Tomorrow. One year ago almost to the minute I was preparing for my last good nights sleep. Husband was home from class and we were discussing the pros and cons of not going to the hospital the night before the induction. He said we could sleep good for one more night. It was close to 11 pm and finally we brushed teeth and went to bed. Only an hour later I snapped out of my dream saying "uh oh" and then saying it again a minute later as I was finally wide awake. My water broke. I grabbed a towel off the floor and ran to the bathroom.
I remember it like it was last night. I remember being excited and so calm. I remember waiting to find out if it was a girl or not. Then, finally, I had my baby. He looked just like Peanut. I was instantly in love. He was perfect. He nursed great, he snuggled and slept. The love was instant. They placed him on my chest and he was full in my heart already. He still is. He really is my Sweetface. He goes everywhere with me and is usually good natured about the whole thing. When he puts his head on my shoulder I'm not sure how I can contain this much love. My eyes well up with tears, the love is literally pouring out of me.
There will be a party tomorrow in celebration of my little boy turning one. He has earned every minute of it. He has five teeth and took his first steps four days before his birthday. He sleeps through the night, takes two naps during the day and eats like a champ (mostly). He wears 12 month clothes but sometimes needs 18 month. He is not nearly as tall as Peanut was, but weighs nearly the same. His eyes are blue and his hair is reddish blond and way too long. I love this boy with every pulse I have, with every breath I take. He is the most precious gift I have ever received and I am thankful for him every day.
Family is arriving and will stay through the weekend. Friends are coming tomorrow. So many people to come celebrate one of my two blessings. I am lucky. The cakes are made, the gifts are wrapped. I will frost/decorate cakes, vegetables will be chopped and punch will be made in the morning. After lunch the balloons will be strung up. I've given my worry to one that can handle it. His hands are bigger. I will only enjoy the memories of that day one year ago.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The Weeds are Growing Too
My baby will be one on Saturday. Suddenly he's much more interested in walking. At church on Sunday he took off like a mad man. Being held was torture for him. He still can't walk, but he went for all he was worth holding on to a mommy or daddy finger. He would plop down to crawl, but neither of us wanted him to get trampled in the lobby.
He is starting to eat better too. In general he is still pretty picky, but he seems willing to try more things. Or maybe I'm just offering him more things I think he will like. Either way I try to get a balanced diet in him. Fruit, vegetable, dairy and some meat. He loves bread, but gets more than he needs.
Peanut is testing us daily. He is an expert at pushing at the rules just enough that we bend a tiny bit without breaking the rule. But after a couple weeks we realize the rule has long been broken. We snap back to attention and Peanut hates it for a while before he starts pushing again. He was in top form today. Yesterday he was sick and got to have a Sprite to settle his tummy. Today he thought he would get another one even though he was feeling fine. I explained he got one special because he was sick. A few hours later he told this long story about birds and they get in your tummy and you go to the doctor and he tells you that you are sick and you get to go home and have a Sprite. It was a cute story.
I'm pudgy. I look 6 months pregnant. For real. I'm waiting for someone to ask when I'm due. Now that I'm done nursing and the baby is almost one I think it's time to own the extra weight that is still hanging around. It's not going to melt off from nursing or any other activity. Somehow I need to get some exercise in my life. Playing volleyball is great, but it's only once a week. There is a SAHM running group nearby, but they run on the nights I can't. I could join a gym, but most have less than fabulous daycares. I don't want to be paged in the middle of working out to come change a diaper. Surely there is a childcare center in a gym that will change a diaper if need be. Oh well. I could start at home for free, but I have zero motivation. I just know my clothes don't fit and swimsuit season is fast approaching.
He is starting to eat better too. In general he is still pretty picky, but he seems willing to try more things. Or maybe I'm just offering him more things I think he will like. Either way I try to get a balanced diet in him. Fruit, vegetable, dairy and some meat. He loves bread, but gets more than he needs.
Peanut is testing us daily. He is an expert at pushing at the rules just enough that we bend a tiny bit without breaking the rule. But after a couple weeks we realize the rule has long been broken. We snap back to attention and Peanut hates it for a while before he starts pushing again. He was in top form today. Yesterday he was sick and got to have a Sprite to settle his tummy. Today he thought he would get another one even though he was feeling fine. I explained he got one special because he was sick. A few hours later he told this long story about birds and they get in your tummy and you go to the doctor and he tells you that you are sick and you get to go home and have a Sprite. It was a cute story.
I'm pudgy. I look 6 months pregnant. For real. I'm waiting for someone to ask when I'm due. Now that I'm done nursing and the baby is almost one I think it's time to own the extra weight that is still hanging around. It's not going to melt off from nursing or any other activity. Somehow I need to get some exercise in my life. Playing volleyball is great, but it's only once a week. There is a SAHM running group nearby, but they run on the nights I can't. I could join a gym, but most have less than fabulous daycares. I don't want to be paged in the middle of working out to come change a diaper. Surely there is a childcare center in a gym that will change a diaper if need be. Oh well. I could start at home for free, but I have zero motivation. I just know my clothes don't fit and swimsuit season is fast approaching.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Will You be My Friend?
Can I just say?...Facebook kind of freaks me out. On the one hand it's nice to connect with people and learn more about them. I'm comfortable looking at pictures and reading insights of people I know at this moment in life. These are people I talk to and could hang out with.
It is the people that I have not seen or heard from in over 15 years that sort of takes my breath away. High school was not a fabulous place for me. I was mostly an average person. My school was small and I knew everyone, but was only good friends (or so I thought) with a few of them. After graduation I left for college and never looked back. No one else looked for me. For the most part I just faded away and allowed everyone else to fade as well. Ten years after graduation I got an email letting me know I missed my 10 year reunion. That is OK. I probably would not have gone anyway. A few friends caught me up on their lives and then we promptly lost touch again.
So now 5 years later I joined FB. I found several classmates. Some of them even sent me messages asking how my life is/has been. It feels very odd and somewhat forced to share my life with someone that let me fade away those many years ago. Is it a grudge? They forgot me then so they cannot know me now? My open mind and heart tell me to swallow the hurt and allow them in. The tough part comes after sharing. I posted very little and shared only enough to give a general snapshot of life today. Married with two kids living in xyz. I am finding they start off excited to see me and catch up, then they go back to what they were doing and I fade away again. I am also finding it is painful to again lose touch.
This quick catch up is fine for some folks. Really I am just curious where they are and what happened in their lives. I do not really want a relationship. FB works well for this. I saw a video of FB that really summed it up for me. It is a great tool and yet odd.
It is the people that I have not seen or heard from in over 15 years that sort of takes my breath away. High school was not a fabulous place for me. I was mostly an average person. My school was small and I knew everyone, but was only good friends (or so I thought) with a few of them. After graduation I left for college and never looked back. No one else looked for me. For the most part I just faded away and allowed everyone else to fade as well. Ten years after graduation I got an email letting me know I missed my 10 year reunion. That is OK. I probably would not have gone anyway. A few friends caught me up on their lives and then we promptly lost touch again.
So now 5 years later I joined FB. I found several classmates. Some of them even sent me messages asking how my life is/has been. It feels very odd and somewhat forced to share my life with someone that let me fade away those many years ago. Is it a grudge? They forgot me then so they cannot know me now? My open mind and heart tell me to swallow the hurt and allow them in. The tough part comes after sharing. I posted very little and shared only enough to give a general snapshot of life today. Married with two kids living in xyz. I am finding they start off excited to see me and catch up, then they go back to what they were doing and I fade away again. I am also finding it is painful to again lose touch.
