I admitted to my study group that I am not functioning at 100%. It's odd to be so self aware that I can see what's wrong with me so clearly and yet not be willing to do anything about it. I know I'm tired, not eating well, worried about things and maybe even depressed. Even though I know these things I am not taking steps to fix them. That's not true. I made a doctor appointment for a physical. Perhaps she can convince me to do more.
The pessimist in me knows that she will suggest therapy since talking to someone can be helpful. The trouble is I've been to therapy several times with several different people and it's never worked to my advantage. I either have to convince them that there is something wrong or they latch on to something that it not wrong and try to fix it. One therapist had the bright realization that "you're just not happy". Oh really? It only took you three hours to figure that out? Brilliant!
I'm not against medication or therapy. It has it's place. In this case I know what's wrong and therefore what to do to fix it. It's the doing it that I can't seem to muster. The stress levels are rising. I'm maxed out and so is Husband. Work is getting more stressful for him and I feel guilty adding to it. Now is not the time to take a vacation with the uncertainty.
There are a bunch of little things bothering me and I'm trying to let them go, but as each one piles on it gets harder to let them go. The absolute worst thing happening is I'm getting tired of my kids. I'm getting irritated. I can't seem to just enjoy them and relax at all. As soon as I'm awake I start counting the hours until it's bedtime for them.
Maybe it's a little PPD. Can it be that after 8 months? I think so. I think some of the honeymoon from a newborn has worn off and now I'm a mother of two. On one hand I'm glad they are getting older and on the other I am obsessed with having another baby. In my heart I know it's not a good idea, but I keep dreaming of it.
Oh yeah and my feet are constantly cold.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Out of the Mouths
Super Heroes are big in our house. Several times a day we are assigned a Super to be. Peanut is usually Spiderman or Batman. Occasionally we get to choose, but usually he decides. Husband decided he was going to be Captain America the other day. This morning in the car Peanut asked me where he was.
Peanut: Where is my Daddy? Where is my friend, Captain America?
I have been trying to be Wonder Woman since she is a girl and so am I. Tonight Peanut asked me who I was.
Peanut: Mommy are you Wonder Warmer? Daddy said you were Wonder Warmer.
That's me. I can warm up anyone or anything. There are so many crazy things this kid says. We have decided he has no inner monologue. Where most of us think several million thoughts a day and only vocalize a small percentage of them. He says every thought he has. My sister asked if I thought he had thoughts that he didn't say. I don't think so. When would he have time? His motor-mouth goes non-stop. I love the little guy and he is pretty entertaining, but it's also tiring.
One new fascination he has is with soda, specifically Sprite. That is what I drink most often. The other day I had some and he asked for a drink so I put 1/2 a cup in his cup. He was drinking through a straw so I cautioned him the bubbles might go in his nose. Of course he didn't listen and the bubbles tickled him. This morning I had a soda in the car and he asked what it was. I told him it was a soda.
Peanut: I don't want the bubbles to blow my nose up.
Indeed. No one wants that. Noses would be lost all over the World. He is a semi-perfect parrot. Tonight at dinner he kept changing his mind over whether to eat his meal with a fork or spoon. I told him he could get whichever he wanted. He went into this conversation about can I have a spoon or fork? After asking over and over and over and over I said he could get whatever. He came back to the table with a large serving spoon.
Peanut: Mama, is this a spoon?
Me: Yes (thinking whether or not to explain big vs. little spoons)
I gave up and sighed thinking at least he was going to eat his dinner. I think I said that out loud because when he got back to his chair he said the following.
Peanut: Whatever.
We try not to laugh at the things he says because sometimes it really is inappropriate. Usually it's too funny not to bust up.
Husband: Crap!
Peanut: Crap. Is that a spider? Crap. Crap spider. Is Crap a spider Daddy?
Me: (Rolling eyes at Husband for teaching 3 yr old new word)
It's fun when he opens up in front of others too. We spent Christmas at my sisters house and because the rest of the family did too sleeping space was limited. I ended up sleeping in a bed with Peanut. He tossed and turned all night and I slept very little. Sometime around 5:30 am he started to wake up. I told him to go back to sleep. Daddy then got up (he was sleeping on the floor next to the bed) and talked to him a bit. That night in the van with two of my sisters, my mother and my sisters two kids and Peanut we were driving around looking at Christmas lights. I was telling the story of not sleeping well and how Peanut started to wake before 6.
Me: Then Husband woke up and started telling him to go back to sleep.
Peanut (while slamming fist into hand for emphasis): Daddy said stop your damn crying.
I'm not sure of the exact statement, but the d word was uttered. I didn't hear him and no one would say what he said. Suffice it to say it wasn't anything a 3 yr old should be saying. Oh well.
At dinner last night he was kind of messy and Husband gave him a napkin.
Husband: Wipe your forearms.
Peanut: I don't have four arms. Silly Daddy I only have two. One. Two. Not four.
I saw that one coming. Especially since way back when Peanut was trying to tell Husband something and he kept starting over and kids do.
Husband: Spit it out.
Peanut: Spittooey.
He looked down and spit. We were in the living room at the time. Kids take everything so literal. It really is great to listen to how he views the World. I just wish he could keep his view to himself once in a while. There are so many great things he says. It makes me a little sad when he starts saying things right. I know you want them to develop and speak clearly and properly, but there is something about that innocent, kid talk that I'll really miss.
Peanut: Where is my Daddy? Where is my friend, Captain America?
I have been trying to be Wonder Woman since she is a girl and so am I. Tonight Peanut asked me who I was.
Peanut: Mommy are you Wonder Warmer? Daddy said you were Wonder Warmer.
That's me. I can warm up anyone or anything. There are so many crazy things this kid says. We have decided he has no inner monologue. Where most of us think several million thoughts a day and only vocalize a small percentage of them. He says every thought he has. My sister asked if I thought he had thoughts that he didn't say. I don't think so. When would he have time? His motor-mouth goes non-stop. I love the little guy and he is pretty entertaining, but it's also tiring.
One new fascination he has is with soda, specifically Sprite. That is what I drink most often. The other day I had some and he asked for a drink so I put 1/2 a cup in his cup. He was drinking through a straw so I cautioned him the bubbles might go in his nose. Of course he didn't listen and the bubbles tickled him. This morning I had a soda in the car and he asked what it was. I told him it was a soda.
Peanut: I don't want the bubbles to blow my nose up.
Indeed. No one wants that. Noses would be lost all over the World. He is a semi-perfect parrot. Tonight at dinner he kept changing his mind over whether to eat his meal with a fork or spoon. I told him he could get whichever he wanted. He went into this conversation about can I have a spoon or fork? After asking over and over and over and over I said he could get whatever. He came back to the table with a large serving spoon.
Peanut: Mama, is this a spoon?
Me: Yes (thinking whether or not to explain big vs. little spoons)
I gave up and sighed thinking at least he was going to eat his dinner. I think I said that out loud because when he got back to his chair he said the following.
Peanut: Whatever.
We try not to laugh at the things he says because sometimes it really is inappropriate. Usually it's too funny not to bust up.
Husband: Crap!
Peanut: Crap. Is that a spider? Crap. Crap spider. Is Crap a spider Daddy?
Me: (Rolling eyes at Husband for teaching 3 yr old new word)
It's fun when he opens up in front of others too. We spent Christmas at my sisters house and because the rest of the family did too sleeping space was limited. I ended up sleeping in a bed with Peanut. He tossed and turned all night and I slept very little. Sometime around 5:30 am he started to wake up. I told him to go back to sleep. Daddy then got up (he was sleeping on the floor next to the bed) and talked to him a bit. That night in the van with two of my sisters, my mother and my sisters two kids and Peanut we were driving around looking at Christmas lights. I was telling the story of not sleeping well and how Peanut started to wake before 6.
Me: Then Husband woke up and started telling him to go back to sleep.
Peanut (while slamming fist into hand for emphasis): Daddy said stop your damn crying.
