better, but so far I'm not impressed.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Miracles Really Do Happen

We started sleep training Thumper on Monday. Basically, we do a bedtime routine then put him in bed and leave. He has cried anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. This crying hurts me more than anything. Knowing I could instantly stop it and don't is hard. Tonight I gave him a bath, put pajamas on, read two books and sang a short song. He seemed pretty wired, but I put him down and kissed his head goodnight. Not a peep has been heard (knock wood).

In other news we are babysitting my almost 7 year old nephew, S. His sister has an activity out of town and he would be totally bored there. My sister J asked if we'd watch him overnight and most of tomorrow. I agreed, but with zero excitement. It's not that he is any trouble, but I just don't know how to relate to him. Peanut LOVES to play with S, but he gets tired of him. Maybe it's just because he's kind of awkward. Long legs, skinny, losing teeth and kind of a dodo bird. He's like his father in that respect. Neither of them really ever think. I don't expect a 7 year old to be brilliant, but I do expect them to understand certain things. Only recently did he know the difference between a front and back door and which was located where. I hope I can relate to my own sons more when they are his age.

Husband offered to watch the kids so I could go to a spa tomorrow. I never sat down and decided where to go and what to do until last night and it was too late to make an appointment. I guess I'll wait a bit longer. It seems something always comes up. Perhaps I will go clothes shopping tomorrow. I need some jeans to wear. The one pair that fit me are starting to wear out from wearing them all the time. I need another pair to balance out. Looks like I might end up taking Thumper with me though. Depends on if I can squeeze out some milk or not. He shouldn't be much of a problem.

We're hosting dinner for a bunch of people on Sunday. We've been to their houses for dinner and it's sort of a nice thing to pay them back, but at the same time having so many people over stresses me out. I hate things getting out of place. My house is always a mess, but the chaos of so many people roaming around gets to me. Especially, when some of those people are under age 10. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Copy Cat

KD did a meme so I'll do one too.

Let’s start with the rules:
Link to your tagger and list the rules
List 7 random facts about yourself
Tag 7 people
If you’re tagged, play along and pass it on!

Here’s my random seven:
Uno: I would love to go to a fat camp like the Biggest Loser. I'm not really overweight, but I want to learn about how to eat better and exercise while still being on 'mom' duty.

Dos: I sing all the time. I take an everyday task (changing a diaper) and put it to music. I wish sometimes it sounded better, but it's fun.

Tres: If money were not an issue I would have a massage once a week.

Cuatro: I go to church and I'm learning new things, but I still have trouble believing.

Cinco: I desperately need a new wardrobe, but won't buy any new clothes. I have a hard time spending money on me, but no problem spending on the kids or things for the house.

Seis: I always wanted to be a movie star.

Siete: I'd like to have more kids, but I probably won't.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Like a Weed

My babies are growing up and I can't stop it.

Peanut is enormous. Tomorrow he starts going to the 3-4 year old room. Good thing, he is a head taller than all the 2-3 year old room kids. I'm sad he'll leave his friends and teachers. I really like them. The grapevine tells me the new teachers are "really cool". I haven't seen much of them yet so the vote is still out. At his 3 year old check up he measured 41 inches tall and almost 39 lbs. He is still above the average lines on the charts. Oh well. To give you some perspective, his cousin who is only 3 days older weighs 27 lbs and is maybe a whole head and some shoulders shorter.

The little one is growing out of his name. He measures about 19 1/2 lbs and almost 29 inches. He's close to growing out of his car seat so we're looking at new ones. He can now roll over both ways and pushes way up when on his tummy. Once in a while he gets his legs crawling while on his tummy. The downside is that his head just gets mashed into the floor. I'm in no hurry for him to start crawling. Did I mention he is 5 months old? His clothes size is around 12 months, with the occasions 18 month item. He doesn't seem as long in the torso as Peanut, but makes up for it with leg length. Shirts seem to fit OK, but he is so round we need big sizes.

I don't have a baby blob anymore. Having a little one is so wonderful and I'm a bit sad he's growing up. He is most likely my last child and I can't seem to savor him enough.

Friday, October 24, 2008


Politics aside, does anyone else get creeped out looking at John McCain? I'm just not sure I can look at him for the next four years. The teeth are creepy skeleton teeth and he has some sort of funny lisp. Both his hands work like the useless one Bob Dole has. When he smiles it seems like maybe I should turn around because there is a killer with a knife ready to get me.

Palin looks OK, but I'll always think Tina Fey got elected or maybe she should have.

I really don't know much about his politics, but as a person I'm a bit nervous to look at him.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Second Birthday Party

So last weekend was the birthday party with my family. The plan was relatively simple. We go to a park around 11 am to play, eat lunch and open gifts. Then we go across the parking lot to the indoor pool. Once everyone is done with that, they go home. This way my house doesn't have to get all messed up and I am much more relaxed with the (eight that can walk) kids being monkeys outside.

However, there were some problems. First the pool pass we were going to buy was not available so everyone was going to cost $2 more per person. Not a huge deal, but more complicated than with the pass. We worked around this. Second, my mother left me a voicemail the day before. Through her sobs she said she wasn't coming. I called my sister to get the story and through her sobs told me what happened. So I called my mom back and she was driving to my house. I won't go into the whole story, but for a few hours there was some serious drama. It all worked out, but it's not the way I would have liked. Third, one of the kids almost drowned. No really. He was alone and wandered to the lazy river and got swept away. He was bobbing along when Husband and I got to him and pulled him out. The lifeguard was just a few feet away not paying any attention to the three year old drowning in front of him. Once we got him out and gave him to his mother I yelled at him. I wish I would have told the manager. There is no excuse.

The boys had a great time and the adults enjoyed themselves too. I made a Spiderman cake that impressed the kids and made it all worth it. We were worn out and tired, but it was a total success.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Oh My!

So I feel pretty worthless right now. On Monday, Husband meets with his MBA group to study or whatever they need to get done. This makes the third week in a row that he has come home early to help. I can't seem to make it past about 6:00pm without intervention. One or both boys starts crying and I can't do jack to get them calmed down. Husband says he is on the way and things calm down.

I am no comfort to my own child. With Peanut all I had to do was pick him up and he was instantly calm. Holding him was all he needed. Even now that he is nearing 3 being held goes a long way with him. Thumper? Not so much. I hold. I sing. I rock, jiggle, sway, shush and a million other things. Unless he's hungry, it doesn't seem to be me he wants. That is not to say he wants Husband, but several times that has worked out OK for him.

Perhaps he has an ear infection or something else going on? When he nurses on my right side he seems less content. Maybe my right side tastes funny. I don't really know. The point is I don't seem to be able to relax him. Many a night he cries until he passes out from exhaustion. That is not the way I want him to learn to go to sleep.

This week I have no paint jobs or anything else planned. It is the week to get him sleep trained so he can put himself to sleep. All day I watched him and when he started to look a little sleepy I put him down. Poof. He would be asleep. Great. I didn't think he was trained and we were done with it, but then about 6 pm he started crying and would not be soothed. I gave him Tylenol and about 20 minutes later he nursed himself to sleep. Was is the Tylenol kicking in or the hour he fussed and cried that put him to sleep? Either way, it's not something I want to make a habit.

On one hand I'm happy Husband can get him to sleep, but on the other hand I want it to be me. So when Husband takes him from me and then puts him to sleep I'm jealous. The thing is, I've been having trouble with jealousy lately. A friend is newly pregnant and announced it after Peanuts birthday party. I wasn't really happy for her. I wasn't really sad either. Part of me is jealous that she gets to be pregnant and get the attention. She is the new cool thing right now. I'm a little sad it's not me. Especially since no one cared when I was pregnant. There is no sympathy for the second round. This is her second too, but because of who she is, I'm sure it will be a big deal.