This quick catch up is fine for some folks. Really I am just curious where they are and what happened in their lives. I do not really want a relationship. FB works well for this. I saw a video of FB that really summed it up for me. It is a great tool and yet odd.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Smell the Happieness
Well, Spring has sprung and I'm feeling much better. We are all still having good and bad times, but now that the sky is blue and the grass and trees are green again I am happier. So I just read my last post...Anyone ready for something lighter and happier? Me too. It's wonderful to be able to go outside and not freeze to death. Everything seems happier. Birds are chirping and flowers are starting to peek up. I must really have SAD bad.
*
Some lady was going door to door selling paintings. It was a bit unusual, but they were rather good. I'm not sure if she actually painted anything or just put her name on something, but the pictures were beautiful. I would have bought more if they weren't so pricey. She came down $30 and then I boldly offered her another $20 off. She sort of sighed and bit her lip. She had been out all day and didn't seem to have sold anything. I figured if she was desperate she would take it. She did. I'm the owner of two lovely abstract oil paintings. I really like them and will get them hung up in the next few weeks.
I felt kind of gutsy asking for a deal. I'm not that type of person at all. Usually I just go with whatever is on the table. I don't know what made this moment different. Oh well. In my eyes we both won. She got some cash and I got a couple paintings.
*Peanut and Husband are getting ready for bath and once Peanut takes his clothes off he runs around the house naked for a bit. They are upstairs getting ready for bath and I'm downstairs. A little streaker just ran in and out of here in a flash. Makes me giggle.
*
Some lady was going door to door selling paintings. It was a bit unusual, but they were rather good. I'm not sure if she actually painted anything or just put her name on something, but the pictures were beautiful. I would have bought more if they weren't so pricey. She came down $30 and then I boldly offered her another $20 off. She sort of sighed and bit her lip. She had been out all day and didn't seem to have sold anything. I figured if she was desperate she would take it. She did. I'm the owner of two lovely abstract oil paintings. I really like them and will get them hung up in the next few weeks.
I felt kind of gutsy asking for a deal. I'm not that type of person at all. Usually I just go with whatever is on the table. I don't know what made this moment different. Oh well. In my eyes we both won. She got some cash and I got a couple paintings.
*Peanut and Husband are getting ready for bath and once Peanut takes his clothes off he runs around the house naked for a bit. They are upstairs getting ready for bath and I'm downstairs. A little streaker just ran in and out of here in a flash. Makes me giggle.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Put a Fork in Me - I am Done
When I say I’m done…
I mean I am tired of being me. I’m at the end of my rope and asking for help. I cannot deal with the kid(s) any more. I want to walk out the door and not come back.
I do pretty well for a while but it’s all building inside. Every time I have to repeat myself, to start counting to 3 or taking a toy away it builds more. Every time I have to tell them to stop, to listen, to pay attention it builds. Every time I have to clean something spilled, put things away they should not have or re-direct them to something else it builds. Then I reach a point where I’m done. I struggle to care.
I’m done. I don’t want to play, to listen to them, to talk to them. I don’t want to be around them. I’m done trying to stay calm, to understand, cleaning things up and thinking of what to do next. I’m done being the nose wiper, the butt wiper the face washer and the hand washer.
I start to think they are better off with someone at a daycare or a nanny. Surely some one doing this as a chosen job is better at it than I am. Someone else can feed them, clean them and tell them the same thing 1000 times before 8am.
I don’t get much of a break. My job is a full time job. The ‘mom’ never turns off. I know you are also the ‘dad’ full time and that does not turn off either. If you get stressed at work you have the luxury of going to the gym for a while or taking off early or getting a drink. When I get stressed I have to make lunch, change diapers, clean up, try to give naps (and not get upset when they don’t) and all the things that stressed me out in the first place. Sure I can go to a gym too, but I have to take the kids with me to the daycare. I can drop them off for 2 hours, knowing they are waiting there for me at the end of it.
This is about me, but I know you have stress too. School and work not to mention the crazy lady at home. All that adds to my stress because I don’t want to bother you. I know you can’t very well leave work whenever I have a bad day.
So what do I do? I thought playing volleyball and having Wednesday night was enough to keep me re-grouped, but there are things in relations to those that stress me out. I still watch them all day, plan meals and whatever. Then occasionally my time off gets overrun by something else. I get pushed aside for another day. I go along with it assuming I will get my time or what else is needed is more important.
So when I’m done – I’m losing my grip. I’m angry, upset, sad and ready to quit. I’m not sure what I want to hear. Maybe something only for me. Something that shows someone else is paying attentions and cares. I’d like a friend. Someone to invite me out. Someone to swap kids with . Someone I can call. Someone I felt close to. Do not suggest I know this person. If I did I would not be writing this – I’d be on the phone with them.
I mean I am tired of being me. I’m at the end of my rope and asking for help. I cannot deal with the kid(s) any more. I want to walk out the door and not come back.
I do pretty well for a while but it’s all building inside. Every time I have to repeat myself, to start counting to 3 or taking a toy away it builds more. Every time I have to tell them to stop, to listen, to pay attention it builds. Every time I have to clean something spilled, put things away they should not have or re-direct them to something else it builds. Then I reach a point where I’m done. I struggle to care.
I’m done. I don’t want to play, to listen to them, to talk to them. I don’t want to be around them. I’m done trying to stay calm, to understand, cleaning things up and thinking of what to do next. I’m done being the nose wiper, the butt wiper the face washer and the hand washer.
I start to think they are better off with someone at a daycare or a nanny. Surely some one doing this as a chosen job is better at it than I am. Someone else can feed them, clean them and tell them the same thing 1000 times before 8am.
I don’t get much of a break. My job is a full time job. The ‘mom’ never turns off. I know you are also the ‘dad’ full time and that does not turn off either. If you get stressed at work you have the luxury of going to the gym for a while or taking off early or getting a drink. When I get stressed I have to make lunch, change diapers, clean up, try to give naps (and not get upset when they don’t) and all the things that stressed me out in the first place. Sure I can go to a gym too, but I have to take the kids with me to the daycare. I can drop them off for 2 hours, knowing they are waiting there for me at the end of it.
This is about me, but I know you have stress too. School and work not to mention the crazy lady at home. All that adds to my stress because I don’t want to bother you. I know you can’t very well leave work whenever I have a bad day.
So what do I do? I thought playing volleyball and having Wednesday night was enough to keep me re-grouped, but there are things in relations to those that stress me out. I still watch them all day, plan meals and whatever. Then occasionally my time off gets overrun by something else. I get pushed aside for another day. I go along with it assuming I will get my time or what else is needed is more important.
So when I’m done – I’m losing my grip. I’m angry, upset, sad and ready to quit. I’m not sure what I want to hear. Maybe something only for me. Something that shows someone else is paying attentions and cares. I’d like a friend. Someone to invite me out. Someone to swap kids with . Someone I can call. Someone I felt close to. Do not suggest I know this person. If I did I would not be writing this – I’d be on the phone with them.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tonight
Life with kids. It really does change every aspect of your life. I used to stay up late, sleep in and be lazy. Now I stay up later than I should, sleep in as late as I can and while I'm still a bit lazy I have to get moving for the kids. Of course I also had a job to dress for and get to on time. My mom job lets me wear pajamas if I want, though I have to be on time EVERY DAY!
