I have felt out of sorts for a while now. Why do I live for so long in a place I am not happy in? Cleaning out the basement I found countless journal entries from many years back lamenting my displeasure with life. Why do I remain? Why do I not jump up and change something? Why do I stay? I think there is a story about boiling frogs or something. You put them in a pan of room temperature water and they are fine. Then you slowly start to heat up the water until they are boiling. They don't realize the danger and will boil. I guess I have been in tepid water so long I just don't realize it is actually boiling now.
It is the same with an injury. You feel a little twinge one day and don't think much of it. After a few days maybe you take some Advil. After a few weeks you get used to compensating in some way. Then you wake up the next day and you are in the worst pain you've ever been in. How did I get here? Why did you not do something the first day or even the first week? Tepid water.
You know, it is hard. Trying to change your life is so, freaking hard. That wall that shows up the first few days or weeks of trying is so effective at putting us right back where we started. Why do we not climb the wall? Why do we not punch a hole in the wall? Why do we go back to the start or worse? It's hard. It has to be. I certainly don't want it to be. I would love to just wake up and have it all figured out and a routine in place and my kids go merrily along. That is not real life. Real life is having three boys that are loud and they fight and they mess up and make big spills. Real life is not sleeping well and being so tired you forget your own name for a minute. Real life is you are out of milk and everyone wants cereal. It's hard. It is freaking hard. It has to be.
If it were easy? It wouldn't be worth it. I don't even have a good story. It just is not worth it. The hard, real life way is worth it. You earn it. You do it. You succeed. You put the effort in and it's rewarded. You give a damn and you get back in spades.
So what now? I'm feeling the water heating up. I'm trying to change. I'm looking at the wall and thinking about how to be on the other side. The best part of this is I have other people standing next to me willing to let me stand on their shoulders to get over the wall. There are people on the other side waiting to catch me when I jump. Open your eyes and see the people around you able and willing to help you get on the other side of the wall. Reach out and feel the water. It's heating up folks.
Here's to finding the next journal entries that say "I hit a wall and went over it" and "I felt the water heating up, and I got out".