We were in the master bathroom, he was playing with various items and I was getting ready to clean the sinks. I started with the mirror and he wanted to help so I gave him the duster. In my head I thought he would just dust things. He went into the toilet room to clean. (Our toilet is in it's own little room in the bathroom). I didn’t think much about this, but clearly I should have.
After a full minute or even two in there I became suspicious. I peeked my head around the corner and he was ‘washing’ the walls. He had the toilet lid open and was dipping the duster into the water, then using that to wash the walls.
I took the duster away (and threw it away) and he cried. I told him he was doing a good job washing, but now we needed to wipe it up. Luckily I had a stack of paper towels handy and it only took us a few minutes to mop up the floor. We may need to do some cleaning in there with non-toilet water in case an odor develops.
After that I was tired so we had a snack. The sinks can be dirty a bit longer.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Open 24 Hours
I am a mom. I stay at home with my son. He is two. I chose to do this. I have the option to put him in daycare and go to work full time, but I choose to stay home. Does this mean that I am never "off work"?
Typically, one parent goes to work. Something like 8am to 5pm. They work at hospitals, law offices, book stores and whatever. They do their work from 8am to 5pm and then go home. They are done with that work. When they get home they are a parent. (Some people choose to not be parents, but I'm not talking about them.) So when they get home they visit with the family, eat, play and help put kid(s) to bed. Right? Or is it still the stay at home parents job to do that?
My job starts anywhere from 7 to 8 am. I don't drive to work. I don't have to fix my hair or wear nice clothes. My job starts the moment my son wakes up. Sometimes I wake up first and take a few minutes to get dressed or use the bathroom or something else all to my self. Most days he is up before I am. My job stops when he goes to sleep. Not bed, but to sleep. In actuality, I'm still on call, but not on active duty. If something happens in the night, Husband usually hears first. He is the first responder. Most times that works and I'm not needed, but occasionally I'm called in. So I'm really only on active duty from 7am to roughly 10pm.
So basically I'm either actively working or on call 24/7. When do I get a break? Do I get a break? My sister is basically a single parent because her husband rarely does any parenting duty. He will help, but only if asked and usually reluctantly. My husband helps quite a bit and I don't have to ask.
Since Husband is not home 1-2 nights per week to help I usually take Wednesday nights 'off'. I go wherever and try to relax and regroup. The last few times I've gone out I've come back to an unhappy house. I've wished I never left. All the good vibes I was collecting get smashed and I'm back in my blah rut. If I thought I could mentally handle it, I would just put myself in charge 24/7. The trouble is I can't handle it. I'm 7 months pregnant, not sleeping well and overall pretty tired. So I need help.
Husband keeps asking me why I'm grumpy or what's wrong. Well. I'm tired of asking for some kind of help and not getting it. I'm tired of feeling hopeless and things not changing. I'm tired of having the same conversations about things we could do or change to make it better and nothing coming of it. I'm tired of being referee. I'm tired of going to sleep all the while dreading waking up and dealing with it all again. But most of all, I'm just tired.
I'd really like this blog to be happy and funny and have lots of readers that leave wonderful comments, but I don't have it in me. I don't know of something happy and funny to write. I know of tired. Eventually I'll have this baby and my kids will grow up and maybe then things will change, but until then, this is where I'll vent.
Typically, one parent goes to work. Something like 8am to 5pm. They work at hospitals, law offices, book stores and whatever. They do their work from 8am to 5pm and then go home. They are done with that work. When they get home they are a parent. (Some people choose to not be parents, but I'm not talking about them.) So when they get home they visit with the family, eat, play and help put kid(s) to bed. Right? Or is it still the stay at home parents job to do that?
My job starts anywhere from 7 to 8 am. I don't drive to work. I don't have to fix my hair or wear nice clothes. My job starts the moment my son wakes up. Sometimes I wake up first and take a few minutes to get dressed or use the bathroom or something else all to my self. Most days he is up before I am. My job stops when he goes to sleep. Not bed, but to sleep. In actuality, I'm still on call, but not on active duty. If something happens in the night, Husband usually hears first. He is the first responder. Most times that works and I'm not needed, but occasionally I'm called in. So I'm really only on active duty from 7am to roughly 10pm.
So basically I'm either actively working or on call 24/7. When do I get a break? Do I get a break? My sister is basically a single parent because her husband rarely does any parenting duty. He will help, but only if asked and usually reluctantly. My husband helps quite a bit and I don't have to ask.
Since Husband is not home 1-2 nights per week to help I usually take Wednesday nights 'off'. I go wherever and try to relax and regroup. The last few times I've gone out I've come back to an unhappy house. I've wished I never left. All the good vibes I was collecting get smashed and I'm back in my blah rut. If I thought I could mentally handle it, I would just put myself in charge 24/7. The trouble is I can't handle it. I'm 7 months pregnant, not sleeping well and overall pretty tired. So I need help.
Husband keeps asking me why I'm grumpy or what's wrong. Well. I'm tired of asking for some kind of help and not getting it. I'm tired of feeling hopeless and things not changing. I'm tired of having the same conversations about things we could do or change to make it better and nothing coming of it. I'm tired of being referee. I'm tired of going to sleep all the while dreading waking up and dealing with it all again. But most of all, I'm just tired.
I'd really like this blog to be happy and funny and have lots of readers that leave wonderful comments, but I don't have it in me. I don't know of something happy and funny to write. I know of tired. Eventually I'll have this baby and my kids will grow up and maybe then things will change, but until then, this is where I'll vent.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Cry Me a River
During pregnancy hormones are out of control. The first time around, there were several times I just cried for no reason. This time is no different. There do seem to be reasons though. Mostly I'm tired. When I am tired I don't function as well.
Today was my day off and I had a few things planned. I was going to go to the grocery store, the hardware store and take a nap. I did manage to get to the grocery store, but nothing else. I spent most of the day doing our taxes. So now I'm still tired and weepy. Husband was kind enough to put Peanut to bed even though he doesn't feel that well himself. I just couldn't do it tonight.
Funny how the littlest things make me cry. Good thing I don't watch much television or movies. I'm sure just a touching commercial would send me running for a raft to wade through the tears.
