Smile and Nod

As I continue to be pregnant and near the end I thought I would compile a short list of things to and not to do concerning pregnant women.

Do:

Bring her a drink, snack, magazine or something so she doesn't have to get up. She needs to rest while growing a baby.

Buy her flowers, chocolates, or whatever else might brighten her day.

Offer to rub her back, feet or any other body part of her choosing to ease sore muscles. Better yet, offer to send her to a spa to have a pro do it.

Watch any other children for a while so she can have some relaxing alone time.

Have her make a list of things she would like done. Do one or two of them once in a while. She'll feel like things are getting done without having to strain.

Buy her something fabulous to congratulate her for carrying a baby for 9+ months without going insane (much) or killing anyone (though they deserved it I'm sure).

Encourage her daily (or by the minute). Let her know she is doing the best she can and you are proud of her. Pregnancy is tough, she is like a soldier in a war. She is working harder than you know and deserves some credit.

Do Not:

Ask if she is still pregnant. Yes, she is. Unless she doesn't know you at all you will get a call or email announcing the birth. Asking every day only reminds her she is still pregnant. If she doesn't know you at all then you're just being creepy.

Ask if she is ready to be done. Yes, she is. She knows this better than anyone. Don't act like it is a burden to you, she's got a lot going on.

Ask if she is having contractions or if labor has in any way started yet. If it's your business to know she will tell you. Asking this over and over only reminds her that, no, nothing is happening.

Say wow, gosh, oh my, holy cow, or any other exclamation indicating you are amazed she is so big and has not yet exploded.

Ask if her doctor is crazy or imply he/she is in some way not capable of delivering a baby. She has picked her doctor and put her faith and trust in this person. Do NOT shake her faith now.

Point out the due date has passed. She knows. She is well aware of that date and it's passage without giving birth.

Tell her how to feel, think or act. Yes, she may be irrational, but that is her right. If she is crying, acknowledge it, don't tell her to stop.

I'm Not a Doctor and I Don't Play One on TV

Last week my child skinned his knee in the driveway. It was finally healing a little. Tonight I suggested we go outside and while walking around the block he fell. The only injury? Tearing open the wounded knee. Not a scratch on him otherwise. At first the tears were from pain and the scare of falling, then they were from losing the jelly bean he was eating.

He seems terrified of bandages and won't let anyone touch it or look at it. We had to hold him down a bit to clean the concrete out of it. He will let you put 'lotion' on it. Lotion is his word for Neosporin.

There is nothing sadder than seeing a 2 year old limp around because of a boo boo.

I'm just not ready for my boy to get hurt, let alone bleed. I know I have a lifetime of this to come, but it really tears me up to see him hurt in any way.

Yes, he got more jelly beans.

Indiana Jones

I might spoil it for you so don't read if you want to watch the movie with no opinion in your head.

I thought it was an ok movie. It had action, adventure and an ok storyline. I thought it was a horrible Indiana Jones movie. It was weird. The other three are some of my favorite movies and this one just didn't cut it at all. There were parts that were just thrown in for effect and didn't really have anything to do with the plot. Other things were so far fetched I couldn't believe they were part of the movie.

If at First You Don't Succeed, Pack Your Bags and Go Home

When I woke up today at 7 I felt yucky. Something was off. I got up and tried to pinpoint the problem. Mostly I felt a little sick. Then the contractions started. These were not the same contractions I had been having for weeks. These were more painful, in a different location and just felt like the ones I needed. We went through our morning and the contractions got stronger. I didn't want to do anything. We took Peanut to school and then called the doctor. She suggested going to hospital to get checked and we would go from there.

My mom and sister, J, were with me as well as Husband. We started to play some cards to pass the time. Somewhere just after the middle I started to not feel so hot. The urge to vomit was pretty strong and only intensified with each contraction. Suddenly other voices were annoying. The sound of the cards were annoying. Everything was grating on me. I said I needed to stop and J asked if I wanted them to leave. All I could manage was a nod. She and my mom happily went to lunch.

