WKRP

So I walk in to work(1) and see that someone has brought donuts and juice (love that) for everyone. As I’m having my donut the boss comes over to me and says there has been a change in shifts. The guy that was the evening guy is now the morning guy and I have been moved to his shift, which starts now. He reminds me that after each batch of songs to mention the Chiefs. So I run to the booth to get started. There is a microphone on the counter that looks like the one Bob Barker uses on The Price Is Right. Only it is sticking out of a pedestal with four little buttons on it and it bends. So I push the button to make the microphone ‘live’ and then forget what to say. Oh yah, the Chiefs. I look at a picture that is supposed to tell me what to say. I do not understand it, but I do the best I can.

“The Chiefs are up with a score of 4, the other people have 3. There are three dogs in one area and then two in another. The other people have cats. There seem to be several cats, but I cannot see how many. So I hope you are all doing well today.”

At this point I am waiting for the boss to come storming in and fire me. Instead this snotty girl comes in asking for the latest gossip. She wants to know if I have the dish on them (2) because they keep breaking up and getting back together again. In my mind I’m thinking that yes I do in fact know the inside scoop, but this girl is so annoying I am not going to share it with her. Then she asks whose jacket is hanging on the chair. She wants it. I tell her it is mine and the songs are almost over so she has to get out.

This time I see a little teleprompter with the Chiefs commercial on it. I’m trying to read it, but a cat keeps getting in my way. So I start talking about the new running back (3) they got and I say his name is Terence and then the cat gets in my way so I can’t see his last name. I think it is Williams so I go with that. Wrong, but I have already said it so I just keep going. Again, I wonder where the boss is and why he has not come to fire me yet.

At this point I notice that my 7 month old son (4) has been sitting on the counter next to the microphone. He has not uttered a peep or tried to play with anything. I thank God for small miracles. My husband comes in to get the boy and I start gesturing wildly for him to go get someone to help me. He does not get any of it. He says he needs to take the boy home because it’s 7 pm and he willll need to go to bed soon. In my mind I agree, but I’m still gesturing for help.

1. I do not and have not ever worked at a radio station. 2. I don’t know who ‘they’ are and why ‘they’ keep breaking up. 3. I have no idea if the Chiefs have a new running back. 4. I do know that my son would not sit still anywhere for any length of time quietly.