Today was my day off and I had a few things planned. I was going to go to the grocery store, the hardware store and take a nap. I did manage to get to the grocery store, but nothing else. I spent most of the day doing our taxes. So now I'm still tired and weepy. Husband was kind enough to put Peanut to bed even though he doesn't feel that well himself. I just couldn't do it tonight.
Funny how the littlest things make me cry. Good thing I don't watch much television or movies. I'm sure just a touching commercial would send me running for a raft to wade through the tears.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thumpity Thump Thump
Thumper has been at it for almost 3 days now. It's hard to sleep. On one hand it's wonderful to know the baby is in there and doing good, but on the other hand it's starting to make me ill. Sea sickness maybe? The constant rolling, flipping and kicking stops only when Peanut tries to feel it. He's not all that gentle though. His idea of putting a hand on my belly is playing a bongo drum. Thumper does not like that.
Husband was away for a week and I really took a relaxed approach to parenting. I enjoyed my child. So now that he is back we're trying to find a balance between letting Peanut get away with everything and being parental rulers. I've let certain things slide, but the basic rules are still there. He still gets punished for hitting, kicking etc.
I think Husband has a hard time with parenting by the seat of your pants. He would like there to be rules for handling every situation. He wants bedtime to be 8:00 and not a minute later. I'm more flexible. There are no rules for every situation. As parents you deal with what comes. Sometimes when the next situation comes you are better prepared, but the same answer might not fix the new problem. I do stick to a bedtime, but I can also tell when he just isn't ready or is ready earlier. Putting him to bed when he is ready makes it much easier.
We've also stopped pushing. At nap time and bed time I would sit and steam because he wouldn't go to sleep. Well, now I kiss him and leave. Most times he talks for a while and goes to sleep, but only occasionally does he get up. Nap time is hard still because unless he is dead tired and I stay with him he won't sleep. I sit quietly in the chair in his room and he wiggles and talks for a bit. For the last week he has given up after 20 minutes or so. Yesterday, not so much. Though he was like the walking dead tired he wouldn't sleep. He did go to bed early though.
Trying to start a business with my sister. Might work out ok, but we're running into some issues. The biggest being my pregnancy. I can't do much and won't be able to do much even after baby is here. She seems to think otherwise. We need to sit and talk about it, again. I brought up all the issues she's talking about now a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to see a problem then, but now that's it could mean less money for her she is concerned. Oh well. I'm sure we'll either work it out or go our own ways. She can do the work and keep all the money, but she better not expect me to help unless she is going to compensate me fairly.
I think in her mind she wants to use me as a daycare, but since I'm family she doesn't want to pay me much. In my mind I think if it's just babysitting once in a while that's fine, but if it's true all day care, feeding them and taking them to activities I should get paid daycare rates. Once baby is here I don't want to care for 4 children all day long. Especially, when two of them have activities three days a week to go to. I'm not taking a baby out and about that much. Plus...I just don't want to. So anyway, we'll get it figured out.
Trying to get my house in order. I still have several weeks, but I'm feeling the urge to get things done while I can still move around. I wish I had a little more energy though.
Husband was away for a week and I really took a relaxed approach to parenting. I enjoyed my child. So now that he is back we're trying to find a balance between letting Peanut get away with everything and being parental rulers. I've let certain things slide, but the basic rules are still there. He still gets punished for hitting, kicking etc.
I think Husband has a hard time with parenting by the seat of your pants. He would like there to be rules for handling every situation. He wants bedtime to be 8:00 and not a minute later. I'm more flexible. There are no rules for every situation. As parents you deal with what comes. Sometimes when the next situation comes you are better prepared, but the same answer might not fix the new problem. I do stick to a bedtime, but I can also tell when he just isn't ready or is ready earlier. Putting him to bed when he is ready makes it much easier.
We've also stopped pushing. At nap time and bed time I would sit and steam because he wouldn't go to sleep. Well, now I kiss him and leave. Most times he talks for a while and goes to sleep, but only occasionally does he get up. Nap time is hard still because unless he is dead tired and I stay with him he won't sleep. I sit quietly in the chair in his room and he wiggles and talks for a bit. For the last week he has given up after 20 minutes or so. Yesterday, not so much. Though he was like the walking dead tired he wouldn't sleep. He did go to bed early though.
Trying to start a business with my sister. Might work out ok, but we're running into some issues. The biggest being my pregnancy. I can't do much and won't be able to do much even after baby is here. She seems to think otherwise. We need to sit and talk about it, again. I brought up all the issues she's talking about now a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to see a problem then, but now that's it could mean less money for her she is concerned. Oh well. I'm sure we'll either work it out or go our own ways. She can do the work and keep all the money, but she better not expect me to help unless she is going to compensate me fairly.
I think in her mind she wants to use me as a daycare, but since I'm family she doesn't want to pay me much. In my mind I think if it's just babysitting once in a while that's fine, but if it's true all day care, feeding them and taking them to activities I should get paid daycare rates. Once baby is here I don't want to care for 4 children all day long. Especially, when two of them have activities three days a week to go to. I'm not taking a baby out and about that much. Plus...I just don't want to. So anyway, we'll get it figured out.
Trying to get my house in order. I still have several weeks, but I'm feeling the urge to get things done while I can still move around. I wish I had a little more energy though.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Driving Me Crazy
Husband left for the East coast on Monday. My mother arrived Sunday late afternoon. It's now Tuesday night and I'm ready for her to go. Yesterday was fun. We didn't really do much, but we shopped a little and ate out and then spent a nice evening at my sisters house. Today we ran a few errands and hung out a home.
Everything I said today was thrown back at me with some sort of dismissive air. For example, we were talking about side effects of taking medications. I mentioned that a year or so ago I was taking two medications and together they gave me a side effect. I wasn't going to tell her what the medicines were for, but I did and I shouldn't have. Anyway, one was birth control pills and the other was an anti-depressant. What the medicines were really had nothing to do with the story. So she says to me "why were you taking that, were you depressed?" I said that yes, I was. She said "I walk and exercise and have all the energy in the World. You shouldn't need medication." I understand her comment. Really, in the majority of people, exercise does boost mood and energy level. For me, not so much. So then I regretted saying anything.
