Thursday, May 15, 2008

Time Gets Longer and Longer (and Harder and Harder)

I got a call today from the doctor office. They can't do the induction on the 27th so they moved me to the 30th. On one hand it's no big deal, what's three days later? On the other hand it's three days later. I'm done now. I'm ready to walk into the hospital and get this baby out of me. My emotions are all over the place, I have no energy and I'm done.

I'm pretty tired of people telling me when to have the baby. Making a playful guess as to when you think it will arrive is OK. Telling me it's just not convenient for you on such and such a day is not OK. This baby will get here whenever it does. I'm working on what is right for me and baby. Other than Husband and maybe the doctor, no one really gets a say here.

Some friends have been out of the country on vacation and before they left they (mostly the wife, the husband is pretty cool) kept telling me not to have it while they were gone. Who cares? It's not like she is the doctor or even related to me. My own mother keeps telling me that the 27th is too late and I should do it sooner. Well, fabulous, when is a good time for you since you seem to have an in with the hospital and are going to deliver this thing? Hospitals have schedules and so do doctors. While they can't plan every birth they can plan the scheduled ones so that it doesn't interfere with another delivery or surgery.

I'm pretty scared at this point. I'm having a hard time doing anything and wonder how I will manage with a baby. I know at least I'll be able to put my shoes on, but I'm still going to be very tired and unable to function. I'm terrified for Thursday nights to roll around since Husband will be gone all day and night with his class. How will I ever manage two children all day and night? Pizza anyone?

This pregnancy has been spent worried about the future. I've even regretted being pregnant. I know that may offend some folks, but I'm sorry it's how I feel. No one has re-assured me either. Husband only says things will be fine if I point blank ask him. He hasn't spent much time telling me he's happy about it. He just says "things will be fine". Well, yes, I'm sure they will, but will we still be married? Will I kill anyone? Will I live? I'm having a hard time feeling like this was a good idea. Even some friends and family have questioned our thinking in having another one so soon.

There has been very little time excited during this pregnancy. I never got excited about the nursery. It became more of a chore than something I wanted to do. This time around I wanted the room to look either very boy or very girl. Peanuts nursery was so neutral and I wanted it more boy (once we found out of course). So we decided to just wait to do the nursery until the baby was born. I started planning a boy room and a girl room so we could get started right away after the birth. Then I got tired of it. I think we'll just use what we have from the first one. It's neutral, but could go either way. It was cheap and is still pretty cute with little animals on it. It's just not what I originally thought, but all the joy has been sucked out of it so now I don't care. We'll do like we did with Peanut and make a specific room tailored to this kid in a couple years.

I'm never going to make it 15 more days.

1 comment:

No Minimom said...

It really will be OK. And I'm very happy for you guys! It's extremely stressful and tiring and very few days are filled with sunshine and kittens, but the baby phase doesn't last forever. You will muddle through the next year the same way you've tackled any other situation in your life. You can do it!

And you know I'm only a phone call (or a 3 hour drive) away!