Let me start by saying I love my family and have never been happier. That being said I think the postpartum phase has begun. I've been OK for the first few weeks, but I'm still not myself. It's not really the typical depressed, don't want to go anywhere or see anyone feeling. It's more the, tick me off and I'll punch you in the face sort of feeling.
I'm tired. I'm jealous of anyone and everyone sleeping more than me. I'd love to do something all my own for a day even if that meant going to work for eight hours. I'm tired of cooking, cleaning, keeping things in line and laundry. I'm tired of Peanut having no memory of things he is not supposed to do and doing them so often I'm on the brink of screaming. Is two years, eight months the point at which they snap and can do nothing but test me?
I'm tired of still looking/feeling pregnant. I know it's only been three weeks and I'm not expecting it to be different so fast, but my clothes don't fit and I'm tired of being sore. I think as a reward for birthing a child, nature should get your body back to you a lot faster. It would make dealing with things a lot easier.
At the end of the day I have given all I have to Peanut, the baby and the house and there is nothing left for me or Husband. He tries to hold my hand or do some other loving gesture and I can't stand it. I just want to be left alone. It doesn't mean I don't love him, it's just I have nothing left. At night when the baby wakes up he usually gets up with him first and I go to the bathroom and then stumble in to feed the baby. Husband goes back to bed until the next feeding. On one hand I think this makes sense since he has to get up and go to work while I can stay home and sort of lay around all day. But, on the other hand I hate that I have to be awake for an hour to feed, change and get baby back to sleep. Then I get to do it again in two hours.
That's another thing. That whole three hour schedule is bull. I realize you count from the beginning of a feeding to the next, but when it's an hour (or more) until you get done then you only have 1-2 hours before the next feeding. I guess that's some sleep, but just when you get comfortable it's time to get up again.
I feel that breastfeeding is the best option for my kid. It's healthy and good for me and not to mention cheaper than formula. But there are times I think it would be a lot nicer to let someone else take a feeding or two. Husband did offer to feed baby a bottle of pumped milk, but I'd still have to get up and pump so I may as well feed baby.
I'll get over all of this as soon as I get some more sleep and me time. There are things I'd like to do that I just can't yet. Once I can do them I think I'll feel a little more human. Until then, just don't tick me off or you might get that punch to the face. ;)
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Take Two. This Makes Four.
Peanut went to school on Friday and I spent the whole day snuggling with Thumper. We mostly watched television and slept on the couch. Once in a while I thought he felt warm, but since we were so close and he was wearing a sleeper I didn't think much of it.
Then yesterday morning he felt very hot to me and husband. Husband took his temperature and it was 100.4. We called the ped. office and they sent us straight to Childrens Mercy to be treated. The upside is he seems to be ok other than fever. The downside is that they test for everything by doing several cultures that take 48 hours. So we are stuck here until Monday for sure and longer if things don't turn around.
We did this same thing with Peanut. He was only 3 days old instead of 15, but a newborn is a newborn. The nurses are all pretty nice and take good care of him. The doctor was nice, but seemed a little odd to me.
Peanut got shipped off to his aunts house (again). We owe that woman a lot for watching him so much. We've been at a hospital 4 times in the last couple months. Unreal. Though I will say we're being watched over because it's turned out ok each time.
Then yesterday morning he felt very hot to me and husband. Husband took his temperature and it was 100.4. We called the ped. office and they sent us straight to Childrens Mercy to be treated. The upside is he seems to be ok other than fever. The downside is that they test for everything by doing several cultures that take 48 hours. So we are stuck here until Monday for sure and longer if things don't turn around.
We did this same thing with Peanut. He was only 3 days old instead of 15, but a newborn is a newborn. The nurses are all pretty nice and take good care of him. The doctor was nice, but seemed a little odd to me.
Peanut got shipped off to his aunts house (again). We owe that woman a lot for watching him so much. We've been at a hospital 4 times in the last couple months. Unreal. Though I will say we're being watched over because it's turned out ok each time.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
It's the Day After Your Birthday
Once the baby was born he stayed on me for quite a while. Other than getting weight, height and the apgar, he didn't go anywhere. It was nice to not have him taken away first thing. His color and breathing were good so I got to keep him for almost 20 minutes. Then the nurse came in to clean him and dress him and all that.