Later I tried to give her thanks for coming to stay with me while Husband is away. I told her that it's been nice to have someone to talk to during the day. I get lonely sometimes and don't have many people to talk to during the day since they all work. My sister doesn't work but her kids are so busy she doesn't always have time for me. So my mother told me to take a walk. Literally. "You should go for a walk." I'm not sure how that makes me feel better about having no one to share my thoughts with, but whatever. Then she told me about how joining (fitness place) has given her lots of people to talk to. I'm sort of several months pregnant and not joining a fitness club anytime soon.
She hasn't done or said anything mean, but everything is about her and her issues. Or she talks about what my sisters are all doing wrong in their lives. While I will discuss some issues about my sisters, she basically makes everything out to be the worst possible situation. I'm getting tired of it.
While I invited her here to visit I didn't expect her to cook or clean or even help that much with Peanut, but would it kill her to help me a little? I'm tired. I'm going to need some serious recuperation time. Not sure I'll get it though.
Going to bed. Watch what you say.
Everything I said today was thrown back at me with some sort of dismissive air. For example, we were talking about side effects of taking medications. I mentioned that a year or so ago I was taking two medications and together they gave me a side effect. I wasn't going to tell her what the medicines were for, but I did and I shouldn't have. Anyway, one was birth control pills and the other was an anti-depressant. What the medicines were really had nothing to do with the story. So she says to me "why were you taking that, were you depressed?" I said that yes, I was. She said "I walk and exercise and have all the energy in the World. You shouldn't need medication." I understand her comment. Really, in the majority of people, exercise does boost mood and energy level. For me, not so much. So then I regretted saying anything.
Later I tried to give her thanks for coming to stay with me while Husband is away. I told her that it's been nice to have someone to talk to during the day. I get lonely sometimes and don't have many people to talk to during the day since they all work. My sister doesn't work but her kids are so busy she doesn't always have time for me. So my mother told me to take a walk. Literally. "You should go for a walk." I'm not sure how that makes me feel better about having no one to share my thoughts with, but whatever. Then she told me about how joining (fitness place) has given her lots of people to talk to. I'm sort of several months pregnant and not joining a fitness club anytime soon.
She hasn't done or said anything mean, but everything is about her and her issues. Or she talks about what my sisters are all doing wrong in their lives. While I will discuss some issues about my sisters, she basically makes everything out to be the worst possible situation. I'm getting tired of it.
While I invited her here to visit I didn't expect her to cook or clean or even help that much with Peanut, but would it kill her to help me a little? I'm tired. I'm going to need some serious recuperation time. Not sure I'll get it though.
Going to bed. Watch what you say.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The Tide is Turning
The hormones seem to be shifting, at least for today.
Last night after Husband got home and we had dinner, I went up to take a shower. He watched Peanut while I was gone. When I got out I watched the two of them play from the upstairs balcony. I watched Peanut open a card from Grandma. I watched them play ring around the rosy. I watched Peanut push his shopping cart all over the house. It was fantastic. Something about watching unnoticed and getting to appreciate the full force of the moment. At that moment I felt so blessed to be the mother and wife of these fabulous boys. I want to hold on to that as long as I can.
I blame hormones for all my troubles. Normally I'm pretty emotional, but it peaks and valleys with my girly cycle. Now I'm living mostly in the valley with this pregnancy. It's been hard. It's nothing like the first pregnancy.
The first one was so great. Even though I was working I enjoyed being pregnant. I guess because we could still enjoy the single life even though a baby was on the way. Now we are parents and it almost feels like we are trapped even more by another baby. It's not really true though. We have some people in the area that will babysit even if it's for a few hours. Somehow not being able to drop everything and go to a 10pm movie seems totally unfair. The dumb thing is we wouldn't do that even if we had no other kids.
We are currently at 26 weeks. Over half way and yet it seems so far away. On one hand I'm ready for it to be over, but on the other I'm nervous. I'm ready to have my body and mind back, but what condition will it be in with two kids?
Anyway, last night and today have been nice. I have enjoyed being a mother and that feeling has been gone for a long time. I'm happy Peanut is mine.
Not sure spell check is working and I'm too tired to do it myself.
Last night after Husband got home and we had dinner, I went up to take a shower. He watched Peanut while I was gone. When I got out I watched the two of them play from the upstairs balcony. I watched Peanut open a card from Grandma. I watched them play ring around the rosy. I watched Peanut push his shopping cart all over the house. It was fantastic. Something about watching unnoticed and getting to appreciate the full force of the moment. At that moment I felt so blessed to be the mother and wife of these fabulous boys. I want to hold on to that as long as I can.
I blame hormones for all my troubles. Normally I'm pretty emotional, but it peaks and valleys with my girly cycle. Now I'm living mostly in the valley with this pregnancy. It's been hard. It's nothing like the first pregnancy.
The first one was so great. Even though I was working I enjoyed being pregnant. I guess because we could still enjoy the single life even though a baby was on the way. Now we are parents and it almost feels like we are trapped even more by another baby. It's not really true though. We have some people in the area that will babysit even if it's for a few hours. Somehow not being able to drop everything and go to a 10pm movie seems totally unfair. The dumb thing is we wouldn't do that even if we had no other kids.
We are currently at 26 weeks. Over half way and yet it seems so far away. On one hand I'm ready for it to be over, but on the other I'm nervous. I'm ready to have my body and mind back, but what condition will it be in with two kids?
Anyway, last night and today have been nice. I have enjoyed being a mother and that feeling has been gone for a long time. I'm happy Peanut is mine.
Not sure spell check is working and I'm too tired to do it myself.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Door Number 1, 2 or 3?
This blog is pretty depressing. Sorry about that.
So here are my options:
1. Get parts to fix crib.
Down Side:
This may take 2-3 weeks to get the parts in. Since they didn't rush/overnight the recall parts I'm thinking we won't get regular parts any faster. We lose any success we gained with the big boy bed and would have to start over at some point. He may have a fit to be back in a prison type bed.
Up Side:
He's in prison. If it takes an hour to fall asleep at least we know he is in bed and has a chance to nap as opposed to taking his room apart (literally).
2. Put him in full time daycare.
Down Side:
I like staying home with him. This costs more and we don't just have the money. I'd have to go back to work in some capacity to make some extra money. His current part-time daycare doesn't have openings so we either wait list or find a new daycare. I hate to change daycare at this point. I like it and the people and I think Peanut does too. I've been out of work for quite some time. What could I do? Retail? Blah. Plus I'm 5ish months pregnant and who is going to hire that? I won't be able to stay on my feet long and the farther along I get the harder it will be to work. Plus, I want to stay home with baby 2 so it seems stupid to work for a couple months and then quit. Which, by then we still can't really afford full time daycare so he either has to go back to part-time or I have to work at least enough to pay for the full time.
