Lock 'Em Up

We went to the pediatrician for Thumper and ended up talking more about Peanut even though he wasn't with us. We asked about Potty Training and sleep issues. He didn't tell us anything new about PT, but did tell us about the sleep issues. He suggested doing the bed routine as normal and then closing the door and not going in. We've been doing it for almost a week and it seems to be working.

The nice thing about this is it takes us out of the equation. We don't give him any attention this way. Basically his room is on lock-down. No books, toys or anything. There's not even any light bulbs in there. I know it sounds crazy, but he got into absolutely everything. I don't care. If my child will go to sleep at bedtime I'm willing to keep it up.

Singing

Do you hear that? That is the sound of angels singing. Wonderful isn't it? No, really. It's the sound of both my children asleep. At the same time.

Nap time has become a struggle again. Last night I hit on something that might work for a while though. Peanut kept crying so I went in there and scooped him up. I sat in the chair holding him like a giant baby. He hated it. I told him if he acted like a baby he was going to be treated like one. He settled right down and said he was a big boy. Off to bed he went without a fuss. Of course this was over an hour after bedtime, but whatever. Today at nap it worked again, but it didn't take nearly as long.

You Go Poo in the Loo

Peanut has been going potty at school. At least 2 out of 3 times he goes in the potty. I think he would get that third time if they weren't usually outside. Anyway, the teacher suggested it might be time to start potty training. Gads. I have been waiting until he was ready and I guess he is getting pretty ready. At school he gets candy. One M&M for trying and two for going. He loves it. That's the first thing he tells me when I go get him. "Mama, I got candy today" I know some people think it's gross to get food for going potty, but for him it's a fabulous motivator.



I'm not sure how smoothly the training will go with an 8 week old. There are many times he is so upset I can't really put him down to take Peanut to the bathroom. I know it doesn't work if the parents aren't willing to drop everything (so to speak) and get the kid to the bathroom. I guess for a while I can live with putting the baby down. It's not like I won't ever put him down, I'm just saying there will be moments when it will be difficult. I hope those moments are fewer and far between.

Now that we have decided to start this weekend, he seems fairly against going. We'll start it and see how it goes for a while. I suppose if we have to stop we will.



I cannot believe my little boy is growing up so fast. Getting him out of diapers would be great, but this means he is a boy, not my baby. Even though I have a new one, he is still my little baby.



So any advice? I could use lots of suggestions and helpful hints. What made it go fast? What slowed you down? What would you do differently? I guess we'll start in the next week or two. We'll get all the supplies ready and talk to the school. Wow!

Clean it Up

So even though I'm not working and we bought a house, had a baby and bought a new AC all in the last year, we hired a cleaning service. See, with the new baby I wasn't getting any cleaning done. We put it off thinking we would get to it eventually. Months later (Eww, I know!) we still haven't gotten to it. Something about a constantly crying two year old, a breastfeeding newborn, grass that refuses to stop growing and just look pretty, an MBA to get and oh yeah, a full time job just makes it difficult to find time for anything else. I keep thinking 'this will be the weekend we get something done' and each weekend we do not get anything done.

To help with the dirty house part I hired someone to clean my house. It's pretty expensive, but about average as far as cost goes. It's a luxury I'm willing to spring for, for at least a little while. It's wonderful to have the bathrooms clean and the floors mopped. I only wish they came more often. So far it's every two weeks, but that is way better than what I'd be doing.

Some days I think I would really like to go back to work. Partly for extra money and partly for some 'me' time. Once the little one is a bit older I may try my hand at something part time. I really want to nurse him for about a year and I figure I may as well stay home and enjoy everything in that time. Our daycare doesn't take kids until one year anyway so I'm in no hurry.

Help Yourself

I wanted to shower today. Peanut was downstairs watching a kid show and Thumper was in the bouncy seat in the bathroom with me. I quickly showered and got dressed. Thumper was asleep so I went to check on Peanut, knowing how easily he can get into trouble.

He was sitting on the couch where I left him with a spoon in his hand. I thought it odd, but not really unusual. He has all sorts of odd toys. Anyway, there was also a phone box on the couch too. Husband got a new cell phone and the box was in the toy box to play with. Upon closer inspection of the box, there was some sort of goo in it. At first I was puzzled. What was it? I tentatively sniffed the contents and identified it as yogurt.

At this point I sort of panicked a little. How did he get it? Was there a big mess in the kitchen? I went in there and found the yogurt cup sitting on the counter. He apparently opened the fridge, got the yogurt, opened it, poured it into the phone box, grabbed a spoon and hopped back on the couch to finish the show.

I wasn't mad. I was more amazed he did all that without making a fuss or mess. I simply told him he had to eat his snacks at the table. He ran right in and finished the yogurt. I guess I'll have to shower at night when there is another adult at home to watch him. There is no telling what he could get into.

Geez! It's July.

Our AC went out. It is totally dead. We spent last night with all the windows open and several fans going. I won't say it was pleasant, but it was OK. Today was fine since the weather was cooler. We keep the lights off and the fans going and that makes a huge difference. Someone is coming tomorrow to install a new one. The stupid thing is we haven't even lived here a year and the thing was new just before we moved in. It's not even a year old and it died.

In other news, Peanut is becoming more testy. He tries at every moment to get away with things he knows are wrong. He is hitting more, yelling more and all around being testy. We're trying to be patient since we just brought home a little brother and all, but come on already. Plus we realize he is two and that's what they do. Still. It would be nice to not have a half dozen time outs during a day.

The baby is doing well. He's growing like a weed. We go for our first check on Monday so we'll see where we are on the charts. I think it will be just like Peanut and he will plot his own line in space. What is in my milk anyway? I should bottle it and send it to starving countries. Forget oatmeal and rice, have some fattening milk.

Argh

Let me start by saying I love my family and have never been happier. That being said I think the postpartum phase has begun. I've been OK for the first few weeks, but I'm still not myself. It's not really the typical depressed, don't want to go anywhere or see anyone feeling. It's more the, tick me off and I'll punch you in the face sort of feeling.

I'm tired. I'm jealous of anyone and everyone sleeping more than me. I'd love to do something all my own for a day even if that meant going to work for eight hours. I'm tired of cooking, cleaning, keeping things in line and laundry. I'm tired of Peanut having no memory of things he is not supposed to do and doing them so often I'm on the brink of screaming. Is two years, eight months the point at which they snap and can do nothing but test me?

I'm tired of still looking/feeling pregnant. I know it's only been three weeks and I'm not expecting it to be different so fast, but my clothes don't fit and I'm tired of being sore. I think as a reward for birthing a child, nature should get your body back to you a lot faster. It would make dealing with things a lot easier.

At the end of the day I have given all I have to Peanut, the baby and the house and there is nothing left for me or Husband. He tries to hold my hand or do some other loving gesture and I can't stand it. I just want to be left alone. It doesn't mean I don't love him, it's just I have nothing left. At night when the baby wakes up he usually gets up with him first and I go to the bathroom and then stumble in to feed the baby. Husband goes back to bed until the next feeding. On one hand I think this makes sense since he has to get up and go to work while I can stay home and sort of lay around all day. But, on the other hand I hate that I have to be awake for an hour to feed, change and get baby back to sleep. Then I get to do it again in two hours.

That's another thing. That whole three hour schedule is bull. I realize you count from the beginning of a feeding to the next, but when it's an hour (or more) until you get done then you only have 1-2 hours before the next feeding. I guess that's some sleep, but just when you get comfortable it's time to get up again.