Peanut is a handful again or maybe it's still. I'm not sure he ever stopped. Lately he has become quite adamant. He has no idea about what exactly, but whatever it is he latches onto, he is adamant. For example, he won't call the evening meal 'dinner'. He says he doesn't want dinner, he wants lunch. I think in his mind he wants the type of food you eat at lunch. We typically have a sandwich for lunch and more of a hot meal for dinner. I would guess he wants the sandwich. Who knows?
Also lately he has been getting out of bed a lot more. The first time tonight he asked if I would help get 'Credible Hulk' out of his room. He is a Super Hero freak and sometimes they stay in his room. I guess the gang gets rowdy because occasionally he will ask me to kick someone out. I went in and told him to get out so Peanut could sleep. The next time was a problem with the blanket. He had taken it off the bed and wanted it tucked in.
There is a line of storms headed our way and I really want him asleep before they get here. Otherwise we'll have trouble keeping him in his room for that. Once he is sleeping he is like a log and does not wake up for anything.
SF had some horrible diaper rash. I called the doctor last Monday and go the nurse line. They made some suggestions and said to give it 5 days. By Thursday we couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't really getting any better and he was in some serious pain. It was awful. We took him to the doctor on Thursday afternoon. The doctor took one look and sent us for a special cream. It has medicine for yeast/bacteria and something else mixed with diaper cream. He was better the next morning. It cost $5. I couldn't believe the nurse would make me try other things and wait while my son was in agony when I could have spent $5 for the magic cure. We were glad we didn't wait any longer and I'm guessing so was SF. When your delicate bits are on fire no one is happy.
Peanut is a handful again or maybe it's still. I'm not sure he ever stopped. Lately he has become quite adamant. He has no idea about what exactly, but whatever it is he latches onto, he is adamant. For example, he won't call the evening meal 'dinner'. He says he doesn't want dinner, he wants lunch. I think in his mind he wants the type of food you eat at lunch. We typically have a sandwich for lunch and more of a hot meal for dinner. I would guess he wants the sandwich. Who knows?
Also lately he has been getting out of bed a lot more. The first time tonight he asked if I would help get 'Credible Hulk' out of his room. He is a Super Hero freak and sometimes they stay in his room. I guess the gang gets rowdy because occasionally he will ask me to kick someone out. I went in and told him to get out so Peanut could sleep. The next time was a problem with the blanket. He had taken it off the bed and wanted it tucked in.
There is a line of storms headed our way and I really want him asleep before they get here. Otherwise we'll have trouble keeping him in his room for that. Once he is sleeping he is like a log and does not wake up for anything.
SF had some horrible diaper rash. I called the doctor last Monday and go the nurse line. They made some suggestions and said to give it 5 days. By Thursday we couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't really getting any better and he was in some serious pain. It was awful. We took him to the doctor on Thursday afternoon. The doctor took one look and sent us for a special cream. It has medicine for yeast/bacteria and something else mixed with diaper cream. He was better the next morning. It cost $5. I couldn't believe the nurse would make me try other things and wait while my son was in agony when I could have spent $5 for the magic cure. We were glad we didn't wait any longer and I'm guessing so was SF. When your delicate bits are on fire no one is happy.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Hair Yesterday Gone Today
I got a haircut. I've been hating my blah mom hair for a while. It was long, plain and often in a ponytail or bun. Today I decided I have had enough. I called the beauty shop and asked for someone good. They suggested B. OK. I went in and you know the first thing they say is "what are we doing today"? My response was that we needed to talk. I love the length, but it's getting tedious to wash, comb, dry and style. It's blah. I'm willing to make a change and want something easy to fix and cute. Though I was willing to go shorter I think this is a good start. She cut about 7 inches off. I'm having some trouble getting used to it. There is enough for a short ponytail and now I have bangs. I haven't had bangs in many years. They are long and sweep to the side.
So far I love it. Husband says it looks good. Peanut said it looked funny, but enjoyed running his fingers through it. SF still just yanks on it, but at 9 months I expect that. I really hope to start fixing it more often. My attitude is so much better when I am fixed up a bit. Perhaps I shall start getting up earlier to get ready for 'work'.
Also, I toured a gym and got a free week pass. This one has child watch for $2 per day but I'm not sure how involved they will get. The community center has the same thing, but they won't do anything with the child except make sure they don't die. Seriously, they call you to feed, change, pick up or console your child. I'm not a hard core workout person, but I don't want to get paged every 5 minutes. This new place seems to do everything, but the guy wasn't sure they would change a diaper. Give me a break. I'm thinking the odds of SF going two hours without needing a new diaper is 70/30. Like maybe 30% chance he'll need one. I'll try the free week and see what happens. The price is reasonable if the childcare works out.
So far I love it. Husband says it looks good. Peanut said it looked funny, but enjoyed running his fingers through it. SF still just yanks on it, but at 9 months I expect that. I really hope to start fixing it more often. My attitude is so much better when I am fixed up a bit. Perhaps I shall start getting up earlier to get ready for 'work'.
Also, I toured a gym and got a free week pass. This one has child watch for $2 per day but I'm not sure how involved they will get. The community center has the same thing, but they won't do anything with the child except make sure they don't die. Seriously, they call you to feed, change, pick up or console your child. I'm not a hard core workout person, but I don't want to get paged every 5 minutes. This new place seems to do everything, but the guy wasn't sure they would change a diaper. Give me a break. I'm thinking the odds of SF going two hours without needing a new diaper is 70/30. Like maybe 30% chance he'll need one. I'll try the free week and see what happens. The price is reasonable if the childcare works out.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thoughts are Like Ashes
They come out of nothing, are brilliant for a while, then die off and fall to the pile below.
No more day anything. I made it through day one and two and then stopped. I hurt my back two weeks ago and have not been able to do much of anything until now. Hopefully, I can start day one again soon.
I watched my son ride his little bike today. He is growing and I can't seem to stop it. I was filled with a sense of wonder as his little legs pumped up and down. Soon he will ride without training wheels. Soon he will ride farther than our driveway. Soon he will ride away with friends. It is wonderful to watch him grow and learn.
Peanut doesn't need glasses. Yet. He is far-sighted as most children are at his age, but it seems to be a moderate case. After a full exam it is determined to leave it be. He will be re-checked in six months to make sure nothing changes. Poor kid. He already has hearing aides, we don't want to saddle him with glasses too.
I tried to think of something to give up for Lent. I think I'll go with caffeine. I don't have much, but if I can kick it for 40 days then all the better. Of course I messed up already not realizing you are to start at midnight on Fat Tuesday. I shall start now.
No more day anything. I made it through day one and two and then stopped. I hurt my back two weeks ago and have not been able to do much of anything until now. Hopefully, I can start day one again soon.
I watched my son ride his little bike today. He is growing and I can't seem to stop it. I was filled with a sense of wonder as his little legs pumped up and down. Soon he will ride without training wheels. Soon he will ride farther than our driveway. Soon he will ride away with friends. It is wonderful to watch him grow and learn.
Peanut doesn't need glasses. Yet. He is far-sighted as most children are at his age, but it seems to be a moderate case. After a full exam it is determined to leave it be. He will be re-checked in six months to make sure nothing changes. Poor kid. He already has hearing aides, we don't want to saddle him with glasses too.