Up Side:
I'm losing my mind and maybe that will stop. Peanut naps at daycare so maybe he'll sleep. Maybe he is done being with mommy so much and this will be good for him.
3. Do nothing
Down Side:
I'm losing my mind.
Up Side:
No increased cost for daycare.
So. Anyone have any brilliant ideas? I could use them. I keep thinking a vacation would be nice, but we'll still have problems when we get back. So spending money to get away seems sort of wasteful. I don't know. There are other issues with this that I don't feel like writing about right now. Suffice it to say a break would be nice, but trouble would be waiting for us on the return.
So here are my options:
1. Get parts to fix crib.
Down Side:
This may take 2-3 weeks to get the parts in. Since they didn't rush/overnight the recall parts I'm thinking we won't get regular parts any faster. We lose any success we gained with the big boy bed and would have to start over at some point. He may have a fit to be back in a prison type bed.
Up Side:
He's in prison. If it takes an hour to fall asleep at least we know he is in bed and has a chance to nap as opposed to taking his room apart (literally).
2. Put him in full time daycare.
Down Side:
I like staying home with him. This costs more and we don't just have the money. I'd have to go back to work in some capacity to make some extra money. His current part-time daycare doesn't have openings so we either wait list or find a new daycare. I hate to change daycare at this point. I like it and the people and I think Peanut does too. I've been out of work for quite some time. What could I do? Retail? Blah. Plus I'm 5ish months pregnant and who is going to hire that? I won't be able to stay on my feet long and the farther along I get the harder it will be to work. Plus, I want to stay home with baby 2 so it seems stupid to work for a couple months and then quit. Which, by then we still can't really afford full time daycare so he either has to go back to part-time or I have to work at least enough to pay for the full time.
Up Side:
I'm losing my mind and maybe that will stop. Peanut naps at daycare so maybe he'll sleep. Maybe he is done being with mommy so much and this will be good for him.
3. Do nothing
Down Side:
I'm losing my mind.
Up Side:
No increased cost for daycare.
So. Anyone have any brilliant ideas? I could use them. I keep thinking a vacation would be nice, but we'll still have problems when we get back. So spending money to get away seems sort of wasteful. I don't know. There are other issues with this that I don't feel like writing about right now. Suffice it to say a break would be nice, but trouble would be waiting for us on the return.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Dr. is In
Do all therapists suck? It seems that all the ones I've encountered do. Granted there are millions and I've seen like 4 in the course of my life, but they have all been less than fabulous. This one is supposed to help us with parenting issues. We talked mostly about sleep problems today. I think she thought she was being helpful, but in the end I found it useless. I relate it to having someone tell you to pet a lion by offering him a hot dog first to sooth him. Probably not going to work and do you really want to try it?
I'm in a bad place and I think Husband is too. We could really use a good therapist to talk to. Someone that we can be honest with, that will tell us the cold hard truth. I don't want to hear stories about other families (unless it somehow relates to me). I want to hear what we should be doing. I want to know what we are doing wrong. I want to know how to want to wake up in the morning. I want to know how to get through the day without crying. Anyone know?
To help relieve stress, we're taking turns. I watch Peanut one night and Husband watches him another. While it's nice to get a break, it sucks to never see my Husband until the weekend when neither of us knows what to do.
We went to church. I was amazed lightning didn't hit. It was a far cry from the church I'm used to, but I liked it. Some of the things the Pastor said really felt right. I did feel like I was in the movie "Saved" though. There was a rock band and everyone wore jeans. Anyway, overall I liked it. I just hope we can go and be accepted for us and meet some people and enjoy it. I don't want to be converted to a Jesus freak or anything. I'm not going to give up everything and move to the inner city in the name of the Lord. I think I can help people and feel good right here in pleasant town.
I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I really want all that to change.
I'm in a bad place and I think Husband is too. We could really use a good therapist to talk to. Someone that we can be honest with, that will tell us the cold hard truth. I don't want to hear stories about other families (unless it somehow relates to me). I want to hear what we should be doing. I want to know what we are doing wrong. I want to know how to want to wake up in the morning. I want to know how to get through the day without crying. Anyone know?
To help relieve stress, we're taking turns. I watch Peanut one night and Husband watches him another. While it's nice to get a break, it sucks to never see my Husband until the weekend when neither of us knows what to do.
We went to church. I was amazed lightning didn't hit. It was a far cry from the church I'm used to, but I liked it. Some of the things the Pastor said really felt right. I did feel like I was in the movie "Saved" though. There was a rock band and everyone wore jeans. Anyway, overall I liked it. I just hope we can go and be accepted for us and meet some people and enjoy it. I don't want to be converted to a Jesus freak or anything. I'm not going to give up everything and move to the inner city in the name of the Lord. I think I can help people and feel good right here in pleasant town.
I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I really want all that to change.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Day 4 Asleep on the Floor
Nap didn't go well today. I took an hour and a half for him to go to sleep. He only slept about an hour, but woke up fairly happy.
Bedtime went ok but it's 9:30 and I'm not sure he is asleep. I keep finding him on the floor. He takes his blanket, bear and sometimes his pillow and lays on the floor. I've put him back to bed each time though. He hasn't made a peep since 8:14 when I put him in bed, but he has not fallen asleep yet.
This isn't much fun and I'm tired. I figure it takes two weeks to make a habit. We have 10 more days.
Bedtime went ok but it's 9:30 and I'm not sure he is asleep. I keep finding him on the floor. He takes his blanket, bear and sometimes his pillow and lays on the floor. I've put him back to bed each time though. He hasn't made a peep since 8:14 when I put him in bed, but he has not fallen asleep yet.