His weight was listed at 9lbs 13oz. and height was 21 inches.
After I got him back again and I was all situated with ice packs and whatnot we just spent family time together. The nurses disappeared and only came in to do the vital checks. It was really nice.
My sister brought Peanut later in the day. He was a little wary at first. I think seeing me like that made him a little nervous. I was holding the baby when he came in and he said "that baby came out". He did really well. We gave him a bag of presents to unwrap and he thought that was great. He wanted to hold the baby and even cried when he was taken away. He seemed to understand that the baby wasn't in mommy anymore.
They didn't stay long. We kept him in the room for most of the night but did send him to the nursery one time. He just wanted to suck and not nurse and my boobs were too sore for that. We sent him out so we could get a little rest. They brought him back screaming for food about 3 hours later. Glorious sleep.
They did the weight and vital check on him while he was in the nursery at 3 am. When they brought him back the nurse told us he weighed 9lbs 1 oz. This was a 12 oz drop. We figured on of the measurements had to be off. Turns out it was the original weight that was off. He probably weighed more like 9.03 or 9.05 instead of 9.13. It doesn't really matter because he was still big, but it's sad we won't ever know the true weight. 9.13 is in the book, but it's not right. That's the only thing about the whole experience that makes me sad.
The next day was busy. He was checked by the pediatrician, circumcised, photographed and visited by more friends. That was all before 10am. Then the paperwork lady came in and snapped at us to finish the birth certificate. We didn't have a name picked out yet. She was really rude about the whole thing. We put the do not disturb sign on the door and it took us about 10 minutes to come up with the name.
After that we just hung out and got to know the little guy.
His weight was listed at 9lbs 13oz. and height was 21 inches.
After I got him back again and I was all situated with ice packs and whatnot we just spent family time together. The nurses disappeared and only came in to do the vital checks. It was really nice.
My sister brought Peanut later in the day. He was a little wary at first. I think seeing me like that made him a little nervous. I was holding the baby when he came in and he said "that baby came out". He did really well. We gave him a bag of presents to unwrap and he thought that was great. He wanted to hold the baby and even cried when he was taken away. He seemed to understand that the baby wasn't in mommy anymore.
They didn't stay long. We kept him in the room for most of the night but did send him to the nursery one time. He just wanted to suck and not nurse and my boobs were too sore for that. We sent him out so we could get a little rest. They brought him back screaming for food about 3 hours later. Glorious sleep.
They did the weight and vital check on him while he was in the nursery at 3 am. When they brought him back the nurse told us he weighed 9lbs 1 oz. This was a 12 oz drop. We figured on of the measurements had to be off. Turns out it was the original weight that was off. He probably weighed more like 9.03 or 9.05 instead of 9.13. It doesn't really matter because he was still big, but it's sad we won't ever know the true weight. 9.13 is in the book, but it's not right. That's the only thing about the whole experience that makes me sad.
The next day was busy. He was checked by the pediatrician, circumcised, photographed and visited by more friends. That was all before 10am. Then the paperwork lady came in and snapped at us to finish the birth certificate. We didn't have a name picked out yet. She was really rude about the whole thing. We put the do not disturb sign on the door and it took us about 10 minutes to come up with the name.
After that we just hung out and got to know the little guy.
Friday, June 13, 2008
It's Your Birthday!
Due date 5/20. Pre-term labor at 33 weeks stopped with medication. Medication stopped at 36 weeks.
The due date pretty much came and went. We talked with the doctor and scheduled an induction for 5/30 at 6 am. It was a lot later than I wanted, but it was the only opening for the doctor and hospital. You take what you can get.
On 5/23 I woke up sick and started having different contractions. I thought for sure it was labor, but was not. This was trip #2 to the hospital with no baby coming out.
So on Thursday 5/29 I took Peanut to my sisters house to stay while we had baby. I stayed for dinner and got him ready for bed. I hated leaving him there because he is a hot kid and her house was about a 1000 degrees. Anyway, that night husband and I were doing last minute preparations and I said it was a bummer we couldn't have just gone in that night to get it started. He replied that it was nice for us to get to sleep in our own beds one last time. So we went to bed around 11 or so.