Then last night I convinced her to play volleyball with me. She ended up hurting her ankle pretty bad. I felt really guilty. I didn't have anything to do with it, but felt at fault. After thinking about it I'm pretty sure I felt guilty because I was not happy for her pregnancy. It doesn't make sense, but that's how my moods/emotions are running these days. I feel quite damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'd like to paint, make money and get out of the house, but I feel guilty for hauling the baby out with me so much. My sister manages to make me feel guilty about not going, but yet tells me to take a day off.

I really need some time to myself, but feel guilty about it. Husband is supposed to have Monday and Thursday evenings for school. I play volleyball on Sunday and have a study group meeting on Wednesday. While I'm glad he watched the boys so I can attend both, it's not really a break. I get so busy for the hour I'm gone, that it isn't very relaxing. I'd love to spend some time at a spa or even home alone or out with a friend (if I had any that could go with me). I realize Husband spends the day working, not relaxing, but he still gets out of the house and away from the kids. I have at least one of them all the time. Of course I'm nursing so it's harder to get away.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

First Birthday Party

Today we had the first birthday party for Peanut. He will be 3 next week. This party was for his and our friends. He picked a Batman theme so we had Batman plates, napkins and I make a Batman cake too. I'll try to post a picture later.

I've been under the weather so it was a little rough getting ready for today. We made it and had a good time. Then the kids got more wild and I started to feel nervous. There is something about all those people and rowdy kids that makes me uncomfortable. I went upstairs for a while and did OK until I started thinking of everything happening to my house while I was away. Luckily, folks started to leave not long afterwards.

Husband put Peanut to bed and the last thing he said was "I liked my party. I liked my Batman party, daddy". Sweet. He seemed to have a great time. He also got a few really cool toys too.

Next weekend is the family party. I'm not as excited about that one. My sister said she was flexible and basically left the planning to me. So I made a plan and then she acted like that wasn't going to be fun. Maybe I just caught her at a bad time, but she was pretty grumpy about it. Oh well. If the 3 other kids freaked me out tonight then what will it be like with 8 other kids here? Plus at least our friends do an OK job of watching their own kids. My sister just checks her mommy badge at the door. It's like because we're at my house she isn't responsible for them. It's like that wherever she goes. We joke that she is the 'tornado' family. When they come and go it's like a tornado. You feel run over. The house is a wreck afterwards too. My plan is to go to a park for lunch and open gifts then go to the indoor pool to swim for the rest of the day. No need to go to anyones house for anything. That way the wreckage is outside.

I'm wiped out. It's been a busy week. I've been painting and planning this party and trying to keep the house up and all sorts of things. There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to get it all done. I'm going to take next week off from painting to see if I can relax and catch up on laundry. Thumper needs some sleep training too. He doesn't seem to know how to fall asleep on his own. We get so busy with other things that we miss his (tiny) sleep window. Then he has to be rocked or nursed to sleep. I'm hoping to spend some time next week teaching him how to just go to sleep.

Overall today was good. I got to watch my boy have fun. Even better I got to help the fun be possible. It's great to give a gift like that. Nothing tangible. Putting a smile on his face makes it totally worth it.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Not Cohesive at All

So a lot of days are rough with an almost 3 yr old. Yesterday was a different story. Thursday is usually our difficult day because Husband is gone all day at work and late into the night with school. Instead of being hard though, it was a great day. Peanut only lost his mind twice and was easily calmed down. I can't even think of anything specific that happened, but it was relaxed and overall a great day.

Of course this morning when he got up he was grumpy again, but I'll take the time I get. It took us a long time to get to school.

I wrenched my back on Monday. I couldn't move much at all. Today it's better, but gets cramped up pretty easy. The worst part was yesterday when both Husband and my sister were like " aren't you better yet?" I understand being curious, but it came out more like they were done caring. Every time I think of talking about it or even mentioning that it hurts I bite my tongue. Then I get annoyed when I do wince or groan in pain and they are like "what's wrong". I'll say, my back hurts and they ask if it's again. No. Not again. Still. How about we not talk about it and I'll just let you know when it's right again?

Random Thoughts:

Why do we pronounce the name Herb with the H, but the seasonings we don't even though they are all spelled the same?

We're watching Posiedon (sp?) on television and it seems to have a few flaws in it. Wouldn't someone notice their ship having issues? I know it would take a while before they could get there, but wow. So are they all part fish? They seem to have a very large lung capacity.

Ok. I'm tired.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Mr(s) Clean

I went to a play date today. Peanut was in school, but I took Thumper with me. It was nice to hang out with other moms even if one kid was missing. Anyway, we went to this gals house and it was spotless. She made muffins and a coffee cake. The dishes were like fine China. Who lives like this? My house has toys and other junk all over. There isn't a room in the house that looks spotless. OK, yes, my house is bigger and allows for more spaces to house more junk, but how do moms keep their houses so clean?

I'd love to have a play date at my house, but I'm not sure I could get it so clean or make any type of edible food. I joined a mom group and once in a while I'll have to take a dish to the breakfast. I'm already wondering how to get dressed, get the kids dressed, get Peanut to school and feed Thumper so I can make it to the meeting by 9am. When do I make a breakfast dish? I guess maybe I could get a bunch of fruit or something.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

No Names Please

I don't post often. This is my outlet. I talk with Husband and family, but there are times I don't want them. The Internet seems like a good place to vent things. I can print them and forget them. Sometimes people comment and that is nice. I read several other blogs, but rarely comment. I guess I'm a lurker.

Some blogs give names and places and practically an address to come visit. While I do write about my kids I won't ever post their names or where we are or any of that information. I don't think I have enemies, but I also don't want to find out. One of the blogs I read is shutting down because someone in her life can't leave her alone. They apparently use her blog to get close to her and harass her.

I'm sure everyone has heard the story of the blogger getting fired over what she wrote. I feel it's my right to say whatever I want, but would never want someone to hold it against me. Most of the blogs I read are fun stories and rarely about a specific person. I'll admit I do like to hear about their lives. It feels like a friend even though I've never met them. I love to read KD's blog because we are friends and it gives me a chance to keep up with her. We're both lousy at actual communication so blogs let us keep up a little easier.

I do read a blog about a family. They both post their names and the names of their children. I know the city where they live, but I don't know much more. I personally don't have the desire to find them, but someone might. There are people out there waiting for just enough information to pounce.

This morning I thought of posting a picture of my chubby baby. He is getting so big and fat. I wanted to post a picture of his several chins and thighs, but thought against it. There could be a person out there doing Lord knows what while looking at his picture. I don't want that for any child let along my own.

So if you read my blog, welcome. The posts are a bit vague and I don't use real names or places. I hope that some of it is still entertaining to you, but this is for me.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Want a Makeover

I've been feeling down lately. Maybe it's the rain.

Peanut is doing very well potty training. We had a few accidents the first two days and nothing since then. He is not telling me he has to go yet, but we're getting there. At daycare he is pretty much done. He tells them he has to go and then goes. We'll get it.

I went to a mom group meeting yesterday. The meeting was OK, but I felt out of place. Sure I'm a mother and therefore I fit in, but I didn't know anyone. The lady next to me kept talking to the lady next to her since they were good friends. The gal on the other side of me was quiet and not into talking. The room was so loud I couldn't hear anyone else. Plus I had Thumper with me and I missed a lot of the meeting when he started to cry.

Lately, I feel so alone and left out. It doesn't help my mom is here to see us and spending all her time with my sister. She came for Grandparents day and I haven't seen much of her. She keeps talking about moving here so they go look at houses for sale. What no one seems to get is that she will never move here so they are all wasting their time. I would like it if she would move here, but she's been talking about moving for almost 12 years. It's not going to happen.

