The Bad and The Ugly

I got smashed today. Peanut and I were arguing over getting dressed (him not me). He started kicking and hitting me and I lost it. I yelled at him to stop. Somehow in the midst of it we collided heads. His forehead found my top lip and smashed it into my teeth. Blood. My lip split open and I raced to the bathroom. I didn't even think about Peanut until I got the lip under control. He was fine. Playing with the alarm clock. Not a scratch on him.

I'm a wreck. I'm an emotional wreck. I'm not sleeping well, I'm full of pregnancy hormones, my kid has turned into a demon and I can't make a decision more important than what flavor jam on my toast. Friends want us to go out to dinner or whatnot and I just want to find a dark place to curl up and cry. Parenting is hard. Maybe too hard for me.

Husband and I decided I would stay home and raise the kid(s). We didn't want our kid growing up in daycare. There is nothing wrong with it, but we wanted ours to be home grown. Seeing as I had the lowly sales job that made little money it was an easy decision. I hated working anyway. But. I've never been patient. I've never been good with kids. I've never really even wanted kids that much. My nieces and nephews were OK, but I didn't see the need for my own. So why did I think I would be good at staying home?

None of my friends stay home. They all work and all their kids go to daycare of some sort. I always felt proud to be the one that breastfed and stayed home. Now I feel like some sort of war veteran. Life is getting to the point where I'm not sure I can do this anymore. The trouble is I'm not sure what other options I have. I haven't worked at any sort of company in many years. What am I qualified to do other than work retail?

I'm so down and I have so many thoughts. I thought all the stress I was feeling was because of Christmas, but now that it's over the stress has not gone away. Is this hurting new baby? Am I going to have a spastic baby because of this? It's too late, but I'm not sure I can survive two kids. I may be committed come May.

The War Rages On

We here at the Mutt house are tired, wiped out, done, finished, pooped, empty and just plain at our wits end. Peanut still will not nap. We have tried many things. The newest thing to try is to just not make him nap. I know. He needs a nap, but he's not taking them. So why put myself through all that? So, maybe we'll just play and read and whatever and at some point if he is tired he will lay down somewhere and sleep. Maybe not. Mostly likely not, but what have I got to lose? The anger, that's what. Why is it so frustrating that he will not sleep? I know he won't and yet every time I get upset about it.

This has been especially hard being pregnant. What happens when the new baby comes? Do I just let Peanut yell and scream while I try to feed, change and take care of a newborn? I'm not sure I can handle that. My hormones are off the chart right now and every little thing makes me cry. I feel like such a bad mother. We've had more time-outs in the last few days than I can count. He's hitting, yelling and otherwise being rotten. I've tried tender love. I've tried tough love. I've tried just leaving alone for a bit. Nothing. He was a snot at Aunt J's house too and he LOVES it there.

Why on Earth did we think it was a good idea to have another child? I'm having a very hard time being excited about being pregnant. It's nice to hear the heartbeat, but otherwise, Peanut is sort of ruining it for me. This sounds horrible because I know there are so many women out there that just want to be pregnant. I really wanted to be until this whole sleeping war started. Husband and I are at a loss. What do we do?

Not helping our situation any is that the crib broke. We had to change it to a toddler bed (no rail on one side) or get rid of it. The new parts are on the way, but it was not safe for him to be in it. Now he can get out of bed. This isn't too much of a problem at night. He only gets up once or twice, but for nap it's another story. I can't get him to stay in the bed. We may turn it back into a crib once we get the parts, but now I think he might try harder to get out. I don't know. We'll see. We put him in the pack-n-prison for nap today and he just yelled the whole time. At least he wasn't able to get out though.

Anyone have a magic button? I'd love for this to just be magically over.

Santa Never Had it So Good

Me: What do you want for Christmas?
Peanut: Bagel.
Me: A Bagel?
Peanut: Bagel.
Me: Anything else?
Peanut: No.

I wonder if he thought I said breakfast instead of Christmas? They might sound the same to a two year old. Either way I can totally handle it.

Take That School.

Me: Let's get ready for school.
Him: Nnnnnoooooo.
Me: Don't you want to go to school and have fun?
Him: No.
Me: Don't you want to go to school and play with all your friends and Miss J?
Him: No.
Me: You don't want to stay here with boring old mommy.

He crawls into my lap, puts his head on my chest and snuggles in.

Him: Mommy.

It's nice to be loved.

Music to My Ears

I love hearing my Husband read to Peanut. It's very sexy to me to have a husband that cares so much for his child. He takes time to read to him and play with him. I know lots of men that can't be bothered with that stuff. It's woman's work to take care of the children.

In our situation I do stay home with Peanut and will continue with new baby. I mostly take care of the child(ren) and do some housework and so on. The difference is, I get lots of help. Husband helps by taking care of Peanut or by taking care or me, or both.

My brother-in-law left the country to work a week after his son was born. He was gone about a month. I guess by the fifth child you just don't care? I couldn't pry Husband away from Peanut if someones life depended on it. He's a great father and I love him that much more for it.

On a brighter side of pregnancy, something good has finally happened. My boobs are getting bigger. They are huge or anything, but bigger. Definitely a step in the right direction.

So Much To Do

I would like to get some decorating done here at the Mutt house. I'm not feeling very inspirational. It's very easy for me to go to another house and design a pretty good looking room. Doing that for myself is hard. I know what colors I like, but I want all the rooms in the house to get along. In our old house the majority of the rooms were some shade of purple and/or green except the office. It was blue.

I see lots of houses on decorator shows and they all look like the whole house was planned, not just one room at a time. Does that make sense? Even though I'll work on one room at a time, I want the house house to be one gorgeous unit. I'm having trouble planning that. How much does a decorator cost? Can I get someone to come in and just give me advice? That would be great.

Meanwhile, screamfest is happening in Peanuts room. Again. Nap time has not been going well. For the last several weeks it's taken him over an hour to fall asleep. I've tried several methods, going in and soothing him, snuggling with him, leaving him to cry it out and they don't seem to work. Yesterday after listening to him for two hours I went to his room (furious), plucked him out of the crib and put him on the floor. I said "do whatever you want." I went downstairs and watched TV. He stayed in his room for an hour and a half reading. He went through nearly every book on the shelf, but he stayed in his room and he was fairly quiet.

Today, we are back to screaming. It's only been 22 minutes. Jeez that annoys the life out of me listening to him scream. It's not a crying scream, it's yelling mommy over and over. Gah. I know it's selfish, but I need the break from him. I need him to nap so I can re-charge for a bit. Even though he isn't in my line of sight, hearing him scream doesn't really let me charge anything.

I'm still in the throws of all day sickness. It doesn't seem as bad, but I'm still very gaggy? Is that a word? Food really sound good, but after about three bites I can't seem to eat any more. It's sad. We went out the other night and I had really good steak and seafood, but couldn't eat much. I brought home the leftovers, but same story. It would be nice if I could actually chow down for a bit.

It's been quiet for a whole minute. Do I dare get my hopes up? Nah. I'll just keep reading and hope for the best.

Out of the Crib and into the Fire (Engine)

How do you get a two year old to sleep in a regular bed? We have not yet moved Peanut to a toddler or twin bed. He's still in a crib. We would like to move him out of it so that Bean (the new kids name) can get the crib. The trouble is that only 10% of the time we put Peanut to bed, he has no trouble. He lays down and is asleep pretty quick. No crying, no nothing. I'd say 50% of the time we put him in bed he cries less than a minute and then gives up and goes to sleep. The other 40% he cries for a while. So. If these statistics hold true for a big bed, he'll go to sleep just fine 10% of the time. I think the other 90% of the time I may kill myself.

A month or so back we were at the Lake and it was time for nap. I put Peanut in the Pack and Prison and left the room. He was unhappy and screaming/crying. I figured he would have to just cry it out. Instead as I walked down the hall the cries got louder. The little punk figured out how to climb out. There was no putting him in it again. So I tried to get him to sleep on the big bed. I couldn't get him to lay down. I'd plunk him down and he was immediately out the door. Since it was Sunday we just left for home and he slept in the car. Otherwise he would have had no nap.