I'm not sure of the exact statement, but the d word was uttered. I didn't hear him and no one would say what he said. Suffice it to say it wasn't anything a 3 yr old should be saying. Oh well.
At dinner last night he was kind of messy and Husband gave him a napkin.
Husband: Wipe your forearms.
Peanut: I don't have four arms. Silly Daddy I only have two. One. Two. Not four.
I saw that one coming. Especially since way back when Peanut was trying to tell Husband something and he kept starting over and kids do.
Husband: Spit it out.
Peanut: Spittooey.
He looked down and spit. We were in the living room at the time. Kids take everything so literal. It really is great to listen to how he views the World. I just wish he could keep his view to himself once in a while. There are so many great things he says. It makes me a little sad when he starts saying things right. I know you want them to develop and speak clearly and properly, but there is something about that innocent, kid talk that I'll really miss.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Bonk
Driving home from daycare this evening I stopped behind several cars waiting for the first car to turn left. I don't remember exactly what we were doing. It seems like Peanut was telling me something about school. I was thinking about Oprah a little. Anyway, I heard a screeching noise and looked over my left shoulder wondering what was happening. Then we got hit. I guess the guy behind us was thinking about Oprah too? Doubtful, but he was not paying any attention.
There seems to be no damage and other than both kids started crying I think we are all fine. I got pretty amped up for a while and couldn't think straight. I took his name and number, but he conveniently didn't have his insurance card. I don't think I'll need it, but still. Before he left I gave him some friendly advice to get his stinking insurance card in his car.
Should I have called the police? Really there was no damage (at least that I could see in the dusk) and we probably won't do anything more. I'm guessing the cops would have maybe given him a ticket for driving without insurance? Or do they care? I thought it was a law to have insurance now. What would you have done?
I'm very thankful the kids seem OK. By nature I worry about everything and I'm quite paranoid that something may be lurking. It was minor and I think they are OK.
There seems to be no damage and other than both kids started crying I think we are all fine. I got pretty amped up for a while and couldn't think straight. I took his name and number, but he conveniently didn't have his insurance card. I don't think I'll need it, but still. Before he left I gave him some friendly advice to get his stinking insurance card in his car.
Should I have called the police? Really there was no damage (at least that I could see in the dusk) and we probably won't do anything more. I'm guessing the cops would have maybe given him a ticket for driving without insurance? Or do they care? I thought it was a law to have insurance now. What would you have done?
I'm very thankful the kids seem OK. By nature I worry about everything and I'm quite paranoid that something may be lurking. It was minor and I think they are OK.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Little Boy Lost
Second Child Syndrome is a real thing. During my pregnancy I heard stories of how baby books were never filled out, if they were even bought. They told me how the second child gets lost in the bustle of activities for the first child. I knew you took far less photos and video of the second.
I didn't believe it. Actually, I did believe it, but I thought I could overcome it. If I just put my mind to it we would have plentiful pictures and video. The baby book would be purchased and filled out even better than the first. I would protect the nap time of the second child, venturing out only when necessary.
How am I doing? Not so good. SF has had life better and worse than Peanut. I knew what mistakes not to make, but I made some anyway. I knew what to look for and when not to panic, but I panicked anyway. I knew not to stress over every feeding, sometimes they eat and sometimes not, but I stressed anyway. I bought the baby book and filled in several pages, but then the baby came and it's not been opened.
There are two things I feel awful about regarding the second child. These are two things I can never fix. I cannot go back in time and change things. I'm trying very hard to not be upset about them. I have the child and he is wonderful. That really is enough for me. If our house were to be destroyed along with all our belongings I would rejoice that my family is safe. Pictures are pieces of paper, but my children are most precious.
The first thing is that I don't know the birth weight of SF. The scale said 9 lbs 13 oz when he was put on it. We had a picture of it. BUT. Twelve hours after his birth he only weighed 9 lbs 1 oz. The doctor and nurses didn't believe he lost that much in so little time. He nursed well and had no other medical problems. The next weight was only a couple ounces less so they think the 9#13 was wrong. So I don't know what his true birth weight was. I'll never know if he was more or less than Peanut. It doesn't matter, but it's a stat. everyone asks and I don't know the answer. My friend K said this "when it's 100 degrees out and someone says 'it's only 98' it's still really F&*$ing hot".
The second thing is that we seem to have lost all pictures of SF before July. Two months of his life are gone. The birth day. Peanut holding him for the first time. Seeing his naked little body on the scale. Looking at him wrapped up laying on his mommy for the first time. Pictures of all the family meeting him for the first time. It's all gone. I can't get it back, though Husband has been trying to find it. I remember every detail. I can see it very clearly. How do I share that with SF in two, six or fifteen years when he asks to see his baby pictures? Will he care? Will he feel like I love him less?
These two things give me a sense of failure. I am heartbroken that we didn't go to the lengths we did to protect everything for Peanut. He has over 1000 pictures and SF has maybe 100, but very few of just him.
My New Year's Resolution will be to constantly have a camera with me to capture the fabulous moments in my children's lives. Another will be to back up everything fanatically.
I didn't believe it. Actually, I did believe it, but I thought I could overcome it. If I just put my mind to it we would have plentiful pictures and video. The baby book would be purchased and filled out even better than the first. I would protect the nap time of the second child, venturing out only when necessary.
How am I doing? Not so good. SF has had life better and worse than Peanut. I knew what mistakes not to make, but I made some anyway. I knew what to look for and when not to panic, but I panicked anyway. I knew not to stress over every feeding, sometimes they eat and sometimes not, but I stressed anyway. I bought the baby book and filled in several pages, but then the baby came and it's not been opened.
There are two things I feel awful about regarding the second child. These are two things I can never fix. I cannot go back in time and change things. I'm trying very hard to not be upset about them. I have the child and he is wonderful. That really is enough for me. If our house were to be destroyed along with all our belongings I would rejoice that my family is safe. Pictures are pieces of paper, but my children are most precious.
The first thing is that I don't know the birth weight of SF. The scale said 9 lbs 13 oz when he was put on it. We had a picture of it. BUT. Twelve hours after his birth he only weighed 9 lbs 1 oz. The doctor and nurses didn't believe he lost that much in so little time. He nursed well and had no other medical problems. The next weight was only a couple ounces less so they think the 9#13 was wrong. So I don't know what his true birth weight was. I'll never know if he was more or less than Peanut. It doesn't matter, but it's a stat. everyone asks and I don't know the answer. My friend K said this "when it's 100 degrees out and someone says 'it's only 98' it's still really F&*$ing hot".
The second thing is that we seem to have lost all pictures of SF before July. Two months of his life are gone. The birth day. Peanut holding him for the first time. Seeing his naked little body on the scale. Looking at him wrapped up laying on his mommy for the first time. Pictures of all the family meeting him for the first time. It's all gone. I can't get it back, though Husband has been trying to find it. I remember every detail. I can see it very clearly. How do I share that with SF in two, six or fifteen years when he asks to see his baby pictures? Will he care? Will he feel like I love him less?
These two things give me a sense of failure. I am heartbroken that we didn't go to the lengths we did to protect everything for Peanut. He has over 1000 pictures and SF has maybe 100, but very few of just him.
My New Year's Resolution will be to constantly have a camera with me to capture the fabulous moments in my children's lives. Another will be to back up everything fanatically.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
You May or May Not Know
I'm not sure who started this, but it looked entertaining.
Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to: leave in plain font
1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band. I played in the school band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower. I’m pretty sure I did this, but maybe not.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity. Never more than I can afford, but I do give quite a bit this time of year.
7. Been to Disneyland/world. Yes. Both I think.
8. Climbed a mountain. Not really, though when we went skiing one time we made this wrong turn and started going down some sort of triple black diamond and had to hike back up a bit to the turn so we could go down the easy green.