Then I was hot, cold, agitated, uncomfortable and in pain. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to get up and run away from the hurting. After a few minutes of this I got up to go to the bathroom. I did my thing and when I got back I could drink water and felt mostly fine. My feet were cold, but otherwise no hot/cold flashes. The color in my face returned and I felt pretty good except for the contractions still coming every 2-4 minutes.

The nurse came in a while later and said I was being sent home. I wasn't dilating and though I was having a good contraction pattern it wasn't true labor. Husband was upset and I was OK until I got in the shower tonight and the disappointment hit me hard. I've done this twice with no baby. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

This felt just like the last time. The urge to vomit, not feeling well, regular contractions, trip to hospital were all the same. Also the same were slightly dehydrated, urine culture that didn't indicate UTI but was yucky (whatever that means) and eating a turkey sandwich for lunch the day of or slightly before all this happened.

My best guess is that I'm allergic or aggravated by something used to process the turkey at the grocery store deli. I've had it twice since we moved/got pregnant and both times ended up in the hospital. My body feels sick and tries to get rid of the yuck including starting contractions to get baby out. Lots of water later and I seem to be better.

I should be holding a baby by now. I should be in the hospital deciding on a name and who he/she looks more like. I should be through with labor and working on recovery.

I know eventually we will have this baby, but it was a hard day and I'm tired.

Time Gets Longer and Longer (and Harder and Harder)

I got a call today from the doctor office. They can't do the induction on the 27th so they moved me to the 30th. On one hand it's no big deal, what's three days later? On the other hand it's three days later. I'm done now. I'm ready to walk into the hospital and get this baby out of me. My emotions are all over the place, I have no energy and I'm done.

I'm pretty tired of people telling me when to have the baby. Making a playful guess as to when you think it will arrive is OK. Telling me it's just not convenient for you on such and such a day is not OK. This baby will get here whenever it does. I'm working on what is right for me and baby. Other than Husband and maybe the doctor, no one really gets a say here.

Some friends have been out of the country on vacation and before they left they (mostly the wife, the husband is pretty cool) kept telling me not to have it while they were gone. Who cares? It's not like she is the doctor or even related to me. My own mother keeps telling me that the 27th is too late and I should do it sooner. Well, fabulous, when is a good time for you since you seem to have an in with the hospital and are going to deliver this thing? Hospitals have schedules and so do doctors. While they can't plan every birth they can plan the scheduled ones so that it doesn't interfere with another delivery or surgery.

I'm pretty scared at this point. I'm having a hard time doing anything and wonder how I will manage with a baby. I know at least I'll be able to put my shoes on, but I'm still going to be very tired and unable to function. I'm terrified for Thursday nights to roll around since Husband will be gone all day and night with his class. How will I ever manage two children all day and night? Pizza anyone?

This pregnancy has been spent worried about the future. I've even regretted being pregnant. I know that may offend some folks, but I'm sorry it's how I feel. No one has re-assured me either. Husband only says things will be fine if I point blank ask him. He hasn't spent much time telling me he's happy about it. He just says "things will be fine". Well, yes, I'm sure they will, but will we still be married? Will I kill anyone? Will I live? I'm having a hard time feeling like this was a good idea. Even some friends and family have questioned our thinking in having another one so soon.

There has been very little time excited during this pregnancy. I never got excited about the nursery. It became more of a chore than something I wanted to do. This time around I wanted the room to look either very boy or very girl. Peanuts nursery was so neutral and I wanted it more boy (once we found out of course). So we decided to just wait to do the nursery until the baby was born. I started planning a boy room and a girl room so we could get started right away after the birth. Then I got tired of it. I think we'll just use what we have from the first one. It's neutral, but could go either way. It was cheap and is still pretty cute with little animals on it. It's just not what I originally thought, but all the joy has been sucked out of it so now I don't care. We'll do like we did with Peanut and make a specific room tailored to this kid in a couple years.

I'm never going to make it 15 more days.

