Being a stay at home parent is a job. It takes patience, strength, wisdom and a host of other qualifications to be successful in this job. Some people go to an office and deal with annoying people and a boss that doesn’t understand. My office is my home and my boss can’t speak, walk or potty in a toilet. My phone only rings when my husband calls, no co-workers ask me to lunch and I work overtime everyday – weekends too. I don’t get paid and I get one evening off per week. Cleaning up poop, spit up and slobber is handled by me; I am the janitor at this office. Being home alone I get very lonely. There are days we go to Target or somewhere just to be out of the house. Most everyone I know is at work. They take their kids to daycare and trudge off to make a living.
There are perks though. I get to see every smile and hear every laugh. I watch him crawl from toy to toy. Some times we look at each other and just smile with the amount of love passing between us. When he cries, I pick him up and he lays his head on my shoulder relaxed, knowing mommy has him. Each day I know everything that happens to him. I know what he eats, drinks, wears and plays with. I’ve heard every new sound and seen the wonder in his eyes as he finds something new to explore.
Some days I want to give up. I want to stop breastfeeding and get Peanut on Formula. Then I could stop worrying about how much or how little milk he gets. I want to take Peanut to daycare and trudge off to work to make a living. There are days I feel I am not the best caregiver for him. There have been days where I look at my precious Peanut and cry because he got me for a mom. These days are very hard for me. I do not know how to overcome these thoughts and feelings. Mostly I just keep going. I make it to the end of the day. Once he is asleep and the house is quiet I feel better. Then I relax and watch a little television and go to bed. Then I do it all again in the morning.
Before having Peanut I used to think being a mom wasn’t all that hard. Sure babies need to be taken care of, but they grow up and then they are kids that can walk, talk and dress themselves. It never occurred to me how many days you have to endure before that happens. The days never stop. It’s not like you work Monday through Friday and get the weekend off. This really is a 24/7/365 job. Being a parent is hard. At least in most jobs you know the rules and you know when you get close to breaking them. In parenting there are no rules and you really only know what they were after you’ve broken them (the rules, not the children, though I would say if you break the child you broke the rule).
All in all I try to keep Peanut safe and happy while not losing my mind. It sure helps when he gives me a smile or a big slobbery kiss. That really makes up for so much.