A lot of the ladies at the meeting looked so put together. The hair was fixed, the make-up looked good and the clothes were nice. I felt so sloppy and frumpy. I barely made it there on time as it was so I had no time to fix hair (pony tail), do make up (some mascara and lip gloss) or put an outfit together (jeans and t-shirt). I was clean though so maybe that's a start.

I never get the fab treatment. I know a girl that walks in to any salon and gets a great haircut. Maybe she just has the face for it. I go in to the same place and get something that looks like my 3 year old did it with his eyes closed. Perhaps it's low self-esteem. I should work on that. I keep thinking of cutting my hair, but in all my life I've only had a few good short haircuts. Plus, then I have to fix it all the time. At least when it's long I can throw it in a ponytail.

Husband keeps telling me to get some clothes so I can feel better in what I'm wearing. Sure I want to get back to my pre-baby size, but in the meantime I can look and feel good in what I'm wearing. Not a bad idea, but I'm not even sure where to shop. I used to be good at fashion and still am for other people, but when it comes to my own wardrobe I'm lacking.

I'm so happy it's Friday.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

And It's Storming Here

Today is day three of illness. Peanut has a cough and a fever. He seemed better this morning. He played really well and was a fun little kid. The fever seemed to be gone. Then we hit some sort of pot hole.

He said he had a dirty diaper (no he isn't potty trained yet - you do it) so we went to change it. It wasn't dirty or even wet so I said "let's go potty". I figured he had to go since he was talking about it. So he sat and I gave him an Elmo potty book. It has lots of buttons that make sound effects. The story is something about Elmo and his dolly David getting potty trained.

Anyway, Peanut sat there quite a while and then said he was done. He tried to take the book to the living room and I told him it was the bathroom book to be read while on the potty. This would be where the pot hole was lurking. He wanted to get back on the potty to read the book. I was OK with this, but asked him if he had to go or did he just want to read. Then he got upset. He threw the book (breaking it) and the rest of the day went down hill.

We had lunch and he spent most of it staring into space. He was really tired. So I took upstairs to nap. We started reading books and one thing after another he lost out on the last two books. Crying. Two hours later, still no nap. Some time after that I realized he was burning up again. He sat next to me and put his little head on my shoulder. He only snuggles like that when he doesn't feel well. We watched television and a movie to pass time. He ate a bite or two of toast for dinner and we were off to bed.

Things were going so-so at this point. He was totally exhausted. His poor little eyes were all puffy from being sick and crying so much. Bedtime is usually 8:30pm, but tonight I started at 7. Good thing I did. We did the routine and got into bed. He started coughing and then threw up. So I stripped him and the bed, got everything cleaned up and started over. He freaked out when I left the room without taking his cup and cried for a minute, then passed out. Thumper started to freak out at this point too. I fed him to quiet him and that worked for a bit.

Both boys were out of sync today. When one went to sleep the other woke up grumpy (or didn't sleep). When I finally got one calmed down and situated the other lost his mind. I didn't have much time for anything today. At one point I had to pee and remembered like 3 hours later I never did.

I would love to send Peanut to school tomorrow so I can rest. Since he had fever and threw up tonight I think it's a bad idea. It's movie day though. They basically watch a movie, eat lunch, nap and then watch another movie. I don't think he would be over active, but he might cough on all the other kids. I'd hate to start some epidemic. I might go out of my mind though. The next school day (rest day for me) won't be until next Wednesday. Aack!

I just realized both boys are asleep. I'm out of here and off to bed.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

On My Mind

First, my kid is sick. Peanut has had a runny nose for over a week and in the last few days a cough has developed. Today a fever popped up. It is low-grade, but will be watched. Tonight he was coughing so hard he threw up. He was pretty upset about it. Daddy did a great job calming him down and I changed all the bedding. During the day he would cough and look at me with tears in his eyes as if to say 'mommy, make it stop'. How I wish I could have. It really breaks my heart to see my kid sick.

So, no school for him tomorrow. As a mother I totally understand and he should stay home and I'll nurse him to health if I can. As an individual that is very used to sending him to school on a Wednesday I'm disappointed to have to give up 'my' day. Even though I still have Thumper I can relax quite a bit. Sure Thumper cries, but I feed him and put him to sleep and things are great.

Oh well. We'll probably end up watching television for most of the day. That's OK. Kids need those lazy sick days. It won't hurt him to be spoiled for an extra day. My concern at this point is to keep the other 3 family members from getting it. I pretty much get everything that gets anywhere near me so I'm probably going to get it. Please, please, please do not let the baby get it. That is the last thing we need.

Second, I am supposed to be helping my sister with a paint job. I did tell her ahead of time that this is her job and I would help when I could. I spent about 6 hours there yesterday and got 2 1/2 hours worth of work done. It's hard to work with a baby. He was extra fussy yesterday and didn't nap well. I was frustrated. When you have a baby you know you won't get stuff done, but you still want to. Anyway, I didn't work today and won't tomorrow or Thursday. So maybe on Friday if we all stay healthy I might get to work some. I have to keep reminding myself the kids come first and anything after that is gravy for me.

I told my sister tonight that I might have to stay home. She was pretty uncaring about it. She basically said 'whatever'. I was a little sad until I realized the other option is she makes me feel bad for not being there. Neither option was one I wanted, but I'm not sure there was one in between. Maybe she could have said something about she understands, but she'll still miss having me there. Yes. That would have been nice to hear.

Third. I'm tired. Have I mentioned that before? Oh. Well it's still true. I don't feel appreciated. Do I toot my own horn to get attention? That somehow feels fake. If no one notices what I do, then what's the point. I don't want to have to list what I do so someone can then say oh wow.

Fourth. Did I mention the cleaning people are gone? It was a mix up and I don't miss them really, but I miss having a clean house. We are total slackers when it comes to cleaning. Right now we have an excuse with the sick kids, but what then? I guess I'll try to find a new person soon.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Loads of Random

We've lived in our house for one year. We made the offer on July 4th and closed on my birthday. Then we moved in two days later. One month later I got pregnant. In the following months we've slowly painted and re-painted a few rooms. There is still a lot to do, but a couple rooms look pretty good. None of them are totally finished, but look nice enough for now. Maybe if I had mucho money to spend we could finish the decorating in a flash. I'm going as fast as the budget allows (which is pretty slow). That's ok. It gives me time to think of what I really want.

Why do smokers wear seat belts? Does anyone else think that's weird? Smoking slowly kills you whereas a car crash could kill you instantly. Are they afraid to die fast? I believe smoking causes cancer and other bad stuff to infect your body. Smoking will kill you. Sure, it's not immediate and some will argue that you will die anyway (although sooner if you ask me). A car crash would probably kill you pretty fast if not instantly. So smokers are ok with dying a slow cancer death but not a quick car crash death. Go figure.

I'm going to the dentist on Friday. I hate the dentist. Sure, I've never been to this one, but I already hate it. They clean your teeth and tell you how awful you are at taking care of your teeth. I do the best I can. Yes, I could do better, but I don't. So please don't make me feel bad about it. Just fix me up and send me on my way. Oh and could you just knock me out while you do the work? That would be fantastic.

My boys are growing so fast. Peanut will be three soon! It occurred to me he will be moving to a new room at daycare. He'll have a new teacher and be with new friends. Of course he has to be potty trained first, but I think that will happen soon enough. I hope he copes ok. Some of the kids in the 3's room he already knows from when they were in the 2's room. I'm not sure I can handle it.

The baby is growing fast too. I looked at him today while he was asleep on my lap. His head is enormous. I can't believe he is almost 3 month old. Where is time going?

My sister scored a couple of painting jobs. I do hope I can work some. I think it will be hard with the baby, but he does nap. Part of me doesn't want to work while he naps since that is my time. Making money seems like a pretty good motivator to do something though.