9. Held a praying mantis. No, thank you.
10. Sang a solo. The shower counts, right?
11. Bungee jumped. Absolutely not.
12. Visited Paris. Love to.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables. I can’t grow anything.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb. Does a lamb chop count?
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a Marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. I’ve ridden the one at that hotel in Vegas.
29. Seen a total eclipse. I always miss it.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. Does the Wii count?
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I went to the top of the one in Vegas and it made me sick. The real one is like 3 times as tall so I doubt you will ever get me up there.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt. Not a whole one, but I did ¼ of one.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle. How fast do you have to go for it to count as speeding?
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. I don’t think so, but thanks for asking.
88. Had chickenpox. Mom says yes, but dad says no. Mom can’t remember when my birthday is so I’m not sure I trust her account.
89. Saved someone’s life. I ran in and scooped up my nephew. He was bobbing along one of those lazy river things. Not sure his life was saved, but I felt like it could have been a bad situation otherwise.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. I’ve been there, but I don’t think it was warm enough to swim. We might have dipped our toes.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to: leave in plain font
1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band. I played in the school band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower. I’m pretty sure I did this, but maybe not.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity. Never more than I can afford, but I do give quite a bit this time of year.
7. Been to Disneyland/world. Yes. Both I think.
8. Climbed a mountain. Not really, though when we went skiing one time we made this wrong turn and started going down some sort of triple black diamond and had to hike back up a bit to the turn so we could go down the easy green.
9. Held a praying mantis. No, thank you.
10. Sang a solo. The shower counts, right?
11. Bungee jumped. Absolutely not.
12. Visited Paris. Love to.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables. I can’t grow anything.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb. Does a lamb chop count?
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a Marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. I’ve ridden the one at that hotel in Vegas.
29. Seen a total eclipse. I always miss it.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. Does the Wii count?
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I went to the top of the one in Vegas and it made me sick. The real one is like 3 times as tall so I doubt you will ever get me up there.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt. Not a whole one, but I did ¼ of one.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle. How fast do you have to go for it to count as speeding?
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. I don’t think so, but thanks for asking.
88. Had chickenpox. Mom says yes, but dad says no. Mom can’t remember when my birthday is so I’m not sure I trust her account.
89. Saved someone’s life. I ran in and scooped up my nephew. He was bobbing along one of those lazy river things. Not sure his life was saved, but I felt like it could have been a bad situation otherwise.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. I’ve been there, but I don’t think it was warm enough to swim. We might have dipped our toes.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
Friday, December 19, 2008
It's Ugly Here
There is a lot of anger living in our house. We all seem to have anger issues. Peanut is 3 so you can understand he has a million things wrong or at least thinks he does. Of course, 99% of that is easily fixed. Thumper (who will now be known as SweetFace or SF) is 6 months so there are a few things that anger him. Mostly he wants to eat and we can't get the food in his mouth fast enough. Or, like tonight, he backed himself under the coffee table and got stuck again. These are also easily fixes. No, it's the anger that Husband and I carry that is the issue.
We aren't connecting like we used to. I guess kids does that to a couple, but I'm not sure how to get over it. We spend so much time getting from one tantrum to the next until bedtime, that we are both wiped out. Then we spend the evening/night doing all the things that need to be done. Babysitters are hard to find (and afford) so we don't go out much. At one point we each had a night off to go out, alone. Even that has been reduced to a couple of hours. Husband goes to his study group one night and school another. I play volleyball and have a study group. Both of those last 2-3 hours. I don't think it's enough for either of us.
I'm tired of pretending it's OK when I hear yelling in the house. I'm tired of making Husband feel bad when I call him out on anger issues. Yes, I'm sure it makes him feel bad, but am I not supposed to step in? I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me just to keep the peace. Mostly, I'm tired.
I love being a mom and I have two great kids, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the all the time-ness that seems to have taken over. I haven't had a haircut in a salon in over a year. My sister cut it 6 months ago, but it needs professional help now. I haven't gone out to do it because I hate asking Husband to watch this kids. I know he has a rough time and gets angry. So instead I just stay home. Perhaps the hour or two for volleyball and the 2-3 hours for study group is enough to ask him to watch them. It's easier for Husband to go out. It seems like when he gets time off it's a lot of time. I hate to keep score, but when he goes out he doesn't have to take a child with him (though he usually does take Peanut when he can). I usually do have to take SF. Otherwise I have to be back every 3-4 hours to feed him or use the milk in the freezer thus confirming no babysitter since there would be no milk.
On top of all of this I think we lost the baby pictures of SF. I can't find anything earlier than two months. It's bad enough he has second child syndrome and there are hardly any pictures of him, but now we have nothing. It makes me sick to think of it.
So right now it's not pretty here. The stress is getting to me. I'm tired.
Merry Christmas
We aren't connecting like we used to. I guess kids does that to a couple, but I'm not sure how to get over it. We spend so much time getting from one tantrum to the next until bedtime, that we are both wiped out. Then we spend the evening/night doing all the things that need to be done. Babysitters are hard to find (and afford) so we don't go out much. At one point we each had a night off to go out, alone. Even that has been reduced to a couple of hours. Husband goes to his study group one night and school another. I play volleyball and have a study group. Both of those last 2-3 hours. I don't think it's enough for either of us.
I'm tired of pretending it's OK when I hear yelling in the house. I'm tired of making Husband feel bad when I call him out on anger issues. Yes, I'm sure it makes him feel bad, but am I not supposed to step in? I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me just to keep the peace. Mostly, I'm tired.
I love being a mom and I have two great kids, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the all the time-ness that seems to have taken over. I haven't had a haircut in a salon in over a year. My sister cut it 6 months ago, but it needs professional help now. I haven't gone out to do it because I hate asking Husband to watch this kids. I know he has a rough time and gets angry. So instead I just stay home. Perhaps the hour or two for volleyball and the 2-3 hours for study group is enough to ask him to watch them. It's easier for Husband to go out. It seems like when he gets time off it's a lot of time. I hate to keep score, but when he goes out he doesn't have to take a child with him (though he usually does take Peanut when he can). I usually do have to take SF. Otherwise I have to be back every 3-4 hours to feed him or use the milk in the freezer thus confirming no babysitter since there would be no milk.
On top of all of this I think we lost the baby pictures of SF. I can't find anything earlier than two months. It's bad enough he has second child syndrome and there are hardly any pictures of him, but now we have nothing. It makes me sick to think of it.
So right now it's not pretty here. The stress is getting to me. I'm tired.
Merry Christmas
Friday, December 12, 2008
Relax..For a Moment Anyway
I got a massage today. While it wasn't the fancy spa experience I would have liked it to be, it was quite nice. The place is clean and comfortable, but no bells or whistles. My favorite place had foot soaks while you wait for your appointment and a steam shower when you are done. The first few times I went it was Heaven. Then it started getting sort of run down. The soaks were still nice, but the shower was usually either out of soap or hot water. The people there were getting extra snobby and it wasn't a great experience. The up side was that the gal I saw there did a fantastic massage. Once we moved I decided to find a new place.
While getting my massage I kept thinking of all the ways to improve my life. It's funny, while the toxins are being pushed out of my body I start thinking of what other toxic things need to go. I dream of eating more vegetables and exercising. I vow to do Yoga and get a massage every other month. I start dreaming of a calm and peaceful house in which my children rarely misbehave. Then the massage is over and I drink my glass of water and head home.
I've been trying to workout, but it's not happening. I can't seem to get more than a foot away from Thumper. I'd let him just cry through it, but I'm not sure I can make it through a 20 minute workout while he wails. I guess I might have to join some sort of gym that offers childcare. At least then I would know the kid(s) would be looked after while I get my workout in. I just hate to spend the money. My stomach is starting to gross me out though. I honestly believe that if I could just workout a few times a week I'd start to look and feel better. The main goal is to fit into my clothes again. I'd say I need to lose at least 10 lbs to do that. Actually, I just need to flatten the belly a bit. I don't care how much I lose if any. I just want my clothes back.