I feel that breastfeeding is the best option for my kid. It's healthy and good for me and not to mention cheaper than formula. But there are times I think it would be a lot nicer to let someone else take a feeding or two. Husband did offer to feed baby a bottle of pumped milk, but I'd still have to get up and pump so I may as well feed baby.

I'll get over all of this as soon as I get some more sleep and me time. There are things I'd like to do that I just can't yet. Once I can do them I think I'll feel a little more human. Until then, just don't tick me off or you might get that punch to the face. ;)

My Boys

Take Two. This Makes Four.

Peanut went to school on Friday and I spent the whole day snuggling with Thumper. We mostly watched television and slept on the couch. Once in a while I thought he felt warm, but since we were so close and he was wearing a sleeper I didn't think much of it.

Then yesterday morning he felt very hot to me and husband. Husband took his temperature and it was 100.4. We called the ped. office and they sent us straight to Childrens Mercy to be treated. The upside is he seems to be ok other than fever. The downside is that they test for everything by doing several cultures that take 48 hours. So we are stuck here until Monday for sure and longer if things don't turn around.

We did this same thing with Peanut. He was only 3 days old instead of 15, but a newborn is a newborn. The nurses are all pretty nice and take good care of him. The doctor was nice, but seemed a little odd to me.

Peanut got shipped off to his aunts house (again). We owe that woman a lot for watching him so much. We've been at a hospital 4 times in the last couple months. Unreal. Though I will say we're being watched over because it's turned out ok each time.

It's the Day After Your Birthday

Once the baby was born he stayed on me for quite a while. Other than getting weight, height and the apgar, he didn't go anywhere. It was nice to not have him taken away first thing. His color and breathing were good so I got to keep him for almost 20 minutes. Then the nurse came in to clean him and dress him and all that.


His weight was listed at 9lbs 13oz. and height was 21 inches.


After I got him back again and I was all situated with ice packs and whatnot we just spent family time together. The nurses disappeared and only came in to do the vital checks. It was really nice.


My sister brought Peanut later in the day. He was a little wary at first. I think seeing me like that made him a little nervous. I was holding the baby when he came in and he said "that baby came out". He did really well. We gave him a bag of presents to unwrap and he thought that was great. He wanted to hold the baby and even cried when he was taken away. He seemed to understand that the baby wasn't in mommy anymore.


They didn't stay long. We kept him in the room for most of the night but did send him to the nursery one time. He just wanted to suck and not nurse and my boobs were too sore for that. We sent him out so we could get a little rest. They brought him back screaming for food about 3 hours later. Glorious sleep.


They did the weight and vital check on him while he was in the nursery at 3 am. When they brought him back the nurse told us he weighed 9lbs 1 oz. This was a 12 oz drop. We figured on of the measurements had to be off. Turns out it was the original weight that was off. He probably weighed more like 9.03 or 9.05 instead of 9.13. It doesn't really matter because he was still big, but it's sad we won't ever know the true weight. 9.13 is in the book, but it's not right. That's the only thing about the whole experience that makes me sad.


The next day was busy. He was checked by the pediatrician, circumcised, photographed and visited by more friends. That was all before 10am. Then the paperwork lady came in and snapped at us to finish the birth certificate. We didn't have a name picked out yet. She was really rude about the whole thing. We put the do not disturb sign on the door and it took us about 10 minutes to come up with the name.


After that we just hung out and got to know the little guy.

It's Your Birthday!

Due date 5/20. Pre-term labor at 33 weeks stopped with medication. Medication stopped at 36 weeks.

The due date pretty much came and went. We talked with the doctor and scheduled an induction for 5/30 at 6 am. It was a lot later than I wanted, but it was the only opening for the doctor and hospital. You take what you can get.

On 5/23 I woke up sick and started having different contractions. I thought for sure it was labor, but was not. This was trip #2 to the hospital with no baby coming out.

So on Thursday 5/29 I took Peanut to my sisters house to stay while we had baby. I stayed for dinner and got him ready for bed. I hated leaving him there because he is a hot kid and her house was about a 1000 degrees. Anyway, that night husband and I were doing last minute preparations and I said it was a bummer we couldn't have just gone in that night to get it started. He replied that it was nice for us to get to sleep in our own beds one last time. So we went to bed around 11 or so.

I was asleep and dreaming when I felt something gush. I either said out loud or in the dream 'uh oh'. Then it gushed again and I said/dreamed 'uh oh' again. At that point I jumped up, grabbed a towel and ran for the bathroom. I flicked the light on and just sat there pondering what to do. I took off my wet clothes and went to get some dry ones. Husband asked what was happening and I calmly said "my water broke". He bolted upright and started mumbling hospital. I tried to explain we were supposed to call the doctor and/or hospital first before just showing up. He was very tired as it was just midnight and we'd only been asleep for about an hour.

At the time I wasn't having any contractions and felt a little weird heading to the hospital without them. No need to fear though, they started like clockwork on the way, coming about every 3 minutes. By the time we got to the hospital, in the room and situated they were pretty strong. By now it was about 1:30am. I was finally starting to dilate a little too. I think I was a solid 2, maybe 2 1/2.

I labored through the contractions for a while, but they started to be pretty intense. I was worried it was too early for drugs. I didn't want to slow labor down at all. No need to worry. About 4 am I called the nurse for an epidural. I was dilated about 4-5 so I was happy to go ahead and get one. The lady that did it was nice and explained everything, but talked so quiet I could barely hear her. Anyway, after a little while I didn't feel anything. She gave me a button to push if the pain got more intense and I needed more drugs. Woo hoo!

I tried to sleep at this point, but they took my blood pressure every 15 minutes and each time it was below the acceptable level so the alarm went off. I had to page the nurse every time. She asked if I was dizzy or anything and since I was mostly laying there trying to sleep I didn't really feel too different. After an hour of this she called the drug lady back in. They gave me something to elevate my blood pressure. It went from 90 over 40 to 166 over something. This made me pretty sick and I started to throw up. Lovely. After a few minutes of this it was back down to 90 over 40 and I felt better. I'm not sure why this wasn't a problem, but they didn't do anything else at this point.

Shift change happens at 7 am so I got a new nurse. She wasn't quite as friendly as the first girl, but ended up doing a great job. I finally rested for a while until around 8:30am. The contractions started being much more intense and I felt the pain again. I was breathing through them even with the epidural. I kept thinking maybe this meant I was getting close to having the baby. So I pushed my drug button and paged the nurse. The doctor came in around the same time too. At 9:11 am I was fully dilated and effaced. The doctor said I should start pushing. So we did.

After the first push I started to throw up again. I was so disappointed. I didn't want to be sick, I wanted to get the baby out. I was so mentally ready to do what I had to do to get it out. Fortunately, I wasn't sick long and she gave me oxygen to inhale while I pushed. I was surprised how much this helped me feel better. Anyway, I pushed as best I could for 40 minutes or so. Then she said we should try tug of war. It was a great position for me. She tied a blanket in a circle so I could hold one side and she held the other. I could pull in front of me instead of on the sides of the bed. Just a few minutes later and we were ready. The doctor came in and said to stop pushing and they got everything ready. Then it took one more push and he was out.

He was so big, slippery and wiggly that I though the doctor was going to drop him. The nurse next to her grabbed his lower body and they sort of shoved him onto my chest. He looked just like Peanut. It was like having him all over again. They sewed me up and wiped off the baby. We were so happy.

More to Come

We had the baby on 5-30. Boy. Over 9 lbs, 21 inches long.

We've been home adjusting and getting used to things. Everyone is doing great.

I have lots of things to post and only one hand to type with.