Keep on Counting

Still no baby. Six (6) days until due date. We are scheduled to induce on the 27th. I'll be 41 weeks. My doctor is OK with an induction, but would prefer baby to come naturally. She is worried about forcing the issue (so to speak) and causing a C-section. I'm very opposed to surgery. I know lots of people that have had them and all turned out fine, but it still freaks me out. If it came down to it I would get through it. If I can do it the hoo ha way I'm on board with that.

I feel like I've been pregnant for years. I guess knowing so early makes for a much longer wait. It will be worth it. I'm getting really curious as to if it's a boy or girl. I'm also a bit worried about how big this kid will get in 13 more days. It could be huge! The doctors keep telling me I accommodated a big baby so I can do it again. Well, sure. Peanut was 9 lb 3 oz. What if that was my limit? How much bigger can I accommodate? I don't really want to find out.

The boy has been up and down. For the most part he has been great. He wants to watch television all the time. I'm OK with some, but he would sit all day long. He says funny things too. The other day we were all in the van and Husband was blowing his nose. Peanut says "mommy, daddy getting his boogies out?" Well, yes. I know it doesn't seem funny here, but we laughed about it at the time. He does sweet things too like sing to the baby belly. Except the only words he knows are 'no more monkeys jumping on the bed'. He doesn't even know the whole song. It's cute though.

Time for a nap. Mine of course.

One Day It Will Be Over

38 weeks and 1 day today. I'm losing my mind. Easy things are getting much more difficult to do. Taking a shower wipes me out. Right now a week stay at a spa sounds fabulous, except for the whole pregnant thing. Maybe once thumper is older I can go away to a mommy spa. They have those right? Where they pamper you and rub your feet and feed you good food? I want that. Of course since I'll be nursing it will be a bit harder to get away for a while.

Peanut has some sort of issue right now. He wants very much to sit in my lap and be loved. I'm ok with that, but it's not his usual thing. Maybe he senses baby is on its way and his time with me is getting shorter. He is also getting the last of his two year molars. Ouch! We had a horrible morning today and now that I think back on it I'm not sure why. Nothing too awful happened, we just were not in sync. Oh well.

I've been painting with my sister J. She got us a huge paint job. I wasn't going to do any of it, but I've been helping every day for a week and a half. I only work a few hours, but it's starting to take a toll. Peanut has gone with me on his non school days. Those nights have been awful. I think he gets too much stimulation. I think tomorrow we'll stay home and do our own thing. J will just have to understand I can't do it. I really wanted the extra money, but I've worked enough I think I should get a nice chunk of change. I'm not even sure how much the whole job will get since things keep getting added on. Thankfully, we are on the downhill stretch. We just have the upstairs to do and any touch ups downstairs. Then she wants new lights hung, then she wants this and that done. The list is never ending. We stop with the money stops flowing though.

I don't think Thumper is ever coming out. My guess is we'll have to be induced like we were with Peanut. My doctor comes back on Friday so I guess we'll start seeing her again. Who knows what she will think. The guy I've been seeing said he would talk to her about it though. He said they won't induce until after 39 weeks. Who knows?

Gross and Etc.

If your child says their leg is wet and they are not in a bath tub or swimming pool expect bad things to follow. Peanut had an odor about him so I was getting ready to change him. He walked over and said his leg was wet. I asked if he wet his pants and he said no. Instead, he pooped his pants. Lovely. Baths for all tonight.

Later we were playing with a wood giraffe toy. It has a hole in the nose so it hooks on to other animals to make a train. Peanut had been sticking his finger in the zebra nose and getting it stuck. Then he turns to me and says "I not pick giraffe nose". I replied that that was good advice.

Over the weekend he came up to me out of the blue and said "I have a nose. There are boogies in my nose." Anyone have a tissue?

This kid is crazy, but entertaining.

Adventure Part II - Our Lives Are Not Dull

So my sister D and her five (5) children came to visit us on Saturday afternoon. The plan was for her and the kids to come to my house to play and visit, eat dinner at McD's so the kids could be wild monkeys at the play place. Then after dinner she would load up the lot of them and drive to the airport to pick up her husband J. He had been out of the country for the last month.