While getting my massage I kept thinking of all the ways to improve my life. It's funny, while the toxins are being pushed out of my body I start thinking of what other toxic things need to go. I dream of eating more vegetables and exercising. I vow to do Yoga and get a massage every other month. I start dreaming of a calm and peaceful house in which my children rarely misbehave. Then the massage is over and I drink my glass of water and head home.
I've been trying to workout, but it's not happening. I can't seem to get more than a foot away from Thumper. I'd let him just cry through it, but I'm not sure I can make it through a 20 minute workout while he wails. I guess I might have to join some sort of gym that offers childcare. At least then I would know the kid(s) would be looked after while I get my workout in. I just hate to spend the money. My stomach is starting to gross me out though. I honestly believe that if I could just workout a few times a week I'd start to look and feel better. The main goal is to fit into my clothes again. I'd say I need to lose at least 10 lbs to do that. Actually, I just need to flatten the belly a bit. I don't care how much I lose if any. I just want my clothes back.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Anyone Here?
Wow. I guess it's been a while. There are many times throughout the day that I think about posting. Thinking doesn't seem to be making it happen though. There isn't much to tell right now.
Thumper didn't do so great at sleep training. Just in the last few days have we gotten him to sleep through the night. I think he just needed more time and possibly he was a bit sick and unable or unwilling to sleep alone. Naps are still a bear, but he has good days and bad ones. He does not seem to want a bed time routine. We get to his room and he just starts wailing. Usually I get frustrated and just put him in bed. After about 3 minutes of crying he is sound asleep. Maybe I'm missing the window of sleepiness and getting him in there when he is dead tired? I will work on that.
Peanut is fine. He's been sick off and on for a while. Nothing serious, but some days he is more sluggish and tired than others. Today he seems good. He's still in his pajamas. I don't care. What's the difference? We aren't going anywhere since the wind is gusting and it's snowing.
I've had a couple of nights out by myself and that was nice. I could use an all day adventure, but I'll take what I get. The everyday -ness is getting to me. Everyday I watch at least one boy and change and feed him (them). Husband helps out on weekends and I'm happy for that, but sometime I'd like a day off during the week.
Husband has suggested a visit to the spa. I would love to, but feel guilty about doing it myself. Somehow if someone else made the appointment and paid for it then it would feel like a gift and not me spending a ton of money on something extra. I tried to explain this but I don't think he understood. I could use a massage, my shoulders and back are killing me today. Probably because I had to pick Thumper up a ton yesterday.
I bought a Wii and Wii fit. I like it, but would like some new games. They are fun, but I get bored pretty quick. Anyone have suggestions? We rented Wii Music the other night. It's OK, but not as cool as I thought it would be. I guess because I know how to play music it's discouraging to just flop my arms around and call that 'playing' an instrument. I'd rather see the music and have it really teach me arm positions and things like that. The game could really be something fabulous. I haven't explored all of it yet and maybe it gets better, but so far I'm not impressed.
Thumper didn't do so great at sleep training. Just in the last few days have we gotten him to sleep through the night. I think he just needed more time and possibly he was a bit sick and unable or unwilling to sleep alone. Naps are still a bear, but he has good days and bad ones. He does not seem to want a bed time routine. We get to his room and he just starts wailing. Usually I get frustrated and just put him in bed. After about 3 minutes of crying he is sound asleep. Maybe I'm missing the window of sleepiness and getting him in there when he is dead tired? I will work on that.
Peanut is fine. He's been sick off and on for a while. Nothing serious, but some days he is more sluggish and tired than others. Today he seems good. He's still in his pajamas. I don't care. What's the difference? We aren't going anywhere since the wind is gusting and it's snowing.
I've had a couple of nights out by myself and that was nice. I could use an all day adventure, but I'll take what I get. The everyday -ness is getting to me. Everyday I watch at least one boy and change and feed him (them). Husband helps out on weekends and I'm happy for that, but sometime I'd like a day off during the week.
Husband has suggested a visit to the spa. I would love to, but feel guilty about doing it myself. Somehow if someone else made the appointment and paid for it then it would feel like a gift and not me spending a ton of money on something extra. I tried to explain this but I don't think he understood. I could use a massage, my shoulders and back are killing me today. Probably because I had to pick Thumper up a ton yesterday.
I bought a Wii and Wii fit. I like it, but would like some new games. They are fun, but I get bored pretty quick. Anyone have suggestions? We rented Wii Music the other night. It's OK, but not as cool as I thought it would be. I guess because I know how to play music it's discouraging to just flop my arms around and call that 'playing' an instrument. I'd rather see the music and have it really teach me arm positions and things like that. The game could really be something fabulous. I haven't explored all of it yet and maybe it gets better, but so far I'm not impressed.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Miracles Really Do Happen
We started sleep training Thumper on Monday. Basically, we do a bedtime routine then put him in bed and leave. He has cried anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. This crying hurts me more than anything. Knowing I could instantly stop it and don't is hard. Tonight I gave him a bath, put pajamas on, read two books and sang a short song. He seemed pretty wired, but I put him down and kissed his head goodnight. Not a peep has been heard (knock wood).
In other news we are babysitting my almost 7 year old nephew, S. His sister has an activity out of town and he would be totally bored there. My sister J asked if we'd watch him overnight and most of tomorrow. I agreed, but with zero excitement. It's not that he is any trouble, but I just don't know how to relate to him. Peanut LOVES to play with S, but he gets tired of him. Maybe it's just because he's kind of awkward. Long legs, skinny, losing teeth and kind of a dodo bird. He's like his father in that respect. Neither of them really ever think. I don't expect a 7 year old to be brilliant, but I do expect them to understand certain things. Only recently did he know the difference between a front and back door and which was located where. I hope I can relate to my own sons more when they are his age.
Husband offered to watch the kids so I could go to a spa tomorrow. I never sat down and decided where to go and what to do until last night and it was too late to make an appointment. I guess I'll wait a bit longer. It seems something always comes up. Perhaps I will go clothes shopping tomorrow. I need some jeans to wear. The one pair that fit me are starting to wear out from wearing them all the time. I need another pair to balance out. Looks like I might end up taking Thumper with me though. Depends on if I can squeeze out some milk or not. He shouldn't be much of a problem.
We're hosting dinner for a bunch of people on Sunday. We've been to their houses for dinner and it's sort of a nice thing to pay them back, but at the same time having so many people over stresses me out. I hate things getting out of place. My house is always a mess, but the chaos of so many people roaming around gets to me. Especially, when some of those people are under age 10. Wish me luck!
In other news we are babysitting my almost 7 year old nephew, S. His sister has an activity out of town and he would be totally bored there. My sister J asked if we'd watch him overnight and most of tomorrow. I agreed, but with zero excitement. It's not that he is any trouble, but I just don't know how to relate to him. Peanut LOVES to play with S, but he gets tired of him. Maybe it's just because he's kind of awkward. Long legs, skinny, losing teeth and kind of a dodo bird. He's like his father in that respect. Neither of them really ever think. I don't expect a 7 year old to be brilliant, but I do expect them to understand certain things. Only recently did he know the difference between a front and back door and which was located where. I hope I can relate to my own sons more when they are his age.
Husband offered to watch the kids so I could go to a spa tomorrow. I never sat down and decided where to go and what to do until last night and it was too late to make an appointment. I guess I'll wait a bit longer. It seems something always comes up. Perhaps I will go clothes shopping tomorrow. I need some jeans to wear. The one pair that fit me are starting to wear out from wearing them all the time. I need another pair to balance out. Looks like I might end up taking Thumper with me though. Depends on if I can squeeze out some milk or not. He shouldn't be much of a problem.
We're hosting dinner for a bunch of people on Sunday. We've been to their houses for dinner and it's sort of a nice thing to pay them back, but at the same time having so many people over stresses me out. I hate things getting out of place. My house is always a mess, but the chaos of so many people roaming around gets to me. Especially, when some of those people are under age 10. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Copy Cat
KD did a meme so I'll do one too.