I was asleep and dreaming when I felt something gush. I either said out loud or in the dream 'uh oh'. Then it gushed again and I said/dreamed 'uh oh' again. At that point I jumped up, grabbed a towel and ran for the bathroom. I flicked the light on and just sat there pondering what to do. I took off my wet clothes and went to get some dry ones. Husband asked what was happening and I calmly said "my water broke". He bolted upright and started mumbling hospital. I tried to explain we were supposed to call the doctor and/or hospital first before just showing up. He was very tired as it was just midnight and we'd only been asleep for about an hour.
At the time I wasn't having any contractions and felt a little weird heading to the hospital without them. No need to fear though, they started like clockwork on the way, coming about every 3 minutes. By the time we got to the hospital, in the room and situated they were pretty strong. By now it was about 1:30am. I was finally starting to dilate a little too. I think I was a solid 2, maybe 2 1/2.
I labored through the contractions for a while, but they started to be pretty intense. I was worried it was too early for drugs. I didn't want to slow labor down at all. No need to worry. About 4 am I called the nurse for an epidural. I was dilated about 4-5 so I was happy to go ahead and get one. The lady that did it was nice and explained everything, but talked so quiet I could barely hear her. Anyway, after a little while I didn't feel anything. She gave me a button to push if the pain got more intense and I needed more drugs. Woo hoo!
I tried to sleep at this point, but they took my blood pressure every 15 minutes and each time it was below the acceptable level so the alarm went off. I had to page the nurse every time. She asked if I was dizzy or anything and since I was mostly laying there trying to sleep I didn't really feel too different. After an hour of this she called the drug lady back in. They gave me something to elevate my blood pressure. It went from 90 over 40 to 166 over something. This made me pretty sick and I started to throw up. Lovely. After a few minutes of this it was back down to 90 over 40 and I felt better. I'm not sure why this wasn't a problem, but they didn't do anything else at this point.
Shift change happens at 7 am so I got a new nurse. She wasn't quite as friendly as the first girl, but ended up doing a great job. I finally rested for a while until around 8:30am. The contractions started being much more intense and I felt the pain again. I was breathing through them even with the epidural. I kept thinking maybe this meant I was getting close to having the baby. So I pushed my drug button and paged the nurse. The doctor came in around the same time too. At 9:11 am I was fully dilated and effaced. The doctor said I should start pushing. So we did.
After the first push I started to throw up again. I was so disappointed. I didn't want to be sick, I wanted to get the baby out. I was so mentally ready to do what I had to do to get it out. Fortunately, I wasn't sick long and she gave me oxygen to inhale while I pushed. I was surprised how much this helped me feel better. Anyway, I pushed as best I could for 40 minutes or so. Then she said we should try tug of war. It was a great position for me. She tied a blanket in a circle so I could hold one side and she held the other. I could pull in front of me instead of on the sides of the bed. Just a few minutes later and we were ready. The doctor came in and said to stop pushing and they got everything ready. Then it took one more push and he was out.
He was so big, slippery and wiggly that I though the doctor was going to drop him. The nurse next to her grabbed his lower body and they sort of shoved him onto my chest. He looked just like Peanut. It was like having him all over again. They sewed me up and wiped off the baby. We were so happy.
The due date pretty much came and went. We talked with the doctor and scheduled an induction for 5/30 at 6 am. It was a lot later than I wanted, but it was the only opening for the doctor and hospital. You take what you can get.
On 5/23 I woke up sick and started having different contractions. I thought for sure it was labor, but was not. This was trip #2 to the hospital with no baby coming out.
So on Thursday 5/29 I took Peanut to my sisters house to stay while we had baby. I stayed for dinner and got him ready for bed. I hated leaving him there because he is a hot kid and her house was about a 1000 degrees. Anyway, that night husband and I were doing last minute preparations and I said it was a bummer we couldn't have just gone in that night to get it started. He replied that it was nice for us to get to sleep in our own beds one last time. So we went to bed around 11 or so.
I was asleep and dreaming when I felt something gush. I either said out loud or in the dream 'uh oh'. Then it gushed again and I said/dreamed 'uh oh' again. At that point I jumped up, grabbed a towel and ran for the bathroom. I flicked the light on and just sat there pondering what to do. I took off my wet clothes and went to get some dry ones. Husband asked what was happening and I calmly said "my water broke". He bolted upright and started mumbling hospital. I tried to explain we were supposed to call the doctor and/or hospital first before just showing up. He was very tired as it was just midnight and we'd only been asleep for about an hour.
