Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Down. More Down. Less Down. Down.

Lately my mood has really been up and down. At times things are going fine and all is well, the next I feel so lost. For the past several days (weeks?) I've been tired, but not always sleepy tired, more of a lazy tired. I don't want to do anything. When I try to think about issues I feel fuzzy. I can't make my brain think through a problem and figure it out. I just start coming apart and feeling grumpy.

Last weekend I got a massage (thanks husband!) and asked the gal if she had any ideas for me. She isn't a doctor, but she is a woman, mom and in the health and wellness field. She suggested a daily vitamin and some vitamin rich juice drinks. I may try them. I have also considered going to the doctor to see if I have any sort of immune problem that's keeping me so lifeless. This option scares me a little. It's possible it's something more like SAD or depression and I'm not ready to admit that yet. I'll tell you a secret though, I did take some medication for depression almost two years ago. Perhaps I need a re-fill?

I have an amazing child and can't seem to enjoy him. I see how cute and wonderful he is, but can't make myself teach him and interact with him as much as I should. I play with him and watch him all the time - he is not neglected. I just feel like I should be doing more. This part makes me the most sad. What if he gets behind in any type of skill because mommy didn't make the effort to teach him something? That brings tears to my eyes.

I guess it's time to do something, anything to make me feel better. So what if that means drugs or something else? Isn't it in the best interest of Peanut for me to find something to get me going? With winter coming it will only get worse. I guess I'll go make a call. Wish me luck.

1 comment:

Paper_whore said...

Your first parasgraph is exactly what I described to the counselor and you know what she told me. If you want to try the natural route first St. John's Wort works really well for me. But you gotta do what's right for you.