This isn't much fun and I'm tired. I figure it takes two weeks to make a habit. We have 10 more days.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Night Night
Tuesday, the boy did not nap in his bed so husband took him for a drive and he slept in the car. Tuesday night I put the boy down for bed. Actually, I never got that far. He was wound up and wiggly while we were reading books. I couldn't get him to calm down to go to bed. He got up and husband came in and sort of took over. I left. Thirty minutes later I went back because husband was done. After another hour or so of putting him back in bed, sitting with him, talking to him and whatnot I decided we needed a new approach. We are the parents. We make the rules. The first rule is you go to bed at bedtime. The second rule is you stay in bed. The third rule is if you get out of bed, you will go back to bed immediately. Fourth rule is no one will snuggle, cuddle, pat, rub, talk, kiss or in any way contact you other than to put you back to bed (there are a few exceptions to this rule, but I'm not going into them now). Peanut finally went to sleep around 9:45.
Wednesday he went to daycare and took a two hour nap. Husband put him to bed and there were lots of tears on both sides. He eventually made it to bed and went to sleep around 9:30. Progress, little as it may be.
Today he woke up early and was very tired all morning. We went to the store to walk around and burn off some energy. He could barely make it through lunch. We went up shortly after that and read several books. He went to bed on his own and I kissed and hugged him and left. He sat up and talked for just a couple minutes, but then flopped down and went to sleep. He slept about an hour and a half, though I'm not entirely sure since I was asleep too.
Tonight he did well. We did the normal routine and even had special (Spider man) pajamas to wear. After reading the last book he wanted to read more, but I said no. I did agree to tell him a short one if he got in bed. He went to bed and I recited the shortest story I know, kissed and hugged him and left. He got out of bed several times, but I only had to stick my head in the room and he climbed back into bed. Soon enough he was out. As far as I can tell he was asleep by 8:15. I'm keeping my ears peeled because I just don't believe he could really be done this early. I'm hopeful, but realistic.
We don't yell, get frustrated, scream, spank, punch walls, kick things or anything else. We love him and put him to bed with love and then don't say a word. We'll see what happens.
Wednesday he went to daycare and took a two hour nap. Husband put him to bed and there were lots of tears on both sides. He eventually made it to bed and went to sleep around 9:30. Progress, little as it may be.
Today he woke up early and was very tired all morning. We went to the store to walk around and burn off some energy. He could barely make it through lunch. We went up shortly after that and read several books. He went to bed on his own and I kissed and hugged him and left. He sat up and talked for just a couple minutes, but then flopped down and went to sleep. He slept about an hour and a half, though I'm not entirely sure since I was asleep too.
Tonight he did well. We did the normal routine and even had special (Spider man) pajamas to wear. After reading the last book he wanted to read more, but I said no. I did agree to tell him a short one if he got in bed. He went to bed and I recited the shortest story I know, kissed and hugged him and left. He got out of bed several times, but I only had to stick my head in the room and he climbed back into bed. Soon enough he was out. As far as I can tell he was asleep by 8:15. I'm keeping my ears peeled because I just don't believe he could really be done this early. I'm hopeful, but realistic.
We don't yell, get frustrated, scream, spank, punch walls, kick things or anything else. We love him and put him to bed with love and then don't say a word. We'll see what happens.
Friday, December 28, 2007
The Bad and The Ugly
I got smashed today. Peanut and I were arguing over getting dressed (him not me). He started kicking and hitting me and I lost it. I yelled at him to stop. Somehow in the midst of it we collided heads. His forehead found my top lip and smashed it into my teeth. Blood. My lip split open and I raced to the bathroom. I didn't even think about Peanut until I got the lip under control. He was fine. Playing with the alarm clock. Not a scratch on him.
I'm a wreck. I'm an emotional wreck. I'm not sleeping well, I'm full of pregnancy hormones, my kid has turned into a demon and I can't make a decision more important than what flavor jam on my toast. Friends want us to go out to dinner or whatnot and I just want to find a dark place to curl up and cry. Parenting is hard. Maybe too hard for me.
Husband and I decided I would stay home and raise the kid(s). We didn't want our kid growing up in daycare. There is nothing wrong with it, but we wanted ours to be home grown. Seeing as I had the lowly sales job that made little money it was an easy decision. I hated working anyway. But. I've never been patient. I've never been good with kids. I've never really even wanted kids that much. My nieces and nephews were OK, but I didn't see the need for my own. So why did I think I would be good at staying home?
None of my friends stay home. They all work and all their kids go to daycare of some sort. I always felt proud to be the one that breastfed and stayed home. Now I feel like some sort of war veteran. Life is getting to the point where I'm not sure I can do this anymore. The trouble is I'm not sure what other options I have. I haven't worked at any sort of company in many years. What am I qualified to do other than work retail?
I'm so down and I have so many thoughts. I thought all the stress I was feeling was because of Christmas, but now that it's over the stress has not gone away. Is this hurting new baby? Am I going to have a spastic baby because of this? It's too late, but I'm not sure I can survive two kids. I may be committed come May.
I'm a wreck. I'm an emotional wreck. I'm not sleeping well, I'm full of pregnancy hormones, my kid has turned into a demon and I can't make a decision more important than what flavor jam on my toast. Friends want us to go out to dinner or whatnot and I just want to find a dark place to curl up and cry. Parenting is hard. Maybe too hard for me.
Husband and I decided I would stay home and raise the kid(s). We didn't want our kid growing up in daycare. There is nothing wrong with it, but we wanted ours to be home grown. Seeing as I had the lowly sales job that made little money it was an easy decision. I hated working anyway. But. I've never been patient. I've never been good with kids. I've never really even wanted kids that much. My nieces and nephews were OK, but I didn't see the need for my own. So why did I think I would be good at staying home?
None of my friends stay home. They all work and all their kids go to daycare of some sort. I always felt proud to be the one that breastfed and stayed home. Now I feel like some sort of war veteran. Life is getting to the point where I'm not sure I can do this anymore. The trouble is I'm not sure what other options I have. I haven't worked at any sort of company in many years. What am I qualified to do other than work retail?
I'm so down and I have so many thoughts. I thought all the stress I was feeling was because of Christmas, but now that it's over the stress has not gone away. Is this hurting new baby? Am I going to have a spastic baby because of this? It's too late, but I'm not sure I can survive two kids. I may be committed come May.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
The War Rages On
We here at the Mutt house are tired, wiped out, done, finished, pooped, empty and just plain at our wits end. Peanut still will not nap. We have tried many things. The newest thing to try is to just not make him nap. I know. He needs a nap, but he's not taking them. So why put myself through all that? So, maybe we'll just play and read and whatever and at some point if he is tired he will lay down somewhere and sleep. Maybe not. Mostly likely not, but what have I got to lose? The anger, that's what. Why is it so frustrating that he will not sleep? I know he won't and yet every time I get upset about it.
