And So It Begins

So it all starts with a Toy Story themed birthday candle.  I realized today it starts with something innocent and small.  Just an average everyday item.  Somehow it snowballs from there to a disease.  What?  Remember those fake news blips on SNL that would say something like "this common household item is killing you, more at eleven."  It played on that fear that normal everyday products could be so harmful for you.  They aren't, or at least at the time I think they were all OK.

Anyway, innocent candles to disease.  Here we go.  You might want to sit down.  I am pretty sure at some point you will recognize this in your own life.  So you throw a party for your child.  They wanted Toy Story, but not the alien candles you bought, they want the Buzz Lightyear flying candle.  So you plan to return the aliens.  But, you don't.  It's a special trip to a store you don't really go to that often.  You have kids so it's twenty times harder to walk into a store and return something.  By the time you are ready to go to the store, you forget to take the aliens.  Oh well.  What were they like $3.00.  No big deal you think.  I'll keep them.  I have other kids.  Surely we'll use them.  So they take up a tiny bit of cabinet space.  Next thing you know, Despicable Me sprinkles sit next to them.  Then a box of white cake mix.  You meant to use it, but the chocolate cake you did make was plenty.  Next time.  At some point your cabinet is full of these items.  Never used, but you don't want to waste them.

So Mutt, how are we leaping to disease here?  Empty your cabinet already.  Donate to the neighbor or Goodwill or heck, just throw it all away.  Well.  Those are all good suggestions.  Here is the honest truth.  I can't.  What a waste?  Someday I'll use it (no, I won't).  The disease starts when the stuff spreads to another cabinet.  Soon the kitchen is over taken by these items.  Then something comes along that is not a kitchen item.  Say all the special dinosaur figures you bought for a dinosaur themed party.  Where do those go?  Well, the children will surely play with them.  We'll make a dinosaur land.  It will be glorious.  No.  They play with them a few days and then you have 15 dinosaurs scattered throughout the house.  Get rid of them?  I certainly cannot return them.  I find a nice container to keep them in.  They find a few other dinofriends we already had.  Soon we have a giant Tupperware type container keeping all mankind safe from the Jurassic Era.  It's Jurassic Park all over again and we all know how that turned out.  Bad idea. 

Dinosaurs, birthday candles and supplies, toys, clothes, decorations and more.  They start small and multiply before you know what's happened.  It's impossible to get rid of any of it because "I may one day use this."  Soon you think burning your house down is the best way to get rid of all of it.  I don't personally suggest this, but I see the pros.

The irony is, my husband will want to keep the nails out of an old board or the screws from a door we're replacing and I will tell him to his face "we do not need this, do NOT keep it!"  I have uttered those words and he can sweat by it.  Saying it to me?  It does nothing. 

So what disease are we diagnosing today?  Hoarding maybe?  I'm not sure I would classify myself as a hoarder, but I do have a hard time getting rid of the "stuff".  Some of it is sentimental, some I really do feel like we would use.  Some I think the kids would be heartbroken.  Like they would even notice if we only had 10 Hot Wheels instead of 1,000.  They don't play with them at all.  Most of it could be taken out in the dead of night and the kids and I would never miss it.

A Time to Celebrate, Except I Guess Not

Gosh, I guess once a year seems about right for a blog.  What?  You post every day.  You get the gold star.  I am busy.  Or at least I am not busy with this.  Wait, what?

So, we had a baby.  We had a boy (surprise - not really).  He is wonderful and funny and sweet and all the things little babies are supposed to be.  Except he is not a little baby anymore.  In less than two weeks he will be one.  ONE!  I cannot take it.  He was supposed to stay tiny (OK, small) and a sweet sleepy baby forever.  Nope.  Already he is a trouble maker.  He is such a mini me for the two older ones.  He looks like one and still yet reminds me of the other.  It will be fun to see how he follows.

I have been having some trouble dealing with certain aspects of this last pregnancy and birth.  I am not sure how to get over it.  I was thinking maybe writing it all down would help get it out of my head.  Now, by no means do I dwell on this every day all day.  I do think of it once in a while and it makes me sad.  Occasionally, I will cry, but most of the time I think of it and go about my day.