My other sister K came to visit for the weekend, arriving on Friday night. She is very handy and came to help me put up a wallpaper border and do some other little projects around the house.

My other, other sister J and her kids came to our house on Saturday afternoon to hang out and visit with all the other kids.

So all five adults and eight children load up into various vehicles and head out to see Ronald. We sit in the play area and have our lovely dinner. Then the kids start playing like the wild monkeys they are. We have about an hour before D needs to leave to get husband. She was telling a story and gesturing with her arms when her shoulder dislocated. We were concerned but not panicked as this has happened many, many times. Usually she can relax a bit and it goes right back in. This time was different somehow and we called 911 just to be safe.

As luck would have it the hospital was only about a mile away and they arrived quickly. The downside is they couldn't treat her on site. They had to load her up and take her away. So we sent my sister J with her. I drove our van home with two kids, K drove D's van home with four kids and my husband M drove J's truck home with two kids. Once at my house we sent M to fetch D's husband at the airport, but as luck would have it J's husband was working near there and managed to get him. So three adults managed to watch 8 kids.

Around 8pm we got all pajamas on and got them situated for bed. We let the older kids stay up a little later, but eventually put them to bed too. Needless to say everyone stayed the night even though that wasn't the plan.

D went through quite a bit, but thanks to medication doesn't remember much of it. It took three adults using some brutal force to get her arm back in place. She had an IV, some sort of conscious anesthesia (she was awake, but doesn't remember a thing) and a nausea drug. She made it home around midnight and went straight to bed. Her arm is in a sling until she sees a doctor at her home, which I guess is supposed to be today.

Not the plan we had for the weekend, but all in all it worked out. I'm very thankful everyone was here to help. Me being so pregnant I couldn't do much, but it all worked out. She has had this problem for many years and this time the doctor strongly suggested surgery. Though D is not a fan of it, she is all for it I think. After 20+ years of this happening I think she is finally tired of it. I only hope her husband and the kids take good care of her and let her relax a little.

How Do You Relax with This Much Nervous Energy

Per doctor orders I've been taking it easy this last week. Not really as easy as it sounds with a 2 yr old. We do fine except I can't get him much exercise. I'm not really supposed to walk much or run. So it's hard to keep up with Peanut when we go outside for exercise. Luckily, my nephew has helped quite a bit. We go to my sisters house and the two boys play like crazy boys for a few hours. Peanut gets worn out and all is well.

My medication runs out on Saturday. I have no idea what will happen. I still feel contractions once in a while, but they say that is normal. What will it be like off the meds? Will they just start back up or just continue to be once in a while? The realization that I could have a baby as soon as Sunday is starting to freak me out. It's still early and I'm not mentally ready. Physically, yes I could do without the pain in my hips and back, but mentally I'm not ok with two kids yet. Will I be? Who knows?

Husbands father came to visit over the weekend. They put the crib together, changed the light switch in the baby room and cleaned up some junk in the basement. It was nice to get a few of those things done. We need a mattress, but otherwise, baby can live in our house now.

A friend of mine asked about a shower a while back. I said I would like to wait until after baby was born. We only need gender specific things and won't know the gender until after birth. She agreed and said we could have a little party after baby was born. Then last week she sent an email to all our friends asking if they would like to attend a ladies dinner/shower. I didn't want to say no, but felt odd since we already agreed to have it post baby. She wants to have dinner, gifts and cake. I can't quiet put my finger on it, but I feel odd about the whole situation. I guess, I don't need more neutral clothes (we have plenty from the first). We don't really need too many things so I'm wondering what kind of gifts they will get. I'm trying to just look at it as a dinner out with friends and not a shower. We'll see how it all goes.

Adventure

Wednesday night I woke up around 12 or 12:30 feeling sick. I wanted to throw up and my belly hurt like crazy. Trying to find a comfortable position was impossible. Finally, I went to the couch and could get less uncomfortable. At 3 am I went back to bed hoping I could sleep a little. No such luck.

I was warned at the beginning of my pregnancy to not eat deli meat unless it had been cooked. There is a bacteria pregnant women can get. I had eaten a Turkey sandwich earlier and was worried I was getting sick from it. Turns out not to be the case.