My fear is that we'll do this for every sleep time. I don't want to. Should we just buy another crib and leave Peanut in his until he's say, 12? Or will it not be as bad as I think?

We have a little fire engine toddler bed, but it needs some work. Since I've been sick I haven't had time to fix it up. I think husband wishes we would have just bought a new one, but he's willing to try. I wonder if this fun bed would be more incentive for him to stay in it?

The Crazy Continues

We had a family function this last weekend. Things went pretty smooth all weekend with a few minor exceptions. It seems my family is incapable of making any decision in less than 24 hours. Meaning it takes an entire weekend of discussions to get a decision made. But lo and behold we have our Thanksgiving plan.

The second hitch in our giddy up was the sleeping arrangements. My sister D has five (5) children. Oddly enough they all have to be separated to go to sleep. Add in three more children and you start to run out of room pretty fast. Peanut was going to sleep in the pack and play in our room. Unfortunately another child was going to start out sleeping in that room too. He didn't like that. He cried and yelled and fussed. I left him to it. We put him in bed around 8:30 which is the normal time. Somewhere around 9:30 or so, my sister J begged me to let her get him out. Sure. So he gets out and comes to the kitchen where all the adults are playing cards. He is in hog heaven. He snuggles in with Aunt D and has a blast. Somewhere around 11 he goes back to bed. I'm exhausted and want nothing more than to go to bed. Trouble is I have to wait until he goes to sleep. Plus there were two children already asleep in my bed.

So we all survived and mostly slept on the way home to recover. I think by now we are over it. So the other decision that was made is that Christmas will be at my house. I sort of assumed it would be, but was willing to go where ever was decided. Now I'm anxious to get some decorating done so it looks like I've been doing something all this time. Better get my butt in gear.

Winter in the Middle of Summer

Christmas has started. It's November 1st and a few radio stations here are playing all Christmas music all the time. Pretty soon we'll just hear it year round. I have nothing against the music, but Christmas is on one day. It just seems like the music should be more centered around that. Whatever.

Halloween was a success. Peanut really had no idea what was going on at first. We went to the neighbors house first and he just stood there. After a the second house he started to hold his bag out and smile. He did say thank you to each person too. We just went around our block. Two of the houses scared him and we hurried those along. One had a little skeleton that talked and moved. He didn't like that. Two other houses had big fake spiders hanging down. One we just went quickly past and the other the man came out of the house past the spider to give him candy. At the last few houses he did manage to say a quiet trick or treat. He was adorable. What was he? A fire man. Cute.

So what do we do with the candy? He doesn't usually get it and I don't really want to eat it. I guess we'll keep it a little while and see if husband eats it. Then we'll send it off to work with him.

I've still got the 24 hour morning sickness. Bleh. I'm ready to be done with the sick feeling part.

I'm not doing the NaBloPoMo or whatever it is. I thought about it, but I just won't post every single day. I will try though. I'll at least try to post more often that once a month.

It Aint Easy Being Green

So I'm only 8+ weeks along, but the morning sickness has kicked into full swing. This time around it's a bit different than the first. The first time, I felt queasy in the morning, threw up and then was fine and went about my day. This time I feel queasy all the time. Morning, noon, evening, during the middle of the night if I happen to wake up. Eating is the only thing that seems to help. One might think that's great, but I'm not a big fan of constantly eating. I'm trying to eat more healthy snacks, but sometimes what is in arms reach is what I get. Cookie? Sure. Apple? Great.

I'm going out of town for a few days for a big craft festival. I'm going with three other women. No children. It's crazy. I'm not sure I'll make it since we haven't left yet and I miss my boy already. I hope I can stay happy and healthy the whole way. We'll see. At least they are all sympathetic and will help me in any way they can.

What's new? Peanut started school last week. He seems to like it. He is a bit clingy at drop off, but settles down a minute after I leave. I think once he gets used to it he'll like it better. He's been napping there just fine.

We got to see new baby on screen at the last appointment. At least I did. Not much to see at this point really. There is just one and it's in the right place. Good to know.

Husband is getting his MBA. He starts this week. I think he is nervous, but he'll do great. I'm going to make every effort to give him time to study and do whatever homework he has to do. It's hard to give him space when I'm so happy he is home to play with Peanut for a while. We'll do our best.

Today is Peanut's birthday. I looked back at the pictures we have of him from birth. He was a big boy, but yet so tiny. He is a great kid and I look forward to many more birthdays with him. Both parties turned out OK in the end and he got lots of cool stuff.

Take care everyone! I'm off to my first vacation without Husband and the boy.

Sorry I Dozed Off.

I'm getting tired. Not quite the exhaustion that I had with Peanut, but I wear out much faster now. I went to work on a painting job yesterday and kept stopping and didn't get much done. Today I had the day to myself. Peanut went to stay with J. Since I would have no interruptions I thought I'd get huge amounts done. While it feels like I did, I can't really see the difference.

In hopes of staying more alert and lest vomitous (it's a pregnant lady word) I'm reading about what to eat when expecting. So far it makes me very sleepy to read it, but hopefully I'll get in gear and start eating better. My diet isn't horrible, but it could get a lot better.

Today I made the OB appointment. Husband is excited. He must have asked a dozen times when I was going. Does it make it more official to go to the Dr? She's just going to have me piddle on a stick and tell me to come back in a month. Oh well.

This is the time of year that always slips by so fast. Once the Holidays start rolling around it zooms by until February. Then it creeps until summer. I'm not ready. I'd like another couple months of summer. We have some outdoor projects that need finishing before winter and I'm not sure how much we'll get done. We have something planned for every weekend in October. While I'm excited for all the activities, I'm not so excited that nothing will be getting done on my house. One day at a time. The basement is starting to look pretty good. Slowly things are coming together.

I'm worn out from all this typing. I better go lie down.

Sweet Jesus What Have We Done?

So I'm like 3 days pregnant and my not quite two year old is screaming his head off upstairs. I'm not sure what set it off. He had an odd nap, but slept. He played pretty hard today with several other kids and maybe that was too much. I don't know.

We tried not to rush him, but it was past bedtime so we were pushing to go up and change to pj's. He went upstairs crying, but not screaming. Then we tried to take his clothes off. Whoa, he freaked. We basically ripped his clothes off and wrestled his pajamas on. Then he kept screaming. Want to read books? Noooooo. Want to snuggle? Nooooo. Want to go to bed? No answer, but not really a yes. After about 15 minutes of this husband put him in bed. Peanut took it to the next level.

He is now hysterically calling for Mama and Dada, but shoves us away and screams louder when we try to go in there. I just want to curl up and cry my eyes out. I'm doing this again? What made me think I can do this with two? Why on Earth did I think I could handle this? Did we just make the biggest mistake of our lives?

Every fiber tells me to go get him, but it only makes him angrier. Help.

I Knew It.

This whole pregnancy thing seems to be a numbers game. With cycle days and times and ovulation days and all the other numerical oddities that seem to come up.

Last cycle was all weird. We read this excerpt on how to have a girl and we were trying it out. Basically, the theory is you have sex for seven days after your period and then stop. That's all fine and dandy, but I didn't ovulate until something like cycle day 19. So even though husband thought we were pregnant, we were not.

Both of us were pretty sad about it. Funny, we were not totally sure we were ready for the second child, but once we didn't have it, we realized we wanted it. Make sense? Oh well. We both were comforted knowing it was a fluke cycle and we'd have more chances.

So this cycle we decided to just enjoy each other and not worry so much about taking an ovulation test every day. I sort of had a hint of when I ovulate. I guess this is pretty true for me. Gross, but true. So when it happened I sent husband a message telling him to come home so we could make a baby. Funny thing. He was playing soccer that night with his friends. They went out for a beer and he sent a message letting me know. Then I sent him my message saying I was laying eggs and he should come home. He felt the need to tell his friends. Great. Does a whole soccer team need to know when I'm fertile?

I anticipated my "." on a Tuesday and so on Friday I took a preggo test. Negative. See I really thought this time was it. I just felt like it was right. I would see pregnant women and just feel connected somehow. I guess wanting to be pregnant like other women makes me have something in common.