I tried to think of something to give up for Lent. I think I'll go with caffeine. I don't have much, but if I can kick it for 40 days then all the better. Of course I messed up already not realizing you are to start at midnight on Fat Tuesday. I shall start now.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Day Two
So it's been almost a week. That's the crazy week we had. I could not find time to exercise until this morning. The workout was good but not great. I need to put more into it. When I'm alone it's too easy to cop out and go at half speed/effort. Hopefully if I can do it more than twice a week I'll get a little stronger and better push myself.
We have a babysitter for the afternoon tomorrow. I think we're heading to a movie and early dinner. I really don't care much for Valentines Day. There is too much pressure to be romantic. You can't force it. My husband does very nice things for me during the whole year. Granted it's not often and he could use a little help in the romantic ideas dept., but overall he does a fine job. Why put this pressure on both of us? Should he get me something? What should he get? How much should he spend? I say don't worry about it. It's another day of the year. He brought me home lovely flowers and that was wonderful. Right now he and the boys are making me something. That is what I love. I love getting things that are from the kids that I can cherish forever.
I'm tired.
We have a babysitter for the afternoon tomorrow. I think we're heading to a movie and early dinner. I really don't care much for Valentines Day. There is too much pressure to be romantic. You can't force it. My husband does very nice things for me during the whole year. Granted it's not often and he could use a little help in the romantic ideas dept., but overall he does a fine job. Why put this pressure on both of us? Should he get me something? What should he get? How much should he spend? I say don't worry about it. It's another day of the year. He brought me home lovely flowers and that was wonderful. Right now he and the boys are making me something. That is what I love. I love getting things that are from the kids that I can cherish forever.
I'm tired.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Day One Level One
Ugh. I've been sick all week and today is my official mommy day off. Husband took the boys out for their activities and I have the house to myself for another hour or two. So far I've done nothing exciting, but it's been nice to do what I want instead of what I have to do.
So...I exercised. Gah! I forgot how tough this video is. Hopefully I can start doing it more regularly and it will get easier as the flab melts away. I did learn one very important lesson. I need a new sport bra. Seriously, I still have mommy boobs and they are not excited about jumping jacks.
After a shower I'm off to shop and generally enjoy my day out.
So...I exercised. Gah! I forgot how tough this video is. Hopefully I can start doing it more regularly and it will get easier as the flab melts away. I did learn one very important lesson. I need a new sport bra. Seriously, I still have mommy boobs and they are not excited about jumping jacks.
After a shower I'm off to shop and generally enjoy my day out.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Sunday School
We go to church pretty regularly and both kids go to a classroom to spend time with other kids and learn something in a more age appropriate manner. SF is only 8 months so he either chews on toys or sleeps through the whole thing. Peanut is 3 so he goes to a preschool class for 3 yr olds. Most of the time they just play, but sometimes there is a movie or singing or a story.
About a week ago Peanut was on the couch playing his Leap Pad and he looked up at me and said " We lie about Jesus". What? Yes, he said we lie about Jesus. I asked if he meant we rely on Jesus and he replied "No. We lie about Jesus. That's how it works mom". It was cute and funny, but now that I type it out it's sad. There are so many people that this is true for. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Bible thumper or anything, but I enjoy going and hearing a message. I like learning how I can be a better person and help those around me. Do we pray together at home? No. Do we talk about God or Jesus? No. Not usually unless Peanut asks. But I am thankful for all I have.
After church Sunday we asked Peanut what he did in class. He said they played hide and seek. Later that night when I put him to bed I asked if anyone talked to him about God or Jesus. He said yes someone talked about God. Then he told me "God got lost". It's OK, he said he got found later. Again cute and funny, but true for so many people.
About a week ago Peanut was on the couch playing his Leap Pad and he looked up at me and said " We lie about Jesus". What? Yes, he said we lie about Jesus. I asked if he meant we rely on Jesus and he replied "No. We lie about Jesus. That's how it works mom". It was cute and funny, but now that I type it out it's sad. There are so many people that this is true for. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Bible thumper or anything, but I enjoy going and hearing a message. I like learning how I can be a better person and help those around me. Do we pray together at home? No. Do we talk about God or Jesus? No. Not usually unless Peanut asks. But I am thankful for all I have.
After church Sunday we asked Peanut what he did in class. He said they played hide and seek. Later that night when I put him to bed I asked if anyone talked to him about God or Jesus. He said yes someone talked about God. Then he told me "God got lost". It's OK, he said he got found later. Again cute and funny, but true for so many people.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Cold and Dark
I admitted to my study group that I am not functioning at 100%. It's odd to be so self aware that I can see what's wrong with me so clearly and yet not be willing to do anything about it. I know I'm tired, not eating well, worried about things and maybe even depressed. Even though I know these things I am not taking steps to fix them. That's not true. I made a doctor appointment for a physical. Perhaps she can convince me to do more.
The pessimist in me knows that she will suggest therapy since talking to someone can be helpful. The trouble is I've been to therapy several times with several different people and it's never worked to my advantage. I either have to convince them that there is something wrong or they latch on to something that it not wrong and try to fix it. One therapist had the bright realization that "you're just not happy". Oh really? It only took you three hours to figure that out? Brilliant!
I'm not against medication or therapy. It has it's place. In this case I know what's wrong and therefore what to do to fix it. It's the doing it that I can't seem to muster. The stress levels are rising. I'm maxed out and so is Husband. Work is getting more stressful for him and I feel guilty adding to it. Now is not the time to take a vacation with the uncertainty.
There are a bunch of little things bothering me and I'm trying to let them go, but as each one piles on it gets harder to let them go. The absolute worst thing happening is I'm getting tired of my kids. I'm getting irritated. I can't seem to just enjoy them and relax at all. As soon as I'm awake I start counting the hours until it's bedtime for them.
Maybe it's a little PPD. Can it be that after 8 months? I think so. I think some of the honeymoon from a newborn has worn off and now I'm a mother of two. On one hand I'm glad they are getting older and on the other I am obsessed with having another baby. In my heart I know it's not a good idea, but I keep dreaming of it.
Oh yeah and my feet are constantly cold.
The pessimist in me knows that she will suggest therapy since talking to someone can be helpful. The trouble is I've been to therapy several times with several different people and it's never worked to my advantage. I either have to convince them that there is something wrong or they latch on to something that it not wrong and try to fix it. One therapist had the bright realization that "you're just not happy". Oh really? It only took you three hours to figure that out? Brilliant!
I'm not against medication or therapy. It has it's place. In this case I know what's wrong and therefore what to do to fix it. It's the doing it that I can't seem to muster. The stress levels are rising. I'm maxed out and so is Husband. Work is getting more stressful for him and I feel guilty adding to it. Now is not the time to take a vacation with the uncertainty.
There are a bunch of little things bothering me and I'm trying to let them go, but as each one piles on it gets harder to let them go. The absolute worst thing happening is I'm getting tired of my kids. I'm getting irritated. I can't seem to just enjoy them and relax at all. As soon as I'm awake I start counting the hours until it's bedtime for them.
Maybe it's a little PPD. Can it be that after 8 months? I think so. I think some of the honeymoon from a newborn has worn off and now I'm a mother of two. On one hand I'm glad they are getting older and on the other I am obsessed with having another baby. In my heart I know it's not a good idea, but I keep dreaming of it.
Oh yeah and my feet are constantly cold.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Out of the Mouths
Super Heroes are big in our house. Several times a day we are assigned a Super to be. Peanut is usually Spiderman or Batman. Occasionally we get to choose, but usually he decides. Husband decided he was going to be Captain America the other day. This morning in the car Peanut asked me where he was.