Anyway, my plan was to call the OB once the office opened and beg them to give me something or tell me all was ok. By about 4:30am I couldn't take it anymore and didn't want to wait until the office opened at 9. Around 5 I finally threw up, not sure if this helped anything. I didn't really feel any better. We paged the doctor on call and he asked several questions. He suspected a bladder infection and suggested we head to hospital. We called family to watch Peanut and were on our way to hospital by 6 I think.

Turns out the pain in my belly was contractions. They were coming every 2-3 minutes apart, but I had a constant pain. They tested for UTI and checked me all over. We saw doctor around 8:30 or so and I was 1-2 cm dilated. So I was given IV, drugs to stop contractions, steroids to help baby lungs in case Thumper ended up being born. The pain went away after a couple hours, but I was still contracting too regularly. I've been on IV, antibiotics and contraction stopping medications ever since.

I'm fine. I stayed in hospital overnight and I'm hoping to go home today. We're waiting to see doctor. Oh yeah, and bonus I've been on a liquid diet just in case they can't stop contractions and I go into labor. Yum.

We had another ultrasound yesterday to check on Thumper. I'm at 33 weeks and 3 days today and baby measures 35 weeks and 2 days. In other words, big baby.

Dr. just breezed in, staying overnight again, but might go home tomorrow. Blah. I really want out of here.

Husband has business trip next week. My mom is coming to stay with me. That's great, but annoying too. I think I'll be fine, but really who knows.

Mostly, I miss my boy. He was in daycare all day Wed. and we ate together, but then I snuck off for some me time while Husband put him to bed. I haven't seen him since 7 on Wednesday. He is with Aunt J and having a good time.

Overall. I'm glad baby is ok. We still have some issues, but they are minor compared with birth at 7 weeks early. I miss my kid. I want to go home. I do get real food now though so that's something. Oh yah, and I can shower. My butt hurts like crazy from sitting on it for almost 48 hours. I'd love to walk around, but that's more labor inducing. Sitting still is the course of action.

I'm a Duck

Peanut: I'm a duck.
Me: I love you little duckie.
Peanut: I love you big duckie.

Does he pretend? Yes.
On a walk tonight he stopped and told Husband to go on ahead a few feet. Then he pretended to catch a football and throw it to Husband. He did this several times.

At breakfast he sometimes catches bats that fall from the sky. He hold on to them and shows them to me before tossing them back to the sky.

In the last week or two we've had a lot of good moments and I've snapped them in my head like a picture to keep forever. He has made a few rough moments/days feel a lot better.

The sleep issues are still there, but bedtime is getting a little better (knock a giant log, please) and we're not stressing about naps. We still try occasionally, but mostly just skip them for quiet time. He could really do with some rest, but I take what I can get.

Mothers Helper

We were in the master bathroom, he was playing with various items and I was getting ready to clean the sinks. I started with the mirror and he wanted to help so I gave him the duster. In my head I thought he would just dust things. He went into the toilet room to clean. (Our toilet is in it's own little room in the bathroom). I didn’t think much about this, but clearly I should have.

After a full minute or even two in there I became suspicious. I peeked my head around the corner and he was ‘washing’ the walls. He had the toilet lid open and was dipping the duster into the water, then using that to wash the walls.

I took the duster away (and threw it away) and he cried. I told him he was doing a good job washing, but now we needed to wipe it up. Luckily I had a stack of paper towels handy and it only took us a few minutes to mop up the floor. We may need to do some cleaning in there with non-toilet water in case an odor develops.

After that I was tired so we had a snack. The sinks can be dirty a bit longer.

Open 24 Hours

I am a mom. I stay at home with my son. He is two. I chose to do this. I have the option to put him in daycare and go to work full time, but I choose to stay home. Does this mean that I am never "off work"?