No one threw me a baby shower. 

That's it.  That is the big sadness.  If you are reading this you might think I am nuts to dwell on this.  Who cares says you?  I care, says I.  Here is why.  When a woman is pregnant she is in a special phase that doesn't happen to everyone all that often.  So people treat said woman special.  They make her comfortable, they fetch her drinks and snacks or a puke bucket.  They encourage her, they tell stories and ask to hear the name list.  People help her decorate her precious bundles nursery and buy her gifts to show their love.  They also, throw her a shower.  They shower her, her baby and husband with cake, attention and love.  They show her just how special she is to carry a baby, to have a child.

So what does it mean to me to not have a shower.  After all, this was baby number 3.  Isn't there a minimum amount of time and effort one would spend on baby number 3?  What if it was baby number 9?  Surely, you just high five her in the hall and that's good enough, right?  No.  It means to me that I do not have close friends.  It means that of all the people in my life in some way, none of them are close enough or care enough to do this for me.  I know women that have had more than one child and a shower for each.  Even just a small gathering for appetizers and gifts.  I got nothing.  No one offered.  No one even asked me if I was having a shower.  (As a side note, I found out after the fact that someone told husband they would help with a shower, though no offer to actually host or have one).  No one even high fived me in the hall.  I know I am not close with very many people, but I though I mattered at least a little or enough for a baby shower.  After all my kids were 5 and 7.  We had given away and sold almost all of our baby stuff.  We had a crib and not much else.  There was plenty to help with.  It's not even about the gifts.  It truly is about no one caring for me. 

OK.  So what?  I had my baby and he was precious.  I had an emergency C-Section.  My baby was in danger, but turned out OK.  We had a total of four (4) friend visitors.  Two sisters came, one niece, one nephew and one brother in law and my mom.  Once.  They all came once except my mom who ended up watching my kids and came a few times.  However, she left town the day after I arrived home from the hospital.  Glad I was so busy throwing up, recovering from surgery and crying over my dying father to worry about friends coming to visit.  Some of our "friends" didn't even come until he was a month old.  Gifts?  Some.  Not many though.  Our neighbors brought us new baby clothes and I am not sure I know their last name.  I do, but you see my point?  One couple brought a meal and that was great, but we already had meals coming from church and they sort of just came over and didn't really make a plan. 

Some folks from church arranged meals for us.  That was great and very helpful.  I did hear the person comment later how hard it was and how they didn't want to do it.  Um.  Wow.  Thanks.  My dad died 13 days after my son was born.  Someone at church thought they should keep doing meals and wanted it to start up again.  It did for a few days and that was a nice gesture.  By then I was done.  Oh congratulations and I'm so sorry.  Thank you?  Maybe my hormones made it more awkward than it really was.

My baby is almost one year old and no one at church has asked me to hold him.  Ever.  Most people seemed to wait until I gave him to husband and then husband handed him off.  Was I some sort of baby ogre?  In my head I cared for him since no one else seemed to be offering.

So now, he is almost one and I want to have a little party.  My family will come.  I was looking at pictures from the parties of the older boys and our friends are there.  So I thought we should invite them too.  I also think that if they could not be bothered to come see him at his birth or celebrate him in the womb then why would they come celebrate his one year birthday?

So now I am  nine paragraphs in and the sadness is coming over me as I remember being so hurt and still being hurt by this.  I want to celebrate my kids and I want to have people around me celebrating them too.  It really stings that I do not have those people.  That I do not matter

Bah Humbug

I am grouchy.  I guess I have a right to be, but I wish I was not so grouchy.  Women should get a very nice gift for having babies.  I don't think men understand just what happens to us during pregnancy.  There are physical changes for sure and men can see those.  There are also emotional and psychological changes that no one can see or understand.  Perhaps other pregnant women can come pretty close, but each of us is different and different things will happen to each of us.  What bothers you may not bother me and so on.