Let’s start with the rules:
Link to your tagger and list the rules
List 7 random facts about yourself
Tag 7 people
If you’re tagged, play along and pass it on!
Here’s my random seven:
Uno: I would love to go to a fat camp like the Biggest Loser. I'm not really overweight, but I want to learn about how to eat better and exercise while still being on 'mom' duty.
Dos: I sing all the time. I take an everyday task (changing a diaper) and put it to music. I wish sometimes it sounded better, but it's fun.
Tres: If money were not an issue I would have a massage once a week.
Cuatro: I go to church and I'm learning new things, but I still have trouble believing.
Cinco: I desperately need a new wardrobe, but won't buy any new clothes. I have a hard time spending money on me, but no problem spending on the kids or things for the house.
Seis: I always wanted to be a movie star.
Siete: I'd like to have more kids, but I probably won't.
Let’s start with the rules:
Link to your tagger and list the rules
List 7 random facts about yourself
Tag 7 people
If you’re tagged, play along and pass it on!
Here’s my random seven:
Uno: I would love to go to a fat camp like the Biggest Loser. I'm not really overweight, but I want to learn about how to eat better and exercise while still being on 'mom' duty.
Dos: I sing all the time. I take an everyday task (changing a diaper) and put it to music. I wish sometimes it sounded better, but it's fun.
Tres: If money were not an issue I would have a massage once a week.
Cuatro: I go to church and I'm learning new things, but I still have trouble believing.
Cinco: I desperately need a new wardrobe, but won't buy any new clothes. I have a hard time spending money on me, but no problem spending on the kids or things for the house.
Seis: I always wanted to be a movie star.
Siete: I'd like to have more kids, but I probably won't.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Like a Weed
My babies are growing up and I can't stop it.
Peanut is enormous. Tomorrow he starts going to the 3-4 year old room. Good thing, he is a head taller than all the 2-3 year old room kids. I'm sad he'll leave his friends and teachers. I really like them. The grapevine tells me the new teachers are "really cool". I haven't seen much of them yet so the vote is still out. At his 3 year old check up he measured 41 inches tall and almost 39 lbs. He is still above the average lines on the charts. Oh well. To give you some perspective, his cousin who is only 3 days older weighs 27 lbs and is maybe a whole head and some shoulders shorter.
The little one is growing out of his name. He measures about 19 1/2 lbs and almost 29 inches. He's close to growing out of his car seat so we're looking at new ones. He can now roll over both ways and pushes way up when on his tummy. Once in a while he gets his legs crawling while on his tummy. The downside is that his head just gets mashed into the floor. I'm in no hurry for him to start crawling. Did I mention he is 5 months old? His clothes size is around 12 months, with the occasions 18 month item. He doesn't seem as long in the torso as Peanut, but makes up for it with leg length. Shirts seem to fit OK, but he is so round we need big sizes.
I don't have a baby blob anymore. Having a little one is so wonderful and I'm a bit sad he's growing up. He is most likely my last child and I can't seem to savor him enough.
Peanut is enormous. Tomorrow he starts going to the 3-4 year old room. Good thing, he is a head taller than all the 2-3 year old room kids. I'm sad he'll leave his friends and teachers. I really like them. The grapevine tells me the new teachers are "really cool". I haven't seen much of them yet so the vote is still out. At his 3 year old check up he measured 41 inches tall and almost 39 lbs. He is still above the average lines on the charts. Oh well. To give you some perspective, his cousin who is only 3 days older weighs 27 lbs and is maybe a whole head and some shoulders shorter.
The little one is growing out of his name. He measures about 19 1/2 lbs and almost 29 inches. He's close to growing out of his car seat so we're looking at new ones. He can now roll over both ways and pushes way up when on his tummy. Once in a while he gets his legs crawling while on his tummy. The downside is that his head just gets mashed into the floor. I'm in no hurry for him to start crawling. Did I mention he is 5 months old? His clothes size is around 12 months, with the occasions 18 month item. He doesn't seem as long in the torso as Peanut, but makes up for it with leg length. Shirts seem to fit OK, but he is so round we need big sizes.
I don't have a baby blob anymore. Having a little one is so wonderful and I'm a bit sad he's growing up. He is most likely my last child and I can't seem to savor him enough.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Shallow
Politics aside, does anyone else get creeped out looking at John McCain? I'm just not sure I can look at him for the next four years. The teeth are creepy skeleton teeth and he has some sort of funny lisp. Both his hands work like the useless one Bob Dole has. When he smiles it seems like maybe I should turn around because there is a killer with a knife ready to get me.
Palin looks OK, but I'll always think Tina Fey got elected or maybe she should have.
I really don't know much about his politics, but as a person I'm a bit nervous to look at him.
Palin looks OK, but I'll always think Tina Fey got elected or maybe she should have.
I really don't know much about his politics, but as a person I'm a bit nervous to look at him.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Second Birthday Party
So last weekend was the birthday party with my family. The plan was relatively simple. We go to a park around 11 am to play, eat lunch and open gifts. Then we go across the parking lot to the indoor pool. Once everyone is done with that, they go home. This way my house doesn't have to get all messed up and I am much more relaxed with the (eight that can walk) kids being monkeys outside.
However, there were some problems. First the pool pass we were going to buy was not available so everyone was going to cost $2 more per person. Not a huge deal, but more complicated than with the pass. We worked around this. Second, my mother left me a voicemail the day before. Through her sobs she said she wasn't coming. I called my sister to get the story and through her sobs told me what happened. So I called my mom back and she was driving to my house. I won't go into the whole story, but for a few hours there was some serious drama. It all worked out, but it's not the way I would have liked. Third, one of the kids almost drowned. No really. He was alone and wandered to the lazy river and got swept away. He was bobbing along when Husband and I got to him and pulled him out. The lifeguard was just a few feet away not paying any attention to the three year old drowning in front of him. Once we got him out and gave him to his mother I yelled at him. I wish I would have told the manager. There is no excuse.
The boys had a great time and the adults enjoyed themselves too. I made a Spiderman cake that impressed the kids and made it all worth it. We were worn out and tired, but it was a total success.
However, there were some problems. First the pool pass we were going to buy was not available so everyone was going to cost $2 more per person. Not a huge deal, but more complicated than with the pass. We worked around this. Second, my mother left me a voicemail the day before. Through her sobs she said she wasn't coming. I called my sister to get the story and through her sobs told me what happened. So I called my mom back and she was driving to my house. I won't go into the whole story, but for a few hours there was some serious drama. It all worked out, but it's not the way I would have liked. Third, one of the kids almost drowned. No really. He was alone and wandered to the lazy river and got swept away. He was bobbing along when Husband and I got to him and pulled him out. The lifeguard was just a few feet away not paying any attention to the three year old drowning in front of him. Once we got him out and gave him to his mother I yelled at him. I wish I would have told the manager. There is no excuse.
The boys had a great time and the adults enjoyed themselves too. I made a Spiderman cake that impressed the kids and made it all worth it. We were worn out and tired, but it was a total success.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Oh My!
So I feel pretty worthless right now. On Monday, Husband meets with his MBA group to study or whatever they need to get done. This makes the third week in a row that he has come home early to help. I can't seem to make it past about 6:00pm without intervention. One or both boys starts crying and I can't do jack to get them calmed down. Husband says he is on the way and things calm down.
I am no comfort to my own child. With Peanut all I had to do was pick him up and he was instantly calm. Holding him was all he needed. Even now that he is nearing 3 being held goes a long way with him. Thumper? Not so much. I hold. I sing. I rock, jiggle, sway, shush and a million other things. Unless he's hungry, it doesn't seem to be me he wants. That is not to say he wants Husband, but several times that has worked out OK for him.