So about a week before I think my "." is going to start I start getting PMS cranky. It comes full boil on Tuesday night. Peanut us pushing me and I'm just raging mad for no reason. Then Wednesday morning I realize why. PMS. Time for the "." to start. Except it doesn't. I get like three drops and then it stops. I figure the stress and all sort of stopped it. But three days later still nothing. So I 'started' on Wednesday morning, nothing on Wednesday, nothing on Thursday, on Thursday afternoon I start to wonder what's going on. Is my body being weird again? What happens if we can't get pregnant at all? Two of my sisters both had trouble getting pregnant, what if I have trouble too? What lengths are we willing to go? Even though I already had one negative test I decided to take another. At least if it's negative I can relax and just let nature do it's thing and try again next cycle.

I guess that's why I didn't really get my "." this time. I'm pregnant.

Whole Bunch of Nothing

So this is my first week without any daycare. So far it's going OK, but not great. Yesterday, Peanut took no nap. Today he is napping, or at least he is very quiet in his room. I don't dare go check for fear of waking him.

I've been trying to plan the birthday. As you may or may not recall Peanut is 3 days younger than his cousin C. I called my sister to ask if she wanted to do a joint party again. She said yes and we picked a weekend. Great. My mom's reunion is that weekend and she will be out of town. Not great. Even though she went on and on about if we had to have it then she'd have to miss it, blah blah blah. Right. Like we're having it without her and want to hear about it for eternity. So sister sends me a message asking about the weekend before that. I said great. So I sent a message to another sister to see if she was free that weekend. She said she was planning on going to see sister #4. Not great. Do we run over their plans? We're sort of running out of weekends in October. This is why I HATE that they share a birthday. Because if it was just Peanut I would plan a party and whoever shows up gets to have a blast. Instead we have to play "please all the family all the time". It's starting to be annoying.

How old am I? By the look of my face you might guess 13. You'd be wrong, of course, but my pimples don't know that. I thought as you got older they sort of naturally went away. What gives? It seems like in the last week or so it's gotten way bad. It was one two once in a while and now is a bunch, now! I switched soap to something aimed at acne, but I'm not holding my breath. I guess I should drink more water and eat better. Will that help?

Also, I'm lonely. I took Peanut to the Mall today and realized how badly I'd like someone to go with me to talk. Most everyone I know is either A) at work or B) lives too far away. My sister is close and doesn't work, but her kids schedules are so wonky she has to leave by 11:30 to go get one of them. We didn't even get to the mall until 10:45. That doesn't leave my social time. Really I'd like to go shopping, to movies or out to eat with someone. I could take Peanut, but it would be nice to go as adults. Oh well. That's the price of having children. What do I need new clothes for anyway? Playing peek-a-boo a hundred times isn't exactly wearing out anything.

Blah blah blah, must be PMS.

Poke a Hole in His Head

My son was born with a mild hearing loss. We found this out within his first few weeks of life. When he was only a few months old he got his first set of hearing aids. We've never really known if they help him or not. Some times they really do and others it feels like a waste of time to get them in.

We see an audiologist every month. They take him in the sound booth and test his hearing for a few minutes. At his age he has little patience so they do a little bit each time. The theory is after a while you get the whole picture by putting the pieces together. Each time we go they also to a tympanogram test. For the last (almost) year his levels have been flat (bad), indicating fluid in the ears.

In July we were sent to our ENT to discuss the chronic fluid. We had to wait a month to see the ENT. Once there, he looked fine. So we didn't do anything. Today we went back to the audiologist and once again he had flat levels. Great. Funny thing though, our ENT happens to work at that hospital on various days. He was there today and we were able to see him. Yes. There is fluid. He didn't seem to offer much in the way of a solution. He mentioned ear tubes, but didn't really push one way or another.

The audiologist was pushing for ear tubes. She thinks it will be great for him. So we went ahead and made an appointment to have it done. We have a couple weeks to change our minds, but I don't think we will. It's a simple procedure, but they will knock him out. I'm not wild about that part.

This whole adventure is a catch 22. He isn't really old enough to tell us if the aids help him or not. So we go get testing done. Every time we test he has compromised ears (fluid) so his results are not normal. We have no idea day to day how he is hearing. The aids are set at levels based on his testing. What happens on those days the fluid is gone? Are we blasting him out of the water?

I hope these tubes resolve the fluid issue. Then we can test and I might actually believe the results. Then we can see where to go from there.

Now They Come to Me

So I was wondering why no one was commenting on my posts. DUH! I never updated my email from the move. There are comments, I just usually read them through email instead of in the actual comments sections.

Barbies New House

This is my new house. It's on a quiet street with nice neighbors. You can see the huge trees that line the back yard. When we are in the back yard or look out the back we feel like we're in the country. Since our street is curved the neighbor's houses are angled away and harder to see unless you are all the way in front or back.

So far things are going well. I'm hoping once we get pictures on the wall and such that it will feel more like home. It's definitely our house, but it's not quite my home yet. Make any sense? I'll post more pictures when it gets more organized.

It has four bedrooms upstairs so Peanut gets his own room and if we ever have the sequel he/she can have his/her own room too. The laundry is up there too. There is also a full basement with a full bathroom, storage area and wet bar. Our awesome friends J&A bought us a bar fridge for a housewarming gift. Cool. Things are starting to get where they should be, but it's taking a while.

Where'd It Go?

Peanut has a new trick. He holds his hands out palms up and says "Where'd it Go?" It's too cute! Now he asks about everything. If daddy is at work he asks "Where Daddy?" We saw a squirrel at the park and it ran into the trees "Where Go?"

It's seems in the last few days he is finally talking more. He's putting words together and saying more coherent things. He has always been a talker, but we couldn't understand any of it. Now we can usually get some or all of it. I'd say 85% of the time we at least know what he means even if we can't get all the words.

The move was rough on him, but he has finally settled down and is my sweet boy again. We still have moments, but they are normal almost two year old behavior moments. He has little tantrums once in a while and he carefully sits down and lays his head on the floor and then starts to wail. It's like "I'm having a fit, but I refuse to bonk my head about it". Too funny.

We're still trying for the sequel. We'll see what happens this month. I didn't do any egg laying testing, though I think we did time things better. Who knew it would be a 35 day cycle last time? This one seems more normal, but what do I know? I'll do a pregnancy test in a few days. I could do one now, but I'll wait just to be cautious. Or maybe I'll run upstairs and do it now. Aaagh.

Today is the last day of daycare for Peanut. I'm happy to be saving the money and the drive time for Husband, but sad I may lose my mommy days. My sister lives fairly close and we've talked about trading daycare days with each other. Free daycare, woo hoo! I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic. Their lives are much more hectic than mine so if something comes up it will be on her end. We'll see how it all works out.

Downright Neighborly

So we moved into out new house eight days ago. Yesterday evening during a walk with Husband and I asked about being neighborly. At the old house when we moved in one set of neighbors brought us treats. When we got new neighbors earlier this year we took over a pan of krispy treats. So after being here a week and not getting anything more than a hello from the neighbors I asked if people did that anymore. Husband thought maybe it was a lost polite act or people are too busy with work and kids in school. Oh well.

Then tonight we got home around 8:45pm and as we were getting Peanut ready for bed the doorbell rang. Fairly odd since we don't know many folks around here yet. One of the neighbors across the street brought us cookies. Our faith in nice neighbors has been restored. I guess they were letting us get settled a bit first. Either way, it made us feel special.

Do you think she heard me talking to Husband?

Not a Chicken. I Can't Lay an Egg, Or Can I?

We have decided to start 'trying' for another baby. My plan is to get pregnant in July or August to have an April or May baby.

I started researching how to choose the gender. True, there isn't much you can do on your own, but there are theories. Many of the studies you read about are very small and seem a bit biased. Anyway, the theory is that the girls swim slower, but live longer and the boys swim fast and die fast. So you do the deed every or every other night for a week right after Auntie F leaves and then stop for a girl. For a boy you wait a week, then do the deed for as long as you want I guess.