For the sake of remembering what to post here are the topics I want to type about:

1. The birth story
2. Peanuts reaction to a new baby
3. My mother (lots of things here, but I'll remember as I go)
4. The differences in the first child vs. the second

Will I ever sleep again? Thumper has been sleeping pretty well for an almost 2 week old. Last night he went 6 hours between feedings. I'd guess he slept about 4 or so hours.

He's a good eater and a decent sleeper. The only trouble we have is burping him. He doesn't seem to want to let them out. It takes up to a couple hours to get them all out. Today he's been doing better at it.

Smile and Nod

As I continue to be pregnant and near the end I thought I would compile a short list of things to and not to do concerning pregnant women.

Do:

Bring her a drink, snack, magazine or something so she doesn't have to get up. She needs to rest while growing a baby.

Buy her flowers, chocolates, or whatever else might brighten her day.

Offer to rub her back, feet or any other body part of her choosing to ease sore muscles. Better yet, offer to send her to a spa to have a pro do it.

Watch any other children for a while so she can have some relaxing alone time.

Have her make a list of things she would like done. Do one or two of them once in a while. She'll feel like things are getting done without having to strain.

Buy her something fabulous to congratulate her for carrying a baby for 9+ months without going insane (much) or killing anyone (though they deserved it I'm sure).

Encourage her daily (or by the minute). Let her know she is doing the best she can and you are proud of her. Pregnancy is tough, she is like a soldier in a war. She is working harder than you know and deserves some credit.

Do Not:

Ask if she is still pregnant. Yes, she is. Unless she doesn't know you at all you will get a call or email announcing the birth. Asking every day only reminds her she is still pregnant. If she doesn't know you at all then you're just being creepy.

Ask if she is ready to be done. Yes, she is. She knows this better than anyone. Don't act like it is a burden to you, she's got a lot going on.

Ask if she is having contractions or if labor has in any way started yet. If it's your business to know she will tell you. Asking this over and over only reminds her that, no, nothing is happening.

Say wow, gosh, oh my, holy cow, or any other exclamation indicating you are amazed she is so big and has not yet exploded.

Ask if her doctor is crazy or imply he/she is in some way not capable of delivering a baby. She has picked her doctor and put her faith and trust in this person. Do NOT shake her faith now.

Point out the due date has passed. She knows. She is well aware of that date and it's passage without giving birth.

Tell her how to feel, think or act. Yes, she may be irrational, but that is her right. If she is crying, acknowledge it, don't tell her to stop.

I'm Not a Doctor and I Don't Play One on TV

Last week my child skinned his knee in the driveway. It was finally healing a little. Tonight I suggested we go outside and while walking around the block he fell. The only injury? Tearing open the wounded knee. Not a scratch on him otherwise. At first the tears were from pain and the scare of falling, then they were from losing the jelly bean he was eating.

He seems terrified of bandages and won't let anyone touch it or look at it. We had to hold him down a bit to clean the concrete out of it. He will let you put 'lotion' on it. Lotion is his word for Neosporin.

There is nothing sadder than seeing a 2 year old limp around because of a boo boo.

I'm just not ready for my boy to get hurt, let alone bleed. I know I have a lifetime of this to come, but it really tears me up to see him hurt in any way.

Yes, he got more jelly beans.

Indiana Jones

I might spoil it for you so don't read if you want to watch the movie with no opinion in your head.

I thought it was an ok movie. It had action, adventure and an ok storyline. I thought it was a horrible Indiana Jones movie. It was weird. The other three are some of my favorite movies and this one just didn't cut it at all. There were parts that were just thrown in for effect and didn't really have anything to do with the plot. Other things were so far fetched I couldn't believe they were part of the movie.

If at First You Don't Succeed, Pack Your Bags and Go Home

When I woke up today at 7 I felt yucky. Something was off. I got up and tried to pinpoint the problem. Mostly I felt a little sick. Then the contractions started. These were not the same contractions I had been having for weeks. These were more painful, in a different location and just felt like the ones I needed. We went through our morning and the contractions got stronger. I didn't want to do anything. We took Peanut to school and then called the doctor. She suggested going to hospital to get checked and we would go from there.

My mom and sister, J, were with me as well as Husband. We started to play some cards to pass the time. Somewhere just after the middle I started to not feel so hot. The urge to vomit was pretty strong and only intensified with each contraction. Suddenly other voices were annoying. The sound of the cards were annoying. Everything was grating on me. I said I needed to stop and J asked if I wanted them to leave. All I could manage was a nod. She and my mom happily went to lunch.

Then I was hot, cold, agitated, uncomfortable and in pain. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to get up and run away from the hurting. After a few minutes of this I got up to go to the bathroom. I did my thing and when I got back I could drink water and felt mostly fine. My feet were cold, but otherwise no hot/cold flashes. The color in my face returned and I felt pretty good except for the contractions still coming every 2-4 minutes.

The nurse came in a while later and said I was being sent home. I wasn't dilating and though I was having a good contraction pattern it wasn't true labor. Husband was upset and I was OK until I got in the shower tonight and the disappointment hit me hard. I've done this twice with no baby. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

This felt just like the last time. The urge to vomit, not feeling well, regular contractions, trip to hospital were all the same. Also the same were slightly dehydrated, urine culture that didn't indicate UTI but was yucky (whatever that means) and eating a turkey sandwich for lunch the day of or slightly before all this happened.

My best guess is that I'm allergic or aggravated by something used to process the turkey at the grocery store deli. I've had it twice since we moved/got pregnant and both times ended up in the hospital. My body feels sick and tries to get rid of the yuck including starting contractions to get baby out. Lots of water later and I seem to be better.

I should be holding a baby by now. I should be in the hospital deciding on a name and who he/she looks more like. I should be through with labor and working on recovery.

I know eventually we will have this baby, but it was a hard day and I'm tired.

Time Gets Longer and Longer (and Harder and Harder)

I got a call today from the doctor office. They can't do the induction on the 27th so they moved me to the 30th. On one hand it's no big deal, what's three days later? On the other hand it's three days later. I'm done now. I'm ready to walk into the hospital and get this baby out of me. My emotions are all over the place, I have no energy and I'm done.

I'm pretty tired of people telling me when to have the baby. Making a playful guess as to when you think it will arrive is OK. Telling me it's just not convenient for you on such and such a day is not OK. This baby will get here whenever it does. I'm working on what is right for me and baby. Other than Husband and maybe the doctor, no one really gets a say here.

Some friends have been out of the country on vacation and before they left they (mostly the wife, the husband is pretty cool) kept telling me not to have it while they were gone. Who cares? It's not like she is the doctor or even related to me. My own mother keeps telling me that the 27th is too late and I should do it sooner. Well, fabulous, when is a good time for you since you seem to have an in with the hospital and are going to deliver this thing? Hospitals have schedules and so do doctors. While they can't plan every birth they can plan the scheduled ones so that it doesn't interfere with another delivery or surgery.

I'm pretty scared at this point. I'm having a hard time doing anything and wonder how I will manage with a baby. I know at least I'll be able to put my shoes on, but I'm still going to be very tired and unable to function. I'm terrified for Thursday nights to roll around since Husband will be gone all day and night with his class. How will I ever manage two children all day and night? Pizza anyone?

This pregnancy has been spent worried about the future. I've even regretted being pregnant. I know that may offend some folks, but I'm sorry it's how I feel. No one has re-assured me either. Husband only says things will be fine if I point blank ask him. He hasn't spent much time telling me he's happy about it. He just says "things will be fine". Well, yes, I'm sure they will, but will we still be married? Will I kill anyone? Will I live? I'm having a hard time feeling like this was a good idea. Even some friends and family have questioned our thinking in having another one so soon.