Peanut: Where is my Daddy? Where is my friend, Captain America?
I have been trying to be Wonder Woman since she is a girl and so am I. Tonight Peanut asked me who I was.
Peanut: Mommy are you Wonder Warmer? Daddy said you were Wonder Warmer.
That's me. I can warm up anyone or anything. There are so many crazy things this kid says. We have decided he has no inner monologue. Where most of us think several million thoughts a day and only vocalize a small percentage of them. He says every thought he has. My sister asked if I thought he had thoughts that he didn't say. I don't think so. When would he have time? His motor-mouth goes non-stop. I love the little guy and he is pretty entertaining, but it's also tiring.
One new fascination he has is with soda, specifically Sprite. That is what I drink most often. The other day I had some and he asked for a drink so I put 1/2 a cup in his cup. He was drinking through a straw so I cautioned him the bubbles might go in his nose. Of course he didn't listen and the bubbles tickled him. This morning I had a soda in the car and he asked what it was. I told him it was a soda.
Peanut: I don't want the bubbles to blow my nose up.
Indeed. No one wants that. Noses would be lost all over the World. He is a semi-perfect parrot. Tonight at dinner he kept changing his mind over whether to eat his meal with a fork or spoon. I told him he could get whichever he wanted. He went into this conversation about can I have a spoon or fork? After asking over and over and over and over I said he could get whatever. He came back to the table with a large serving spoon.
Peanut: Mama, is this a spoon?
Me: Yes (thinking whether or not to explain big vs. little spoons)
I gave up and sighed thinking at least he was going to eat his dinner. I think I said that out loud because when he got back to his chair he said the following.
Peanut: Whatever.
We try not to laugh at the things he says because sometimes it really is inappropriate. Usually it's too funny not to bust up.
Husband: Crap!
Peanut: Crap. Is that a spider? Crap. Crap spider. Is Crap a spider Daddy?
Me: (Rolling eyes at Husband for teaching 3 yr old new word)
It's fun when he opens up in front of others too. We spent Christmas at my sisters house and because the rest of the family did too sleeping space was limited. I ended up sleeping in a bed with Peanut. He tossed and turned all night and I slept very little. Sometime around 5:30 am he started to wake up. I told him to go back to sleep. Daddy then got up (he was sleeping on the floor next to the bed) and talked to him a bit. That night in the van with two of my sisters, my mother and my sisters two kids and Peanut we were driving around looking at Christmas lights. I was telling the story of not sleeping well and how Peanut started to wake before 6.
Me: Then Husband woke up and started telling him to go back to sleep.
Peanut (while slamming fist into hand for emphasis): Daddy said stop your damn crying.
I'm not sure of the exact statement, but the d word was uttered. I didn't hear him and no one would say what he said. Suffice it to say it wasn't anything a 3 yr old should be saying. Oh well.
At dinner last night he was kind of messy and Husband gave him a napkin.
Husband: Wipe your forearms.
Peanut: I don't have four arms. Silly Daddy I only have two. One. Two. Not four.
I saw that one coming. Especially since way back when Peanut was trying to tell Husband something and he kept starting over and kids do.
Husband: Spit it out.
Peanut: Spittooey.
He looked down and spit. We were in the living room at the time. Kids take everything so literal. It really is great to listen to how he views the World. I just wish he could keep his view to himself once in a while. There are so many great things he says. It makes me a little sad when he starts saying things right. I know you want them to develop and speak clearly and properly, but there is something about that innocent, kid talk that I'll really miss.
Peanut: Where is my Daddy? Where is my friend, Captain America?
I have been trying to be Wonder Woman since she is a girl and so am I. Tonight Peanut asked me who I was.
Peanut: Mommy are you Wonder Warmer? Daddy said you were Wonder Warmer.
That's me. I can warm up anyone or anything. There are so many crazy things this kid says. We have decided he has no inner monologue. Where most of us think several million thoughts a day and only vocalize a small percentage of them. He says every thought he has. My sister asked if I thought he had thoughts that he didn't say. I don't think so. When would he have time? His motor-mouth goes non-stop. I love the little guy and he is pretty entertaining, but it's also tiring.
One new fascination he has is with soda, specifically Sprite. That is what I drink most often. The other day I had some and he asked for a drink so I put 1/2 a cup in his cup. He was drinking through a straw so I cautioned him the bubbles might go in his nose. Of course he didn't listen and the bubbles tickled him. This morning I had a soda in the car and he asked what it was. I told him it was a soda.
Peanut: I don't want the bubbles to blow my nose up.
Indeed. No one wants that. Noses would be lost all over the World. He is a semi-perfect parrot. Tonight at dinner he kept changing his mind over whether to eat his meal with a fork or spoon. I told him he could get whichever he wanted. He went into this conversation about can I have a spoon or fork? After asking over and over and over and over I said he could get whatever. He came back to the table with a large serving spoon.
Peanut: Mama, is this a spoon?
Me: Yes (thinking whether or not to explain big vs. little spoons)
I gave up and sighed thinking at least he was going to eat his dinner. I think I said that out loud because when he got back to his chair he said the following.
Peanut: Whatever.
We try not to laugh at the things he says because sometimes it really is inappropriate. Usually it's too funny not to bust up.
Husband: Crap!
Peanut: Crap. Is that a spider? Crap. Crap spider. Is Crap a spider Daddy?
Me: (Rolling eyes at Husband for teaching 3 yr old new word)
It's fun when he opens up in front of others too. We spent Christmas at my sisters house and because the rest of the family did too sleeping space was limited. I ended up sleeping in a bed with Peanut. He tossed and turned all night and I slept very little. Sometime around 5:30 am he started to wake up. I told him to go back to sleep. Daddy then got up (he was sleeping on the floor next to the bed) and talked to him a bit. That night in the van with two of my sisters, my mother and my sisters two kids and Peanut we were driving around looking at Christmas lights. I was telling the story of not sleeping well and how Peanut started to wake before 6.
Me: Then Husband woke up and started telling him to go back to sleep.
Peanut (while slamming fist into hand for emphasis): Daddy said stop your damn crying.
I'm not sure of the exact statement, but the d word was uttered. I didn't hear him and no one would say what he said. Suffice it to say it wasn't anything a 3 yr old should be saying. Oh well.
At dinner last night he was kind of messy and Husband gave him a napkin.
Husband: Wipe your forearms.
Peanut: I don't have four arms. Silly Daddy I only have two. One. Two. Not four.
I saw that one coming. Especially since way back when Peanut was trying to tell Husband something and he kept starting over and kids do.
Husband: Spit it out.
Peanut: Spittooey.
He looked down and spit. We were in the living room at the time. Kids take everything so literal. It really is great to listen to how he views the World. I just wish he could keep his view to himself once in a while. There are so many great things he says. It makes me a little sad when he starts saying things right. I know you want them to develop and speak clearly and properly, but there is something about that innocent, kid talk that I'll really miss.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Bonk
Driving home from daycare this evening I stopped behind several cars waiting for the first car to turn left. I don't remember exactly what we were doing. It seems like Peanut was telling me something about school. I was thinking about Oprah a little. Anyway, I heard a screeching noise and looked over my left shoulder wondering what was happening. Then we got hit. I guess the guy behind us was thinking about Oprah too? Doubtful, but he was not paying any attention.
There seems to be no damage and other than both kids started crying I think we are all fine. I got pretty amped up for a while and couldn't think straight. I took his name and number, but he conveniently didn't have his insurance card. I don't think I'll need it, but still. Before he left I gave him some friendly advice to get his stinking insurance card in his car.