At the time I wasn't having any contractions and felt a little weird heading to the hospital without them. No need to fear though, they started like clockwork on the way, coming about every 3 minutes. By the time we got to the hospital, in the room and situated they were pretty strong. By now it was about 1:30am. I was finally starting to dilate a little too. I think I was a solid 2, maybe 2 1/2.
I labored through the contractions for a while, but they started to be pretty intense. I was worried it was too early for drugs. I didn't want to slow labor down at all. No need to worry. About 4 am I called the nurse for an epidural. I was dilated about 4-5 so I was happy to go ahead and get one. The lady that did it was nice and explained everything, but talked so quiet I could barely hear her. Anyway, after a little while I didn't feel anything. She gave me a button to push if the pain got more intense and I needed more drugs. Woo hoo!
I tried to sleep at this point, but they took my blood pressure every 15 minutes and each time it was below the acceptable level so the alarm went off. I had to page the nurse every time. She asked if I was dizzy or anything and since I was mostly laying there trying to sleep I didn't really feel too different. After an hour of this she called the drug lady back in. They gave me something to elevate my blood pressure. It went from 90 over 40 to 166 over something. This made me pretty sick and I started to throw up. Lovely. After a few minutes of this it was back down to 90 over 40 and I felt better. I'm not sure why this wasn't a problem, but they didn't do anything else at this point.
Shift change happens at 7 am so I got a new nurse. She wasn't quite as friendly as the first girl, but ended up doing a great job. I finally rested for a while until around 8:30am. The contractions started being much more intense and I felt the pain again. I was breathing through them even with the epidural. I kept thinking maybe this meant I was getting close to having the baby. So I pushed my drug button and paged the nurse. The doctor came in around the same time too. At 9:11 am I was fully dilated and effaced. The doctor said I should start pushing. So we did.
After the first push I started to throw up again. I was so disappointed. I didn't want to be sick, I wanted to get the baby out. I was so mentally ready to do what I had to do to get it out. Fortunately, I wasn't sick long and she gave me oxygen to inhale while I pushed. I was surprised how much this helped me feel better. Anyway, I pushed as best I could for 40 minutes or so. Then she said we should try tug of war. It was a great position for me. She tied a blanket in a circle so I could hold one side and she held the other. I could pull in front of me instead of on the sides of the bed. Just a few minutes later and we were ready. The doctor came in and said to stop pushing and they got everything ready. Then it took one more push and he was out.
He was so big, slippery and wiggly that I though the doctor was going to drop him. The nurse next to her grabbed his lower body and they sort of shoved him onto my chest. He looked just like Peanut. It was like having him all over again. They sewed me up and wiped off the baby. We were so happy.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
More to Come
We had the baby on 5-30. Boy. Over 9 lbs, 21 inches long.
We've been home adjusting and getting used to things. Everyone is doing great.
I have lots of things to post and only one hand to type with.
For the sake of remembering what to post here are the topics I want to type about:
1. The birth story
2. Peanuts reaction to a new baby
3. My mother (lots of things here, but I'll remember as I go)
4. The differences in the first child vs. the second
Will I ever sleep again? Thumper has been sleeping pretty well for an almost 2 week old. Last night he went 6 hours between feedings. I'd guess he slept about 4 or so hours.
He's a good eater and a decent sleeper. The only trouble we have is burping him. He doesn't seem to want to let them out. It takes up to a couple hours to get them all out. Today he's been doing better at it.
We've been home adjusting and getting used to things. Everyone is doing great.
I have lots of things to post and only one hand to type with.
For the sake of remembering what to post here are the topics I want to type about:
1. The birth story
2. Peanuts reaction to a new baby
3. My mother (lots of things here, but I'll remember as I go)
4. The differences in the first child vs. the second
Will I ever sleep again? Thumper has been sleeping pretty well for an almost 2 week old. Last night he went 6 hours between feedings. I'd guess he slept about 4 or so hours.
He's a good eater and a decent sleeper. The only trouble we have is burping him. He doesn't seem to want to let them out. It takes up to a couple hours to get them all out. Today he's been doing better at it.
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