This all boils down to knowing when you ovulate. I am not deemed worthy of this information. My family member comes and goes when she pleases and never asks what I would like. So I kind of guessed. I also bought some ovulation predictor tests. At this point it's been 10 days and no egg. Well, no LH surge anyway. So one of three things has happened.

1. I have not ovulated yet, though it's getting to be almost past a reasonable amount of time.
2. I did and there was no surge to detect.
3. Faulty tests.

Husband thinks I'm currently with child. Too early to test, but I don't feel it if I am. Of course I didn't know I was pregnant last time until Flo just never showed up. I didn't know until almost 7 weeks.

I guess we'll just wait and see what happens. Fun.

You Sell One, You Buy One

I don't want to jinx anything, but here goes. Please knock some wood before reading on.

We've sold our house and better still, we've bought a new one. There is still time for things to go wrong, but all in all it seems like a pretty done deal on both accounts.

The offer on our house was made on June 24th. We had an open house and a couple came and loved the house. By Wednesday it was all worked out. Now we're just waiting to close on it. Oh yah, and we still need to move out.

We bought our house on July 4th. I saw it the Monday before and took husband to look at it on the 4th. We both love it so we made an offer. Later that day the owners made a counter offer we accepted and now we're waiting on this one too.

Our new house is wonderful. I'm so excited about it. It is a huge step up from this one and this one isn't all that bad. The new yard is at least twice as big with trees in the back. It has a pretty nice deck too. The bedrooms are all upstairs as well as the laundry. It has a den in addition to the bedrooms so we don't have to give up a bedroom for our office. The basement is finished and is a walk-out. There is also a built in wet bar area. Perfect.

There are things I'd like to do to fix it up a bit, but we'll have to wait for time and money to do that. First things will be painting a little and decorating. We plan to be here while the kids go to school up to high school. Since Peanut is our only right now and he isn't even two yet, we plan to be here a while.

Even though it felt like our house was for sale forever, it wasn't all that bad. It went relatively fast for such a flooded market. We feel very lucky to have a buyer. I'm not sure I want to re-live this anytime soon, but it wasn't too bad.

So now we will be busy packing and saving all our money for the new house. I'm so excited!

Number Two, No not That!

I find myself not sure about having another child. Some moments I want nothing more than to see two lines and have another. The rest of the time I can't imagine staying sane enough to raise Peanut AND a sibling. Peanut is a handful. He's two hands full. Actually, it takes several hands: mine, husband, and all the lovely ladies at daycare. Still another baby would be wonderful.

Factors to Consider:

1. I'm going to be 32 this summer. The older I get the greater my chances of trouble with the pregnancy or trouble to the child. The first pregnancy was healthy other than Peanut was huge. I'd say I'm about the same healthy body I was then.

2. Peanut requires SO much attention. How will I manage? I was exhausted with the first pregnancy. I fell asleep at 5 and woke up for a little dinner and went back to bed. I had morning sickness for the first 4+ months and maneuvering around a large belly isn't all that easy. Would it be better to wait until he is a little older and can understand better? Telling him "mommy needs to rest" doesn't mean much to him.

3. We got pregnant easily, but will we be so lucky? One of my sisters got pregnant on her first try and then couldn't conceive for almost 6 years. What if that is me? I can't wait 6 years.

4. We're trying to sell the house and move. Is it better or worse to be pregnant during this? Not sure. I think there are pros and cons to it all.

5. I'm scared another child will widen the gap between husband and me. We've not been as close since Peanut was born. I took on the 'mommy' role and long since forgot the 'wife' part. I've been slowly trying to get back to the multi-role person, but it takes time. Will being pregnant help or hurt that?

6. Would Peanut be better as an only child or would a sibling help? Would he be a good brother?

7. I'd really like any future children to not be born in any month between October to March. My preference would be April or May. I'd take June or September and settle for July or August. There are just too many other birthdays, anniversaries or Holidays to try to add another one in there. Which kind of means we need to get busy soon.

8. I don't want to be pregnant with anyone else nearby. My sister gave birth 3 days before me. My friend A gave birth 6.5 months before me. My friend H gave birth 6 weeks after me. Some of my thunder was stolen. While I enjoyed every minute I had to share the spotlight sometimes and didn't want to. What if I get pregnant and then everyone I know does too? This one ties in to #9 as a double edge. See it's nice having friends with kids the same age, but it's also annoying to hear all the comparisons.

9. Most all our friends have one child close in age to Peanut. It's OK to go out with them because it's all balanced. If we have another then we'll be the wonky couple with two kids throwing the balance off. I'm not sure I have a point here, but my brain worries about this stuff.

So. I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens.

Madness

So. Deep breath. Here we go.

About a month ago my friends J&A were talking about painting their house. They are very slow at projects like this. They work full time and only have weekends to work. So I mentioned that my sister (S) could do it (with me helping). We could work during the week and get it done faster than them.

I specifically asked S about this. "Do you want this job?" She said yes. So I formally asked for the job and my friends gave it to us. When can we start? I could start now. I called S and she said she was busy. She wanted to start in June. June was still 2 weeks away at the time. J&A said that was OK. I never would have taken on this job if I had known she was going to be so wishy washy about it. I thought she was more professional than this. Is it because it is my friends and not a stranger? She has had other side jobs and I wonder if she is this lazy with them?

After J&A asking me a few times when we were starting I said 6/4. I called S and said "I'm starting on the house on 6/4, be there or be square (and not get paid)." We were both there around 9:30. We listed all that was to do, made a plan and got to work. At 10:30 she left to get her kid from school and go to the store for supplies. She got back around 12:30 or so. I left at 4 to get my kid and she stayed until 5:30 or 6. So 6 hours for both of us.

Now S has two children. One is in summer school everyday from 8-11. The other child has a gymnastics class from 9-12:30 on Tues. and Thurs. So everyday, S has to stop to go get the school child. On Tues. & Thurs. she doesn't even come until after both are done. On Tues. she got there around 1 and left when I did at 4. So 6 hours for me, 3 for her.

Yesterday (Wed.) she called me in the morning to tell me she wasn't going. She had to mow. Now this is her other side job and I know she has to do it. I just assumed (never do this) she was focusing on painting this week and wouldn't have to stop for other things. Anyway, she didn't go at all. So 6 hours for me, 0 for her.

Today it is super windy and rainy. I'm not going. It's supposed to rain today. I could go. Oh, did I mention it's an hour away from me? Yes, that's one hour there and another one back. It's like 15-20 minutes for S. If I go today I could get there at 10, paint a little and then it is supposed to rain. Is it worth it? No. S said she might go do a little work. Right.

So I mention it's supposed to be nice on Fri. & Sat. I plan to work those days. She said "Oh. I made plans. I didn't know we were working those days." WTF??? I said as calmly as I could that I planned to work on any nice day until it was done. I only have daycare this week and have to take advantage of it. Except for today the weather has been nice. It's supposed to rain all next week. She said she wouldn't have made plans if she knew we were supposed to paint. Why would we not? Why would we not work on the house every nice day we could until it's done? Why would we want to drag it out? Why would I want to drive 2 hours a day for a month? She said that she hoped they knew we weren't professionals and it wasn't going to get done in two days. Yah. I think they get that. I also think they expected us to work a little harder than a few hours a day. I am so mad.

The original plan I thought of was to let this be her job and I would help. Then I scored daycare and could work everyday. So then it was a 50/50 kind of job. Now I really feel like I'm doing more like 70/30. Is it wrong to not want to pay her as much? If she just wasn't so lazy about the whole thing I'd understand. I wish I had never gotten this job. It's so not worth it. We're getting $1500 to paint an entire house. With gas and daycare my share of 750 is cut down to around 500. It's taken me/us all week to get one coat of paint on. We have to caulk, do some sanding, paint trim and do a whole second coat. We'll be another month at this pace.

Never work with family unless you know you are the lazy one. I always thought I was, but apparently I'm the one with a better work ethic.

The Letter 'S'

Snakes: Two. Caught. In our yard! Husband is my hero. He caught them both. One was living in a wood pile in our back yard. Moved the wood, caught a snake. This one was pretty little. The other was living in the tree right in front of our garage. It was on the tree soaking up sun. This one was bigger. Both were kept safe in a pillow case, shown to the neighbors, then released miles away from here. Bye bye.