There has been very little time excited during this pregnancy. I never got excited about the nursery. It became more of a chore than something I wanted to do. This time around I wanted the room to look either very boy or very girl. Peanuts nursery was so neutral and I wanted it more boy (once we found out of course). So we decided to just wait to do the nursery until the baby was born. I started planning a boy room and a girl room so we could get started right away after the birth. Then I got tired of it. I think we'll just use what we have from the first one. It's neutral, but could go either way. It was cheap and is still pretty cute with little animals on it. It's just not what I originally thought, but all the joy has been sucked out of it so now I don't care. We'll do like we did with Peanut and make a specific room tailored to this kid in a couple years.

I'm never going to make it 15 more days.

Keep on Counting

Still no baby. Six (6) days until due date. We are scheduled to induce on the 27th. I'll be 41 weeks. My doctor is OK with an induction, but would prefer baby to come naturally. She is worried about forcing the issue (so to speak) and causing a C-section. I'm very opposed to surgery. I know lots of people that have had them and all turned out fine, but it still freaks me out. If it came down to it I would get through it. If I can do it the hoo ha way I'm on board with that.

I feel like I've been pregnant for years. I guess knowing so early makes for a much longer wait. It will be worth it. I'm getting really curious as to if it's a boy or girl. I'm also a bit worried about how big this kid will get in 13 more days. It could be huge! The doctors keep telling me I accommodated a big baby so I can do it again. Well, sure. Peanut was 9 lb 3 oz. What if that was my limit? How much bigger can I accommodate? I don't really want to find out.

The boy has been up and down. For the most part he has been great. He wants to watch television all the time. I'm OK with some, but he would sit all day long. He says funny things too. The other day we were all in the van and Husband was blowing his nose. Peanut says "mommy, daddy getting his boogies out?" Well, yes. I know it doesn't seem funny here, but we laughed about it at the time. He does sweet things too like sing to the baby belly. Except the only words he knows are 'no more monkeys jumping on the bed'. He doesn't even know the whole song. It's cute though.

Time for a nap. Mine of course.

One Day It Will Be Over

38 weeks and 1 day today. I'm losing my mind. Easy things are getting much more difficult to do. Taking a shower wipes me out. Right now a week stay at a spa sounds fabulous, except for the whole pregnant thing. Maybe once thumper is older I can go away to a mommy spa. They have those right? Where they pamper you and rub your feet and feed you good food? I want that. Of course since I'll be nursing it will be a bit harder to get away for a while.

Peanut has some sort of issue right now. He wants very much to sit in my lap and be loved. I'm ok with that, but it's not his usual thing. Maybe he senses baby is on its way and his time with me is getting shorter. He is also getting the last of his two year molars. Ouch! We had a horrible morning today and now that I think back on it I'm not sure why. Nothing too awful happened, we just were not in sync. Oh well.

I've been painting with my sister J. She got us a huge paint job. I wasn't going to do any of it, but I've been helping every day for a week and a half. I only work a few hours, but it's starting to take a toll. Peanut has gone with me on his non school days. Those nights have been awful. I think he gets too much stimulation. I think tomorrow we'll stay home and do our own thing. J will just have to understand I can't do it. I really wanted the extra money, but I've worked enough I think I should get a nice chunk of change. I'm not even sure how much the whole job will get since things keep getting added on. Thankfully, we are on the downhill stretch. We just have the upstairs to do and any touch ups downstairs. Then she wants new lights hung, then she wants this and that done. The list is never ending. We stop with the money stops flowing though.

I don't think Thumper is ever coming out. My guess is we'll have to be induced like we were with Peanut. My doctor comes back on Friday so I guess we'll start seeing her again. Who knows what she will think. The guy I've been seeing said he would talk to her about it though. He said they won't induce until after 39 weeks. Who knows?

Gross and Etc.

If your child says their leg is wet and they are not in a bath tub or swimming pool expect bad things to follow. Peanut had an odor about him so I was getting ready to change him. He walked over and said his leg was wet. I asked if he wet his pants and he said no. Instead, he pooped his pants. Lovely. Baths for all tonight.

Later we were playing with a wood giraffe toy. It has a hole in the nose so it hooks on to other animals to make a train. Peanut had been sticking his finger in the zebra nose and getting it stuck. Then he turns to me and says "I not pick giraffe nose". I replied that that was good advice.

Over the weekend he came up to me out of the blue and said "I have a nose. There are boogies in my nose." Anyone have a tissue?

This kid is crazy, but entertaining.

Adventure Part II - Our Lives Are Not Dull

So my sister D and her five (5) children came to visit us on Saturday afternoon. The plan was for her and the kids to come to my house to play and visit, eat dinner at McD's so the kids could be wild monkeys at the play place. Then after dinner she would load up the lot of them and drive to the airport to pick up her husband J. He had been out of the country for the last month.

My other sister K came to visit for the weekend, arriving on Friday night. She is very handy and came to help me put up a wallpaper border and do some other little projects around the house.

My other, other sister J and her kids came to our house on Saturday afternoon to hang out and visit with all the other kids.

So all five adults and eight children load up into various vehicles and head out to see Ronald. We sit in the play area and have our lovely dinner. Then the kids start playing like the wild monkeys they are. We have about an hour before D needs to leave to get husband. She was telling a story and gesturing with her arms when her shoulder dislocated. We were concerned but not panicked as this has happened many, many times. Usually she can relax a bit and it goes right back in. This time was different somehow and we called 911 just to be safe.

As luck would have it the hospital was only about a mile away and they arrived quickly. The downside is they couldn't treat her on site. They had to load her up and take her away. So we sent my sister J with her. I drove our van home with two kids, K drove D's van home with four kids and my husband M drove J's truck home with two kids. Once at my house we sent M to fetch D's husband at the airport, but as luck would have it J's husband was working near there and managed to get him. So three adults managed to watch 8 kids.

Around 8pm we got all pajamas on and got them situated for bed. We let the older kids stay up a little later, but eventually put them to bed too. Needless to say everyone stayed the night even though that wasn't the plan.

D went through quite a bit, but thanks to medication doesn't remember much of it. It took three adults using some brutal force to get her arm back in place. She had an IV, some sort of conscious anesthesia (she was awake, but doesn't remember a thing) and a nausea drug. She made it home around midnight and went straight to bed. Her arm is in a sling until she sees a doctor at her home, which I guess is supposed to be today.

Not the plan we had for the weekend, but all in all it worked out. I'm very thankful everyone was here to help. Me being so pregnant I couldn't do much, but it all worked out. She has had this problem for many years and this time the doctor strongly suggested surgery. Though D is not a fan of it, she is all for it I think. After 20+ years of this happening I think she is finally tired of it. I only hope her husband and the kids take good care of her and let her relax a little.

How Do You Relax with This Much Nervous Energy

Per doctor orders I've been taking it easy this last week. Not really as easy as it sounds with a 2 yr old. We do fine except I can't get him much exercise. I'm not really supposed to walk much or run. So it's hard to keep up with Peanut when we go outside for exercise. Luckily, my nephew has helped quite a bit. We go to my sisters house and the two boys play like crazy boys for a few hours. Peanut gets worn out and all is well.

My medication runs out on Saturday. I have no idea what will happen. I still feel contractions once in a while, but they say that is normal. What will it be like off the meds? Will they just start back up or just continue to be once in a while? The realization that I could have a baby as soon as Sunday is starting to freak me out. It's still early and I'm not mentally ready. Physically, yes I could do without the pain in my hips and back, but mentally I'm not ok with two kids yet. Will I be? Who knows?

