I find myself not sure about having another child. Some moments I want nothing more than to see two lines and have another. The rest of the time I can't imagine staying sane enough to raise Peanut AND a sibling. Peanut is a handful. He's two hands full. Actually, it takes several hands: mine, husband, and all the lovely ladies at daycare. Still another baby would be wonderful.
Factors to Consider:
1. I'm going to be 32 this summer. The older I get the greater my chances of trouble with the pregnancy or trouble to the child. The first pregnancy was healthy other than Peanut was huge. I'd say I'm about the same healthy body I was then.
2. Peanut requires SO much attention. How will I manage? I was exhausted with the first pregnancy. I fell asleep at 5 and woke up for a little dinner and went back to bed. I had morning sickness for the first 4+ months and maneuvering around a large belly isn't all that easy. Would it be better to wait until he is a little older and can understand better? Telling him "mommy needs to rest" doesn't mean much to him.
3. We got pregnant easily, but will we be so lucky? One of my sisters got pregnant on her first try and then couldn't conceive for almost 6 years. What if that is me? I can't wait 6 years.
4. We're trying to sell the house and move. Is it better or worse to be pregnant during this? Not sure. I think there are pros and cons to it all.
5. I'm scared another child will widen the gap between husband and me. We've not been as close since Peanut was born. I took on the 'mommy' role and long since forgot the 'wife' part. I've been slowly trying to get back to the multi-role person, but it takes time. Will being pregnant help or hurt that?
6. Would Peanut be better as an only child or would a sibling help? Would he be a good brother?
7. I'd really like any future children to not be born in any month between October to March. My preference would be April or May. I'd take June or September and settle for July or August. There are just too many other birthdays, anniversaries or Holidays to try to add another one in there. Which kind of means we need to get busy soon.
8. I don't want to be pregnant with anyone else nearby. My sister gave birth 3 days before me. My friend A gave birth 6.5 months before me. My friend H gave birth 6 weeks after me. Some of my thunder was stolen. While I enjoyed every minute I had to share the spotlight sometimes and didn't want to. What if I get pregnant and then everyone I know does too? This one ties in to #9 as a double edge. See it's nice having friends with kids the same age, but it's also annoying to hear all the comparisons.
9. Most all our friends have one child close in age to Peanut. It's OK to go out with them because it's all balanced. If we have another then we'll be the wonky couple with two kids throwing the balance off. I'm not sure I have a point here, but my brain worries about this stuff.
So. I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Madness
So. Deep breath. Here we go.
About a month ago my friends J&A were talking about painting their house. They are very slow at projects like this. They work full time and only have weekends to work. So I mentioned that my sister (S) could do it (with me helping). We could work during the week and get it done faster than them.
I specifically asked S about this. "Do you want this job?" She said yes. So I formally asked for the job and my friends gave it to us. When can we start? I could start now. I called S and she said she was busy. She wanted to start in June. June was still 2 weeks away at the time. J&A said that was OK. I never would have taken on this job if I had known she was going to be so wishy washy about it. I thought she was more professional than this. Is it because it is my friends and not a stranger? She has had other side jobs and I wonder if she is this lazy with them?
After J&A asking me a few times when we were starting I said 6/4. I called S and said "I'm starting on the house on 6/4, be there or be square (and not get paid)." We were both there around 9:30. We listed all that was to do, made a plan and got to work. At 10:30 she left to get her kid from school and go to the store for supplies. She got back around 12:30 or so. I left at 4 to get my kid and she stayed until 5:30 or 6. So 6 hours for both of us.
Now S has two children. One is in summer school everyday from 8-11. The other child has a gymnastics class from 9-12:30 on Tues. and Thurs. So everyday, S has to stop to go get the school child. On Tues. & Thurs. she doesn't even come until after both are done. On Tues. she got there around 1 and left when I did at 4. So 6 hours for me, 3 for her.
Yesterday (Wed.) she called me in the morning to tell me she wasn't going. She had to mow. Now this is her other side job and I know she has to do it. I just assumed (never do this) she was focusing on painting this week and wouldn't have to stop for other things. Anyway, she didn't go at all. So 6 hours for me, 0 for her.
Today it is super windy and rainy. I'm not going. It's supposed to rain today. I could go. Oh, did I mention it's an hour away from me? Yes, that's one hour there and another one back. It's like 15-20 minutes for S. If I go today I could get there at 10, paint a little and then it is supposed to rain. Is it worth it? No. S said she might go do a little work. Right.