Should I have called the police? Really there was no damage (at least that I could see in the dusk) and we probably won't do anything more. I'm guessing the cops would have maybe given him a ticket for driving without insurance? Or do they care? I thought it was a law to have insurance now. What would you have done?
I'm very thankful the kids seem OK. By nature I worry about everything and I'm quite paranoid that something may be lurking. It was minor and I think they are OK.
There seems to be no damage and other than both kids started crying I think we are all fine. I got pretty amped up for a while and couldn't think straight. I took his name and number, but he conveniently didn't have his insurance card. I don't think I'll need it, but still. Before he left I gave him some friendly advice to get his stinking insurance card in his car.
Should I have called the police? Really there was no damage (at least that I could see in the dusk) and we probably won't do anything more. I'm guessing the cops would have maybe given him a ticket for driving without insurance? Or do they care? I thought it was a law to have insurance now. What would you have done?
I'm very thankful the kids seem OK. By nature I worry about everything and I'm quite paranoid that something may be lurking. It was minor and I think they are OK.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Little Boy Lost
Second Child Syndrome is a real thing. During my pregnancy I heard stories of how baby books were never filled out, if they were even bought. They told me how the second child gets lost in the bustle of activities for the first child. I knew you took far less photos and video of the second.
I didn't believe it. Actually, I did believe it, but I thought I could overcome it. If I just put my mind to it we would have plentiful pictures and video. The baby book would be purchased and filled out even better than the first. I would protect the nap time of the second child, venturing out only when necessary.
How am I doing? Not so good. SF has had life better and worse than Peanut. I knew what mistakes not to make, but I made some anyway. I knew what to look for and when not to panic, but I panicked anyway. I knew not to stress over every feeding, sometimes they eat and sometimes not, but I stressed anyway. I bought the baby book and filled in several pages, but then the baby came and it's not been opened.
There are two things I feel awful about regarding the second child. These are two things I can never fix. I cannot go back in time and change things. I'm trying very hard to not be upset about them. I have the child and he is wonderful. That really is enough for me. If our house were to be destroyed along with all our belongings I would rejoice that my family is safe. Pictures are pieces of paper, but my children are most precious.
The first thing is that I don't know the birth weight of SF. The scale said 9 lbs 13 oz when he was put on it. We had a picture of it. BUT. Twelve hours after his birth he only weighed 9 lbs 1 oz. The doctor and nurses didn't believe he lost that much in so little time. He nursed well and had no other medical problems. The next weight was only a couple ounces less so they think the 9#13 was wrong. So I don't know what his true birth weight was. I'll never know if he was more or less than Peanut. It doesn't matter, but it's a stat. everyone asks and I don't know the answer. My friend K said this "when it's 100 degrees out and someone says 'it's only 98' it's still really F&*$ing hot".
The second thing is that we seem to have lost all pictures of SF before July. Two months of his life are gone. The birth day. Peanut holding him for the first time. Seeing his naked little body on the scale. Looking at him wrapped up laying on his mommy for the first time. Pictures of all the family meeting him for the first time. It's all gone. I can't get it back, though Husband has been trying to find it. I remember every detail. I can see it very clearly. How do I share that with SF in two, six or fifteen years when he asks to see his baby pictures? Will he care? Will he feel like I love him less?
These two things give me a sense of failure. I am heartbroken that we didn't go to the lengths we did to protect everything for Peanut. He has over 1000 pictures and SF has maybe 100, but very few of just him.
My New Year's Resolution will be to constantly have a camera with me to capture the fabulous moments in my children's lives. Another will be to back up everything fanatically.
I didn't believe it. Actually, I did believe it, but I thought I could overcome it. If I just put my mind to it we would have plentiful pictures and video. The baby book would be purchased and filled out even better than the first. I would protect the nap time of the second child, venturing out only when necessary.
How am I doing? Not so good. SF has had life better and worse than Peanut. I knew what mistakes not to make, but I made some anyway. I knew what to look for and when not to panic, but I panicked anyway. I knew not to stress over every feeding, sometimes they eat and sometimes not, but I stressed anyway. I bought the baby book and filled in several pages, but then the baby came and it's not been opened.
There are two things I feel awful about regarding the second child. These are two things I can never fix. I cannot go back in time and change things. I'm trying very hard to not be upset about them. I have the child and he is wonderful. That really is enough for me. If our house were to be destroyed along with all our belongings I would rejoice that my family is safe. Pictures are pieces of paper, but my children are most precious.
The first thing is that I don't know the birth weight of SF. The scale said 9 lbs 13 oz when he was put on it. We had a picture of it. BUT. Twelve hours after his birth he only weighed 9 lbs 1 oz. The doctor and nurses didn't believe he lost that much in so little time. He nursed well and had no other medical problems. The next weight was only a couple ounces less so they think the 9#13 was wrong. So I don't know what his true birth weight was. I'll never know if he was more or less than Peanut. It doesn't matter, but it's a stat. everyone asks and I don't know the answer. My friend K said this "when it's 100 degrees out and someone says 'it's only 98' it's still really F&*$ing hot".
The second thing is that we seem to have lost all pictures of SF before July. Two months of his life are gone. The birth day. Peanut holding him for the first time. Seeing his naked little body on the scale. Looking at him wrapped up laying on his mommy for the first time. Pictures of all the family meeting him for the first time. It's all gone. I can't get it back, though Husband has been trying to find it. I remember every detail. I can see it very clearly. How do I share that with SF in two, six or fifteen years when he asks to see his baby pictures? Will he care? Will he feel like I love him less?
These two things give me a sense of failure. I am heartbroken that we didn't go to the lengths we did to protect everything for Peanut. He has over 1000 pictures and SF has maybe 100, but very few of just him.
My New Year's Resolution will be to constantly have a camera with me to capture the fabulous moments in my children's lives. Another will be to back up everything fanatically.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
You May or May Not Know
I'm not sure who started this, but it looked entertaining.
Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to: leave in plain font
1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band. I played in the school band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower. I’m pretty sure I did this, but maybe not.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity. Never more than I can afford, but I do give quite a bit this time of year.
7. Been to Disneyland/world. Yes. Both I think.
8. Climbed a mountain. Not really, though when we went skiing one time we made this wrong turn and started going down some sort of triple black diamond and had to hike back up a bit to the turn so we could go down the easy green.
9. Held a praying mantis. No, thank you.
10. Sang a solo. The shower counts, right?
11. Bungee jumped. Absolutely not.
12. Visited Paris. Love to.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables. I can’t grow anything.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb. Does a lamb chop count?
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a Marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. I’ve ridden the one at that hotel in Vegas.
29. Seen a total eclipse. I always miss it.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. Does the Wii count?
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I went to the top of the one in Vegas and it made me sick. The real one is like 3 times as tall so I doubt you will ever get me up there.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt. Not a whole one, but I did ¼ of one.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle. How fast do you have to go for it to count as speeding?
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. I don’t think so, but thanks for asking.
88. Had chickenpox. Mom says yes, but dad says no. Mom can’t remember when my birthday is so I’m not sure I trust her account.
89. Saved someone’s life. I ran in and scooped up my nephew. He was bobbing along one of those lazy river things. Not sure his life was saved, but I felt like it could have been a bad situation otherwise.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. I’ve been there, but I don’t think it was warm enough to swim. We might have dipped our toes.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to: leave in plain font
1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band. I played in the school band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower. I’m pretty sure I did this, but maybe not.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity. Never more than I can afford, but I do give quite a bit this time of year.