Typically, one parent goes to work. Something like 8am to 5pm. They work at hospitals, law offices, book stores and whatever. They do their work from 8am to 5pm and then go home. They are done with that work. When they get home they are a parent. (Some people choose to not be parents, but I'm not talking about them.) So when they get home they visit with the family, eat, play and help put kid(s) to bed. Right? Or is it still the stay at home parents job to do that?

My job starts anywhere from 7 to 8 am. I don't drive to work. I don't have to fix my hair or wear nice clothes. My job starts the moment my son wakes up. Sometimes I wake up first and take a few minutes to get dressed or use the bathroom or something else all to my self. Most days he is up before I am. My job stops when he goes to sleep. Not bed, but to sleep. In actuality, I'm still on call, but not on active duty. If something happens in the night, Husband usually hears first. He is the first responder. Most times that works and I'm not needed, but occasionally I'm called in. So I'm really only on active duty from 7am to roughly 10pm.

So basically I'm either actively working or on call 24/7. When do I get a break? Do I get a break? My sister is basically a single parent because her husband rarely does any parenting duty. He will help, but only if asked and usually reluctantly. My husband helps quite a bit and I don't have to ask.

Since Husband is not home 1-2 nights per week to help I usually take Wednesday nights 'off'. I go wherever and try to relax and regroup. The last few times I've gone out I've come back to an unhappy house. I've wished I never left. All the good vibes I was collecting get smashed and I'm back in my blah rut. If I thought I could mentally handle it, I would just put myself in charge 24/7. The trouble is I can't handle it. I'm 7 months pregnant, not sleeping well and overall pretty tired. So I need help.

Husband keeps asking me why I'm grumpy or what's wrong. Well. I'm tired of asking for some kind of help and not getting it. I'm tired of feeling hopeless and things not changing. I'm tired of having the same conversations about things we could do or change to make it better and nothing coming of it. I'm tired of being referee. I'm tired of going to sleep all the while dreading waking up and dealing with it all again. But most of all, I'm just tired.

I'd really like this blog to be happy and funny and have lots of readers that leave wonderful comments, but I don't have it in me. I don't know of something happy and funny to write. I know of tired. Eventually I'll have this baby and my kids will grow up and maybe then things will change, but until then, this is where I'll vent.

Cry Me a River

During pregnancy hormones are out of control. The first time around, there were several times I just cried for no reason. This time is no different. There do seem to be reasons though. Mostly I'm tired. When I am tired I don't function as well.

Today was my day off and I had a few things planned. I was going to go to the grocery store, the hardware store and take a nap. I did manage to get to the grocery store, but nothing else. I spent most of the day doing our taxes. So now I'm still tired and weepy. Husband was kind enough to put Peanut to bed even though he doesn't feel that well himself. I just couldn't do it tonight.

Funny how the littlest things make me cry. Good thing I don't watch much television or movies. I'm sure just a touching commercial would send me running for a raft to wade through the tears.

Thumpity Thump Thump

Thumper has been at it for almost 3 days now. It's hard to sleep. On one hand it's wonderful to know the baby is in there and doing good, but on the other hand it's starting to make me ill. Sea sickness maybe? The constant rolling, flipping and kicking stops only when Peanut tries to feel it. He's not all that gentle though. His idea of putting a hand on my belly is playing a bongo drum. Thumper does not like that.

Husband was away for a week and I really took a relaxed approach to parenting. I enjoyed my child. So now that he is back we're trying to find a balance between letting Peanut get away with everything and being parental rulers. I've let certain things slide, but the basic rules are still there. He still gets punished for hitting, kicking etc.

I think Husband has a hard time with parenting by the seat of your pants. He would like there to be rules for handling every situation. He wants bedtime to be 8:00 and not a minute later. I'm more flexible. There are no rules for every situation. As parents you deal with what comes. Sometimes when the next situation comes you are better prepared, but the same answer might not fix the new problem. I do stick to a bedtime, but I can also tell when he just isn't ready or is ready earlier. Putting him to bed when he is ready makes it much easier.