My cleaning service accidentally ditched me. I got a letter saying they were sorry I left when actually I never left. I told them to forget it. To me good customer service is making me feel like I'm the only customer regardless of how many they actually have. The gal started talking about how she has so many customers she can't keep track of them. Well, now she has one less. Apparently two less since some other person did cancel. She try too hard to get us back either. She said they could still come, but didn't offer to make it up to us in any way. I thought a little discount or something wouldn't have hurt them at all, but whatever. Saving the money is fine with me. We'll either find someone else or I'll try to get my butt in gear and do that on top of everything else.

Speaking of everything else...I've been doing the washing, folding and putting away laundry, loading and unloading the dishwasher, washing the other dishes by hand and putting them away, going to the grocery store, planning and fixing meals, generally cleaning up as well as trying to sort through the disaster that is the office and oh yeah, raising two children. Could I get a bit of appreciation? I'm feeling a bit overlooked. I think some of that comes from my sister. She asked me to help her design her daughters new room and I gave ideas and made drawings. She didn't really appreciate anything I did. Eventually, I sort of backed away. I wanted to help and be a part of it, but I also wanted to not be taken advantage of. So it's done or at least getting there. Some of it is how I suggested, but most of it is how her mother wanted it. So much for doing something the daughter wanted.

I've wrenched my back. I was on the couch and stood up with the baby and then it was stiff. It hurts to move. Guess I better figure out what medicine I can take. At this point I need a heavy dose of something.

Summer is almost over. I think we did what we could to enjoy it. Sometimes I think we stayed at home too much, but we made it to the pool quite a bit and did have some fun. Having a baby takes a couple options out of your life, but we tried to just incorporate him when we could.

I'm also attempting to sew again. I'm making new bedding for the baby. I've bought the fabric and I'm trying to sew a bumper pad and bed skirt with only the existing ones as a pattern. This should be interesting. I'll try to post a picture when they are done. If they are ever done that is.

I'm going to try to make this for a party this weekend.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

All Around and All That

Thoughts on Olympic gymnastics.

1. Over the course of all these many years, why has no one designed an outfit that does not go up the rear?

2. One chick has a large forehead and a long nose. Wearing your hair poofed up on top only makes it all look that much larger.

3. Oh yah, the chick in #2 never smiles. I get you are nervous and all, but geez, look a little happy to be there.

4. Doesn't it hurt to land on the side of your ankles?

5. It freaks me out to watch the balance beam. I took gymnastics for a while and hated the beam part. Of course I have no balance so maybe that's why I didn't do so well. I can't imagine being there and going all those flips on something barely as wide as your foot.

6. I get that they are around the World from me and all, but does the stuff I want to watch have to be on at midnight? I have a baby for crying out loud. He's going to wake up soon and well, cry out loud. I need to sleep when he does, but this only happens every 4 years. It's not like I can catch the re-run.

7. Another chick has one eyebrow way out of sync with the other. It's annoying when they do a close up on her.


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

No One in the Bedroom

So, I had a baby not long ago. There are lots of books and whatever that says you should wait 6 weeks to do the deed after the birth. That's great. I was just sort of feeling slightly back to normal at 6 weeks. So here we are at almost 11 weeks and lets just say we haven't had 'relations' in a while.

On one hand I think we should sort of get it over with. The first time I mean. After that I think it will get better and we'll get back into the groove, so to speak. On the other hand I'm not interested so why force it? I guess because if we don't get to it, we may start having some issues.

I'm beat at the end of the day. Keeping up with the kids and the house is draining. Plus, Husband is in an MBA program and he is crazy busy with school. Two nights a week he is home late and the other nights he is usually doing homework. We rarely go to bed at the same time. Not much love happening there. I'm not complaining. I know he has to study to do well at school and I want him to do well. It's just that sometimes I want him to pay more attention to me.

I guess maybe 2 months isn't that long and I should give us a break. I was just thinking about it.

Water Boy

We went to the Lake over the weekend. I actually suggested it on Friday. I figured it would be one of the last weekends for us to go this summer. I told husband that it was a lot of work to pack the kids and dogs, but we should go anyway. In reality it's more work than fun, but it's nice to go to see my father-in-law.

So we left early Saturday morning and only had to stop once to feed the baby. Once we were there we hopped on the boat and went for a ride. It was great. FIL drove and we sat with the kids. Thumper sleeps and Peanut hangs on for dear life. He does great if he can sit on a lap.

Husband took Peanut on the Jet Ski. He loves it. Shortly after take off he starts squealing with delight. It's fantastic. He gets so excited about it. I swam with him a bit too. The water was warm like a bath tub. We both put on life jackets and floated about.

Saturday evening we went out to dinner and then started the fun over again on Sunday. It was a great weekend. I had a lot of fun. The boys both did great the whole time with minimal fussing. The weather was great for boating.

I got a glimpse of future visits. My boys are going to love going to Grandpa's house. Not only do they get to see Grandpa, but all the water activities are great too. Anyway, it was a lovely weekend. The ride home, not so much. We left late since we were having so much fun and Thumper had issues. We had to stop to feed him twice and he was grumpy for quite a while. I think he gets tired of being in the car seat and the car in general. Peanut did fine, he got to watch a movie on the portable DVD.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Lock 'Em Up

We went to the pediatrician for Thumper and ended up talking more about Peanut even though he wasn't with us. We asked about Potty Training and sleep issues. He didn't tell us anything new about PT, but did tell us about the sleep issues. He suggested doing the bed routine as normal and then closing the door and not going in. We've been doing it for almost a week and it seems to be working.

The nice thing about this is it takes us out of the equation. We don't give him any attention this way. Basically his room is on lock-down. No books, toys or anything. There's not even any light bulbs in there. I know it sounds crazy, but he got into absolutely everything. I don't care. If my child will go to sleep at bedtime I'm willing to keep it up.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


Do you hear that? That is the sound of angels singing. Wonderful isn't it? No, really. It's the sound of both my children asleep. At the same time.

Nap time has become a struggle again. Last night I hit on something that might work for a while though. Peanut kept crying so I went in there and scooped him up. I sat in the chair holding him like a giant baby. He hated it. I told him if he acted like a baby he was going to be treated like one. He settled right down and said he was a big boy. Off to bed he went without a fuss. Of course this was over an hour after bedtime, but whatever. Today at nap it worked again, but it didn't take nearly as long.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

You Go Poo in the Loo

Peanut has been going potty at school. At least 2 out of 3 times he goes in the potty. I think he would get that third time if they weren't usually outside. Anyway, the teacher suggested it might be time to start potty training. Gads. I have been waiting until he was ready and I guess he is getting pretty ready. At school he gets candy. One M&M for trying and two for going. He loves it. That's the first thing he tells me when I go get him. "Mama, I got candy today" I know some people think it's gross to get food for going potty, but for him it's a fabulous motivator.

I'm not sure how smoothly the training will go with an 8 week old. There are many times he is so upset I can't really put him down to take Peanut to the bathroom. I know it doesn't work if the parents aren't willing to drop everything (so to speak) and get the kid to the bathroom. I guess for a while I can live with putting the baby down. It's not like I won't ever put him down, I'm just saying there will be moments when it will be difficult. I hope those moments are fewer and far between.

Now that we have decided to start this weekend, he seems fairly against going. We'll start it and see how it goes for a while. I suppose if we have to stop we will.

I cannot believe my little boy is growing up so fast. Getting him out of diapers would be great, but this means he is a boy, not my baby. Even though I have a new one, he is still my little baby.

So any advice? I could use lots of suggestions and helpful hints. What made it go fast? What slowed you down? What would you do differently? I guess we'll start in the next week or two. We'll get all the supplies ready and talk to the school. Wow!