I leaned toward another and husband leaned toward no more.  We sort of idled there for a long time.  I'm not sure how it was decided to go forward with a third child.  I think we sort of just went for it.  There was a moment early on when I thought it was not going to happen and I was so sad.  I thought that was my only chance and it was gone.  Little did I know there was no need for tears.  Now when I have moments of "what have we done?" I look back on that time to remember that yes, I did want this.

It's hard though.  My body is, changing more than I expected or wanted it to.  Let's just say there is a whole lot more of me than there ever has been.  I'm sure things will go back to normal eventually, but it has caught me off guard how disappointed I am.  I still have more to pack on and cannot imagine getting bigger. 

It isn't only about a number on the scale.  My fingers and toes feel like sausages.  Tight and pudgy.  My knees don't bend nearly as much as they used to.  My feet hurt.  My hips feel as though my legs are tearing apart from the rest of me.  It is difficult to walk with my sausage legs and aching hips.  My back isn't so great either.  I am tired.  All. The. Time.  I tried to nap today and the other kids kept coming in a talking to me.  I am hungry, but the things that sound good are only adding to that stupid number on the scale.  It's hot and I want ice cream, but sure, water will do fine.  Bleh.  I'm tired of drinking water.  I have to use the bathroom every twenty minutes.

There are things I like too.  I hate to sound like I hate everything.  Baby moves and it feels so weird and neat at the same time.  Baby gets the hiccups and then wiggles.  If I rub my belly, baby will push out near my hand.  I like to try to push on the knobby things and see if I can figure out which part of baby I'm poking on. 

There is also a lot of stress and a little depression and some weariness.  I've always told newly pregnant ladies to enjoy the first pregnancy to the fullest.  You will never be pregnant for the first time again.  It goes without saying, but the second, third and each one after will never be quite as thrilling.  No one dotes on you.  No one treats you special.  You still have to walk on your sausage legs through the grocery store. Sure, husband has helped tremendously, but it's not the same as it was with the first. 

Both boys are headed to school in a few weeks.  I would have been home alone.  Free to get a job or do more house things.  I can't do much now.  Even though babies sleep, I won't be able to do much.  I just keep feeling like I made a huge mistake.  One we will love and care for the rest of our lives, but a mistake.  I think that's normal.  I remember having doubts with both the boys.  Not that I would trade them for anything, but there was doubt I could be a good mom, that we would mess up, that it wasn't really supposed to be like it was. 

Wow.  I'm really a positive person here.  I guess writing some of this down makes me feel better.  I'm not sure where else to put it.  I think it's time for bed.

Almost to 32. What about You?

OK.  So we are at T minus 8 weeks and a couple days.  I am not freaked out.  Not totally anyway.  I constantly think about the nursery even though there really isn't too much to do.  I wonder if people will get us stuff or we should just go to Target and drop a fortune.  I am trying to pace myself.  There is no hurry until baby is here and we know more about him/her. Specifically the him/her part.  I have two nurseries in mind depending on the gender of baby.  I can get some stuff, but they are not the same so for most of it I have to wait.

I need to do some planning.  Just so I remember here are things I want to look into.

Make meal plans and even make some frozen meals so we can just defrost something when we are all tired and starving.

Make chore lists for the kids.  Figure out what a 5 and almost 8 year old can do and make lists so they just pick something each day.  I figure they can spend 5-15 minutes of their lives helping the family out a bit.  Put away laundry, run the vacuum and other little helpful things.

Make a homework chart.  I know neither of them will have real homework, but we like to have them practice.  I'd like a space set up where all their supplies live and they can easily do this.

Make a list of things around the house that HAVE to be done before baby.

Go on some sort of vacation.  Husband is working on this and I think we have something planned.

What am I forgetting?  Oh yes.  Coffee Bar Prep.  Make sure we have tons of supplies and who is getting what, when.

I would also like a massage and to color my hair.  Those are not top priorities, but would be lovely all the same.

This makes me feel better.  I like to have a plan.  Making a plan will make me happier.  Yes.  I think this will work.

This Roller Coaster Called Life

Being pregnant changes several things.  The first and most obvious is my body.  It changes almost daily.  Another is my wardrobe to accommodate that changing body.  My tastes have changed too.  Some things that used to be delicious are just OK now or even yucky. 