We've also stopped pushing. At nap time and bed time I would sit and steam because he wouldn't go to sleep. Well, now I kiss him and leave. Most times he talks for a while and goes to sleep, but only occasionally does he get up. Nap time is hard still because unless he is dead tired and I stay with him he won't sleep. I sit quietly in the chair in his room and he wiggles and talks for a bit. For the last week he has given up after 20 minutes or so. Yesterday, not so much. Though he was like the walking dead tired he wouldn't sleep. He did go to bed early though.

Trying to start a business with my sister. Might work out ok, but we're running into some issues. The biggest being my pregnancy. I can't do much and won't be able to do much even after baby is here. She seems to think otherwise. We need to sit and talk about it, again. I brought up all the issues she's talking about now a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to see a problem then, but now that's it could mean less money for her she is concerned. Oh well. I'm sure we'll either work it out or go our own ways. She can do the work and keep all the money, but she better not expect me to help unless she is going to compensate me fairly.

I think in her mind she wants to use me as a daycare, but since I'm family she doesn't want to pay me much. In my mind I think if it's just babysitting once in a while that's fine, but if it's true all day care, feeding them and taking them to activities I should get paid daycare rates. Once baby is here I don't want to care for 4 children all day long. Especially, when two of them have activities three days a week to go to. I'm not taking a baby out and about that much. Plus...I just don't want to. So anyway, we'll get it figured out.

Trying to get my house in order. I still have several weeks, but I'm feeling the urge to get things done while I can still move around. I wish I had a little more energy though.

Driving Me Crazy

Husband left for the East coast on Monday. My mother arrived Sunday late afternoon. It's now Tuesday night and I'm ready for her to go. Yesterday was fun. We didn't really do much, but we shopped a little and ate out and then spent a nice evening at my sisters house. Today we ran a few errands and hung out a home.

Everything I said today was thrown back at me with some sort of dismissive air. For example, we were talking about side effects of taking medications. I mentioned that a year or so ago I was taking two medications and together they gave me a side effect. I wasn't going to tell her what the medicines were for, but I did and I shouldn't have. Anyway, one was birth control pills and the other was an anti-depressant. What the medicines were really had nothing to do with the story. So she says to me "why were you taking that, were you depressed?" I said that yes, I was. She said "I walk and exercise and have all the energy in the World. You shouldn't need medication." I understand her comment. Really, in the majority of people, exercise does boost mood and energy level. For me, not so much. So then I regretted saying anything.

Later I tried to give her thanks for coming to stay with me while Husband is away. I told her that it's been nice to have someone to talk to during the day. I get lonely sometimes and don't have many people to talk to during the day since they all work. My sister doesn't work but her kids are so busy she doesn't always have time for me. So my mother told me to take a walk. Literally. "You should go for a walk." I'm not sure how that makes me feel better about having no one to share my thoughts with, but whatever. Then she told me about how joining (fitness place) has given her lots of people to talk to. I'm sort of several months pregnant and not joining a fitness club anytime soon.

She hasn't done or said anything mean, but everything is about her and her issues. Or she talks about what my sisters are all doing wrong in their lives. While I will discuss some issues about my sisters, she basically makes everything out to be the worst possible situation. I'm getting tired of it.

While I invited her here to visit I didn't expect her to cook or clean or even help that much with Peanut, but would it kill her to help me a little? I'm tired. I'm going to need some serious recuperation time. Not sure I'll get it though.

Going to bed. Watch what you say.

The Tide is Turning

The hormones seem to be shifting, at least for today.

Last night after Husband got home and we had dinner, I went up to take a shower. He watched Peanut while I was gone. When I got out I watched the two of them play from the upstairs balcony. I watched Peanut open a card from Grandma. I watched them play ring around the rosy. I watched Peanut push his shopping cart all over the house. It was fantastic. Something about watching unnoticed and getting to appreciate the full force of the moment. At that moment I felt so blessed to be the mother and wife of these fabulous boys. I want to hold on to that as long as I can.

I blame hormones for all my troubles. Normally I'm pretty emotional, but it peaks and valleys with my girly cycle. Now I'm living mostly in the valley with this pregnancy. It's been hard. It's nothing like the first pregnancy.