Clean it Up

So even though I'm not working and we bought a house, had a baby and bought a new AC all in the last year, we hired a cleaning service. See, with the new baby I wasn't getting any cleaning done. We put it off thinking we would get to it eventually. Months later (Eww, I know!) we still haven't gotten to it. Something about a constantly crying two year old, a breastfeeding newborn, grass that refuses to stop growing and just look pretty, an MBA to get and oh yeah, a full time job just makes it difficult to find time for anything else. I keep thinking 'this will be the weekend we get something done' and each weekend we do not get anything done.

To help with the dirty house part I hired someone to clean my house. It's pretty expensive, but about average as far as cost goes. It's a luxury I'm willing to spring for, for at least a little while. It's wonderful to have the bathrooms clean and the floors mopped. I only wish they came more often. So far it's every two weeks, but that is way better than what I'd be doing.

Some days I think I would really like to go back to work. Partly for extra money and partly for some 'me' time. Once the little one is a bit older I may try my hand at something part time. I really want to nurse him for about a year and I figure I may as well stay home and enjoy everything in that time. Our daycare doesn't take kids until one year anyway so I'm in no hurry.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Help Yourself

I wanted to shower today. Peanut was downstairs watching a kid show and Thumper was in the bouncy seat in the bathroom with me. I quickly showered and got dressed. Thumper was asleep so I went to check on Peanut, knowing how easily he can get into trouble.

He was sitting on the couch where I left him with a spoon in his hand. I thought it odd, but not really unusual. He has all sorts of odd toys. Anyway, there was also a phone box on the couch too. Husband got a new cell phone and the box was in the toy box to play with. Upon closer inspection of the box, there was some sort of goo in it. At first I was puzzled. What was it? I tentatively sniffed the contents and identified it as yogurt.

At this point I sort of panicked a little. How did he get it? Was there a big mess in the kitchen? I went in there and found the yogurt cup sitting on the counter. He apparently opened the fridge, got the yogurt, opened it, poured it into the phone box, grabbed a spoon and hopped back on the couch to finish the show.

I wasn't mad. I was more amazed he did all that without making a fuss or mess. I simply told him he had to eat his snacks at the table. He ran right in and finished the yogurt. I guess I'll have to shower at night when there is another adult at home to watch him. There is no telling what he could get into.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Geez! It's July.

Our AC went out. It is totally dead. We spent last night with all the windows open and several fans going. I won't say it was pleasant, but it was OK. Today was fine since the weather was cooler. We keep the lights off and the fans going and that makes a huge difference. Someone is coming tomorrow to install a new one. The stupid thing is we haven't even lived here a year and the thing was new just before we moved in. It's not even a year old and it died.

In other news, Peanut is becoming more testy. He tries at every moment to get away with things he knows are wrong. He is hitting more, yelling more and all around being testy. We're trying to be patient since we just brought home a little brother and all, but come on already. Plus we realize he is two and that's what they do. Still. It would be nice to not have a half dozen time outs during a day.

The baby is doing well. He's growing like a weed. We go for our first check on Monday so we'll see where we are on the charts. I think it will be just like Peanut and he will plot his own line in space. What is in my milk anyway? I should bottle it and send it to starving countries. Forget oatmeal and rice, have some fattening milk.

Saturday, June 21, 2008


Let me start by saying I love my family and have never been happier. That being said I think the postpartum phase has begun. I've been OK for the first few weeks, but I'm still not myself. It's not really the typical depressed, don't want to go anywhere or see anyone feeling. It's more the, tick me off and I'll punch you in the face sort of feeling.

I'm tired. I'm jealous of anyone and everyone sleeping more than me. I'd love to do something all my own for a day even if that meant going to work for eight hours. I'm tired of cooking, cleaning, keeping things in line and laundry. I'm tired of Peanut having no memory of things he is not supposed to do and doing them so often I'm on the brink of screaming. Is two years, eight months the point at which they snap and can do nothing but test me?

I'm tired of still looking/feeling pregnant. I know it's only been three weeks and I'm not expecting it to be different so fast, but my clothes don't fit and I'm tired of being sore. I think as a reward for birthing a child, nature should get your body back to you a lot faster. It would make dealing with things a lot easier.

At the end of the day I have given all I have to Peanut, the baby and the house and there is nothing left for me or Husband. He tries to hold my hand or do some other loving gesture and I can't stand it. I just want to be left alone. It doesn't mean I don't love him, it's just I have nothing left. At night when the baby wakes up he usually gets up with him first and I go to the bathroom and then stumble in to feed the baby. Husband goes back to bed until the next feeding. On one hand I think this makes sense since he has to get up and go to work while I can stay home and sort of lay around all day. But, on the other hand I hate that I have to be awake for an hour to feed, change and get baby back to sleep. Then I get to do it again in two hours.

That's another thing. That whole three hour schedule is bull. I realize you count from the beginning of a feeding to the next, but when it's an hour (or more) until you get done then you only have 1-2 hours before the next feeding. I guess that's some sleep, but just when you get comfortable it's time to get up again.

I feel that breastfeeding is the best option for my kid. It's healthy and good for me and not to mention cheaper than formula. But there are times I think it would be a lot nicer to let someone else take a feeding or two. Husband did offer to feed baby a bottle of pumped milk, but I'd still have to get up and pump so I may as well feed baby.

I'll get over all of this as soon as I get some more sleep and me time. There are things I'd like to do that I just can't yet. Once I can do them I think I'll feel a little more human. Until then, just don't tick me off or you might get that punch to the face. ;)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Take Two. This Makes Four.

Peanut went to school on Friday and I spent the whole day snuggling with Thumper. We mostly watched television and slept on the couch. Once in a while I thought he felt warm, but since we were so close and he was wearing a sleeper I didn't think much of it.

Then yesterday morning he felt very hot to me and husband. Husband took his temperature and it was 100.4. We called the ped. office and they sent us straight to Childrens Mercy to be treated. The upside is he seems to be ok other than fever. The downside is that they test for everything by doing several cultures that take 48 hours. So we are stuck here until Monday for sure and longer if things don't turn around.

We did this same thing with Peanut. He was only 3 days old instead of 15, but a newborn is a newborn. The nurses are all pretty nice and take good care of him. The doctor was nice, but seemed a little odd to me.

Peanut got shipped off to his aunts house (again). We owe that woman a lot for watching him so much. We've been at a hospital 4 times in the last couple months. Unreal. Though I will say we're being watched over because it's turned out ok each time.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

It's the Day After Your Birthday

Once the baby was born he stayed on me for quite a while. Other than getting weight, height and the apgar, he didn't go anywhere. It was nice to not have him taken away first thing. His color and breathing were good so I got to keep him for almost 20 minutes. Then the nurse came in to clean him and dress him and all that.

His weight was listed at 9lbs 13oz. and height was 21 inches.

After I got him back again and I was all situated with ice packs and whatnot we just spent family time together. The nurses disappeared and only came in to do the vital checks. It was really nice.

My sister brought Peanut later in the day. He was a little wary at first. I think seeing me like that made him a little nervous. I was holding the baby when he came in and he said "that baby came out". He did really well. We gave him a bag of presents to unwrap and he thought that was great. He wanted to hold the baby and even cried when he was taken away. He seemed to understand that the baby wasn't in mommy anymore.

They didn't stay long. We kept him in the room for most of the night but did send him to the nursery one time. He just wanted to suck and not nurse and my boobs were too sore for that. We sent him out so we could get a little rest. They brought him back screaming for food about 3 hours later. Glorious sleep.

They did the weight and vital check on him while he was in the nursery at 3 am. When they brought him back the nurse told us he weighed 9lbs 1 oz. This was a 12 oz drop. We figured on of the measurements had to be off. Turns out it was the original weight that was off. He probably weighed more like 9.03 or 9.05 instead of 9.13. It doesn't really matter because he was still big, but it's sad we won't ever know the true weight. 9.13 is in the book, but it's not right. That's the only thing about the whole experience that makes me sad.