Husbands father came to visit over the weekend. They put the crib together, changed the light switch in the baby room and cleaned up some junk in the basement. It was nice to get a few of those things done. We need a mattress, but otherwise, baby can live in our house now.

A friend of mine asked about a shower a while back. I said I would like to wait until after baby was born. We only need gender specific things and won't know the gender until after birth. She agreed and said we could have a little party after baby was born. Then last week she sent an email to all our friends asking if they would like to attend a ladies dinner/shower. I didn't want to say no, but felt odd since we already agreed to have it post baby. She wants to have dinner, gifts and cake. I can't quiet put my finger on it, but I feel odd about the whole situation. I guess, I don't need more neutral clothes (we have plenty from the first). We don't really need too many things so I'm wondering what kind of gifts they will get. I'm trying to just look at it as a dinner out with friends and not a shower. We'll see how it all goes.

Adventure

Wednesday night I woke up around 12 or 12:30 feeling sick. I wanted to throw up and my belly hurt like crazy. Trying to find a comfortable position was impossible. Finally, I went to the couch and could get less uncomfortable. At 3 am I went back to bed hoping I could sleep a little. No such luck.

I was warned at the beginning of my pregnancy to not eat deli meat unless it had been cooked. There is a bacteria pregnant women can get. I had eaten a Turkey sandwich earlier and was worried I was getting sick from it. Turns out not to be the case.


Anyway, my plan was to call the OB once the office opened and beg them to give me something or tell me all was ok. By about 4:30am I couldn't take it anymore and didn't want to wait until the office opened at 9. Around 5 I finally threw up, not sure if this helped anything. I didn't really feel any better. We paged the doctor on call and he asked several questions. He suspected a bladder infection and suggested we head to hospital. We called family to watch Peanut and were on our way to hospital by 6 I think.

Turns out the pain in my belly was contractions. They were coming every 2-3 minutes apart, but I had a constant pain. They tested for UTI and checked me all over. We saw doctor around 8:30 or so and I was 1-2 cm dilated. So I was given IV, drugs to stop contractions, steroids to help baby lungs in case Thumper ended up being born. The pain went away after a couple hours, but I was still contracting too regularly. I've been on IV, antibiotics and contraction stopping medications ever since.

I'm fine. I stayed in hospital overnight and I'm hoping to go home today. We're waiting to see doctor. Oh yeah, and bonus I've been on a liquid diet just in case they can't stop contractions and I go into labor. Yum.

We had another ultrasound yesterday to check on Thumper. I'm at 33 weeks and 3 days today and baby measures 35 weeks and 2 days. In other words, big baby.

Dr. just breezed in, staying overnight again, but might go home tomorrow. Blah. I really want out of here.

Husband has business trip next week. My mom is coming to stay with me. That's great, but annoying too. I think I'll be fine, but really who knows.

Mostly, I miss my boy. He was in daycare all day Wed. and we ate together, but then I snuck off for some me time while Husband put him to bed. I haven't seen him since 7 on Wednesday. He is with Aunt J and having a good time.

Overall. I'm glad baby is ok. We still have some issues, but they are minor compared with birth at 7 weeks early. I miss my kid. I want to go home. I do get real food now though so that's something. Oh yah, and I can shower. My butt hurts like crazy from sitting on it for almost 48 hours. I'd love to walk around, but that's more labor inducing. Sitting still is the course of action.

I'm a Duck

Peanut: I'm a duck.
Me: I love you little duckie.
Peanut: I love you big duckie.

Does he pretend? Yes.
On a walk tonight he stopped and told Husband to go on ahead a few feet. Then he pretended to catch a football and throw it to Husband. He did this several times.

At breakfast he sometimes catches bats that fall from the sky. He hold on to them and shows them to me before tossing them back to the sky.

In the last week or two we've had a lot of good moments and I've snapped them in my head like a picture to keep forever. He has made a few rough moments/days feel a lot better.

The sleep issues are still there, but bedtime is getting a little better (knock a giant log, please) and we're not stressing about naps. We still try occasionally, but mostly just skip them for quiet time. He could really do with some rest, but I take what I can get.

Mothers Helper

We were in the master bathroom, he was playing with various items and I was getting ready to clean the sinks. I started with the mirror and he wanted to help so I gave him the duster. In my head I thought he would just dust things. He went into the toilet room to clean. (Our toilet is in it's own little room in the bathroom). I didn’t think much about this, but clearly I should have.

After a full minute or even two in there I became suspicious. I peeked my head around the corner and he was ‘washing’ the walls. He had the toilet lid open and was dipping the duster into the water, then using that to wash the walls.

I took the duster away (and threw it away) and he cried. I told him he was doing a good job washing, but now we needed to wipe it up. Luckily I had a stack of paper towels handy and it only took us a few minutes to mop up the floor. We may need to do some cleaning in there with non-toilet water in case an odor develops.

After that I was tired so we had a snack. The sinks can be dirty a bit longer.

Open 24 Hours

I am a mom. I stay at home with my son. He is two. I chose to do this. I have the option to put him in daycare and go to work full time, but I choose to stay home. Does this mean that I am never "off work"?

Typically, one parent goes to work. Something like 8am to 5pm. They work at hospitals, law offices, book stores and whatever. They do their work from 8am to 5pm and then go home. They are done with that work. When they get home they are a parent. (Some people choose to not be parents, but I'm not talking about them.) So when they get home they visit with the family, eat, play and help put kid(s) to bed. Right? Or is it still the stay at home parents job to do that?

My job starts anywhere from 7 to 8 am. I don't drive to work. I don't have to fix my hair or wear nice clothes. My job starts the moment my son wakes up. Sometimes I wake up first and take a few minutes to get dressed or use the bathroom or something else all to my self. Most days he is up before I am. My job stops when he goes to sleep. Not bed, but to sleep. In actuality, I'm still on call, but not on active duty. If something happens in the night, Husband usually hears first. He is the first responder. Most times that works and I'm not needed, but occasionally I'm called in. So I'm really only on active duty from 7am to roughly 10pm.

So basically I'm either actively working or on call 24/7. When do I get a break? Do I get a break? My sister is basically a single parent because her husband rarely does any parenting duty. He will help, but only if asked and usually reluctantly. My husband helps quite a bit and I don't have to ask.

Since Husband is not home 1-2 nights per week to help I usually take Wednesday nights 'off'. I go wherever and try to relax and regroup. The last few times I've gone out I've come back to an unhappy house. I've wished I never left. All the good vibes I was collecting get smashed and I'm back in my blah rut. If I thought I could mentally handle it, I would just put myself in charge 24/7. The trouble is I can't handle it. I'm 7 months pregnant, not sleeping well and overall pretty tired. So I need help.

Husband keeps asking me why I'm grumpy or what's wrong. Well. I'm tired of asking for some kind of help and not getting it. I'm tired of feeling hopeless and things not changing. I'm tired of having the same conversations about things we could do or change to make it better and nothing coming of it. I'm tired of being referee. I'm tired of going to sleep all the while dreading waking up and dealing with it all again. But most of all, I'm just tired.

I'd really like this blog to be happy and funny and have lots of readers that leave wonderful comments, but I don't have it in me. I don't know of something happy and funny to write. I know of tired. Eventually I'll have this baby and my kids will grow up and maybe then things will change, but until then, this is where I'll vent.

Cry Me a River

During pregnancy hormones are out of control. The first time around, there were several times I just cried for no reason. This time is no different. There do seem to be reasons though. Mostly I'm tired. When I am tired I don't function as well.