The first one was so great. Even though I was working I enjoyed being pregnant. I guess because we could still enjoy the single life even though a baby was on the way. Now we are parents and it almost feels like we are trapped even more by another baby. It's not really true though. We have some people in the area that will babysit even if it's for a few hours. Somehow not being able to drop everything and go to a 10pm movie seems totally unfair. The dumb thing is we wouldn't do that even if we had no other kids.

We are currently at 26 weeks. Over half way and yet it seems so far away. On one hand I'm ready for it to be over, but on the other I'm nervous. I'm ready to have my body and mind back, but what condition will it be in with two kids?

Anyway, last night and today have been nice. I have enjoyed being a mother and that feeling has been gone for a long time. I'm happy Peanut is mine.

Not sure spell check is working and I'm too tired to do it myself.

Door Number 1, 2 or 3?

This blog is pretty depressing. Sorry about that.

So here are my options:

1. Get parts to fix crib.

Down Side:
This may take 2-3 weeks to get the parts in. Since they didn't rush/overnight the recall parts I'm thinking we won't get regular parts any faster. We lose any success we gained with the big boy bed and would have to start over at some point. He may have a fit to be back in a prison type bed.

Up Side:
He's in prison. If it takes an hour to fall asleep at least we know he is in bed and has a chance to nap as opposed to taking his room apart (literally).

2. Put him in full time daycare.

Down Side:
I like staying home with him. This costs more and we don't just have the money. I'd have to go back to work in some capacity to make some extra money. His current part-time daycare doesn't have openings so we either wait list or find a new daycare. I hate to change daycare at this point. I like it and the people and I think Peanut does too. I've been out of work for quite some time. What could I do? Retail? Blah. Plus I'm 5ish months pregnant and who is going to hire that? I won't be able to stay on my feet long and the farther along I get the harder it will be to work. Plus, I want to stay home with baby 2 so it seems stupid to work for a couple months and then quit. Which, by then we still can't really afford full time daycare so he either has to go back to part-time or I have to work at least enough to pay for the full time.

Up Side:
I'm losing my mind and maybe that will stop. Peanut naps at daycare so maybe he'll sleep. Maybe he is done being with mommy so much and this will be good for him.

3. Do nothing

Down Side:
I'm losing my mind.

Up Side:
No increased cost for daycare.

So. Anyone have any brilliant ideas? I could use them. I keep thinking a vacation would be nice, but we'll still have problems when we get back. So spending money to get away seems sort of wasteful. I don't know. There are other issues with this that I don't feel like writing about right now. Suffice it to say a break would be nice, but trouble would be waiting for us on the return.

The Dr. is In

Do all therapists suck? It seems that all the ones I've encountered do. Granted there are millions and I've seen like 4 in the course of my life, but they have all been less than fabulous. This one is supposed to help us with parenting issues. We talked mostly about sleep problems today. I think she thought she was being helpful, but in the end I found it useless. I relate it to having someone tell you to pet a lion by offering him a hot dog first to sooth him. Probably not going to work and do you really want to try it?

I'm in a bad place and I think Husband is too. We could really use a good therapist to talk to. Someone that we can be honest with, that will tell us the cold hard truth. I don't want to hear stories about other families (unless it somehow relates to me). I want to hear what we should be doing. I want to know what we are doing wrong. I want to know how to want to wake up in the morning. I want to know how to get through the day without crying. Anyone know?

To help relieve stress, we're taking turns. I watch Peanut one night and Husband watches him another. While it's nice to get a break, it sucks to never see my Husband until the weekend when neither of us knows what to do.

We went to church. I was amazed lightning didn't hit. It was a far cry from the church I'm used to, but I liked it. Some of the things the Pastor said really felt right. I did feel like I was in the movie "Saved" though. There was a rock band and everyone wore jeans. Anyway, overall I liked it. I just hope we can go and be accepted for us and meet some people and enjoy it. I don't want to be converted to a Jesus freak or anything. I'm not going to give up everything and move to the inner city in the name of the Lord. I think I can help people and feel good right here in pleasant town.

I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I really want all that to change.