The next day was busy. He was checked by the pediatrician, circumcised, photographed and visited by more friends. That was all before 10am. Then the paperwork lady came in and snapped at us to finish the birth certificate. We didn't have a name picked out yet. She was really rude about the whole thing. We put the do not disturb sign on the door and it took us about 10 minutes to come up with the name.

After that we just hung out and got to know the little guy.

Friday, June 13, 2008

It's Your Birthday!

Due date 5/20. Pre-term labor at 33 weeks stopped with medication. Medication stopped at 36 weeks.

The due date pretty much came and went. We talked with the doctor and scheduled an induction for 5/30 at 6 am. It was a lot later than I wanted, but it was the only opening for the doctor and hospital. You take what you can get.

On 5/23 I woke up sick and started having different contractions. I thought for sure it was labor, but was not. This was trip #2 to the hospital with no baby coming out.

So on Thursday 5/29 I took Peanut to my sisters house to stay while we had baby. I stayed for dinner and got him ready for bed. I hated leaving him there because he is a hot kid and her house was about a 1000 degrees. Anyway, that night husband and I were doing last minute preparations and I said it was a bummer we couldn't have just gone in that night to get it started. He replied that it was nice for us to get to sleep in our own beds one last time. So we went to bed around 11 or so.

I was asleep and dreaming when I felt something gush. I either said out loud or in the dream 'uh oh'. Then it gushed again and I said/dreamed 'uh oh' again. At that point I jumped up, grabbed a towel and ran for the bathroom. I flicked the light on and just sat there pondering what to do. I took off my wet clothes and went to get some dry ones. Husband asked what was happening and I calmly said "my water broke". He bolted upright and started mumbling hospital. I tried to explain we were supposed to call the doctor and/or hospital first before just showing up. He was very tired as it was just midnight and we'd only been asleep for about an hour.

At the time I wasn't having any contractions and felt a little weird heading to the hospital without them. No need to fear though, they started like clockwork on the way, coming about every 3 minutes. By the time we got to the hospital, in the room and situated they were pretty strong. By now it was about 1:30am. I was finally starting to dilate a little too. I think I was a solid 2, maybe 2 1/2.

I labored through the contractions for a while, but they started to be pretty intense. I was worried it was too early for drugs. I didn't want to slow labor down at all. No need to worry. About 4 am I called the nurse for an epidural. I was dilated about 4-5 so I was happy to go ahead and get one. The lady that did it was nice and explained everything, but talked so quiet I could barely hear her. Anyway, after a little while I didn't feel anything. She gave me a button to push if the pain got more intense and I needed more drugs. Woo hoo!

I tried to sleep at this point, but they took my blood pressure every 15 minutes and each time it was below the acceptable level so the alarm went off. I had to page the nurse every time. She asked if I was dizzy or anything and since I was mostly laying there trying to sleep I didn't really feel too different. After an hour of this she called the drug lady back in. They gave me something to elevate my blood pressure. It went from 90 over 40 to 166 over something. This made me pretty sick and I started to throw up. Lovely. After a few minutes of this it was back down to 90 over 40 and I felt better. I'm not sure why this wasn't a problem, but they didn't do anything else at this point.

Shift change happens at 7 am so I got a new nurse. She wasn't quite as friendly as the first girl, but ended up doing a great job. I finally rested for a while until around 8:30am. The contractions started being much more intense and I felt the pain again. I was breathing through them even with the epidural. I kept thinking maybe this meant I was getting close to having the baby. So I pushed my drug button and paged the nurse. The doctor came in around the same time too. At 9:11 am I was fully dilated and effaced. The doctor said I should start pushing. So we did.

After the first push I started to throw up again. I was so disappointed. I didn't want to be sick, I wanted to get the baby out. I was so mentally ready to do what I had to do to get it out. Fortunately, I wasn't sick long and she gave me oxygen to inhale while I pushed. I was surprised how much this helped me feel better. Anyway, I pushed as best I could for 40 minutes or so. Then she said we should try tug of war. It was a great position for me. She tied a blanket in a circle so I could hold one side and she held the other. I could pull in front of me instead of on the sides of the bed. Just a few minutes later and we were ready. The doctor came in and said to stop pushing and they got everything ready. Then it took one more push and he was out.

He was so big, slippery and wiggly that I though the doctor was going to drop him. The nurse next to her grabbed his lower body and they sort of shoved him onto my chest. He looked just like Peanut. It was like having him all over again. They sewed me up and wiped off the baby. We were so happy.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

More to Come

We had the baby on 5-30. Boy. Over 9 lbs, 21 inches long.

We've been home adjusting and getting used to things. Everyone is doing great.

I have lots of things to post and only one hand to type with.

For the sake of remembering what to post here are the topics I want to type about:

1. The birth story
2. Peanuts reaction to a new baby
3. My mother (lots of things here, but I'll remember as I go)
4. The differences in the first child vs. the second

Will I ever sleep again? Thumper has been sleeping pretty well for an almost 2 week old. Last night he went 6 hours between feedings. I'd guess he slept about 4 or so hours.

He's a good eater and a decent sleeper. The only trouble we have is burping him. He doesn't seem to want to let them out. It takes up to a couple hours to get them all out. Today he's been doing better at it.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Smile and Nod

As I continue to be pregnant and near the end I thought I would compile a short list of things to and not to do concerning pregnant women.


Bring her a drink, snack, magazine or something so she doesn't have to get up. She needs to rest while growing a baby.

Buy her flowers, chocolates, or whatever else might brighten her day.

Offer to rub her back, feet or any other body part of her choosing to ease sore muscles. Better yet, offer to send her to a spa to have a pro do it.

Watch any other children for a while so she can have some relaxing alone time.

Have her make a list of things she would like done. Do one or two of them once in a while. She'll feel like things are getting done without having to strain.

Buy her something fabulous to congratulate her for carrying a baby for 9+ months without going insane (much) or killing anyone (though they deserved it I'm sure).

Encourage her daily (or by the minute). Let her know she is doing the best she can and you are proud of her. Pregnancy is tough, she is like a soldier in a war. She is working harder than you know and deserves some credit.

Do Not:

Ask if she is still pregnant. Yes, she is. Unless she doesn't know you at all you will get a call or email announcing the birth. Asking every day only reminds her she is still pregnant. If she doesn't know you at all then you're just being creepy.

Ask if she is ready to be done. Yes, she is. She knows this better than anyone. Don't act like it is a burden to you, she's got a lot going on.

Ask if she is having contractions or if labor has in any way started yet. If it's your business to know she will tell you. Asking this over and over only reminds her that, no, nothing is happening.

Say wow, gosh, oh my, holy cow, or any other exclamation indicating you are amazed she is so big and has not yet exploded.

Ask if her doctor is crazy or imply he/she is in some way not capable of delivering a baby. She has picked her doctor and put her faith and trust in this person. Do NOT shake her faith now.

Point out the due date has passed. She knows. She is well aware of that date and it's passage without giving birth.

Tell her how to feel, think or act. Yes, she may be irrational, but that is her right. If she is crying, acknowledge it, don't tell her to stop.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I'm Not a Doctor and I Don't Play One on TV

Last week my child skinned his knee in the driveway. It was finally healing a little. Tonight I suggested we go outside and while walking around the block he fell. The only injury? Tearing open the wounded knee. Not a scratch on him otherwise. At first the tears were from pain and the scare of falling, then they were from losing the jelly bean he was eating.

He seems terrified of bandages and won't let anyone touch it or look at it. We had to hold him down a bit to clean the concrete out of it. He will let you put 'lotion' on it. Lotion is his word for Neosporin.

There is nothing sadder than seeing a 2 year old limp around because of a boo boo.

