Monday, April 15, 2013

This Roller Coaster Called Life

Being pregnant changes several things.  The first and most obvious is my body.  It changes almost daily.  Another is my wardrobe to accommodate that changing body.  My tastes have changed too.  Some things that used to be delicious are just OK now or even yucky. 

I would say one of the biggest changes is hormonal.  I'm not sure how much your levels change or even which ones change, I just know I am not the same "me" I was.  I have horrible fears, mostly related to my kids and the new baby.  Will baby have Downs?  Will it have all it's limbs?  Will it be blind?  Will it....?  These are all fears I cannot control other than to eat a healthy diet and do the best I can to be healthy. 

Today my fear has been driven in a new direction.  There were multiple bombings in Boston.  At the famous marathon.  There have been fatalities and many injuries.  People that had finished the race or were waiting for loved ones to finish or even just watching were injured.  Blown up. 

Is there a shrink machine?  I want to shrink my kids and put them in protective bubbles and then keep them in my pocket forever.  I realize this has its flaws, but for now I don't want to take them anywhere.  We went to a baseball game yesterday and now I kind of want to throw up.  What if some lunatic blew up a baseball game? 

There are no safe places.  We up security at airports and events and say we are fighting a war on violence.  We are not.  We are throwing a band-aid on a severed wound.  I'm not sure you can stop every nut from committing evil, though I would like to.  There are probably dozens/hundreds of attempts that are stopped each day that we really do not hear about.  It's the ones no one expects that take the breath out of you.  Can I put my kids on the school bus and not worry?  Can we go to the zoo?  Where can we go? 

I will not stop living life because something may happen.  An airplane could fall on my house or a tornado can hit it.  There is no where to go.  I can only pray that what is meant to be will be.  I can only live the life I have as best I can while I can.  I can only teach my kids that we make the most of today because we are not promised tomorrow.  Sure, we make plans.  I have a plan to have a baby in another four and a half months. 

There is nothing I can do to guarantee any of it.  I accept that.  Yes, I use caution.  I try to get the kids to use caution, but I won't freeze and wait.  I do pray for the lunatics of the World.  I pray that they are stopped, somehow thwarted for one more day.  That folks can run a marathon and reach goals and live life without senseless violence ending it.