Friday, February 29, 2008

Thumpity Thump Thump

Thumper has been at it for almost 3 days now. It's hard to sleep. On one hand it's wonderful to know the baby is in there and doing good, but on the other hand it's starting to make me ill. Sea sickness maybe? The constant rolling, flipping and kicking stops only when Peanut tries to feel it. He's not all that gentle though. His idea of putting a hand on my belly is playing a bongo drum. Thumper does not like that.

Husband was away for a week and I really took a relaxed approach to parenting. I enjoyed my child. So now that he is back we're trying to find a balance between letting Peanut get away with everything and being parental rulers. I've let certain things slide, but the basic rules are still there. He still gets punished for hitting, kicking etc.

I think Husband has a hard time with parenting by the seat of your pants. He would like there to be rules for handling every situation. He wants bedtime to be 8:00 and not a minute later. I'm more flexible. There are no rules for every situation. As parents you deal with what comes. Sometimes when the next situation comes you are better prepared, but the same answer might not fix the new problem. I do stick to a bedtime, but I can also tell when he just isn't ready or is ready earlier. Putting him to bed when he is ready makes it much easier.

We've also stopped pushing. At nap time and bed time I would sit and steam because he wouldn't go to sleep. Well, now I kiss him and leave. Most times he talks for a while and goes to sleep, but only occasionally does he get up. Nap time is hard still because unless he is dead tired and I stay with him he won't sleep. I sit quietly in the chair in his room and he wiggles and talks for a bit. For the last week he has given up after 20 minutes or so. Yesterday, not so much. Though he was like the walking dead tired he wouldn't sleep. He did go to bed early though.

Trying to start a business with my sister. Might work out ok, but we're running into some issues. The biggest being my pregnancy. I can't do much and won't be able to do much even after baby is here. She seems to think otherwise. We need to sit and talk about it, again. I brought up all the issues she's talking about now a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to see a problem then, but now that's it could mean less money for her she is concerned. Oh well. I'm sure we'll either work it out or go our own ways. She can do the work and keep all the money, but she better not expect me to help unless she is going to compensate me fairly.

I think in her mind she wants to use me as a daycare, but since I'm family she doesn't want to pay me much. In my mind I think if it's just babysitting once in a while that's fine, but if it's true all day care, feeding them and taking them to activities I should get paid daycare rates. Once baby is here I don't want to care for 4 children all day long. Especially, when two of them have activities three days a week to go to. I'm not taking a baby out and about that much. Plus...I just don't want to. So anyway, we'll get it figured out.

Trying to get my house in order. I still have several weeks, but I'm feeling the urge to get things done while I can still move around. I wish I had a little more energy though.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Driving Me Crazy

Husband left for the East coast on Monday. My mother arrived Sunday late afternoon. It's now Tuesday night and I'm ready for her to go. Yesterday was fun. We didn't really do much, but we shopped a little and ate out and then spent a nice evening at my sisters house. Today we ran a few errands and hung out a home.

Everything I said today was thrown back at me with some sort of dismissive air. For example, we were talking about side effects of taking medications. I mentioned that a year or so ago I was taking two medications and together they gave me a side effect. I wasn't going to tell her what the medicines were for, but I did and I shouldn't have. Anyway, one was birth control pills and the other was an anti-depressant. What the medicines were really had nothing to do with the story. So she says to me "why were you taking that, were you depressed?" I said that yes, I was. She said "I walk and exercise and have all the energy in the World. You shouldn't need medication." I understand her comment. Really, in the majority of people, exercise does boost mood and energy level. For me, not so much. So then I regretted saying anything.

Later I tried to give her thanks for coming to stay with me while Husband is away. I told her that it's been nice to have someone to talk to during the day. I get lonely sometimes and don't have many people to talk to during the day since they all work. My sister doesn't work but her kids are so busy she doesn't always have time for me. So my mother told me to take a walk. Literally. "You should go for a walk." I'm not sure how that makes me feel better about having no one to share my thoughts with, but whatever. Then she told me about how joining (fitness place) has given her lots of people to talk to. I'm sort of several months pregnant and not joining a fitness club anytime soon.

She hasn't done or said anything mean, but everything is about her and her issues. Or she talks about what my sisters are all doing wrong in their lives. While I will discuss some issues about my sisters, she basically makes everything out to be the worst possible situation. I'm getting tired of it.

While I invited her here to visit I didn't expect her to cook or clean or even help that much with Peanut, but would it kill her to help me a little? I'm tired. I'm going to need some serious recuperation time. Not sure I'll get it though.

Going to bed. Watch what you say.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Tide is Turning

The hormones seem to be shifting, at least for today.

Last night after Husband got home and we had dinner, I went up to take a shower. He watched Peanut while I was gone. When I got out I watched the two of them play from the upstairs balcony. I watched Peanut open a card from Grandma. I watched them play ring around the rosy. I watched Peanut push his shopping cart all over the house. It was fantastic. Something about watching unnoticed and getting to appreciate the full force of the moment. At that moment I felt so blessed to be the mother and wife of these fabulous boys. I want to hold on to that as long as I can.

I blame hormones for all my troubles. Normally I'm pretty emotional, but it peaks and valleys with my girly cycle. Now I'm living mostly in the valley with this pregnancy. It's been hard. It's nothing like the first pregnancy.

The first one was so great. Even though I was working I enjoyed being pregnant. I guess because we could still enjoy the single life even though a baby was on the way. Now we are parents and it almost feels like we are trapped even more by another baby. It's not really true though. We have some people in the area that will babysit even if it's for a few hours. Somehow not being able to drop everything and go to a 10pm movie seems totally unfair. The dumb thing is we wouldn't do that even if we had no other kids.

We are currently at 26 weeks. Over half way and yet it seems so far away. On one hand I'm ready for it to be over, but on the other I'm nervous. I'm ready to have my body and mind back, but what condition will it be in with two kids?

Anyway, last night and today have been nice. I have enjoyed being a mother and that feeling has been gone for a long time. I'm happy Peanut is mine.

Not sure spell check is working and I'm too tired to do it myself.