Perhaps he has an ear infection or something else going on? When he nurses on my right side he seems less content. Maybe my right side tastes funny. I don't really know. The point is I don't seem to be able to relax him. Many a night he cries until he passes out from exhaustion. That is not the way I want him to learn to go to sleep.
This week I have no paint jobs or anything else planned. It is the week to get him sleep trained so he can put himself to sleep. All day I watched him and when he started to look a little sleepy I put him down. Poof. He would be asleep. Great. I didn't think he was trained and we were done with it, but then about 6 pm he started crying and would not be soothed. I gave him Tylenol and about 20 minutes later he nursed himself to sleep. Was is the Tylenol kicking in or the hour he fussed and cried that put him to sleep? Either way, it's not something I want to make a habit.
On one hand I'm happy Husband can get him to sleep, but on the other hand I want it to be me. So when Husband takes him from me and then puts him to sleep I'm jealous. The thing is, I've been having trouble with jealousy lately. A friend is newly pregnant and announced it after Peanuts birthday party. I wasn't really happy for her. I wasn't really sad either. Part of me is jealous that she gets to be pregnant and get the attention. She is the new cool thing right now. I'm a little sad it's not me. Especially since no one cared when I was pregnant. There is no sympathy for the second round. This is her second too, but because of who she is, I'm sure it will be a big deal.
Then last night I convinced her to play volleyball with me. She ended up hurting her ankle pretty bad. I felt really guilty. I didn't have anything to do with it, but felt at fault. After thinking about it I'm pretty sure I felt guilty because I was not happy for her pregnancy. It doesn't make sense, but that's how my moods/emotions are running these days. I feel quite damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'd like to paint, make money and get out of the house, but I feel guilty for hauling the baby out with me so much. My sister manages to make me feel guilty about not going, but yet tells me to take a day off.
I really need some time to myself, but feel guilty about it. Husband is supposed to have Monday and Thursday evenings for school. I play volleyball on Sunday and have a study group meeting on Wednesday. While I'm glad he watched the boys so I can attend both, it's not really a break. I get so busy for the hour I'm gone, that it isn't very relaxing. I'd love to spend some time at a spa or even home alone or out with a friend (if I had any that could go with me). I realize Husband spends the day working, not relaxing, but he still gets out of the house and away from the kids. I have at least one of them all the time. Of course I'm nursing so it's harder to get away.
I am no comfort to my own child. With Peanut all I had to do was pick him up and he was instantly calm. Holding him was all he needed. Even now that he is nearing 3 being held goes a long way with him. Thumper? Not so much. I hold. I sing. I rock, jiggle, sway, shush and a million other things. Unless he's hungry, it doesn't seem to be me he wants. That is not to say he wants Husband, but several times that has worked out OK for him.
Perhaps he has an ear infection or something else going on? When he nurses on my right side he seems less content. Maybe my right side tastes funny. I don't really know. The point is I don't seem to be able to relax him. Many a night he cries until he passes out from exhaustion. That is not the way I want him to learn to go to sleep.
This week I have no paint jobs or anything else planned. It is the week to get him sleep trained so he can put himself to sleep. All day I watched him and when he started to look a little sleepy I put him down. Poof. He would be asleep. Great. I didn't think he was trained and we were done with it, but then about 6 pm he started crying and would not be soothed. I gave him Tylenol and about 20 minutes later he nursed himself to sleep. Was is the Tylenol kicking in or the hour he fussed and cried that put him to sleep? Either way, it's not something I want to make a habit.
On one hand I'm happy Husband can get him to sleep, but on the other hand I want it to be me. So when Husband takes him from me and then puts him to sleep I'm jealous. The thing is, I've been having trouble with jealousy lately. A friend is newly pregnant and announced it after Peanuts birthday party. I wasn't really happy for her. I wasn't really sad either. Part of me is jealous that she gets to be pregnant and get the attention. She is the new cool thing right now. I'm a little sad it's not me. Especially since no one cared when I was pregnant. There is no sympathy for the second round. This is her second too, but because of who she is, I'm sure it will be a big deal.
Then last night I convinced her to play volleyball with me. She ended up hurting her ankle pretty bad. I felt really guilty. I didn't have anything to do with it, but felt at fault. After thinking about it I'm pretty sure I felt guilty because I was not happy for her pregnancy. It doesn't make sense, but that's how my moods/emotions are running these days. I feel quite damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'd like to paint, make money and get out of the house, but I feel guilty for hauling the baby out with me so much. My sister manages to make me feel guilty about not going, but yet tells me to take a day off.
I really need some time to myself, but feel guilty about it. Husband is supposed to have Monday and Thursday evenings for school. I play volleyball on Sunday and have a study group meeting on Wednesday. While I'm glad he watched the boys so I can attend both, it's not really a break. I get so busy for the hour I'm gone, that it isn't very relaxing. I'd love to spend some time at a spa or even home alone or out with a friend (if I had any that could go with me). I realize Husband spends the day working, not relaxing, but he still gets out of the house and away from the kids. I have at least one of them all the time. Of course I'm nursing so it's harder to get away.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
First Birthday Party
Today we had the first birthday party for Peanut. He will be 3 next week. This party was for his and our friends. He picked a Batman theme so we had Batman plates, napkins and I make a Batman cake too. I'll try to post a picture later.
I've been under the weather so it was a little rough getting ready for today. We made it and had a good time. Then the kids got more wild and I started to feel nervous. There is something about all those people and rowdy kids that makes me uncomfortable. I went upstairs for a while and did OK until I started thinking of everything happening to my house while I was away. Luckily, folks started to leave not long afterwards.
Husband put Peanut to bed and the last thing he said was "I liked my party. I liked my Batman party, daddy". Sweet. He seemed to have a great time. He also got a few really cool toys too.
Next weekend is the family party. I'm not as excited about that one. My sister said she was flexible and basically left the planning to me. So I made a plan and then she acted like that wasn't going to be fun. Maybe I just caught her at a bad time, but she was pretty grumpy about it. Oh well. If the 3 other kids freaked me out tonight then what will it be like with 8 other kids here? Plus at least our friends do an OK job of watching their own kids. My sister just checks her mommy badge at the door. It's like because we're at my house she isn't responsible for them. It's like that wherever she goes. We joke that she is the 'tornado' family. When they come and go it's like a tornado. You feel run over. The house is a wreck afterwards too. My plan is to go to a park for lunch and open gifts then go to the indoor pool to swim for the rest of the day. No need to go to anyones house for anything. That way the wreckage is outside.
I'm wiped out. It's been a busy week. I've been painting and planning this party and trying to keep the house up and all sorts of things. There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to get it all done. I'm going to take next week off from painting to see if I can relax and catch up on laundry. Thumper needs some sleep training too. He doesn't seem to know how to fall asleep on his own. We get so busy with other things that we miss his (tiny) sleep window. Then he has to be rocked or nursed to sleep. I'm hoping to spend some time next week teaching him how to just go to sleep.
Overall today was good. I got to watch my boy have fun. Even better I got to help the fun be possible. It's great to give a gift like that. Nothing tangible. Putting a smile on his face makes it totally worth it.
I've been under the weather so it was a little rough getting ready for today. We made it and had a good time. Then the kids got more wild and I started to feel nervous. There is something about all those people and rowdy kids that makes me uncomfortable. I went upstairs for a while and did OK until I started thinking of everything happening to my house while I was away. Luckily, folks started to leave not long afterwards.
Husband put Peanut to bed and the last thing he said was "I liked my party. I liked my Batman party, daddy". Sweet. He seemed to have a great time. He also got a few really cool toys too.
