Send Peanut Butter

I'm over it.

Parenting.

Need I write anything more?  You all get it.  You are there.  You understand.  I have reached a point where I am out of ideas.  Usually some new behavior pops up and I can think of something.  Now?  Nothing. 

When you decide (or maybe not) to have a baby, you understand you will be raising it for a long time.  It's not a cake.  You don't just make it and bake it and then it's over.  It's an investment.  At the time of going from no kids to kids I really didn't understand all the details.  You feed them, clothe them, teach them stuff, care for them and more.  Yes.  That part is clear.  It's the gray area no one sees at first.  For example, when you are teaching them and they don't listen or they  purposefully do the opposite.  OK, you explain again.  Nothing.  You then have to start making it a thing, not just casual conversation. 

It goes a little something like this. 

Parent: We pick up toys when we are done playing with them.
Kid: 
Parent sings the clean up song to encourage and make it fun.
Kid:
Parent:  Hey, come help me clean up toys.
Kid:
Parent:  You can't play with other toys until you clean up these.
Kid then dumps out eight baskets of various toys and games.
Parent:  Hey, that's not OK.  Let's clean this up.

Up to this point most parents are still calm and trying to explain why we clean up, what the benefits are and other garbage.  The kid does not care.  They are playing.  So after a some amount of time, as each of us is different in our toleration levels, we get more upset about it.

Parent:  Get. Over. Here. Now!
Kid:
Parent:  Time Out?
Kid doesn't say anything, but the look you get speaks volumes about how they would love three minutes to figure out more ways to get under your skin.
Parent:  Come clean up!
Kid:
Parent will start to lose their mind about now.  Counting to sound threatening, but really the kid has no idea what happens at three and the big secret is that the parent doesn't know either.  There are time outs and being sent to their room and no dessert after dinner.  None of it actually got the toys picked up.

So here I am.  Sitting in the proverbial pile of toys dumped on the floor.  What now?  I spent good money on these things (the kids and the toys) so I don't want to throw them away (the kids or the toys).  What now?  What does it take to get the kid to walk over and throw a few Legos back into the box in which they came from? 

This story isn't what's really happening, but to explain that I've tried talking, reasoning, threatening and yelling and more and still no change.  What now?  I'm out of ideas other than boarding school.  Is that still a thing? 

So I sit here sipping my tea, praying some new idea comes to me.  I love my children, but the problems are getting serious and I'm not sure how to deal with them.  My coping strategies so far are hot showers and dipping Halloween candy in peanut butter.  I'm clean and fat, but no progress on the behavior front.