7. Been to Disneyland/world. Yes. Both I think.
8. Climbed a mountain. Not really, though when we went skiing one time we made this wrong turn and started going down some sort of triple black diamond and had to hike back up a bit to the turn so we could go down the easy green.
9. Held a praying mantis. No, thank you.
10. Sang a solo. The shower counts, right?
11. Bungee jumped. Absolutely not.
12. Visited Paris. Love to.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables. I can’t grow anything.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb. Does a lamb chop count?
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a Marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. I’ve ridden the one at that hotel in Vegas.
29. Seen a total eclipse. I always miss it.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. Does the Wii count?
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I went to the top of the one in Vegas and it made me sick. The real one is like 3 times as tall so I doubt you will ever get me up there.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt. Not a whole one, but I did ¼ of one.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle. How fast do you have to go for it to count as speeding?
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. I don’t think so, but thanks for asking.
88. Had chickenpox. Mom says yes, but dad says no. Mom can’t remember when my birthday is so I’m not sure I trust her account.
89. Saved someone’s life. I ran in and scooped up my nephew. He was bobbing along one of those lazy river things. Not sure his life was saved, but I felt like it could have been a bad situation otherwise.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. I’ve been there, but I don’t think it was warm enough to swim. We might have dipped our toes.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
Friday, December 19, 2008
It's Ugly Here
There is a lot of anger living in our house. We all seem to have anger issues. Peanut is 3 so you can understand he has a million things wrong or at least thinks he does. Of course, 99% of that is easily fixed. Thumper (who will now be known as SweetFace or SF) is 6 months so there are a few things that anger him. Mostly he wants to eat and we can't get the food in his mouth fast enough. Or, like tonight, he backed himself under the coffee table and got stuck again. These are also easily fixes. No, it's the anger that Husband and I carry that is the issue.
We aren't connecting like we used to. I guess kids does that to a couple, but I'm not sure how to get over it. We spend so much time getting from one tantrum to the next until bedtime, that we are both wiped out. Then we spend the evening/night doing all the things that need to be done. Babysitters are hard to find (and afford) so we don't go out much. At one point we each had a night off to go out, alone. Even that has been reduced to a couple of hours. Husband goes to his study group one night and school another. I play volleyball and have a study group. Both of those last 2-3 hours. I don't think it's enough for either of us.
I'm tired of pretending it's OK when I hear yelling in the house. I'm tired of making Husband feel bad when I call him out on anger issues. Yes, I'm sure it makes him feel bad, but am I not supposed to step in? I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me just to keep the peace. Mostly, I'm tired.
I love being a mom and I have two great kids, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the all the time-ness that seems to have taken over. I haven't had a haircut in a salon in over a year. My sister cut it 6 months ago, but it needs professional help now. I haven't gone out to do it because I hate asking Husband to watch this kids. I know he has a rough time and gets angry. So instead I just stay home. Perhaps the hour or two for volleyball and the 2-3 hours for study group is enough to ask him to watch them. It's easier for Husband to go out. It seems like when he gets time off it's a lot of time. I hate to keep score, but when he goes out he doesn't have to take a child with him (though he usually does take Peanut when he can). I usually do have to take SF. Otherwise I have to be back every 3-4 hours to feed him or use the milk in the freezer thus confirming no babysitter since there would be no milk.
On top of all of this I think we lost the baby pictures of SF. I can't find anything earlier than two months. It's bad enough he has second child syndrome and there are hardly any pictures of him, but now we have nothing. It makes me sick to think of it.
So right now it's not pretty here. The stress is getting to me. I'm tired.
Merry Christmas
We aren't connecting like we used to. I guess kids does that to a couple, but I'm not sure how to get over it. We spend so much time getting from one tantrum to the next until bedtime, that we are both wiped out. Then we spend the evening/night doing all the things that need to be done. Babysitters are hard to find (and afford) so we don't go out much. At one point we each had a night off to go out, alone. Even that has been reduced to a couple of hours. Husband goes to his study group one night and school another. I play volleyball and have a study group. Both of those last 2-3 hours. I don't think it's enough for either of us.
I'm tired of pretending it's OK when I hear yelling in the house. I'm tired of making Husband feel bad when I call him out on anger issues. Yes, I'm sure it makes him feel bad, but am I not supposed to step in? I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me just to keep the peace. Mostly, I'm tired.
I love being a mom and I have two great kids, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the all the time-ness that seems to have taken over. I haven't had a haircut in a salon in over a year. My sister cut it 6 months ago, but it needs professional help now. I haven't gone out to do it because I hate asking Husband to watch this kids. I know he has a rough time and gets angry. So instead I just stay home. Perhaps the hour or two for volleyball and the 2-3 hours for study group is enough to ask him to watch them. It's easier for Husband to go out. It seems like when he gets time off it's a lot of time. I hate to keep score, but when he goes out he doesn't have to take a child with him (though he usually does take Peanut when he can). I usually do have to take SF. Otherwise I have to be back every 3-4 hours to feed him or use the milk in the freezer thus confirming no babysitter since there would be no milk.
On top of all of this I think we lost the baby pictures of SF. I can't find anything earlier than two months. It's bad enough he has second child syndrome and there are hardly any pictures of him, but now we have nothing. It makes me sick to think of it.
So right now it's not pretty here. The stress is getting to me. I'm tired.
Merry Christmas
Friday, December 12, 2008
Relax..For a Moment Anyway
I got a massage today. While it wasn't the fancy spa experience I would have liked it to be, it was quite nice. The place is clean and comfortable, but no bells or whistles. My favorite place had foot soaks while you wait for your appointment and a steam shower when you are done. The first few times I went it was Heaven. Then it started getting sort of run down. The soaks were still nice, but the shower was usually either out of soap or hot water. The people there were getting extra snobby and it wasn't a great experience. The up side was that the gal I saw there did a fantastic massage. Once we moved I decided to find a new place.
While getting my massage I kept thinking of all the ways to improve my life. It's funny, while the toxins are being pushed out of my body I start thinking of what other toxic things need to go. I dream of eating more vegetables and exercising. I vow to do Yoga and get a massage every other month. I start dreaming of a calm and peaceful house in which my children rarely misbehave. Then the massage is over and I drink my glass of water and head home.
I've been trying to workout, but it's not happening. I can't seem to get more than a foot away from Thumper. I'd let him just cry through it, but I'm not sure I can make it through a 20 minute workout while he wails. I guess I might have to join some sort of gym that offers childcare. At least then I would know the kid(s) would be looked after while I get my workout in. I just hate to spend the money. My stomach is starting to gross me out though. I honestly believe that if I could just workout a few times a week I'd start to look and feel better. The main goal is to fit into my clothes again. I'd say I need to lose at least 10 lbs to do that. Actually, I just need to flatten the belly a bit. I don't care how much I lose if any. I just want my clothes back.
While getting my massage I kept thinking of all the ways to improve my life. It's funny, while the toxins are being pushed out of my body I start thinking of what other toxic things need to go. I dream of eating more vegetables and exercising. I vow to do Yoga and get a massage every other month. I start dreaming of a calm and peaceful house in which my children rarely misbehave. Then the massage is over and I drink my glass of water and head home.