Next weekend is the family party. I'm not as excited about that one. My sister said she was flexible and basically left the planning to me. So I made a plan and then she acted like that wasn't going to be fun. Maybe I just caught her at a bad time, but she was pretty grumpy about it. Oh well. If the 3 other kids freaked me out tonight then what will it be like with 8 other kids here? Plus at least our friends do an OK job of watching their own kids. My sister just checks her mommy badge at the door. It's like because we're at my house she isn't responsible for them. It's like that wherever she goes. We joke that she is the 'tornado' family. When they come and go it's like a tornado. You feel run over. The house is a wreck afterwards too. My plan is to go to a park for lunch and open gifts then go to the indoor pool to swim for the rest of the day. No need to go to anyones house for anything. That way the wreckage is outside.
I'm wiped out. It's been a busy week. I've been painting and planning this party and trying to keep the house up and all sorts of things. There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to get it all done. I'm going to take next week off from painting to see if I can relax and catch up on laundry. Thumper needs some sleep training too. He doesn't seem to know how to fall asleep on his own. We get so busy with other things that we miss his (tiny) sleep window. Then he has to be rocked or nursed to sleep. I'm hoping to spend some time next week teaching him how to just go to sleep.
Overall today was good. I got to watch my boy have fun. Even better I got to help the fun be possible. It's great to give a gift like that. Nothing tangible. Putting a smile on his face makes it totally worth it.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Not Cohesive at All
So a lot of days are rough with an almost 3 yr old. Yesterday was a different story. Thursday is usually our difficult day because Husband is gone all day at work and late into the night with school. Instead of being hard though, it was a great day. Peanut only lost his mind twice and was easily calmed down. I can't even think of anything specific that happened, but it was relaxed and overall a great day.
Of course this morning when he got up he was grumpy again, but I'll take the time I get. It took us a long time to get to school.
I wrenched my back on Monday. I couldn't move much at all. Today it's better, but gets cramped up pretty easy. The worst part was yesterday when both Husband and my sister were like " aren't you better yet?" I understand being curious, but it came out more like they were done caring. Every time I think of talking about it or even mentioning that it hurts I bite my tongue. Then I get annoyed when I do wince or groan in pain and they are like "what's wrong". I'll say, my back hurts and they ask if it's again. No. Not again. Still. How about we not talk about it and I'll just let you know when it's right again?
Random Thoughts:
Why do we pronounce the name Herb with the H, but the seasonings we don't even though they are all spelled the same?
We're watching Posiedon (sp?) on television and it seems to have a few flaws in it. Wouldn't someone notice their ship having issues? I know it would take a while before they could get there, but wow. So are they all part fish? They seem to have a very large lung capacity.
Ok. I'm tired.
Of course this morning when he got up he was grumpy again, but I'll take the time I get. It took us a long time to get to school.
I wrenched my back on Monday. I couldn't move much at all. Today it's better, but gets cramped up pretty easy. The worst part was yesterday when both Husband and my sister were like " aren't you better yet?" I understand being curious, but it came out more like they were done caring. Every time I think of talking about it or even mentioning that it hurts I bite my tongue. Then I get annoyed when I do wince or groan in pain and they are like "what's wrong". I'll say, my back hurts and they ask if it's again. No. Not again. Still. How about we not talk about it and I'll just let you know when it's right again?
Random Thoughts:
Why do we pronounce the name Herb with the H, but the seasonings we don't even though they are all spelled the same?
We're watching Posiedon (sp?) on television and it seems to have a few flaws in it. Wouldn't someone notice their ship having issues? I know it would take a while before they could get there, but wow. So are they all part fish? They seem to have a very large lung capacity.
Ok. I'm tired.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Mr(s) Clean
I went to a play date today. Peanut was in school, but I took Thumper with me. It was nice to hang out with other moms even if one kid was missing. Anyway, we went to this gals house and it was spotless. She made muffins and a coffee cake. The dishes were like fine China. Who lives like this? My house has toys and other junk all over. There isn't a room in the house that looks spotless. OK, yes, my house is bigger and allows for more spaces to house more junk, but how do moms keep their houses so clean?
I'd love to have a play date at my house, but I'm not sure I could get it so clean or make any type of edible food. I joined a mom group and once in a while I'll have to take a dish to the breakfast. I'm already wondering how to get dressed, get the kids dressed, get Peanut to school and feed Thumper so I can make it to the meeting by 9am. When do I make a breakfast dish? I guess maybe I could get a bunch of fruit or something.
I'd love to have a play date at my house, but I'm not sure I could get it so clean or make any type of edible food. I joined a mom group and once in a while I'll have to take a dish to the breakfast. I'm already wondering how to get dressed, get the kids dressed, get Peanut to school and feed Thumper so I can make it to the meeting by 9am. When do I make a breakfast dish? I guess maybe I could get a bunch of fruit or something.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
No Names Please
I don't post often. This is my outlet. I talk with Husband and family, but there are times I don't want them. The Internet seems like a good place to vent things. I can print them and forget them. Sometimes people comment and that is nice. I read several other blogs, but rarely comment. I guess I'm a lurker.
Some blogs give names and places and practically an address to come visit. While I do write about my kids I won't ever post their names or where we are or any of that information. I don't think I have enemies, but I also don't want to find out. One of the blogs I read is shutting down because someone in her life can't leave her alone. They apparently use her blog to get close to her and harass her.
I'm sure everyone has heard the story of the blogger getting fired over what she wrote. I feel it's my right to say whatever I want, but would never want someone to hold it against me. Most of the blogs I read are fun stories and rarely about a specific person. I'll admit I do like to hear about their lives. It feels like a friend even though I've never met them. I love to read KD's blog because we are friends and it gives me a chance to keep up with her. We're both lousy at actual communication so blogs let us keep up a little easier.
I do read a blog about a family. They both post their names and the names of their children. I know the city where they live, but I don't know much more. I personally don't have the desire to find them, but someone might. There are people out there waiting for just enough information to pounce.
This morning I thought of posting a picture of my chubby baby. He is getting so big and fat. I wanted to post a picture of his several chins and thighs, but thought against it. There could be a person out there doing Lord knows what while looking at his picture. I don't want that for any child let along my own.
So if you read my blog, welcome. The posts are a bit vague and I don't use real names or places. I hope that some of it is still entertaining to you, but this is for me.
Some blogs give names and places and practically an address to come visit. While I do write about my kids I won't ever post their names or where we are or any of that information. I don't think I have enemies, but I also don't want to find out. One of the blogs I read is shutting down because someone in her life can't leave her alone. They apparently use her blog to get close to her and harass her.
I'm sure everyone has heard the story of the blogger getting fired over what she wrote. I feel it's my right to say whatever I want, but would never want someone to hold it against me. Most of the blogs I read are fun stories and rarely about a specific person. I'll admit I do like to hear about their lives. It feels like a friend even though I've never met them. I love to read KD's blog because we are friends and it gives me a chance to keep up with her. We're both lousy at actual communication so blogs let us keep up a little easier.
I do read a blog about a family. They both post their names and the names of their children. I know the city where they live, but I don't know much more. I personally don't have the desire to find them, but someone might. There are people out there waiting for just enough information to pounce.
This morning I thought of posting a picture of my chubby baby. He is getting so big and fat. I wanted to post a picture of his several chins and thighs, but thought against it. There could be a person out there doing Lord knows what while looking at his picture. I don't want that for any child let along my own.
So if you read my blog, welcome. The posts are a bit vague and I don't use real names or places. I hope that some of it is still entertaining to you, but this is for me.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I Want a Makeover
I've been feeling down lately. Maybe it's the rain.
Peanut is doing very well potty training. We had a few accidents the first two days and nothing since then. He is not telling me he has to go yet, but we're getting there. At daycare he is pretty much done. He tells them he has to go and then goes. We'll get it.
I went to a mom group meeting yesterday. The meeting was OK, but I felt out of place. Sure I'm a mother and therefore I fit in, but I didn't know anyone. The lady next to me kept talking to the lady next to her since they were good friends. The gal on the other side of me was quiet and not into talking. The room was so loud I couldn't hear anyone else. Plus I had Thumper with me and I missed a lot of the meeting when he started to cry.