So I mention it's supposed to be nice on Fri. & Sat. I plan to work those days. She said "Oh. I made plans. I didn't know we were working those days." WTF??? I said as calmly as I could that I planned to work on any nice day until it was done. I only have daycare this week and have to take advantage of it. Except for today the weather has been nice. It's supposed to rain all next week. She said she wouldn't have made plans if she knew we were supposed to paint. Why would we not? Why would we not work on the house every nice day we could until it's done? Why would we want to drag it out? Why would I want to drive 2 hours a day for a month? She said that she hoped they knew we weren't professionals and it wasn't going to get done in two days. Yah. I think they get that. I also think they expected us to work a little harder than a few hours a day. I am so mad.
The original plan I thought of was to let this be her job and I would help. Then I scored daycare and could work everyday. So then it was a 50/50 kind of job. Now I really feel like I'm doing more like 70/30. Is it wrong to not want to pay her as much? If she just wasn't so lazy about the whole thing I'd understand. I wish I had never gotten this job. It's so not worth it. We're getting $1500 to paint an entire house. With gas and daycare my share of 750 is cut down to around 500. It's taken me/us all week to get one coat of paint on. We have to caulk, do some sanding, paint trim and do a whole second coat. We'll be another month at this pace.
Never work with family unless you know you are the lazy one. I always thought I was, but apparently I'm the one with a better work ethic.
About a month ago my friends J&A were talking about painting their house. They are very slow at projects like this. They work full time and only have weekends to work. So I mentioned that my sister (S) could do it (with me helping). We could work during the week and get it done faster than them.
I specifically asked S about this. "Do you want this job?" She said yes. So I formally asked for the job and my friends gave it to us. When can we start? I could start now. I called S and she said she was busy. She wanted to start in June. June was still 2 weeks away at the time. J&A said that was OK. I never would have taken on this job if I had known she was going to be so wishy washy about it. I thought she was more professional than this. Is it because it is my friends and not a stranger? She has had other side jobs and I wonder if she is this lazy with them?
After J&A asking me a few times when we were starting I said 6/4. I called S and said "I'm starting on the house on 6/4, be there or be square (and not get paid)." We were both there around 9:30. We listed all that was to do, made a plan and got to work. At 10:30 she left to get her kid from school and go to the store for supplies. She got back around 12:30 or so. I left at 4 to get my kid and she stayed until 5:30 or 6. So 6 hours for both of us.
Now S has two children. One is in summer school everyday from 8-11. The other child has a gymnastics class from 9-12:30 on Tues. and Thurs. So everyday, S has to stop to go get the school child. On Tues. & Thurs. she doesn't even come until after both are done. On Tues. she got there around 1 and left when I did at 4. So 6 hours for me, 3 for her.
Yesterday (Wed.) she called me in the morning to tell me she wasn't going. She had to mow. Now this is her other side job and I know she has to do it. I just assumed (never do this) she was focusing on painting this week and wouldn't have to stop for other things. Anyway, she didn't go at all. So 6 hours for me, 0 for her.
Today it is super windy and rainy. I'm not going. It's supposed to rain today. I could go. Oh, did I mention it's an hour away from me? Yes, that's one hour there and another one back. It's like 15-20 minutes for S. If I go today I could get there at 10, paint a little and then it is supposed to rain. Is it worth it? No. S said she might go do a little work. Right.
So I mention it's supposed to be nice on Fri. & Sat. I plan to work those days. She said "Oh. I made plans. I didn't know we were working those days." WTF??? I said as calmly as I could that I planned to work on any nice day until it was done. I only have daycare this week and have to take advantage of it. Except for today the weather has been nice. It's supposed to rain all next week. She said she wouldn't have made plans if she knew we were supposed to paint. Why would we not? Why would we not work on the house every nice day we could until it's done? Why would we want to drag it out? Why would I want to drive 2 hours a day for a month? She said that she hoped they knew we weren't professionals and it wasn't going to get done in two days. Yah. I think they get that. I also think they expected us to work a little harder than a few hours a day. I am so mad.
The original plan I thought of was to let this be her job and I would help. Then I scored daycare and could work everyday. So then it was a 50/50 kind of job. Now I really feel like I'm doing more like 70/30. Is it wrong to not want to pay her as much? If she just wasn't so lazy about the whole thing I'd understand. I wish I had never gotten this job. It's so not worth it. We're getting $1500 to paint an entire house. With gas and daycare my share of 750 is cut down to around 500. It's taken me/us all week to get one coat of paint on. We have to caulk, do some sanding, paint trim and do a whole second coat. We'll be another month at this pace.
Never work with family unless you know you are the lazy one. I always thought I was, but apparently I'm the one with a better work ethic.
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