I've been trying to workout, but it's not happening. I can't seem to get more than a foot away from Thumper. I'd let him just cry through it, but I'm not sure I can make it through a 20 minute workout while he wails. I guess I might have to join some sort of gym that offers childcare. At least then I would know the kid(s) would be looked after while I get my workout in. I just hate to spend the money. My stomach is starting to gross me out though. I honestly believe that if I could just workout a few times a week I'd start to look and feel better. The main goal is to fit into my clothes again. I'd say I need to lose at least 10 lbs to do that. Actually, I just need to flatten the belly a bit. I don't care how much I lose if any. I just want my clothes back.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Anyone Here?
Wow. I guess it's been a while. There are many times throughout the day that I think about posting. Thinking doesn't seem to be making it happen though. There isn't much to tell right now.
Thumper didn't do so great at sleep training. Just in the last few days have we gotten him to sleep through the night. I think he just needed more time and possibly he was a bit sick and unable or unwilling to sleep alone. Naps are still a bear, but he has good days and bad ones. He does not seem to want a bed time routine. We get to his room and he just starts wailing. Usually I get frustrated and just put him in bed. After about 3 minutes of crying he is sound asleep. Maybe I'm missing the window of sleepiness and getting him in there when he is dead tired? I will work on that.
Peanut is fine. He's been sick off and on for a while. Nothing serious, but some days he is more sluggish and tired than others. Today he seems good. He's still in his pajamas. I don't care. What's the difference? We aren't going anywhere since the wind is gusting and it's snowing.
I've had a couple of nights out by myself and that was nice. I could use an all day adventure, but I'll take what I get. The everyday -ness is getting to me. Everyday I watch at least one boy and change and feed him (them). Husband helps out on weekends and I'm happy for that, but sometime I'd like a day off during the week.
Husband has suggested a visit to the spa. I would love to, but feel guilty about doing it myself. Somehow if someone else made the appointment and paid for it then it would feel like a gift and not me spending a ton of money on something extra. I tried to explain this but I don't think he understood. I could use a massage, my shoulders and back are killing me today. Probably because I had to pick Thumper up a ton yesterday.
I bought a Wii and Wii fit. I like it, but would like some new games. They are fun, but I get bored pretty quick. Anyone have suggestions? We rented Wii Music the other night. It's OK, but not as cool as I thought it would be. I guess because I know how to play music it's discouraging to just flop my arms around and call that 'playing' an instrument. I'd rather see the music and have it really teach me arm positions and things like that. The game could really be something fabulous. I haven't explored all of it yet and maybe it gets better, but so far I'm not impressed.
Thumper didn't do so great at sleep training. Just in the last few days have we gotten him to sleep through the night. I think he just needed more time and possibly he was a bit sick and unable or unwilling to sleep alone. Naps are still a bear, but he has good days and bad ones. He does not seem to want a bed time routine. We get to his room and he just starts wailing. Usually I get frustrated and just put him in bed. After about 3 minutes of crying he is sound asleep. Maybe I'm missing the window of sleepiness and getting him in there when he is dead tired? I will work on that.
Peanut is fine. He's been sick off and on for a while. Nothing serious, but some days he is more sluggish and tired than others. Today he seems good. He's still in his pajamas. I don't care. What's the difference? We aren't going anywhere since the wind is gusting and it's snowing.
I've had a couple of nights out by myself and that was nice. I could use an all day adventure, but I'll take what I get. The everyday -ness is getting to me. Everyday I watch at least one boy and change and feed him (them). Husband helps out on weekends and I'm happy for that, but sometime I'd like a day off during the week.
Husband has suggested a visit to the spa. I would love to, but feel guilty about doing it myself. Somehow if someone else made the appointment and paid for it then it would feel like a gift and not me spending a ton of money on something extra. I tried to explain this but I don't think he understood. I could use a massage, my shoulders and back are killing me today. Probably because I had to pick Thumper up a ton yesterday.
I bought a Wii and Wii fit. I like it, but would like some new games. They are fun, but I get bored pretty quick. Anyone have suggestions? We rented Wii Music the other night. It's OK, but not as cool as I thought it would be. I guess because I know how to play music it's discouraging to just flop my arms around and call that 'playing' an instrument. I'd rather see the music and have it really teach me arm positions and things like that. The game could really be something fabulous. I haven't explored all of it yet and maybe it gets better, but so far I'm not impressed.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Miracles Really Do Happen
We started sleep training Thumper on Monday. Basically, we do a bedtime routine then put him in bed and leave. He has cried anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. This crying hurts me more than anything. Knowing I could instantly stop it and don't is hard. Tonight I gave him a bath, put pajamas on, read two books and sang a short song. He seemed pretty wired, but I put him down and kissed his head goodnight. Not a peep has been heard (knock wood).
In other news we are babysitting my almost 7 year old nephew, S. His sister has an activity out of town and he would be totally bored there. My sister J asked if we'd watch him overnight and most of tomorrow. I agreed, but with zero excitement. It's not that he is any trouble, but I just don't know how to relate to him. Peanut LOVES to play with S, but he gets tired of him. Maybe it's just because he's kind of awkward. Long legs, skinny, losing teeth and kind of a dodo bird. He's like his father in that respect. Neither of them really ever think. I don't expect a 7 year old to be brilliant, but I do expect them to understand certain things. Only recently did he know the difference between a front and back door and which was located where. I hope I can relate to my own sons more when they are his age.
Husband offered to watch the kids so I could go to a spa tomorrow. I never sat down and decided where to go and what to do until last night and it was too late to make an appointment. I guess I'll wait a bit longer. It seems something always comes up. Perhaps I will go clothes shopping tomorrow. I need some jeans to wear. The one pair that fit me are starting to wear out from wearing them all the time. I need another pair to balance out. Looks like I might end up taking Thumper with me though. Depends on if I can squeeze out some milk or not. He shouldn't be much of a problem.
We're hosting dinner for a bunch of people on Sunday. We've been to their houses for dinner and it's sort of a nice thing to pay them back, but at the same time having so many people over stresses me out. I hate things getting out of place. My house is always a mess, but the chaos of so many people roaming around gets to me. Especially, when some of those people are under age 10. Wish me luck!
In other news we are babysitting my almost 7 year old nephew, S. His sister has an activity out of town and he would be totally bored there. My sister J asked if we'd watch him overnight and most of tomorrow. I agreed, but with zero excitement. It's not that he is any trouble, but I just don't know how to relate to him. Peanut LOVES to play with S, but he gets tired of him. Maybe it's just because he's kind of awkward. Long legs, skinny, losing teeth and kind of a dodo bird. He's like his father in that respect. Neither of them really ever think. I don't expect a 7 year old to be brilliant, but I do expect them to understand certain things. Only recently did he know the difference between a front and back door and which was located where. I hope I can relate to my own sons more when they are his age.
Husband offered to watch the kids so I could go to a spa tomorrow. I never sat down and decided where to go and what to do until last night and it was too late to make an appointment. I guess I'll wait a bit longer. It seems something always comes up. Perhaps I will go clothes shopping tomorrow. I need some jeans to wear. The one pair that fit me are starting to wear out from wearing them all the time. I need another pair to balance out. Looks like I might end up taking Thumper with me though. Depends on if I can squeeze out some milk or not. He shouldn't be much of a problem.
We're hosting dinner for a bunch of people on Sunday. We've been to their houses for dinner and it's sort of a nice thing to pay them back, but at the same time having so many people over stresses me out. I hate things getting out of place. My house is always a mess, but the chaos of so many people roaming around gets to me. Especially, when some of those people are under age 10. Wish me luck!
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