Lately, I feel so alone and left out. It doesn't help my mom is here to see us and spending all her time with my sister. She came for Grandparents day and I haven't seen much of her. She keeps talking about moving here so they go look at houses for sale. What no one seems to get is that she will never move here so they are all wasting their time. I would like it if she would move here, but she's been talking about moving for almost 12 years. It's not going to happen.
A lot of the ladies at the meeting looked so put together. The hair was fixed, the make-up looked good and the clothes were nice. I felt so sloppy and frumpy. I barely made it there on time as it was so I had no time to fix hair (pony tail), do make up (some mascara and lip gloss) or put an outfit together (jeans and t-shirt). I was clean though so maybe that's a start.
I never get the fab treatment. I know a girl that walks in to any salon and gets a great haircut. Maybe she just has the face for it. I go in to the same place and get something that looks like my 3 year old did it with his eyes closed. Perhaps it's low self-esteem. I should work on that. I keep thinking of cutting my hair, but in all my life I've only had a few good short haircuts. Plus, then I have to fix it all the time. At least when it's long I can throw it in a ponytail.
Husband keeps telling me to get some clothes so I can feel better in what I'm wearing. Sure I want to get back to my pre-baby size, but in the meantime I can look and feel good in what I'm wearing. Not a bad idea, but I'm not even sure where to shop. I used to be good at fashion and still am for other people, but when it comes to my own wardrobe I'm lacking.
I'm so happy it's Friday.
Peanut is doing very well potty training. We had a few accidents the first two days and nothing since then. He is not telling me he has to go yet, but we're getting there. At daycare he is pretty much done. He tells them he has to go and then goes. We'll get it.
I went to a mom group meeting yesterday. The meeting was OK, but I felt out of place. Sure I'm a mother and therefore I fit in, but I didn't know anyone. The lady next to me kept talking to the lady next to her since they were good friends. The gal on the other side of me was quiet and not into talking. The room was so loud I couldn't hear anyone else. Plus I had Thumper with me and I missed a lot of the meeting when he started to cry.
Lately, I feel so alone and left out. It doesn't help my mom is here to see us and spending all her time with my sister. She came for Grandparents day and I haven't seen much of her. She keeps talking about moving here so they go look at houses for sale. What no one seems to get is that she will never move here so they are all wasting their time. I would like it if she would move here, but she's been talking about moving for almost 12 years. It's not going to happen.
A lot of the ladies at the meeting looked so put together. The hair was fixed, the make-up looked good and the clothes were nice. I felt so sloppy and frumpy. I barely made it there on time as it was so I had no time to fix hair (pony tail), do make up (some mascara and lip gloss) or put an outfit together (jeans and t-shirt). I was clean though so maybe that's a start.
I never get the fab treatment. I know a girl that walks in to any salon and gets a great haircut. Maybe she just has the face for it. I go in to the same place and get something that looks like my 3 year old did it with his eyes closed. Perhaps it's low self-esteem. I should work on that. I keep thinking of cutting my hair, but in all my life I've only had a few good short haircuts. Plus, then I have to fix it all the time. At least when it's long I can throw it in a ponytail.
Husband keeps telling me to get some clothes so I can feel better in what I'm wearing. Sure I want to get back to my pre-baby size, but in the meantime I can look and feel good in what I'm wearing. Not a bad idea, but I'm not even sure where to shop. I used to be good at fashion and still am for other people, but when it comes to my own wardrobe I'm lacking.
I'm so happy it's Friday.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
And It's Storming Here
Today is day three of illness. Peanut has a cough and a fever. He seemed better this morning. He played really well and was a fun little kid. The fever seemed to be gone. Then we hit some sort of pot hole.
He said he had a dirty diaper (no he isn't potty trained yet - you do it) so we went to change it. It wasn't dirty or even wet so I said "let's go potty". I figured he had to go since he was talking about it. So he sat and I gave him an Elmo potty book. It has lots of buttons that make sound effects. The story is something about Elmo and his dolly David getting potty trained.
Anyway, Peanut sat there quite a while and then said he was done. He tried to take the book to the living room and I told him it was the bathroom book to be read while on the potty. This would be where the pot hole was lurking. He wanted to get back on the potty to read the book. I was OK with this, but asked him if he had to go or did he just want to read. Then he got upset. He threw the book (breaking it) and the rest of the day went down hill.
We had lunch and he spent most of it staring into space. He was really tired. So I took upstairs to nap. We started reading books and one thing after another he lost out on the last two books. Crying. Two hours later, still no nap. Some time after that I realized he was burning up again. He sat next to me and put his little head on my shoulder. He only snuggles like that when he doesn't feel well. We watched television and a movie to pass time. He ate a bite or two of toast for dinner and we were off to bed.
Things were going so-so at this point. He was totally exhausted. His poor little eyes were all puffy from being sick and crying so much. Bedtime is usually 8:30pm, but tonight I started at 7. Good thing I did. We did the routine and got into bed. He started coughing and then threw up. So I stripped him and the bed, got everything cleaned up and started over. He freaked out when I left the room without taking his cup and cried for a minute, then passed out. Thumper started to freak out at this point too. I fed him to quiet him and that worked for a bit.
Both boys were out of sync today. When one went to sleep the other woke up grumpy (or didn't sleep). When I finally got one calmed down and situated the other lost his mind. I didn't have much time for anything today. At one point I had to pee and remembered like 3 hours later I never did.
I would love to send Peanut to school tomorrow so I can rest. Since he had fever and threw up tonight I think it's a bad idea. It's movie day though. They basically watch a movie, eat lunch, nap and then watch another movie. I don't think he would be over active, but he might cough on all the other kids. I'd hate to start some epidemic. I might go out of my mind though. The next school day (rest day for me) won't be until next Wednesday. Aack!
I just realized both boys are asleep. I'm out of here and off to bed.
He said he had a dirty diaper (no he isn't potty trained yet - you do it) so we went to change it. It wasn't dirty or even wet so I said "let's go potty". I figured he had to go since he was talking about it. So he sat and I gave him an Elmo potty book. It has lots of buttons that make sound effects. The story is something about Elmo and his dolly David getting potty trained.
Anyway, Peanut sat there quite a while and then said he was done. He tried to take the book to the living room and I told him it was the bathroom book to be read while on the potty. This would be where the pot hole was lurking. He wanted to get back on the potty to read the book. I was OK with this, but asked him if he had to go or did he just want to read. Then he got upset. He threw the book (breaking it) and the rest of the day went down hill.
We had lunch and he spent most of it staring into space. He was really tired. So I took upstairs to nap. We started reading books and one thing after another he lost out on the last two books. Crying. Two hours later, still no nap. Some time after that I realized he was burning up again. He sat next to me and put his little head on my shoulder. He only snuggles like that when he doesn't feel well. We watched television and a movie to pass time. He ate a bite or two of toast for dinner and we were off to bed.
Things were going so-so at this point. He was totally exhausted. His poor little eyes were all puffy from being sick and crying so much. Bedtime is usually 8:30pm, but tonight I started at 7. Good thing I did. We did the routine and got into bed. He started coughing and then threw up. So I stripped him and the bed, got everything cleaned up and started over. He freaked out when I left the room without taking his cup and cried for a minute, then passed out. Thumper started to freak out at this point too. I fed him to quiet him and that worked for a bit.
Both boys were out of sync today. When one went to sleep the other woke up grumpy (or didn't sleep). When I finally got one calmed down and situated the other lost his mind. I didn't have much time for anything today. At one point I had to pee and remembered like 3 hours later I never did.
I would love to send Peanut to school tomorrow so I can rest. Since he had fever and threw up tonight I think it's a bad idea. It's movie day though. They basically watch a movie, eat lunch, nap and then watch another movie. I don't think he would be over active, but he might cough on all the other kids. I'd hate to start some epidemic. I might go out of my mind though. The next school day (rest day for me) won't be until next Wednesday. Aack!
I just realized both boys are asleep. I'm out of here and off to bed.
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