I do not know what it is about me, but there must be something. I just do not fit. Maybe it is being a square peg in a world of round, but I can't find square anything.
So a couple years ago we had new flooring installed in our house. I like the flooring, but we had several problems along the way. The biggest was a manager that was hard to get a hold of and hard to get to do anything. I thought everyone has these problems, but I do hear about people getting work done and it goes fine.
I wanted to hire a general handyman type guy to do some work. Never called me back. I think it was a month later he finally got around to talking to me about it. By then we'd gone another way. Friends I know use the same guy and he gets their stuff done quick as can be.
So now I'm in the process of remodeling my house and I've tried to hire two separate decorator type people. Neither will get back with me. I haven't paid any money yet, but we haven't made it even that far. I need to paint this weekend and no idea of what color to pick. I just wanted someone to help me create a vision for my home space. Even if they just gave me some ideas so I knew what I did NOT want would be helpful.
What is it? Why can't I get help? Why can't someone listen to me, spend some time with me or just give a damn about me for just a little bit? I feel very unlovable in this. Why do I go to the same hair stylist and get some old lady haircut while someone my age gets a cute cut? Why am I an old lady? Why am I left out?
I've been super frustrated for a few weeks now trying to be patient, trying to stay calm and most importantly, trying not to be upset about it all. Other people have things happening in their lives and I understand that. I just want a turn. Not even a long turn. You can have the attention back just as soon as I figure out what color to paint everything.
Tomorrow, the sun will shine even if I can't see it. It will be a new day. There will be new things happening. Right now, though, I'm low.