I would say one of the biggest changes is hormonal.  I'm not sure how much your levels change or even which ones change, I just know I am not the same "me" I was.  I have horrible fears, mostly related to my kids and the new baby.  Will baby have Downs?  Will it have all it's limbs?  Will it be blind?  Will it....?  These are all fears I cannot control other than to eat a healthy diet and do the best I can to be healthy. 

Today my fear has been driven in a new direction.  There were multiple bombings in Boston.  At the famous marathon.  There have been fatalities and many injuries.  People that had finished the race or were waiting for loved ones to finish or even just watching were injured.  Blown up. 

Is there a shrink machine?  I want to shrink my kids and put them in protective bubbles and then keep them in my pocket forever.  I realize this has its flaws, but for now I don't want to take them anywhere.  We went to a baseball game yesterday and now I kind of want to throw up.  What if some lunatic blew up a baseball game? 

There are no safe places.  We up security at airports and events and say we are fighting a war on violence.  We are not.  We are throwing a band-aid on a severed wound.  I'm not sure you can stop every nut from committing evil, though I would like to.  There are probably dozens/hundreds of attempts that are stopped each day that we really do not hear about.  It's the ones no one expects that take the breath out of you.  Can I put my kids on the school bus and not worry?  Can we go to the zoo?  Where can we go? 

I will not stop living life because something may happen.  An airplane could fall on my house or a tornado can hit it.  There is no where to go.  I can only pray that what is meant to be will be.  I can only live the life I have as best I can while I can.  I can only teach my kids that we make the most of today because we are not promised tomorrow.  Sure, we make plans.  I have a plan to have a baby in another four and a half months. 

There is nothing I can do to guarantee any of it.  I accept that.  Yes, I use caution.  I try to get the kids to use caution, but I won't freeze and wait.  I do pray for the lunatics of the World.  I pray that they are stopped, somehow thwarted for one more day.  That folks can run a marathon and reach goals and live life without senseless violence ending it.

Day 24 - Come and Gone.

So I'm done with the 24 day challenge.  I'm torn.  I lost about 2 lbs and about 5 inches.  Honestly I was expecting more based on other peoples results.  Not realistic, but still.  What did I gain?  Well, I ate really healthy for 24 days.  I drank a lot of water.  I even exercised once or twice.  So I think it was a good start.  A start to what?  A healthier life. 

I feel sick when I drink soda now.  I really want it and I miss it, but it doesn't taste the same to me.  I want candy too, but those make me feel yucky too.  Some things I can do, like lattes and some cookies.  I try to not over-indulge though. 

I have the supplies to do another challenge.  I think I may do one soon just so I can keep the healthy wheels turning.  I think having the structure of the challenge helps me not eat outside of what is good for me. 

The other challenge I faced was going to Disney World during the last week of the challenge.  It was hard to find things that fit into what I needed.  I did the best I could and didn't beat myself up over the rest.  I ate dessert.  I ate a hot dog.  Nothing too outrageous, but things I will try not to have everyday.  I like my Chai tea in the evenings and my oatmeal in the morning.  I'm not sure giving either up would do me any good.  Those keep me happy. 

Anyway, I'm trying to be better.  No.  I am being better.  I'm not trying anymore.  Trying gives me the option to stop or fail.  Doing it means I keep going even if there are setbacks.  Go me!

Still...nothing.

OK.  Here we are at day 14.  Anything different?  Not really.  Sure I'm still eating pretty well, but nothing else is much different.  What is wrong with me? 

I have never been one to get the exercise high.  I get tired and sweaty.  I guess it's OK, but if you really want to stick with something I think it should do more than just make you tired.  It would be nice if I at least enjoyed it.  I've been trying to just do it anyway knowing it is good for me.  I'm not fond of it though.

I did have unrealistic expectations.  I had them based on what other people have experienced.  Why do I have to be different?  I don't know, but I apparently am.  I keep hearing awesome numbers and mine pretty much suck.  Maybe I'm doing it wrong?  I'm eating lots of protein, veggies and fruit.  Is that wrong?  I guess it's not fish everyday, but jeez. 