Today was my day off and I had a few things planned. I was going to go to the grocery store, the hardware store and take a nap. I did manage to get to the grocery store, but nothing else. I spent most of the day doing our taxes. So now I'm still tired and weepy. Husband was kind enough to put Peanut to bed even though he doesn't feel that well himself. I just couldn't do it tonight.

Funny how the littlest things make me cry. Good thing I don't watch much television or movies. I'm sure just a touching commercial would send me running for a raft to wade through the tears.

Thumpity Thump Thump

Thumper has been at it for almost 3 days now. It's hard to sleep. On one hand it's wonderful to know the baby is in there and doing good, but on the other hand it's starting to make me ill. Sea sickness maybe? The constant rolling, flipping and kicking stops only when Peanut tries to feel it. He's not all that gentle though. His idea of putting a hand on my belly is playing a bongo drum. Thumper does not like that.

Husband was away for a week and I really took a relaxed approach to parenting. I enjoyed my child. So now that he is back we're trying to find a balance between letting Peanut get away with everything and being parental rulers. I've let certain things slide, but the basic rules are still there. He still gets punished for hitting, kicking etc.

I think Husband has a hard time with parenting by the seat of your pants. He would like there to be rules for handling every situation. He wants bedtime to be 8:00 and not a minute later. I'm more flexible. There are no rules for every situation. As parents you deal with what comes. Sometimes when the next situation comes you are better prepared, but the same answer might not fix the new problem. I do stick to a bedtime, but I can also tell when he just isn't ready or is ready earlier. Putting him to bed when he is ready makes it much easier.

We've also stopped pushing. At nap time and bed time I would sit and steam because he wouldn't go to sleep. Well, now I kiss him and leave. Most times he talks for a while and goes to sleep, but only occasionally does he get up. Nap time is hard still because unless he is dead tired and I stay with him he won't sleep. I sit quietly in the chair in his room and he wiggles and talks for a bit. For the last week he has given up after 20 minutes or so. Yesterday, not so much. Though he was like the walking dead tired he wouldn't sleep. He did go to bed early though.

Trying to start a business with my sister. Might work out ok, but we're running into some issues. The biggest being my pregnancy. I can't do much and won't be able to do much even after baby is here. She seems to think otherwise. We need to sit and talk about it, again. I brought up all the issues she's talking about now a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to see a problem then, but now that's it could mean less money for her she is concerned. Oh well. I'm sure we'll either work it out or go our own ways. She can do the work and keep all the money, but she better not expect me to help unless she is going to compensate me fairly.

I think in her mind she wants to use me as a daycare, but since I'm family she doesn't want to pay me much. In my mind I think if it's just babysitting once in a while that's fine, but if it's true all day care, feeding them and taking them to activities I should get paid daycare rates. Once baby is here I don't want to care for 4 children all day long. Especially, when two of them have activities three days a week to go to. I'm not taking a baby out and about that much. Plus...I just don't want to. So anyway, we'll get it figured out.

Trying to get my house in order. I still have several weeks, but I'm feeling the urge to get things done while I can still move around. I wish I had a little more energy though.

Driving Me Crazy

Husband left for the East coast on Monday. My mother arrived Sunday late afternoon. It's now Tuesday night and I'm ready for her to go. Yesterday was fun. We didn't really do much, but we shopped a little and ate out and then spent a nice evening at my sisters house. Today we ran a few errands and hung out a home.

Everything I said today was thrown back at me with some sort of dismissive air. For example, we were talking about side effects of taking medications. I mentioned that a year or so ago I was taking two medications and together they gave me a side effect. I wasn't going to tell her what the medicines were for, but I did and I shouldn't have. Anyway, one was birth control pills and the other was an anti-depressant. What the medicines were really had nothing to do with the story. So she says to me "why were you taking that, were you depressed?" I said that yes, I was. She said "I walk and exercise and have all the energy in the World. You shouldn't need medication." I understand her comment. Really, in the majority of people, exercise does boost mood and energy level. For me, not so much. So then I regretted saying anything.

Later I tried to give her thanks for coming to stay with me while Husband is away. I told her that it's been nice to have someone to talk to during the day. I get lonely sometimes and don't have many people to talk to during the day since they all work. My sister doesn't work but her kids are so busy she doesn't always have time for me. So my mother told me to take a walk. Literally. "You should go for a walk." I'm not sure how that makes me feel better about having no one to share my thoughts with, but whatever. Then she told me about how joining (fitness place) has given her lots of people to talk to. I'm sort of several months pregnant and not joining a fitness club anytime soon.

She hasn't done or said anything mean, but everything is about her and her issues. Or she talks about what my sisters are all doing wrong in their lives. While I will discuss some issues about my sisters, she basically makes everything out to be the worst possible situation. I'm getting tired of it.

While I invited her here to visit I didn't expect her to cook or clean or even help that much with Peanut, but would it kill her to help me a little? I'm tired. I'm going to need some serious recuperation time. Not sure I'll get it though.

Going to bed. Watch what you say.

The Tide is Turning

The hormones seem to be shifting, at least for today.

Last night after Husband got home and we had dinner, I went up to take a shower. He watched Peanut while I was gone. When I got out I watched the two of them play from the upstairs balcony. I watched Peanut open a card from Grandma. I watched them play ring around the rosy. I watched Peanut push his shopping cart all over the house. It was fantastic. Something about watching unnoticed and getting to appreciate the full force of the moment. At that moment I felt so blessed to be the mother and wife of these fabulous boys. I want to hold on to that as long as I can.

I blame hormones for all my troubles. Normally I'm pretty emotional, but it peaks and valleys with my girly cycle. Now I'm living mostly in the valley with this pregnancy. It's been hard. It's nothing like the first pregnancy.

The first one was so great. Even though I was working I enjoyed being pregnant. I guess because we could still enjoy the single life even though a baby was on the way. Now we are parents and it almost feels like we are trapped even more by another baby. It's not really true though. We have some people in the area that will babysit even if it's for a few hours. Somehow not being able to drop everything and go to a 10pm movie seems totally unfair. The dumb thing is we wouldn't do that even if we had no other kids.

We are currently at 26 weeks. Over half way and yet it seems so far away. On one hand I'm ready for it to be over, but on the other I'm nervous. I'm ready to have my body and mind back, but what condition will it be in with two kids?

Anyway, last night and today have been nice. I have enjoyed being a mother and that feeling has been gone for a long time. I'm happy Peanut is mine.

Not sure spell check is working and I'm too tired to do it myself.

Door Number 1, 2 or 3?

This blog is pretty depressing. Sorry about that.

So here are my options:

1. Get parts to fix crib.

Down Side:
This may take 2-3 weeks to get the parts in. Since they didn't rush/overnight the recall parts I'm thinking we won't get regular parts any faster. We lose any success we gained with the big boy bed and would have to start over at some point. He may have a fit to be back in a prison type bed.

Up Side:
He's in prison. If it takes an hour to fall asleep at least we know he is in bed and has a chance to nap as opposed to taking his room apart (literally).

2. Put him in full time daycare.

Down Side:
I like staying home with him. This costs more and we don't just have the money. I'd have to go back to work in some capacity to make some extra money. His current part-time daycare doesn't have openings so we either wait list or find a new daycare. I hate to change daycare at this point. I like it and the people and I think Peanut does too. I've been out of work for quite some time. What could I do? Retail? Blah. Plus I'm 5ish months pregnant and who is going to hire that? I won't be able to stay on my feet long and the farther along I get the harder it will be to work. Plus, I want to stay home with baby 2 so it seems stupid to work for a couple months and then quit. Which, by then we still can't really afford full time daycare so he either has to go back to part-time or I have to work at least enough to pay for the full time.