Sleaze: The jerk at the car dealer thought he could get away with a tricky move. He offered an extended warranty with stain protection (for all the interior fabric as well as ding protection for the exterior) for x dollars. We agreed. When we read through the contract the next day we realized he charged us the same x dollars PLUS $700 for the protection plan. Hello. We went back today and re-did everything. We still paid x for the warranty, but they took off the 700 and gave us the interior protection for free. I guess they were pretty annoyed with us by the end of it, but if they had done what they promised we wouldn't have had any trouble.

Salesman: Our sales guy (K) was nice. He was very new, but nice and helpful. The other guy (J) 'helping' our sales guy was the definition of car salesman. J was friendly in a jerky way and tried to tell us what we wanted and get us out. We left. Without a car. Then came back and dealt with K. They have a cooler of water bottles to give to customers for free. J asked if we wanted anything. I asked for a soda (the planet dealer gives you soda) and he said "we don't have any, it's just water." OK. Except when I said something to K, he directed me to the repair shop where there is a vending machine. Why couldn't J have said that? K paid for my soda and a candy bar.

Stop it: Peanut has to stop being so helpless. He will drop something and it will be just out of reach. Tears. He can't seem to just reach out two inches and pick it up. The World has ended. I know he is still very young, but he knows how to ask for a snack or drink. Why will he not do this? It's frustrating.

Super: My new van. It's beautiful blue and drives nice. I'm nervous as heck driving it that someone will smash into me. I think this will work out just fine. I kind of miss our other car, but this will grow with our family if we someday choose to grow.

Sucks: The house is still for sale. We haven't had many lookers either. I know with the holidays it's bad timing, but if people need/want a house then it shouldn't matter. We're giving it another couple weeks and then our realtor needs to do something to get some folks looking at it.

Supervision: The dog is in trouble for digging up my landscaping the same night I got it finished. As far as I know the other dog is innocent. Trouble is no longer allowed to be free in the yard without someone out there with her to supervise.

Super Hero: Husband has been a real man lately. He wrangled two snakes, and caught two in our yard. Get it? The first two are the jerks at the dealer. Ha. Anyway, he's been great and deserves a cookie.

Day 22 and The Circle of Life

So it's day 22 of the house for sale. No showings this week. Hello. If you live near me and want a house, ours is fabulous. Really. Come by and then come buy. I think we are waiting for that one person out there currently living in an apartment to buy a house. Then those people will buy and those people will buy and so on. The chain must start. Then our house will sell. Or I'll go crazy, one of the two.

Did you also know we are selling our Vue? Yah. Sort of just decided on that. It's fine, but we could get a good deal on (are you ready for this?) a mini-van. I know. If we have another kid we'll need the space. Two adults, two kids and two semi-big dogs. There is no room. So we're trying to get all we can out of it. So come by and buy our Vue, then fall in love with the house and buy that too. Hey, what more could anyone want? A new house and a new car. Fabulous.

So, in an effort to spruce up the house I planted some grass seed. We have a few bare spots in the yard and I am attempting to fill them in. You might want to peruse the previous post about my green thumb (not) to decide how this will turn out. Anyway, I was outside watering some of the spots when a young bird came crashing/flying out of a nest not two feet above me. This spot was under a tree. So teen bird goes flopping across the street trying to get the flying thing down. It's sort of walking, flopping, kind of flying down the street. Then. The neighbors cat comes out. These cats go out of the house and just stay in the front yard. Weird. Anyway, the cat starts to chase the bird. I briefly thought of going after them and chasing the cat away. Then I realized it was the circle of life. I had to leave. I don't know if the cat got the bird or not. It was starting to fly a little, but couldn't go far. The cat was on the chase. I felt awful. If I hadn't been watering, the bird wouldn't have left at that moment and the cat wouldn't have chased the bird, possibly catching it, but who knows. Of course, it could have just been time.

Wanted: Green Thumb

I went to the Home a De po today to work on landscaping. The house looks OK from the front, but the back yard is a little plain. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Did you know there are like 4,983 types of soil? I did not. There are also an equal number of fertilizers, plants, flowers, stepping stones, edging options and pots to put said plants in. I had to go home.

After eating lunch and thinking it through I went back. I purchased several pots of various shape and size, a bag of soil (the one the clerk suggested) and a handful of flowers (mostly purple since I like that color). I planted all the flowers and at least today they look lovely. How long do those things last? Oh well. There were a few other things purchased, but I didn't get to those little projects.

The dogs are not helping the yard situation. One or both of them keeps digging little holes. It looks like we have a groundhog or something. They also run through and and lay in the plants. At some point we'll have to contain them or block off the plants.

All in all I enjoyed the day. The sun was out, but it wasn't too hot. Peanut was at daycare so I didn't have to worry about him for the day. I can't say things are fabulous, but at least I had an OK day. Although, there is one thing that did try to spoil my day. There is a snake living in our yard. It was sunbathing in the front yard this morning and it was in the back yard later on. Ew. The neighbors boys have offered to catch it if I can spot it while they are home. That's the trick. Between school and work they aren't home much. Maybe I'll get lucky and they will catch my critter. Again. Ew.

My Smile is Upside Down

I'm tired. I seem to be constantly annoyed and/or angry. I feel slow, sluggish, heavy and foggy. I hate that I feel any of this because my husband and son are paying for it. Part of it is PMS and part of it is depression. The PMS will go away in a while, but I'm not sure what to do about the other.

I tried a therapist and she seemed good, but then she stood me up one day. That's not really something you want to do with someone that is depressed with self-esteem issues. My silly brain said something like "screw you, see how you like it if I never come back". Which is silly because it doesn't really hurt her if I don't come back. It only hurts me (and those around me).

Her logic was that I'm depressed because I am a very creative person with no creative outlet. She said I needed to tap into that to feel fulfilled. OK. I get that. I don't seem to have time. Sure I have some free time twice a week, but then there are usually things I want to do or get done. Creativity seems to take a back seat for the most part. Would that help with my marriage? Would that help deal with my son? I kind of don't think so. Maybe though. I'm in such a horrible place right now. I don't want to be, but I kind of don't give a crap either.

What would do me some good is a swift kick in the butt to get me on my way. You know, like one of those life coaches on tv where they go live in a house and they change their whole lives for the better. I need that, but I'm only free two days a week and I have no money to spend. Other than that, sign me up. Really.

I'd say I need a vacation, but it hasn't been all that long since I took one. I really don't know what I need at this point. A job? A hobby? A friend? A life? Yah. Probably a little of each.

One Week

So the house has been officially for sale for over a week. There have been no official showings, but a few people came to an open house yesterday. So far, this sucks. The house has stayed pretty clean and neat, but I'm disappointed we haven't sold it already. I know it's a lot to ask for, but why not?

Before we actually put it on the market I had dreams of it selling the first day. You always hear stories of "it was only on the market 3 days". Why can't that be us? So then it rained. For days upon days. No one seems to want to look at or buy a house in the rain. Last weekend were a lot of graduation days and next weekend is Mother's Day (Happy M Day to everyone!) after that is Memorial Weekend. Bah!! I hope this gets better. What if it never sells? Is it over-priced? Is it nice enough? Why is no one in love with it like I was six years ago?

On the flip side is the new house situation. I haven't looked to seriously, but I've gone to several open model homes and a few 'lived in' homes. There have not been any that I've fallen in love with. There are a few I like, but none I love. Maybe we should design our own house. Maybe we should try to find the land we want and build on that. I don't know. It's exciting and fun and stressful all in one minute.

In other news we went on a mini-vacation. We flew to Texas for a long weekend with family and it was very nice. Peanut did fantastic the whole time. Sure he cried a little during the landing of the first flight. I think it was more because we made him sit down in the seat than he was scared or anything. The flight back was pretty good too. Like I said, he was terrific.

House 4 Sale

Last night our house became officially for sale. The paperwork was signed and the sign went up in the yard. For some reason is doesn't appear to be on-line yet, but I hope that is fixed soon.