So now we leave tomorrow and I am going to spend my wonderful vacation the same as I always am only eating healthy and still not getting anywhere.  I will skip the cookies, ice cream and other lovely foods in favor of protein bars, fruit and water.  Blah.  At the end of this I will be pretty much the same as I was.  Should I be happy I didn't get worse?  Probably, but that wasn't my goal. 

I am so grumpy.  I think I need to go to bed early tonight.  My mood is foul.  Not exactly how I want to be on the eve of the happiest place on earth.

Sloth

So...I'm on day six of eating healthy.  I don't feel better.  I guess I don't feel worse either, but for sure no better.  Am I dreaming?  Would it only take 6 days of no sugar, soda, bread, milk and whatever else to feel better? 

This afternoon I went for a walk and then had to take a 45 minute nap.  Is that normal?  Surely I should be able to stand on my feet for an hour without sleeping like a hibernating bear.

More protein?  More water?  More what? 

We are leaving for a vacation in 9 days.  I would like to enjoy it all day long, not just until noon when I feel like passing out.  I'm sure that will be thrilling for my kids.  Hey kids eat your breakfast quick cuz mommy only has three hours before she can't see straight and has to lie down.

Why is this so awful to me?  You would think eating as many vegetables and drinking as much water as I have would kick start a body into high efficiency.  Nope.  I have to pee more, but that's about it so far.

I guess I had high hopes.  Unrealistically high hopes.  Now that I realize it isn't changing me into some super active, healthy gal I'm disappointed.  Maybe? 

OK, confession time.  I ate a cookie the other day.  ONE cookie.  Did that really mess me up?  I don't think so.  It was yummy too.  The universe is lucky I didn't inhale the earth and eat everything in site.  One cookie.  Can you believe that?  Six days.  Over 600 ounces of water.  Vegetables.  Fruit.  Oatmeal.  Ugh. 

Sidenote:  Why do we spell ugh u-g-h instead of u-h-g?  Whatever.

Slow and steady, one step above unmoving and asleep.

So. How Have You Been?

I have been trying. Really. It just so happens I try very hard for about a week, maybe more and then...something happens. It is nothing big or exciting. Just...something. Then I stop trying.

I am in the process of starting some serious thinking. When I read that I picture some giant wheel I have to crank to get moving. It starts so slowly, but with time and effort it spins smoothly.

My mind is a jumble. So many thoughts. Some are helpful and lead to more good thinking. Some are strange and just make me feel fuzzy. An outside opinion might help. It has not helped in the past, but this is not the past anymore.

Instead of looking back to see what went wrong, I am trying to look forward to what will be right. I wonder if it is possible to snap out of something today by dreaming of the future?

Anyway, I found this blog again. Maybe I will try using it for a while. At least until...something.

Tears, From Heaven

Something happened to someone I know. We belong to a group together, but I don't really know much about the person. Anyway. Something quite devastating happened to them. I cannot stop crying for them. I cannot stop thinking about it. I cannot stop agonizing over what would I do if it were me.

I do believe God has a plan for each of us. We may never really know the plan, but we have been given spiritual gifts and a passion. It is up to us to use those gifts. We have free will. We have the choice to say "I am not going to do that". Anyway, there is a plan. When something this awful happens to a human being, it is hard to say "thanks be to God".

I am not angry. I am not sure what I am. I guess at this point confusion and maybe disappointment reign. I totally thought things would work out differently. In my heart I had no doubt things would turn out OK. It is not fair.

My problem now is figuring out why this is getting to me. I cannot even think about it without starting to cry. Talking about it is out of the question. I have been praying, trying to find what it is I should get out of this. Why is this affecting me like it is?

Perhaps this tragedy was too close to home? Even though I do not know this person, this could have been my family. This could have been me. But. So could a million other things. I could have lived in Japan and just lost everything. I could live in a country of war. I live in a nice comfortable American city. I have a house, family, clothes, food, car and many more things. So why does this story affect me so? Am I meant to give or do something?