This has been especially hard being pregnant. What happens when the new baby comes? Do I just let Peanut yell and scream while I try to feed, change and take care of a newborn? I'm not sure I can handle that. My hormones are off the chart right now and every little thing makes me cry. I feel like such a bad mother. We've had more time-outs in the last few days than I can count. He's hitting, yelling and otherwise being rotten. I've tried tender love. I've tried tough love. I've tried just leaving alone for a bit. Nothing. He was a snot at Aunt J's house too and he LOVES it there.
Why on Earth did we think it was a good idea to have another child? I'm having a very hard time being excited about being pregnant. It's nice to hear the heartbeat, but otherwise, Peanut is sort of ruining it for me. This sounds horrible because I know there are so many women out there that just want to be pregnant. I really wanted to be until this whole sleeping war started. Husband and I are at a loss. What do we do?
Not helping our situation any is that the crib broke. We had to change it to a toddler bed (no rail on one side) or get rid of it. The new parts are on the way, but it was not safe for him to be in it. Now he can get out of bed. This isn't too much of a problem at night. He only gets up once or twice, but for nap it's another story. I can't get him to stay in the bed. We may turn it back into a crib once we get the parts, but now I think he might try harder to get out. I don't know. We'll see. We put him in the pack-n-prison for nap today and he just yelled the whole time. At least he wasn't able to get out though.
Anyone have a magic button? I'd love for this to just be magically over.
This has been especially hard being pregnant. What happens when the new baby comes? Do I just let Peanut yell and scream while I try to feed, change and take care of a newborn? I'm not sure I can handle that. My hormones are off the chart right now and every little thing makes me cry. I feel like such a bad mother. We've had more time-outs in the last few days than I can count. He's hitting, yelling and otherwise being rotten. I've tried tender love. I've tried tough love. I've tried just leaving alone for a bit. Nothing. He was a snot at Aunt J's house too and he LOVES it there.
Why on Earth did we think it was a good idea to have another child? I'm having a very hard time being excited about being pregnant. It's nice to hear the heartbeat, but otherwise, Peanut is sort of ruining it for me. This sounds horrible because I know there are so many women out there that just want to be pregnant. I really wanted to be until this whole sleeping war started. Husband and I are at a loss. What do we do?
Not helping our situation any is that the crib broke. We had to change it to a toddler bed (no rail on one side) or get rid of it. The new parts are on the way, but it was not safe for him to be in it. Now he can get out of bed. This isn't too much of a problem at night. He only gets up once or twice, but for nap it's another story. I can't get him to stay in the bed. We may turn it back into a crib once we get the parts, but now I think he might try harder to get out. I don't know. We'll see. We put him in the pack-n-prison for nap today and he just yelled the whole time. At least he wasn't able to get out though.
Anyone have a magic button? I'd love for this to just be magically over.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Santa Never Had it So Good
Me: What do you want for Christmas?
Peanut: Bagel.
Me: A Bagel?
Peanut: Bagel.
Me: Anything else?
Peanut: No.
I wonder if he thought I said breakfast instead of Christmas? They might sound the same to a two year old. Either way I can totally handle it.
Peanut: Bagel.
Me: A Bagel?
Peanut: Bagel.
Me: Anything else?
Peanut: No.
I wonder if he thought I said breakfast instead of Christmas? They might sound the same to a two year old. Either way I can totally handle it.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Take That School.
Me: Let's get ready for school.
Him: Nnnnnoooooo.
Me: Don't you want to go to school and have fun?
Him: No.
Me: Don't you want to go to school and play with all your friends and Miss J?
Him: No.
Me: You don't want to stay here with boring old mommy.
He crawls into my lap, puts his head on my chest and snuggles in.
Him: Mommy.
It's nice to be loved.
Him: Nnnnnoooooo.
Me: Don't you want to go to school and have fun?
Him: No.
Me: Don't you want to go to school and play with all your friends and Miss J?
Him: No.
Me: You don't want to stay here with boring old mommy.
He crawls into my lap, puts his head on my chest and snuggles in.
Him: Mommy.
It's nice to be loved.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Music to My Ears
I love hearing my Husband read to Peanut. It's very sexy to me to have a husband that cares so much for his child. He takes time to read to him and play with him. I know lots of men that can't be bothered with that stuff. It's woman's work to take care of the children.
In our situation I do stay home with Peanut and will continue with new baby. I mostly take care of the child(ren) and do some housework and so on. The difference is, I get lots of help. Husband helps by taking care of Peanut or by taking care or me, or both.
My brother-in-law left the country to work a week after his son was born. He was gone about a month. I guess by the fifth child you just don't care? I couldn't pry Husband away from Peanut if someones life depended on it. He's a great father and I love him that much more for it.
On a brighter side of pregnancy, something good has finally happened. My boobs are getting bigger. They are huge or anything, but bigger. Definitely a step in the right direction.
In our situation I do stay home with Peanut and will continue with new baby. I mostly take care of the child(ren) and do some housework and so on. The difference is, I get lots of help. Husband helps by taking care of Peanut or by taking care or me, or both.
My brother-in-law left the country to work a week after his son was born. He was gone about a month. I guess by the fifth child you just don't care? I couldn't pry Husband away from Peanut if someones life depended on it. He's a great father and I love him that much more for it.
On a brighter side of pregnancy, something good has finally happened. My boobs are getting bigger. They are huge or anything, but bigger. Definitely a step in the right direction.
Friday, November 16, 2007
So Much To Do
I would like to get some decorating done here at the Mutt house. I'm not feeling very inspirational. It's very easy for me to go to another house and design a pretty good looking room. Doing that for myself is hard. I know what colors I like, but I want all the rooms in the house to get along. In our old house the majority of the rooms were some shade of purple and/or green except the office. It was blue.
I see lots of houses on decorator shows and they all look like the whole house was planned, not just one room at a time. Does that make sense? Even though I'll work on one room at a time, I want the house house to be one gorgeous unit. I'm having trouble planning that. How much does a decorator cost? Can I get someone to come in and just give me advice? That would be great.
