I'm taking life one day at a time lately. It's been a struggle for me. On Monday the babysitter came and I spent a portion of the time sitting on the floor in my room. I just didn't know what to do and didn't feel like finding anything. Eventually, I got moving and took a shower and got ready for family pictures. I felt like that again today, but tried to just keep moving. As long as I was moving I was ok. When I stopped moving though, I just zoned out.
My dad came for a visit. Tonight I realized I don't know much about my dad anymore. I only see him a few times a year and only for a couple of hours. A lot of information about his life doesn't make it my way. I don't want to be so far out of touch.
When I was younger my dad was always the answer to everything. He could fix things and find things and make everything better. He would listen and try to help me to help myself. A lot of times he helped me figure out problems that had been bothering me. Now, I don't even know where he is half the time. He calls me the day before he stops by. He usually stays for one a few hours before rushing off to the next visiting stop. Tonight he came and spent the night. We got to go to dinner and talk a little more than usual.
My dad is still the same, but way different. I realized tonight I want him to live to be 1000. Only seeing him once in a while it will take me that long to learn about who he is now. I hope I can be the kind of parent he was to me to Peanut. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Yes. It would. Peanut would be so lucky.
I love you dad.