At this point I am exhausted. My body has been a little sick this week and I just cannot take one more ounce of pain. I let myself cry because I think at some point I will be done. Maybe I will never stop thinking of this person. Maybe I have a bond with them. Maybe I am meant to help in some way. I just do not know.

Life will keep going. Days will pass and summer will come and go and years will fade into the background. Somewhere down the line we will have "moved on". I don't want to live in fear that I will miss something. I will open myself up for whatever may come.

I. Am Alive!

I seem to be some kind of super busy despite not having a formal job. This mom thing takes up a lot of time. Neither of my children want to nap so I spend a fair amount of time trying to get them to sleep. Then I am exhausted so nothing productive happens while they sleep.

Day to day it is amazing how much laundry piles up. How many people live here? Why do they wear so many clothes? Most of my days are spent washing. Laundry, dishes, walls, things, faces and bodies. Wash, wash, wash.

It seems like lately we have had a rash of doctor appointments. One child has a hearing issue so we see an Audiologist on a semi-regular basis. The other child has speech issues so we see a therapist for that too. Add on eye, teeth and general body woes and we see a someone in the medical profession once a week, but more likely twice.

I confess it has been a while since I've seen any sort of doctor. I tell myself I am saving money, but when there is nothing wrong with me it seems silly to go in for a check up. I did make an eye appointment. It has been around 5 or so years since last I went. Nothing is wrong, but it seemed to be the least dreadful appointment to make. Do NOT get me started on the dentist. I dislike the dentist. My eyes are fine so check those.

At some point I will need to start a health journey. Something about hearing folks refer their stories as a journey is weird. I get it, but I imagine you packing your bags and literally walking out your door on a journey. I watch the television show about weight loss and they all talk about their weight loss journey. Maybe it's me. Anyway, I need to get healthy. I drink too much soda and coffee. I stay up too late. I don't exercise enough (or at all if you are keeping score here). Needless to say there are some things I can improve upon.

Perhaps writing it all down is the way to go. I'd like to photo document, but my camera is on the outs. The funds are not yet available to get a new one. If I can figure out how to get pictures from my phone to here then we are in business. Baby steps.

Loser - Weight That Is

I am trying to get healthy. Trying. It is slow going, but each day I try to make a better choice along the way. Some days are good and some, well, not so good. After working out so many days I get tired and ready to throw in the towel. It takes a massive effort to push through the laziness.

Fitting in time to workout doesn't sound like it would be that difficult. After all the gym has a child watch area. But packing a bag, getting there, doing the whole workout, showering and getting put back together takes too long. The kids mostly watch movies which aggravates me. If we have anything else planned in our day it takes every spare minute.

Someday I hope to work out at home and not have to rely on the gym. For now the gym is my motivation. I have spent money to go so I go. I wish my body would get into shape faster. The folks on Biggest Loser lose like 10 lbs per week (or a lot more). Granted they work out an insane amount and are restricted on what they can eat. I guess I'd lose that much too. I am waiting for my jeans to feel a bit looser. That will be the test for me. I want some of my clothes to fit.

On My Mind

Wow. Unused blog much?

So, here are my thoughts in no specific order.

I want to be healthier and I am working on it slowly. We will see how it goes. So far the working out is OK. The eating out is ridiculous. I need to plan and prep some meals.

Vacation needs to happen to me soon. I don't really mind where, but it must be relaxing. Our anniversary is coming soon and we are thinking of a long weekend trip somewhere. Maybe St. Louis or Branson or somewhere relatively close.

Our bathroom needs to be repaired. We now have the money and it's a matter of finding someone to do it. We are not 100% certain what we'll do so we need someone flexible.

My kids need a schedule. They also need some discipline. They are both getting into trouble at school for being too aggressive. The brothers beat on each other and laugh at home. It's not so funny at school. I think if we have some set rules on what happens when you misbehave we'll get it taken care of. I'm going to make a schedule so we have activities planned on days they are home. They get bored and start wrestling to entertain themselves.

Our friends want to go to the pool this weekend. I am in no way ready for a swimsuit. Why don't I start preparing for this in October? I am chubby and pasty white. Ugh.