There are days I feel quite torn about this decision. On one hand I do want a different house and being close to family and friends will be nice. On the other hand, this is our first house. This is where we lived shortly after getting married. This is where we were when I got pregnant and had our first child. This is Peanut's only home. I feel sentimental towards this house. Plus we have quite awesome neighbors and we are sad to leave them.

The house could be for sale for a long time. I hope it sells soon because keeping it neat and clean with a 1 1/2 year old is not easy. Every where I look there seem to be more and more houses for sale. I hope we aren't too late and the market is getting flooded with houses. This is such a stressful adventure. At least the house is clean and neat. It looks pretty good. Why didn't we do all this 5 years ago? Seems dumb to wait until you sell your house to fix it up. We are vowing to not do that in the next one. I'm not sure everything will get fixed up the day we move in, but maybe we can keep it a little more organized.

So I hope to keep this updated as we go along our real estate journey. Please wish speedy sale thoughts to us.

I May Cause You to Cry.

So I started therapy. I have gone only once so far, but there are plans to go again. Because of previous counseling sessions I was a bit hesitant about going. Perhaps if you get the right person it can help you. I'm not sure, I've never gotten that far.

So I get there and she is running late. No one tells me this, not even the 'receptionist'. So I wait. About a half hour later I finally go in. She seems nice. So we sit down and start chatting. I first tell her I have a bit of a cold and it makes it more difficult for me to hear. I have a mild hearing problem anyway and any cold makes it 10 times worse. She looked like that was the craziest thing she had ever heard. AND. She didn't really help me any by talking louder. I must have had her repeat every other sentence.

At one point she looks at me at asks why I'm there. She tells me there doesn't seem to be any reason for me to be depressed. Then she looks at me and says "what do you think?" I think it's time to get the heck out of dodge, but I just sort of stare blankly at her.

So we talk some more. She asks what it was like growing up and I tell her. She asks for my earliest memory. I can't think of anything, but I blurt out a few things. (I remember now). She asks how old I was and I have no idea.

At this point I've painted a horrible picture of this woman. She wasn't that bad. She was trying to dig and find things, but there just isn't one incident that has caused this. It's a lifetime of random things that has shaped me like this.

I am not a person with a lot of joy or happiness. I enjoy doing things and I'm not crying all the time. I just do not get those moments of whoopee. She realized this at some point. It's a little hard to believe, because I can put on a happy face and pretend that things are great. Sure. Sure. Things are lovely. I spend some of my days crying because I have no idea what I'm doing home alone with an 18 month old. My relationship feels a little strained because our Love Bucket is running on empty. I worry about money in every way. Some days I wish lightning would strike and I'd know what it is I'm supposed to be doing. But hey, I can smile and say things are fine when you ask how I'm doing.

At the end she gave me two things to do. List moments I felt real joy and happiness and also list times I thought of things I would like to do. It's only been a day, but I'm having trouble coming up with anything to put on my list.

She believes I am depressed, but doesn't know why. It makes her terribly sad to think I've just been like this all my life. That I've just been floating in some river carrying me along never knowing or caring what's on the shore. She almost cried.

Vacation Part IV

We rode ATV's in Mazatlan and that was really fun. I found two huge sand dollars on the beach. One was even whole. I managed to get it all the way home unharmed. This area seemed really poor and was a bit shabby. We had fun anyway.

The last stop was Cabo San Lucas. This was where we went whale watching. That was awesome. It was a tiny little boat out in the huge ocean. We found two whales and followed them for quite a while. Husband got some good video of them.

Then it was time to head back to L.A.

Overall the trip was fun. It was nice to be away from Peanut for a bit and be an adult. The trouble is I always tend to feel less than thrilled when we spend time with our friends as a group. I don't know how to explain it. I guess I don't feel like I measure up. Like I'm not as good. Honestly I think I do a fantastic job staying home with Peanut. With the exception of two of them (one doesn't have kids) the others could handle it. They tried and were not able to make it. This makes me feel great. But! For the most part they have all done very well in their professional lives. I never really accomplished anything great. There are other reasons I won't get into now. Now that we are home, it's nice to be with Peanut again and not our friends, at least for a while.

Some members of the group are already planning another vacation. I need a while to be able to afford it. Mostly, I'm not ready to leave Peanut for that long again. That was difficult for me. The other moms missed their kids, but I'm the only one that hadn't been away from mine for longer than a day or two. Oh well. Go on a cruise. It's nice.

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The Love Bucket

How full is your love bucket?

The question was asked of me in terms of my relationship with Peanut. I would say it's very full. I think he knows how much I love him. We have a pretty healthy relationship. I'm constantly giving him my time and energy, praising him and loving him.

I got to thinking about the one I have with Husband. Sadly, I don't think it's all that full. I haven't put anything in in a long time.

What now?

It's time to do some thinking and maybe something more. Books? Therapy?

How full are your buckets? Do what you can to fill them.

Vacation Part III

So we reach Puerto Vallarta. We had booked a shore excursion on a Pirate Ship. As we were getting ready to leave we realized we lost our sunscreen. Turns out another couple had picked it up. Anyway, we left the ship early to buy some since we would be in the sun all day. Wanna guess what we had to pay? $18. Yes. $18 for a regular tube of banana boat sunscreen. Oh well. We would have fried otherwise.

The pirate adventure was OK. The boat was kind of neat and the pirate show was mildly amusing. It was nice to be somewhere other than on the ship. No other couples were with us so it was nice to be just the two of us as well. We got to the destination beach and it took a long time to get everyone off the boat. We parked way out in the water and little speedboats took us to shore. Once we got there is was nice. The beach area was small, but it was again nice to be on land. We weren't here long though. It seems like only an hour after we landed it was time to go. We were sort of bummed about that. I would have liked to have stayed a while longer. The ride back was uneventful but again a nice ride.

We finally docked and for a little bit considered walking around. Since town was 3 miles from port we didn't want to walk or take a cab ride. So we headed back to the ship. I felt so unclean. Our boat had a bathroom, but it didn't feel all that clean. I was happy to be back in our cabin and take a shower. Plus the lunch was ribs and chicken. Two things I usually do not eat. I tend to not eat things on a bone. So I was starving. After the shower we headed for the food. Everyone else was arriving around this time too. We met up at the pool/hot tub area. I felt like we had an OK day, but maybe we would have enjoyed something else equally well. Again I felt a little like I had missed out on something. The rest of the day was fun and dinner was again good. The next stop was Mazatlan.

70 and Snow

Yesterday it was 70. Today it is snowing. Gotta love the crazy Midwest. Don't like the weather? Wait ten minutes.

Ever feel like the Universe is trying to tell you something? There are times when it feels like it would be better to stop and rewind because somehow you know going forward isn't going to work.

For example, we went to dinner with some friends a few nights ago. I think it was Sunday. Anyway, we went to the restaurant around 6 so we could eat and get the kids home for a decent bedtime. When we walked in there were three (3) 20 somethings just standing there. They sort of ignored us, but worse yet they were ignoring each other. So after staring at them a bit we asked for a table. They all looked puzzled. Did I mention these were the greeters? Finally they said it would be about 15 minutes. OK. They took our name and handed us a buzzer. There was no one else waiting. So we sat. Twenty minutes later they sort of mumbled that a table was ready.

We looked at where they appeared to be setting up a table. It was a table for 4, but had two chairs and two high chairs. I guess two of us just weren't going to sit. They put the high chairs away and the girl took us to a back table. It was a booth with two tables pushed together with chairs on the other side. Really we could have sat almost 10 people there, but we managed. The waitress wasn't really all that friendly, but wasn't rude either. They messed up my drink order and the kids eventually got pretty cranky since it was very close to bedtime as we were still eating.

No one thing was wrong enough for us to leave, but all together it wasn't all that fun either. The food was OK (my burger was a little underdone for me) and we lived to tell the story. It just feels like maybe the Universe was trying to tell us to go somewhere else.

I guess it doesn't help that the couple we went with is one of the couples from the cruise. Neither of us were really ready to socialize with them again yet. After spending so much time with them we needed a break.

So anyway, does the Universe speak to you too? Do you feel like maybe you chose a wrong path and while you didn't suffer from it, it wasn't what you hoped or expected? I'd love to hear stories.