Up Side:
I'm losing my mind and maybe that will stop. Peanut naps at daycare so maybe he'll sleep. Maybe he is done being with mommy so much and this will be good for him.

3. Do nothing

Down Side:
I'm losing my mind.

Up Side:
No increased cost for daycare.

So. Anyone have any brilliant ideas? I could use them. I keep thinking a vacation would be nice, but we'll still have problems when we get back. So spending money to get away seems sort of wasteful. I don't know. There are other issues with this that I don't feel like writing about right now. Suffice it to say a break would be nice, but trouble would be waiting for us on the return.

The Dr. is In

Do all therapists suck? It seems that all the ones I've encountered do. Granted there are millions and I've seen like 4 in the course of my life, but they have all been less than fabulous. This one is supposed to help us with parenting issues. We talked mostly about sleep problems today. I think she thought she was being helpful, but in the end I found it useless. I relate it to having someone tell you to pet a lion by offering him a hot dog first to sooth him. Probably not going to work and do you really want to try it?

I'm in a bad place and I think Husband is too. We could really use a good therapist to talk to. Someone that we can be honest with, that will tell us the cold hard truth. I don't want to hear stories about other families (unless it somehow relates to me). I want to hear what we should be doing. I want to know what we are doing wrong. I want to know how to want to wake up in the morning. I want to know how to get through the day without crying. Anyone know?

To help relieve stress, we're taking turns. I watch Peanut one night and Husband watches him another. While it's nice to get a break, it sucks to never see my Husband until the weekend when neither of us knows what to do.

We went to church. I was amazed lightning didn't hit. It was a far cry from the church I'm used to, but I liked it. Some of the things the Pastor said really felt right. I did feel like I was in the movie "Saved" though. There was a rock band and everyone wore jeans. Anyway, overall I liked it. I just hope we can go and be accepted for us and meet some people and enjoy it. I don't want to be converted to a Jesus freak or anything. I'm not going to give up everything and move to the inner city in the name of the Lord. I think I can help people and feel good right here in pleasant town.

I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I really want all that to change.

Day 4 Asleep on the Floor

Nap didn't go well today. I took an hour and a half for him to go to sleep. He only slept about an hour, but woke up fairly happy.

Bedtime went ok but it's 9:30 and I'm not sure he is asleep. I keep finding him on the floor. He takes his blanket, bear and sometimes his pillow and lays on the floor. I've put him back to bed each time though. He hasn't made a peep since 8:14 when I put him in bed, but he has not fallen asleep yet.

This isn't much fun and I'm tired. I figure it takes two weeks to make a habit. We have 10 more days.

Night Night

Tuesday, the boy did not nap in his bed so husband took him for a drive and he slept in the car. Tuesday night I put the boy down for bed. Actually, I never got that far. He was wound up and wiggly while we were reading books. I couldn't get him to calm down to go to bed. He got up and husband came in and sort of took over. I left. Thirty minutes later I went back because husband was done. After another hour or so of putting him back in bed, sitting with him, talking to him and whatnot I decided we needed a new approach. We are the parents. We make the rules. The first rule is you go to bed at bedtime. The second rule is you stay in bed. The third rule is if you get out of bed, you will go back to bed immediately. Fourth rule is no one will snuggle, cuddle, pat, rub, talk, kiss or in any way contact you other than to put you back to bed (there are a few exceptions to this rule, but I'm not going into them now). Peanut finally went to sleep around 9:45.

Wednesday he went to daycare and took a two hour nap. Husband put him to bed and there were lots of tears on both sides. He eventually made it to bed and went to sleep around 9:30. Progress, little as it may be.

Today he woke up early and was very tired all morning. We went to the store to walk around and burn off some energy. He could barely make it through lunch. We went up shortly after that and read several books. He went to bed on his own and I kissed and hugged him and left. He sat up and talked for just a couple minutes, but then flopped down and went to sleep. He slept about an hour and a half, though I'm not entirely sure since I was asleep too.

Tonight he did well. We did the normal routine and even had special (Spider man) pajamas to wear. After reading the last book he wanted to read more, but I said no. I did agree to tell him a short one if he got in bed. He went to bed and I recited the shortest story I know, kissed and hugged him and left. He got out of bed several times, but I only had to stick my head in the room and he climbed back into bed. Soon enough he was out. As far as I can tell he was asleep by 8:15. I'm keeping my ears peeled because I just don't believe he could really be done this early. I'm hopeful, but realistic.

We don't yell, get frustrated, scream, spank, punch walls, kick things or anything else. We love him and put him to bed with love and then don't say a word. We'll see what happens.

The Bad and The Ugly

I got smashed today. Peanut and I were arguing over getting dressed (him not me). He started kicking and hitting me and I lost it. I yelled at him to stop. Somehow in the midst of it we collided heads. His forehead found my top lip and smashed it into my teeth. Blood. My lip split open and I raced to the bathroom. I didn't even think about Peanut until I got the lip under control. He was fine. Playing with the alarm clock. Not a scratch on him.

I'm a wreck. I'm an emotional wreck. I'm not sleeping well, I'm full of pregnancy hormones, my kid has turned into a demon and I can't make a decision more important than what flavor jam on my toast. Friends want us to go out to dinner or whatnot and I just want to find a dark place to curl up and cry. Parenting is hard. Maybe too hard for me.

Husband and I decided I would stay home and raise the kid(s). We didn't want our kid growing up in daycare. There is nothing wrong with it, but we wanted ours to be home grown. Seeing as I had the lowly sales job that made little money it was an easy decision. I hated working anyway. But. I've never been patient. I've never been good with kids. I've never really even wanted kids that much. My nieces and nephews were OK, but I didn't see the need for my own. So why did I think I would be good at staying home?

None of my friends stay home. They all work and all their kids go to daycare of some sort. I always felt proud to be the one that breastfed and stayed home. Now I feel like some sort of war veteran. Life is getting to the point where I'm not sure I can do this anymore. The trouble is I'm not sure what other options I have. I haven't worked at any sort of company in many years. What am I qualified to do other than work retail?

I'm so down and I have so many thoughts. I thought all the stress I was feeling was because of Christmas, but now that it's over the stress has not gone away. Is this hurting new baby? Am I going to have a spastic baby because of this? It's too late, but I'm not sure I can survive two kids. I may be committed come May.

The War Rages On

We here at the Mutt house are tired, wiped out, done, finished, pooped, empty and just plain at our wits end. Peanut still will not nap. We have tried many things. The newest thing to try is to just not make him nap. I know. He needs a nap, but he's not taking them. So why put myself through all that? So, maybe we'll just play and read and whatever and at some point if he is tired he will lay down somewhere and sleep. Maybe not. Mostly likely not, but what have I got to lose? The anger, that's what. Why is it so frustrating that he will not sleep? I know he won't and yet every time I get upset about it.

This has been especially hard being pregnant. What happens when the new baby comes? Do I just let Peanut yell and scream while I try to feed, change and take care of a newborn? I'm not sure I can handle that. My hormones are off the chart right now and every little thing makes me cry. I feel like such a bad mother. We've had more time-outs in the last few days than I can count. He's hitting, yelling and otherwise being rotten. I've tried tender love. I've tried tough love. I've tried just leaving alone for a bit. Nothing. He was a snot at Aunt J's house too and he LOVES it there.

Why on Earth did we think it was a good idea to have another child? I'm having a very hard time being excited about being pregnant. It's nice to hear the heartbeat, but otherwise, Peanut is sort of ruining it for me. This sounds horrible because I know there are so many women out there that just want to be pregnant. I really wanted to be until this whole sleeping war started. Husband and I are at a loss. What do we do?