I kind of want another baby. Our situation is not a good one to have another baby. We are struggling with the two we have, not to mention the family 'relations' aren't really happening either. I wish things were running more smoothly here so this was a more viable option.

I'm helping my sister work on her rental houses. She says she'll pay me. Husband says not to take money from her. I work most of the day there and run home to get kids and get dinner, and all the evening stuff going. There is really no time for things to get done at home. I'm thinking I either need to not help as much or get paid. I can't keep up with laundry and I keep forgetting things since I'm not home as much.

I really want to go on a shopping trip. I need some new clothes. I would like to be in better shape first though. I don't need to be stick thin, but a little less jiggle would be nice. Again, I'm working on it.

Easter is coming. Good Friday then Easter. Do you know the story?

More Handy

Here is another blanket. I requested favorite colors and the answer was blue and blue. This is white, blue and a denim mix striped together. It just so happens this family is a fan of the Indy Colts, so it works well for both favorite color and team.

Again, if you have a request leave me a comment.

Handy Me

OK, so I finished three of the four blankets I was making for Christmas, before Christmas. The fourth is giving me fits. I cannot find the motivation to finish it. I spend a couple hours working on it and it's barely any progress. Aack! The farther into the year we get the more guilty I feel for not having it done. My friends are understanding though. The picture above is one of my favorites. It's red, white and navy blue. I really wanted to keep this one. The picture upload thing doesn't seem to be working so I can't get the others to show up. I'll post them later.

Side note: If you want me to make you one, for a small fee of course, I would be happy to. Leave me a comment and we can talk color and patter. It's crochet, not knitting.

Tired Boy

Somtimes he just needs his mommy. This was at Peanuts Christmas program. SF did a great job of being quiet and still and then at the end was just too worn out to be happy.

Raining. Pouring. Just Go Ahead and Kick Me

Good grief. Charlie Brown seems to have it right. For several weeks there was nothing pressing to do. Life sort of moved at a snail pace. Then. I got sick. After that it seems there is no stopping anything. There was little down time today as I drove from place to place taking care of business. Several hundred dollars later things have been put in order. So what now? A yeast infection. TMI anyone? Suck it.

So. This happens to me when I take antibiotics. I forget every time. Or at least, in my fever induced haze I forget to ask when the medicine I'm taking to make me better is going to do to me. Just kick me while I'm down, no?

I think if I had time to think about things too much I would be depressed. As it is, there are things to do and places to go so I don't have a lot of time to dwell. I guess that's good.

The job situation is not going well. I basically missed the Holiday hiring because I was not willing to work evenings and weekends. At least I wasn't willing to work all of them. One or two would have been okay. So now what? I'm not sure. I think I have a job at a seasonal place, but it's been sort of a weird ride and I'm not sure if I actually have a job or if I'm just still in the running. There is another option, but the more time that passes the more I think it's not going to work out at all.

I'm learning I have very high standards when it comes to manners. I guess I'm willing to slide on some things, but if I say I will call at a certain time I will. Especially if it was a business deal. As in, the boss was supposed to call me between 1 and 2 and at 5 something they finally leave me a message saying they are busy. Really? I didn't get that from the not calling. It doesn't give me much faith in the business that certain aspects of it are run so loose. Bottom line is I'm not holding my breath.

A 9 I Tell You!

Doctor said it's Strep. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst he has seen, I'm a 9. So glad I can excel at something. He gave me a super antibiotic shot, follow up pills and steroids. Mama's going to be high for a while. I do feel better. I managed to eat some toast for dinner. Actually, this is the best diet. All I've had today is a cup of jello and a piece of toast. Let the pounds drop. Yeah, right. Once my throat shrinks to normal size I am EATING. I am so hungry, but the pain of swallowing is just not worth it.

I miss my kids. I have been staying away from them as much as possible so I don't get them sick too. I missed volleyball tonight too. I'm missing all sorts of good stuff. Why is it when we most need to get things done we get wiped out like this? I guess it's really when I need the most rest.

Still sick. I have a lot to do and no time to be out.

Home. Sick. Going to bed. Stories to come. Goodnight.