Vacation Part II

Saturday morning we get up and head to the gym. Husband and I have a pretty good workout. I thought to myself that this was a good start to continuing some sort of workout on the boat. You will find no mention of exercise in any parts of this saga. So that didn't carry on like I had hoped.

The group caught a bus to the boat and after a bit of confusion as to where to park we finally made it. We got our magic money cards (room key and you can charge anything to your room instead of carrying cash or another credit card) and got through all the other check points OK. Finally we were on the ship.

First thing we did was to find our room. We were next to couple #3. It was us, #3, #5, and #2. Couple 1 was a floor below us as they got a mini-suite. The next item was eating. When on a cruise food is available pretty much 24/7. For some reason we ate all the time. Even when we weren't really hungry. The food was pretty good though.

We were able to open the doors of our balconies so we could walk through to all the other balconies in our group. All of us were outside chatting for the most part. Couple #1 came up and all 5 couples were hanging out. The women were discussing spa treatments. Everyone wanted to get at least 1 thing done. I had gotten my hair cut/colored, a facial and a massage before we left. The cost of these on the ship were almost double what we pay here. I didn't want to spend that much money. At one point I made the comment that we probably weren't going to do any spa treatments. I see this was a mistake now. Anyway, I started to unpack and hang things up when I realized all 4 girls had gone to the spa. I felt very left out. Even though I wasn't going to sign up for anything, I would have liked to have been included. At this point I wasn't sure this had been a good idea. I worried that the whole trip would be like this. Everyone would go and find wonderful things to do and I would be left out. As I finished unpacking I finally let this go. I kept telling myself that I would have fun regardless of what everyone else did. This worked pretty well for me.

So we were on our way. The first few days were at sea so we explored the ship, sat in the hot tub, and played card and board games. Oh yeah, and we ate constantly. The meals at night were very good and you could get as many items as you wanted. We saw a comedian that was almost funny. I think his show was more adult and there were kids in the audience so he might have held back a little. We also saw a hypnotist. He was very entertaining.

At times we could see the coastline of Mexico on our way. The first stop was Puerto Vallarta and that was the most southern stop we made. I'll pick up with that next.

Vacation Part I

Our first vacation since before getting pregnant. Woo hoo. We went on a cruise to Mexico. I was so excited to go on this vacation, but didn't want to say too much out loud. What if something happened. A few days before leaving Peanut got several red bumps on his body. Turned out to be nothing, but my fear was chicken pox. Ugh. Peanut went to stay with his aunt and had a good time as I knew he would.

We started off on Friday morning. First we took the dogs to the vet for boarding, then to the bank and Target. Then we stopped at Burger King for breakfast before heading to the airport. We parked and rode the little shuttle to the airport where we met two other couples that were going with us. Did you know there is a weight limit on baggage? We did not know this until bag number 3 weighed 5 lbs. over. You can pay $25 or switch some stuff to another bag. So I moved a couple shoes and a pair of jeans to a different suitcase. The bags passed and we were on our way. The flight was OK. For some reason the plane got jumpy right when I had to use the bathroom. I got in there and we hit some turbulence. Of course it was gone after I was done and on my way to my seat.

We took a bus from the airport to the hotel. It was a nice hotel and we had a good view of the pool area. We met our friends in the lobby and headed to the hotel restaurant for lunch. L.A. is different. The menu said "club sandwich with a twist". I thought maybe it had sushi or something on it, but the server said it was long way like a sub instead of cut into squares like normal. OK. It was cut into 4 sections and then stacked up and held together with a very long toothpick. It was still a club sandwich. Not sure really what the twist was supposed to be.

We all took the bus to Santa Monica that night. We walked along the pier and through the promenade. There were 4 couples total all walking around. Couple 1 (KH) was hungry since they got in later than us and didn't eat at the hotel. So we found a bar and grill type place and they ate, while the rest of us had drinks. Then we walked more. Couple 2 (JA) left to visit a cousin. Later couple 3 (RK) was hungry so we stopped for sushi. They ate and the rest of us had more to drink. Then we caught the bus back to the hotel and we (couple 4) were hungry again. We went to the sports bar in the hotel and had desert, while the rest had more drinks. It was like a 4 course meal spread out over 4 restaurants. It was fun. Then off to bed.

More later.

It's Just Not Right

In the last several weeks I've seen it happen too many times. Parents that yell from the sidelines instead of getting close and helping their children. Or they yell at the slightly older sibling to take care of the younger one. I'll give you an example.

We were at the beach in Puerto Vallarta. The area we were at had a short beach so playing meant either being in the sand or fairly deep water. There were two little girls holding hands and playing. One looked to be 2 and the other maybe 4. I am terrible at guessing ages, but the younger one didn't talk much, but could walk well. So they are playing and they get kind of close to the water and go in a bit. The father yells from about 20 feet away for them to get back to the sand. He's not moving toward them, he's just yelling. So finally, he walks over to them and starts yelling at the older girl that she has to watch out for the younger one. He tells her that she can't swim and the tide would just take her away and she would be gone. She was 4. This man expected a 4 yr old to care for a smaller child. I don't trust adults to care for my 16 month old how can he put that on a 4 yr old's shoulders. I was disgusted.

Later on we were walking in the area of the girls playing and they got in pretty far. The mom was nearby with a drink in her hand not really paying attention. The dad started yelling again from the shore. My husband ran over and grabbed one of them and pulled them back to shore. The mom finally decided her child was worth saving and grabbed the other one. Of course the dad started yelling about how they shouldn't be in the water. WTF? Husband and I agreed that the kids were probably not in any danger as they were not in too deep, but he said the kid he grabbed looked pretty scared just the same.

If your child was almost swept away by the tide, wouldn't you go sprinting after them? Well, most of us would be close to them in the first place, but still go with me here. So after you got them, wouldn't you hold them close and be happy to have them in your arms? Wouldn't your first thought be 'thank you'? Wouldn't you then tell them that they scared mommy and daddy and they need to stay in the safe area?

I've seen lots more just like this. Absent parenting. You don't have to be paranoid, but at least try to participate.

Babble Baby, Babble.

Peanut babbles. He will not stop. I understand every 100th word or so, but it's all just sound to me. There must be stories and questions and general narration, but it's all lost on me.

He's starting to talk though. Once in a while he will repeat one of the last words you say.

Me: "Get your shoes".
Peanut: "oooooooes".

We have two sign language videos and we were watching the second one the other night. He repeated almost all the words. He did the signs a little too, but mostly just said the word.

One of my favorites now is 'baby'. He learned the 'eee' sound not long ago and instead of ba ba or ma ma, he can now say baby and mommy. It's music to my ears. He has this little voice. Sometimes I expect to hear a man voice since he is so big, but this little toddler boy voice comes out and it's too cute.

Sometimes I really hate that he is growing up, but mostly I think it's awesome to watch him grow and learn. He does so much for himself now. He can walk and communicate a little. He knows things. He isn't just a blob on the rug anymore (though that stage was wonderful and I have very fond memories of it).

Words he seems to know.
Car, dog, baby, Mommy, ma ma, da da, daddy, pa-pop (grandpa), nana/banana, oat (coat), ooes (shoes), ee (teeth), and t (tv). That's all I can think of, but he'll repeat other things. These seem to be more regular though.

She Kicked My Bum and I Paid Her

I signed up with a personal trainer. Yah, yah yah. I used to be one. So what? I have no motivation anymore. So to help me on my quest to a more healthy me I've hired help. Since we belong to the local YMCA I got one there. It seems expensive, but per session it's pretty cheap compared to other places in town. The whole process of signing up sort of rubbed me the wrong way. This was all a couple weeks ago.

The Y was having a sale on personal training. If you signed up by a certain date you got 10% off. So I figure that's a good time to do it. I called on a Friday (1/26) and the girl was helpful and got me signed up and paid for. She takes the information (what time I want, male/female) and then sends that to the personal trainer director. Then the director is supposed to match me with a trainer and the trainer calls me to set up the appointment. Clear? Fabulous. Normally, this process takes 1-2 days at most.