Meanwhile, screamfest is happening in Peanuts room. Again. Nap time has not been going well. For the last several weeks it's taken him over an hour to fall asleep. I've tried several methods, going in and soothing him, snuggling with him, leaving him to cry it out and they don't seem to work. Yesterday after listening to him for two hours I went to his room (furious), plucked him out of the crib and put him on the floor. I said "do whatever you want." I went downstairs and watched TV. He stayed in his room for an hour and a half reading. He went through nearly every book on the shelf, but he stayed in his room and he was fairly quiet.
Today, we are back to screaming. It's only been 22 minutes. Jeez that annoys the life out of me listening to him scream. It's not a crying scream, it's yelling mommy over and over. Gah. I know it's selfish, but I need the break from him. I need him to nap so I can re-charge for a bit. Even though he isn't in my line of sight, hearing him scream doesn't really let me charge anything.
I'm still in the throws of all day sickness. It doesn't seem as bad, but I'm still very gaggy? Is that a word? Food really sound good, but after about three bites I can't seem to eat any more. It's sad. We went out the other night and I had really good steak and seafood, but couldn't eat much. I brought home the leftovers, but same story. It would be nice if I could actually chow down for a bit.
It's been quiet for a whole minute. Do I dare get my hopes up? Nah. I'll just keep reading and hope for the best.
I see lots of houses on decorator shows and they all look like the whole house was planned, not just one room at a time. Does that make sense? Even though I'll work on one room at a time, I want the house house to be one gorgeous unit. I'm having trouble planning that. How much does a decorator cost? Can I get someone to come in and just give me advice? That would be great.
Meanwhile, screamfest is happening in Peanuts room. Again. Nap time has not been going well. For the last several weeks it's taken him over an hour to fall asleep. I've tried several methods, going in and soothing him, snuggling with him, leaving him to cry it out and they don't seem to work. Yesterday after listening to him for two hours I went to his room (furious), plucked him out of the crib and put him on the floor. I said "do whatever you want." I went downstairs and watched TV. He stayed in his room for an hour and a half reading. He went through nearly every book on the shelf, but he stayed in his room and he was fairly quiet.
Today, we are back to screaming. It's only been 22 minutes. Jeez that annoys the life out of me listening to him scream. It's not a crying scream, it's yelling mommy over and over. Gah. I know it's selfish, but I need the break from him. I need him to nap so I can re-charge for a bit. Even though he isn't in my line of sight, hearing him scream doesn't really let me charge anything.
I'm still in the throws of all day sickness. It doesn't seem as bad, but I'm still very gaggy? Is that a word? Food really sound good, but after about three bites I can't seem to eat any more. It's sad. We went out the other night and I had really good steak and seafood, but couldn't eat much. I brought home the leftovers, but same story. It would be nice if I could actually chow down for a bit.
It's been quiet for a whole minute. Do I dare get my hopes up? Nah. I'll just keep reading and hope for the best.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Out of the Crib and into the Fire (Engine)
How do you get a two year old to sleep in a regular bed? We have not yet moved Peanut to a toddler or twin bed. He's still in a crib. We would like to move him out of it so that Bean (the new kids name) can get the crib. The trouble is that only 10% of the time we put Peanut to bed, he has no trouble. He lays down and is asleep pretty quick. No crying, no nothing. I'd say 50% of the time we put him in bed he cries less than a minute and then gives up and goes to sleep. The other 40% he cries for a while. So. If these statistics hold true for a big bed, he'll go to sleep just fine 10% of the time. I think the other 90% of the time I may kill myself.
A month or so back we were at the Lake and it was time for nap. I put Peanut in the Pack and Prison and left the room. He was unhappy and screaming/crying. I figured he would have to just cry it out. Instead as I walked down the hall the cries got louder. The little punk figured out how to climb out. There was no putting him in it again. So I tried to get him to sleep on the big bed. I couldn't get him to lay down. I'd plunk him down and he was immediately out the door. Since it was Sunday we just left for home and he slept in the car. Otherwise he would have had no nap.
My fear is that we'll do this for every sleep time. I don't want to. Should we just buy another crib and leave Peanut in his until he's say, 12? Or will it not be as bad as I think?
We have a little fire engine toddler bed, but it needs some work. Since I've been sick I haven't had time to fix it up. I think husband wishes we would have just bought a new one, but he's willing to try. I wonder if this fun bed would be more incentive for him to stay in it?
A month or so back we were at the Lake and it was time for nap. I put Peanut in the Pack and Prison and left the room. He was unhappy and screaming/crying. I figured he would have to just cry it out. Instead as I walked down the hall the cries got louder. The little punk figured out how to climb out. There was no putting him in it again. So I tried to get him to sleep on the big bed. I couldn't get him to lay down. I'd plunk him down and he was immediately out the door. Since it was Sunday we just left for home and he slept in the car. Otherwise he would have had no nap.
My fear is that we'll do this for every sleep time. I don't want to. Should we just buy another crib and leave Peanut in his until he's say, 12? Or will it not be as bad as I think?
We have a little fire engine toddler bed, but it needs some work. Since I've been sick I haven't had time to fix it up. I think husband wishes we would have just bought a new one, but he's willing to try. I wonder if this fun bed would be more incentive for him to stay in it?
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
The Crazy Continues
We had a family function this last weekend. Things went pretty smooth all weekend with a few minor exceptions. It seems my family is incapable of making any decision in less than 24 hours. Meaning it takes an entire weekend of discussions to get a decision made. But lo and behold we have our Thanksgiving plan.
The second hitch in our giddy up was the sleeping arrangements. My sister D has five (5) children. Oddly enough they all have to be separated to go to sleep. Add in three more children and you start to run out of room pretty fast. Peanut was going to sleep in the pack and play in our room. Unfortunately another child was going to start out sleeping in that room too. He didn't like that. He cried and yelled and fussed. I left him to it. We put him in bed around 8:30 which is the normal time. Somewhere around 9:30 or so, my sister J begged me to let her get him out. Sure. So he gets out and comes to the kitchen where all the adults are playing cards. He is in hog heaven. He snuggles in with Aunt D and has a blast. Somewhere around 11 he goes back to bed. I'm exhausted and want nothing more than to go to bed. Trouble is I have to wait until he goes to sleep. Plus there were two children already asleep in my bed.