I'm just not ready for my boy to get hurt, let alone bleed. I know I have a lifetime of this to come, but it really tears me up to see him hurt in any way.

Yes, he got more jelly beans.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Indiana Jones

I might spoil it for you so don't read if you want to watch the movie with no opinion in your head.

I thought it was an ok movie. It had action, adventure and an ok storyline. I thought it was a horrible Indiana Jones movie. It was weird. The other three are some of my favorite movies and this one just didn't cut it at all. There were parts that were just thrown in for effect and didn't really have anything to do with the plot. Other things were so far fetched I couldn't believe they were part of the movie.

Friday, May 23, 2008

If at First You Don't Succeed, Pack Your Bags and Go Home

When I woke up today at 7 I felt yucky. Something was off. I got up and tried to pinpoint the problem. Mostly I felt a little sick. Then the contractions started. These were not the same contractions I had been having for weeks. These were more painful, in a different location and just felt like the ones I needed. We went through our morning and the contractions got stronger. I didn't want to do anything. We took Peanut to school and then called the doctor. She suggested going to hospital to get checked and we would go from there.

My mom and sister, J, were with me as well as Husband. We started to play some cards to pass the time. Somewhere just after the middle I started to not feel so hot. The urge to vomit was pretty strong and only intensified with each contraction. Suddenly other voices were annoying. The sound of the cards were annoying. Everything was grating on me. I said I needed to stop and J asked if I wanted them to leave. All I could manage was a nod. She and my mom happily went to lunch.

Then I was hot, cold, agitated, uncomfortable and in pain. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to get up and run away from the hurting. After a few minutes of this I got up to go to the bathroom. I did my thing and when I got back I could drink water and felt mostly fine. My feet were cold, but otherwise no hot/cold flashes. The color in my face returned and I felt pretty good except for the contractions still coming every 2-4 minutes.

The nurse came in a while later and said I was being sent home. I wasn't dilating and though I was having a good contraction pattern it wasn't true labor. Husband was upset and I was OK until I got in the shower tonight and the disappointment hit me hard. I've done this twice with no baby. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

This felt just like the last time. The urge to vomit, not feeling well, regular contractions, trip to hospital were all the same. Also the same were slightly dehydrated, urine culture that didn't indicate UTI but was yucky (whatever that means) and eating a turkey sandwich for lunch the day of or slightly before all this happened.

My best guess is that I'm allergic or aggravated by something used to process the turkey at the grocery store deli. I've had it twice since we moved/got pregnant and both times ended up in the hospital. My body feels sick and tries to get rid of the yuck including starting contractions to get baby out. Lots of water later and I seem to be better.

I should be holding a baby by now. I should be in the hospital deciding on a name and who he/she looks more like. I should be through with labor and working on recovery.

I know eventually we will have this baby, but it was a hard day and I'm tired.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Time Gets Longer and Longer (and Harder and Harder)

I got a call today from the doctor office. They can't do the induction on the 27th so they moved me to the 30th. On one hand it's no big deal, what's three days later? On the other hand it's three days later. I'm done now. I'm ready to walk into the hospital and get this baby out of me. My emotions are all over the place, I have no energy and I'm done.

I'm pretty tired of people telling me when to have the baby. Making a playful guess as to when you think it will arrive is OK. Telling me it's just not convenient for you on such and such a day is not OK. This baby will get here whenever it does. I'm working on what is right for me and baby. Other than Husband and maybe the doctor, no one really gets a say here.

Some friends have been out of the country on vacation and before they left they (mostly the wife, the husband is pretty cool) kept telling me not to have it while they were gone. Who cares? It's not like she is the doctor or even related to me. My own mother keeps telling me that the 27th is too late and I should do it sooner. Well, fabulous, when is a good time for you since you seem to have an in with the hospital and are going to deliver this thing? Hospitals have schedules and so do doctors. While they can't plan every birth they can plan the scheduled ones so that it doesn't interfere with another delivery or surgery.

I'm pretty scared at this point. I'm having a hard time doing anything and wonder how I will manage with a baby. I know at least I'll be able to put my shoes on, but I'm still going to be very tired and unable to function. I'm terrified for Thursday nights to roll around since Husband will be gone all day and night with his class. How will I ever manage two children all day and night? Pizza anyone?

This pregnancy has been spent worried about the future. I've even regretted being pregnant. I know that may offend some folks, but I'm sorry it's how I feel. No one has re-assured me either. Husband only says things will be fine if I point blank ask him. He hasn't spent much time telling me he's happy about it. He just says "things will be fine". Well, yes, I'm sure they will, but will we still be married? Will I kill anyone? Will I live? I'm having a hard time feeling like this was a good idea. Even some friends and family have questioned our thinking in having another one so soon.

There has been very little time excited during this pregnancy. I never got excited about the nursery. It became more of a chore than something I wanted to do. This time around I wanted the room to look either very boy or very girl. Peanuts nursery was so neutral and I wanted it more boy (once we found out of course). So we decided to just wait to do the nursery until the baby was born. I started planning a boy room and a girl room so we could get started right away after the birth. Then I got tired of it. I think we'll just use what we have from the first one. It's neutral, but could go either way. It was cheap and is still pretty cute with little animals on it. It's just not what I originally thought, but all the joy has been sucked out of it so now I don't care. We'll do like we did with Peanut and make a specific room tailored to this kid in a couple years.

I'm never going to make it 15 more days.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Keep on Counting

Still no baby. Six (6) days until due date. We are scheduled to induce on the 27th. I'll be 41 weeks. My doctor is OK with an induction, but would prefer baby to come naturally. She is worried about forcing the issue (so to speak) and causing a C-section. I'm very opposed to surgery. I know lots of people that have had them and all turned out fine, but it still freaks me out. If it came down to it I would get through it. If I can do it the hoo ha way I'm on board with that.

I feel like I've been pregnant for years. I guess knowing so early makes for a much longer wait. It will be worth it. I'm getting really curious as to if it's a boy or girl. I'm also a bit worried about how big this kid will get in 13 more days. It could be huge! The doctors keep telling me I accommodated a big baby so I can do it again. Well, sure. Peanut was 9 lb 3 oz. What if that was my limit? How much bigger can I accommodate? I don't really want to find out.

The boy has been up and down. For the most part he has been great. He wants to watch television all the time. I'm OK with some, but he would sit all day long. He says funny things too. The other day we were all in the van and Husband was blowing his nose. Peanut says "mommy, daddy getting his boogies out?" Well, yes. I know it doesn't seem funny here, but we laughed about it at the time. He does sweet things too like sing to the baby belly. Except the only words he knows are 'no more monkeys jumping on the bed'. He doesn't even know the whole song. It's cute though.

Time for a nap. Mine of course.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

One Day It Will Be Over

38 weeks and 1 day today. I'm losing my mind. Easy things are getting much more difficult to do. Taking a shower wipes me out. Right now a week stay at a spa sounds fabulous, except for the whole pregnant thing. Maybe once thumper is older I can go away to a mommy spa. They have those right? Where they pamper you and rub your feet and feed you good food? I want that. Of course since I'll be nursing it will be a bit harder to get away for a while.

Peanut has some sort of issue right now. He wants very much to sit in my lap and be loved. I'm ok with that, but it's not his usual thing. Maybe he senses baby is on its way and his time with me is getting shorter. He is also getting the last of his two year molars. Ouch! We had a horrible morning today and now that I think back on it I'm not sure why. Nothing too awful happened, we just were not in sync. Oh well.

I've been painting with my sister J. She got us a huge paint job. I wasn't going to do any of it, but I've been helping every day for a week and a half. I only work a few hours, but it's starting to take a toll. Peanut has gone with me on his non school days. Those nights have been awful. I think he gets too much stimulation. I think tomorrow we'll stay home and do our own thing. J will just have to understand I can't do it. I really wanted the extra money, but I've worked enough I think I should get a nice chunk of change. I'm not even sure how much the whole job will get since things keep getting added on. Thankfully, we are on the downhill stretch. We just have the upstairs to do and any touch ups downstairs. Then she wants new lights hung, then she wants this and that done. The list is never ending. We stop with the money stops flowing though.