So I waited. By Tuesday (1/30) I was starting to wonder. So I called and was told the director was on vacation. OK. Who is covering her job? No one. Apparently, she is the only person that does her job. I left a voice mail for her hoping someone might call me back. The next day (1/31) a very inept guy called me and asked me what time I wanted and did I prefer a male or female trainer. I gave my info. again. He said he would find someone and they would call me soon. He also said he would call me on Friday to follow up.

Friday (2/2) comes along and no one has called. Not even the inept guy. I'm starting to think this whole process is some sort of sham. Finally on Saturday (2/3) afternoon inept guy calls me and leaves a message. I tried to call back and got nothing. Apparently he disappeared 5 minutes after calling me.

So now it's been over a week. The director girl is supposed to be back from vacation and I am still in my funk. So on about Tuesday (2/6) she leaves me a voice mail. "Just wanted to make sure a trainer called and you're doing fine". Uhhhm. No. So I call back and finally reach her. She takes my information (AGAIN!) and says she'll have some one call me. I'm not really believing her, but what have I got to lose. Certainly not any flab. I mean at this point I kind of doubt I'll ever see a trainer. Well. Low and behold a trainer calls me the next day (2/7). She sounds nice, but isn't all that excited about the time I wanted. So we make an appointment for 1:00 Tuesday (2/20), two days after we get back from our vacation.

Originally I wanted the appointments to be on Tuesday and Thursday because those are days Peanut is not at daycare. This would be good because he can go to the nursery there and get a different play time, plus it leaves my daycare days free.

Anyway, I pushed the appt. back an hour due to Peanut napping. She can't do anything later than a 2:00 appt. and that seemed pretty close to the end of nap time. I didn't want to have to wake him up to go to the Y. Really I wanted a 3:00 appt. She couldn't do that. So we moved it to Mon. & Wed. at 10. So now on every day off I go to the Y. It's OK, but it also kind of irks me. When I told everyone my schedule I asked for late afternoon in the 2-4 time frame. Now I don't have that. If I was more pushy I would have just asked for a new trainer. I felt sort of stuck with her so I tried to just make it work. Now I kind of wish I would have spoken up. Do I call and try to change? I've had one session and like her OK, but the time just doesn't jive well for me.

Anyway, I finally went to the Y yesterday and met the trainer "J". She is nice, but a little older than I expected. She kicked my butt though. Lunges, squats, thighs, hamstrings, butt and so much more. Every inch of me hurts today. I can barely walk.

Oh The Weather Outside is Frightful

So a week or two ago the Midwest was blasted with ice and snow. My mother (lord help me) lives in an area that got mostly ice with a little snow. She called me on Sunday afternoon and said she was bored. Her power had gone out sometime Saturday evening. She was cold, hungry, bored and lonely. The plan was to barricade herself in her bedroom until the power came back on. For breakfast she had dry cereal (she has this everyday so no big deal), but no eggs or bacon or toast. For lunch she dined on Peanut Butter and Crackers. Dinner was some sort of thawed lunch meat. Yum. Yum.

I told her to get out and go somewhere. The power wasn't expected to be fixed for days as most of the town was without power. My sister lives in the same town and I suggested she go there. Long story short she lost power that night. So now my mom and sister are without power. A friend of my mother's, S. offered to go get my mom and let her stay at her house. S had no power either, but had a wood stove and frequently cooked on it. She also had lanterns and other stuff to make no power a little more cozy. Mom didn't want to go. She didn't want to be stuck out there. I told her to go. Better off stuck somewhere you can eat warm food, sit next to a fire and have a friend to chat with. She still didn't want to go.

I suggested a hotel, but she is so cheap she would never pay the money. At this point I felt like I was talking to a child. Finally I reminded her that this is the type of weather people die in when they try to "wait it out". I did not want my mother to be the one to die because she was too cheap and stubborn to go somewhere or accept help.

Finally, she and my sister went to stay with S. She ended up giving them a truck load of wood and they hid out at my sisters house sitting near the fireplace. At least they were able to make some food over the fire too. Am I the only one that would have just gone to the local Holiday Inn to live in comfort? They were without power for nine (9) days. They were going to 'wait it out' for nine days. I almost lost my mom and sister to stupidity.

P.S. Z is for Zamboni. Everyone needs one of these.

Sucker

So I bit the bullet and went to Sephora. As I walked through the door a mechanical arm flew at me and stamped the word 'sucker' on my forehead. I'm mostly a cosmetics virgin. Yah, I've tried tons of stuff, but I really don't know this from that. The sales people knew this the instant I walked through the door.

The girl was nice and asked what I was looking for. I thought I should start easy and asked for foundation. I told her of my skin condition and she led me to something called Lorac. Anyway, it's sort of a creamy liquid so this would work for my dry skin. She dabbed a few different shades on me and proclaimed me to be Light. Being the savvy shopper I am I asked for another option. I don't remember the second one, but it was $10 more so I sort of eliminated it based on that. I put my creamy foundation in the giant basket, thanked my sales lady and began browsing.

What is all the rest of the stuff? There were perfumes, creams, lotions, sprays, make up and soaps. That was just in the first isle. I quickly felt out of my league. I shop at Target. I buy CoverGirl. I spend $6 so that when it's the wrong stuff I haven't spent the same amount of money as new sneakers.

Here is the ironic part. I bought the Lorac foundation. I can't get it out of the jar. It is SO creamy that it doesn't pour. The bottle is glass so it doesn't squeeze. So my mondo expensive foundation is stuck in a little bottle. I went back to Target and spent $6 on some whipped foundation by CoverGirl and I love it. The jar is large so you can get the stuff out and it blends really well. The coverage is good. The only downside is the smell. It's awful.

I think I'll stick to not knowing about that other stuff. I may be missing out on something, but my wallet can't handle the testing phase. I'll go broke

Maybe Not.

Maybe it's because I'm more hormonal right now. Maybe it's because of my medicine. Maybe it's because Peanut has entered the realm of the temper tantrum. Maybe it's because I'll be 32 this year and still have no idea what I want out of life. I have always been something other than me. When I was young I did what I was supposed to do, not what I wanted. In college I did what got me out of there, not really what I wanted. Now I do what has to be done, not what I want. Truthfully, I don't know what I want.

I have a great husband and a great kid. We live in a nice house with nice stuff. We have nice friends and family and all that stuff. Then why am I not happy? Why do I feel less than alive? Why do I feel like there is some alternate life out there for me? Is there?

Anyway, Peanut and I went to Borders today. Husband wanted me to get a Zamboni book for Peanut. We went and walked around a lot. I finally got Peanut to go to the kids department. I found the book and a few others. Then it was time to check out. We made it to the check stand and there were a handful of people in line. This is where it all went wrong. Peanut did not want to be held and voiced his opinion about it. Loudly. I couldn't let him go and could not get him to quiet down. I ended up putting the books down and walking out with him. I was so angry. He stopped screaming as soon as we reached the car. We went home anyway. I know in a few years this will be a good punishment for him. Right now he doesn't care. He has no idea what he missed out on. I do though. I was sad and angry. Why couldn't we just buy a book? Anyway, this whole incident got me thinking today.

It's Been a While

So much to say and yet nothing worthy of writing. We survived the Holidays. Peanut has a cold (again) and life goes on.

I feel blah. This is sort of becoming a blahg instead of a blog. Anyway, I'm not sure what to do about it. The babysitter we had is starting a new semester at school and has no time for us. This might be a problem. I've come to rely on the breaks and time to myself. Spending every moment with Peanut is a joy, but also kind of overwhelming. I have done it and will do it, but it still worries me a little. You see, when I don't get enough sleep it's very hard for me to be patient. Little things blow up to big things and then I feel stupid for not handling a little thing with ease. If I'm well rested the days go pretty smooth. Here is the bump. I'm not sleeping well. I'm not tired at night and I wake up a lot during the night.

The bad taste in my mouth is gone. I stopped a pill and that fixed it. I kind of wanted to keep taking it, but it wasn't a big deal to stop. I may try to find a different one that doesn't make me ill. The other pill got switched a bit too. It was twice a day and now it's once a day, but it's the same dosage. So far I like it much better. No daily headache or nausea. I still don't sleep well though.