So we all survived and mostly slept on the way home to recover. I think by now we are over it. So the other decision that was made is that Christmas will be at my house. I sort of assumed it would be, but was willing to go where ever was decided. Now I'm anxious to get some decorating done so it looks like I've been doing something all this time. Better get my butt in gear.
The second hitch in our giddy up was the sleeping arrangements. My sister D has five (5) children. Oddly enough they all have to be separated to go to sleep. Add in three more children and you start to run out of room pretty fast. Peanut was going to sleep in the pack and play in our room. Unfortunately another child was going to start out sleeping in that room too. He didn't like that. He cried and yelled and fussed. I left him to it. We put him in bed around 8:30 which is the normal time. Somewhere around 9:30 or so, my sister J begged me to let her get him out. Sure. So he gets out and comes to the kitchen where all the adults are playing cards. He is in hog heaven. He snuggles in with Aunt D and has a blast. Somewhere around 11 he goes back to bed. I'm exhausted and want nothing more than to go to bed. Trouble is I have to wait until he goes to sleep. Plus there were two children already asleep in my bed.
So we all survived and mostly slept on the way home to recover. I think by now we are over it. So the other decision that was made is that Christmas will be at my house. I sort of assumed it would be, but was willing to go where ever was decided. Now I'm anxious to get some decorating done so it looks like I've been doing something all this time. Better get my butt in gear.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Winter in the Middle of Summer
Christmas has started. It's November 1st and a few radio stations here are playing all Christmas music all the time. Pretty soon we'll just hear it year round. I have nothing against the music, but Christmas is on one day. It just seems like the music should be more centered around that. Whatever.
Halloween was a success. Peanut really had no idea what was going on at first. We went to the neighbors house first and he just stood there. After a the second house he started to hold his bag out and smile. He did say thank you to each person too. We just went around our block. Two of the houses scared him and we hurried those along. One had a little skeleton that talked and moved. He didn't like that. Two other houses had big fake spiders hanging down. One we just went quickly past and the other the man came out of the house past the spider to give him candy. At the last few houses he did manage to say a quiet trick or treat. He was adorable. What was he? A fire man. Cute.
So what do we do with the candy? He doesn't usually get it and I don't really want to eat it. I guess we'll keep it a little while and see if husband eats it. Then we'll send it off to work with him.
I've still got the 24 hour morning sickness. Bleh. I'm ready to be done with the sick feeling part.
I'm not doing the NaBloPoMo or whatever it is. I thought about it, but I just won't post every single day. I will try though. I'll at least try to post more often that once a month.
Halloween was a success. Peanut really had no idea what was going on at first. We went to the neighbors house first and he just stood there. After a the second house he started to hold his bag out and smile. He did say thank you to each person too. We just went around our block. Two of the houses scared him and we hurried those along. One had a little skeleton that talked and moved. He didn't like that. Two other houses had big fake spiders hanging down. One we just went quickly past and the other the man came out of the house past the spider to give him candy. At the last few houses he did manage to say a quiet trick or treat. He was adorable. What was he? A fire man. Cute.
So what do we do with the candy? He doesn't usually get it and I don't really want to eat it. I guess we'll keep it a little while and see if husband eats it. Then we'll send it off to work with him.
I've still got the 24 hour morning sickness. Bleh. I'm ready to be done with the sick feeling part.
I'm not doing the NaBloPoMo or whatever it is. I thought about it, but I just won't post every single day. I will try though. I'll at least try to post more often that once a month.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
It Aint Easy Being Green
So I'm only 8+ weeks along, but the morning sickness has kicked into full swing. This time around it's a bit different than the first. The first time, I felt queasy in the morning, threw up and then was fine and went about my day. This time I feel queasy all the time. Morning, noon, evening, during the middle of the night if I happen to wake up. Eating is the only thing that seems to help. One might think that's great, but I'm not a big fan of constantly eating. I'm trying to eat more healthy snacks, but sometimes what is in arms reach is what I get. Cookie? Sure. Apple? Great.
I'm going out of town for a few days for a big craft festival. I'm going with three other women. No children. It's crazy. I'm not sure I'll make it since we haven't left yet and I miss my boy already. I hope I can stay happy and healthy the whole way. We'll see. At least they are all sympathetic and will help me in any way they can.
What's new? Peanut started school last week. He seems to like it. He is a bit clingy at drop off, but settles down a minute after I leave. I think once he gets used to it he'll like it better. He's been napping there just fine.
We got to see new baby on screen at the last appointment. At least I did. Not much to see at this point really. There is just one and it's in the right place. Good to know.
Husband is getting his MBA. He starts this week. I think he is nervous, but he'll do great. I'm going to make every effort to give him time to study and do whatever homework he has to do. It's hard to give him space when I'm so happy he is home to play with Peanut for a while. We'll do our best.
Today is Peanut's birthday. I looked back at the pictures we have of him from birth. He was a big boy, but yet so tiny. He is a great kid and I look forward to many more birthdays with him. Both parties turned out OK in the end and he got lots of cool stuff.
Take care everyone! I'm off to my first vacation without Husband and the boy.
I'm going out of town for a few days for a big craft festival. I'm going with three other women. No children. It's crazy. I'm not sure I'll make it since we haven't left yet and I miss my boy already. I hope I can stay happy and healthy the whole way. We'll see. At least they are all sympathetic and will help me in any way they can.
What's new? Peanut started school last week. He seems to like it. He is a bit clingy at drop off, but settles down a minute after I leave. I think once he gets used to it he'll like it better. He's been napping there just fine.
We got to see new baby on screen at the last appointment. At least I did. Not much to see at this point really. There is just one and it's in the right place. Good to know.
Husband is getting his MBA. He starts this week. I think he is nervous, but he'll do great. I'm going to make every effort to give him time to study and do whatever homework he has to do. It's hard to give him space when I'm so happy he is home to play with Peanut for a while. We'll do our best.
Today is Peanut's birthday. I looked back at the pictures we have of him from birth. He was a big boy, but yet so tiny. He is a great kid and I look forward to many more birthdays with him. Both parties turned out OK in the end and he got lots of cool stuff.
Take care everyone! I'm off to my first vacation without Husband and the boy.
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