The Bad and The Ugly

I got smashed today. Peanut and I were arguing over getting dressed (him not me). He started kicking and hitting me and I lost it. I yelled at him to stop. Somehow in the midst of it we collided heads. His forehead found my top lip and smashed it into my teeth. Blood. My lip split open and I raced to the bathroom. I didn't even think about Peanut until I got the lip under control. He was fine. Playing with the alarm clock. Not a scratch on him.

I'm a wreck. I'm an emotional wreck. I'm not sleeping well, I'm full of pregnancy hormones, my kid has turned into a demon and I can't make a decision more important than what flavor jam on my toast. Friends want us to go out to dinner or whatnot and I just want to find a dark place to curl up and cry. Parenting is hard. Maybe too hard for me.

Husband and I decided I would stay home and raise the kid(s). We didn't want our kid growing up in daycare. There is nothing wrong with it, but we wanted ours to be home grown. Seeing as I had the lowly sales job that made little money it was an easy decision. I hated working anyway. But. I've never been patient. I've never been good with kids. I've never really even wanted kids that much. My nieces and nephews were OK, but I didn't see the need for my own. So why did I think I would be good at staying home?

None of my friends stay home. They all work and all their kids go to daycare of some sort. I always felt proud to be the one that breastfed and stayed home. Now I feel like some sort of war veteran. Life is getting to the point where I'm not sure I can do this anymore. The trouble is I'm not sure what other options I have. I haven't worked at any sort of company in many years. What am I qualified to do other than work retail?

I'm so down and I have so many thoughts. I thought all the stress I was feeling was because of Christmas, but now that it's over the stress has not gone away. Is this hurting new baby? Am I going to have a spastic baby because of this? It's too late, but I'm not sure I can survive two kids. I may be committed come May.

The War Rages On

We here at the Mutt house are tired, wiped out, done, finished, pooped, empty and just plain at our wits end. Peanut still will not nap. We have tried many things. The newest thing to try is to just not make him nap. I know. He needs a nap, but he's not taking them. So why put myself through all that? So, maybe we'll just play and read and whatever and at some point if he is tired he will lay down somewhere and sleep. Maybe not. Mostly likely not, but what have I got to lose? The anger, that's what. Why is it so frustrating that he will not sleep? I know he won't and yet every time I get upset about it.

This has been especially hard being pregnant. What happens when the new baby comes? Do I just let Peanut yell and scream while I try to feed, change and take care of a newborn? I'm not sure I can handle that. My hormones are off the chart right now and every little thing makes me cry. I feel like such a bad mother. We've had more time-outs in the last few days than I can count. He's hitting, yelling and otherwise being rotten. I've tried tender love. I've tried tough love. I've tried just leaving alone for a bit. Nothing. He was a snot at Aunt J's house too and he LOVES it there.

Why on Earth did we think it was a good idea to have another child? I'm having a very hard time being excited about being pregnant. It's nice to hear the heartbeat, but otherwise, Peanut is sort of ruining it for me. This sounds horrible because I know there are so many women out there that just want to be pregnant. I really wanted to be until this whole sleeping war started. Husband and I are at a loss. What do we do?

Not helping our situation any is that the crib broke. We had to change it to a toddler bed (no rail on one side) or get rid of it. The new parts are on the way, but it was not safe for him to be in it. Now he can get out of bed. This isn't too much of a problem at night. He only gets up once or twice, but for nap it's another story. I can't get him to stay in the bed. We may turn it back into a crib once we get the parts, but now I think he might try harder to get out. I don't know. We'll see. We put him in the pack-n-prison for nap today and he just yelled the whole time. At least he wasn't able to get out though.

Anyone have a magic button? I'd love for this to just be magically over.