I don't think Thumper is ever coming out. My guess is we'll have to be induced like we were with Peanut. My doctor comes back on Friday so I guess we'll start seeing her again. Who knows what she will think. The guy I've been seeing said he would talk to her about it though. He said they won't induce until after 39 weeks. Who knows?

Monday, April 28, 2008

Gross and Etc.

If your child says their leg is wet and they are not in a bath tub or swimming pool expect bad things to follow. Peanut had an odor about him so I was getting ready to change him. He walked over and said his leg was wet. I asked if he wet his pants and he said no. Instead, he pooped his pants. Lovely. Baths for all tonight.

Later we were playing with a wood giraffe toy. It has a hole in the nose so it hooks on to other animals to make a train. Peanut had been sticking his finger in the zebra nose and getting it stuck. Then he turns to me and says "I not pick giraffe nose". I replied that that was good advice.

Over the weekend he came up to me out of the blue and said "I have a nose. There are boogies in my nose." Anyone have a tissue?

This kid is crazy, but entertaining.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Adventure Part II - Our Lives Are Not Dull

So my sister D and her five (5) children came to visit us on Saturday afternoon. The plan was for her and the kids to come to my house to play and visit, eat dinner at McD's so the kids could be wild monkeys at the play place. Then after dinner she would load up the lot of them and drive to the airport to pick up her husband J. He had been out of the country for the last month.

My other sister K came to visit for the weekend, arriving on Friday night. She is very handy and came to help me put up a wallpaper border and do some other little projects around the house.

My other, other sister J and her kids came to our house on Saturday afternoon to hang out and visit with all the other kids.

So all five adults and eight children load up into various vehicles and head out to see Ronald. We sit in the play area and have our lovely dinner. Then the kids start playing like the wild monkeys they are. We have about an hour before D needs to leave to get husband. She was telling a story and gesturing with her arms when her shoulder dislocated. We were concerned but not panicked as this has happened many, many times. Usually she can relax a bit and it goes right back in. This time was different somehow and we called 911 just to be safe.

As luck would have it the hospital was only about a mile away and they arrived quickly. The downside is they couldn't treat her on site. They had to load her up and take her away. So we sent my sister J with her. I drove our van home with two kids, K drove D's van home with four kids and my husband M drove J's truck home with two kids. Once at my house we sent M to fetch D's husband at the airport, but as luck would have it J's husband was working near there and managed to get him. So three adults managed to watch 8 kids.

Around 8pm we got all pajamas on and got them situated for bed. We let the older kids stay up a little later, but eventually put them to bed too. Needless to say everyone stayed the night even though that wasn't the plan.

D went through quite a bit, but thanks to medication doesn't remember much of it. It took three adults using some brutal force to get her arm back in place. She had an IV, some sort of conscious anesthesia (she was awake, but doesn't remember a thing) and a nausea drug. She made it home around midnight and went straight to bed. Her arm is in a sling until she sees a doctor at her home, which I guess is supposed to be today.

Not the plan we had for the weekend, but all in all it worked out. I'm very thankful everyone was here to help. Me being so pregnant I couldn't do much, but it all worked out. She has had this problem for many years and this time the doctor strongly suggested surgery. Though D is not a fan of it, she is all for it I think. After 20+ years of this happening I think she is finally tired of it. I only hope her husband and the kids take good care of her and let her relax a little.

Monday, April 14, 2008

How Do You Relax with This Much Nervous Energy

Per doctor orders I've been taking it easy this last week. Not really as easy as it sounds with a 2 yr old. We do fine except I can't get him much exercise. I'm not really supposed to walk much or run. So it's hard to keep up with Peanut when we go outside for exercise. Luckily, my nephew has helped quite a bit. We go to my sisters house and the two boys play like crazy boys for a few hours. Peanut gets worn out and all is well.

My medication runs out on Saturday. I have no idea what will happen. I still feel contractions once in a while, but they say that is normal. What will it be like off the meds? Will they just start back up or just continue to be once in a while? The realization that I could have a baby as soon as Sunday is starting to freak me out. It's still early and I'm not mentally ready. Physically, yes I could do without the pain in my hips and back, but mentally I'm not ok with two kids yet. Will I be? Who knows?

Husbands father came to visit over the weekend. They put the crib together, changed the light switch in the baby room and cleaned up some junk in the basement. It was nice to get a few of those things done. We need a mattress, but otherwise, baby can live in our house now.

A friend of mine asked about a shower a while back. I said I would like to wait until after baby was born. We only need gender specific things and won't know the gender until after birth. She agreed and said we could have a little party after baby was born. Then last week she sent an email to all our friends asking if they would like to attend a ladies dinner/shower. I didn't want to say no, but felt odd since we already agreed to have it post baby. She wants to have dinner, gifts and cake. I can't quiet put my finger on it, but I feel odd about the whole situation. I guess, I don't need more neutral clothes (we have plenty from the first). We don't really need too many things so I'm wondering what kind of gifts they will get. I'm trying to just look at it as a dinner out with friends and not a shower. We'll see how it all goes.

Friday, April 04, 2008


Wednesday night I woke up around 12 or 12:30 feeling sick. I wanted to throw up and my belly hurt like crazy. Trying to find a comfortable position was impossible. Finally, I went to the couch and could get less uncomfortable. At 3 am I went back to bed hoping I could sleep a little. No such luck.

I was warned at the beginning of my pregnancy to not eat deli meat unless it had been cooked. There is a bacteria pregnant women can get. I had eaten a Turkey sandwich earlier and was worried I was getting sick from it. Turns out not to be the case.

Anyway, my plan was to call the OB once the office opened and beg them to give me something or tell me all was ok. By about 4:30am I couldn't take it anymore and didn't want to wait until the office opened at 9. Around 5 I finally threw up, not sure if this helped anything. I didn't really feel any better. We paged the doctor on call and he asked several questions. He suspected a bladder infection and suggested we head to hospital. We called family to watch Peanut and were on our way to hospital by 6 I think.

Turns out the pain in my belly was contractions. They were coming every 2-3 minutes apart, but I had a constant pain. They tested for UTI and checked me all over. We saw doctor around 8:30 or so and I was 1-2 cm dilated. So I was given IV, drugs to stop contractions, steroids to help baby lungs in case Thumper ended up being born. The pain went away after a couple hours, but I was still contracting too regularly. I've been on IV, antibiotics and contraction stopping medications ever since.

I'm fine. I stayed in hospital overnight and I'm hoping to go home today. We're waiting to see doctor. Oh yeah, and bonus I've been on a liquid diet just in case they can't stop contractions and I go into labor. Yum.

We had another ultrasound yesterday to check on Thumper. I'm at 33 weeks and 3 days today and baby measures 35 weeks and 2 days. In other words, big baby.

Dr. just breezed in, staying overnight again, but might go home tomorrow. Blah. I really want out of here.

Husband has business trip next week. My mom is coming to stay with me. That's great, but annoying too. I think I'll be fine, but really who knows.

Mostly, I miss my boy. He was in daycare all day Wed. and we ate together, but then I snuck off for some me time while Husband put him to bed. I haven't seen him since 7 on Wednesday. He is with Aunt J and having a good time.

Overall. I'm glad baby is ok. We still have some issues, but they are minor compared with birth at 7 weeks early. I miss my kid. I want to go home. I do get real food now though so that's something. Oh yah, and I can shower. My butt hurts like crazy from sitting on it for almost 48 hours. I'd love to walk around, but that's more labor inducing. Sitting still is the course of action.