Not helping our situation any is that the crib broke. We had to change it to a toddler bed (no rail on one side) or get rid of it. The new parts are on the way, but it was not safe for him to be in it. Now he can get out of bed. This isn't too much of a problem at night. He only gets up once or twice, but for nap it's another story. I can't get him to stay in the bed. We may turn it back into a crib once we get the parts, but now I think he might try harder to get out. I don't know. We'll see. We put him in the pack-n-prison for nap today and he just yelled the whole time. At least he wasn't able to get out though.

Anyone have a magic button? I'd love for this to just be magically over.

Santa Never Had it So Good

Me: What do you want for Christmas?
Peanut: Bagel.
Me: A Bagel?
Peanut: Bagel.
Me: Anything else?
Peanut: No.

I wonder if he thought I said breakfast instead of Christmas? They might sound the same to a two year old. Either way I can totally handle it.

Take That School.

Me: Let's get ready for school.
Him: Nnnnnoooooo.
Me: Don't you want to go to school and have fun?
Him: No.
Me: Don't you want to go to school and play with all your friends and Miss J?
Him: No.
Me: You don't want to stay here with boring old mommy.

He crawls into my lap, puts his head on my chest and snuggles in.

Him: Mommy.

It's nice to be loved.

Music to My Ears

I love hearing my Husband read to Peanut. It's very sexy to me to have a husband that cares so much for his child. He takes time to read to him and play with him. I know lots of men that can't be bothered with that stuff. It's woman's work to take care of the children.

In our situation I do stay home with Peanut and will continue with new baby. I mostly take care of the child(ren) and do some housework and so on. The difference is, I get lots of help. Husband helps by taking care of Peanut or by taking care or me, or both.

My brother-in-law left the country to work a week after his son was born. He was gone about a month. I guess by the fifth child you just don't care? I couldn't pry Husband away from Peanut if someones life depended on it. He's a great father and I love him that much more for it.

On a brighter side of pregnancy, something good has finally happened. My boobs are getting bigger. They are huge or anything, but bigger. Definitely a step in the right direction.

So Much To Do

I would like to get some decorating done here at the Mutt house. I'm not feeling very inspirational. It's very easy for me to go to another house and design a pretty good looking room. Doing that for myself is hard. I know what colors I like, but I want all the rooms in the house to get along. In our old house the majority of the rooms were some shade of purple and/or green except the office. It was blue.

I see lots of houses on decorator shows and they all look like the whole house was planned, not just one room at a time. Does that make sense? Even though I'll work on one room at a time, I want the house house to be one gorgeous unit. I'm having trouble planning that. How much does a decorator cost? Can I get someone to come in and just give me advice? That would be great.

Meanwhile, screamfest is happening in Peanuts room. Again. Nap time has not been going well. For the last several weeks it's taken him over an hour to fall asleep. I've tried several methods, going in and soothing him, snuggling with him, leaving him to cry it out and they don't seem to work. Yesterday after listening to him for two hours I went to his room (furious), plucked him out of the crib and put him on the floor. I said "do whatever you want." I went downstairs and watched TV. He stayed in his room for an hour and a half reading. He went through nearly every book on the shelf, but he stayed in his room and he was fairly quiet.

Today, we are back to screaming. It's only been 22 minutes. Jeez that annoys the life out of me listening to him scream. It's not a crying scream, it's yelling mommy over and over. Gah. I know it's selfish, but I need the break from him. I need him to nap so I can re-charge for a bit. Even though he isn't in my line of sight, hearing him scream doesn't really let me charge anything.

I'm still in the throws of all day sickness. It doesn't seem as bad, but I'm still very gaggy? Is that a word? Food really sound good, but after about three bites I can't seem to eat any more. It's sad. We went out the other night and I had really good steak and seafood, but couldn't eat much. I brought home the leftovers, but same story. It would be nice if I could actually chow down for a bit.

It's been quiet for a whole minute. Do I dare get my hopes up? Nah. I'll just keep reading and hope for the best.

Out of the Crib and into the Fire (Engine)

How do you get a two year old to sleep in a regular bed? We have not yet moved Peanut to a toddler or twin bed. He's still in a crib. We would like to move him out of it so that Bean (the new kids name) can get the crib. The trouble is that only 10% of the time we put Peanut to bed, he has no trouble. He lays down and is asleep pretty quick. No crying, no nothing. I'd say 50% of the time we put him in bed he cries less than a minute and then gives up and goes to sleep. The other 40% he cries for a while. So. If these statistics hold true for a big bed, he'll go to sleep just fine 10% of the time. I think the other 90% of the time I may kill myself.

A month or so back we were at the Lake and it was time for nap. I put Peanut in the Pack and Prison and left the room. He was unhappy and screaming/crying. I figured he would have to just cry it out. Instead as I walked down the hall the cries got louder. The little punk figured out how to climb out. There was no putting him in it again. So I tried to get him to sleep on the big bed. I couldn't get him to lay down. I'd plunk him down and he was immediately out the door. Since it was Sunday we just left for home and he slept in the car. Otherwise he would have had no nap.

My fear is that we'll do this for every sleep time. I don't want to. Should we just buy another crib and leave Peanut in his until he's say, 12? Or will it not be as bad as I think?

We have a little fire engine toddler bed, but it needs some work. Since I've been sick I haven't had time to fix it up. I think husband wishes we would have just bought a new one, but he's willing to try. I wonder if this fun bed would be more incentive for him to stay in it?

The Crazy Continues

We had a family function this last weekend. Things went pretty smooth all weekend with a few minor exceptions. It seems my family is incapable of making any decision in less than 24 hours. Meaning it takes an entire weekend of discussions to get a decision made. But lo and behold we have our Thanksgiving plan.

The second hitch in our giddy up was the sleeping arrangements. My sister D has five (5) children. Oddly enough they all have to be separated to go to sleep. Add in three more children and you start to run out of room pretty fast. Peanut was going to sleep in the pack and play in our room. Unfortunately another child was going to start out sleeping in that room too. He didn't like that. He cried and yelled and fussed. I left him to it. We put him in bed around 8:30 which is the normal time. Somewhere around 9:30 or so, my sister J begged me to let her get him out. Sure. So he gets out and comes to the kitchen where all the adults are playing cards. He is in hog heaven. He snuggles in with Aunt D and has a blast. Somewhere around 11 he goes back to bed. I'm exhausted and want nothing more than to go to bed. Trouble is I have to wait until he goes to sleep. Plus there were two children already asleep in my bed.

So we all survived and mostly slept on the way home to recover. I think by now we are over it. So the other decision that was made is that Christmas will be at my house. I sort of assumed it would be, but was willing to go where ever was decided. Now I'm anxious to get some decorating done so it looks like I've been doing something all this time. Better get my butt in gear.

Winter in the Middle of Summer

Christmas has started. It's November 1st and a few radio stations here are playing all Christmas music all the time. Pretty soon we'll just hear it year round. I have nothing against the music, but Christmas is on one day. It just seems like the music should be more centered around that. Whatever.

Halloween was a success. Peanut really had no idea what was going on at first. We went to the neighbors house first and he just stood there. After a the second house he started to hold his bag out and smile. He did say thank you to each person too. We just went around our block. Two of the houses scared him and we hurried those along. One had a little skeleton that talked and moved. He didn't like that. Two other houses had big fake spiders hanging down. One we just went quickly past and the other the man came out of the house past the spider to give him candy. At the last few houses he did manage to say a quiet trick or treat. He was adorable. What was he? A fire man. Cute.

So what do we do with the candy? He doesn't usually get it and I don't really want to eat it. I guess we'll keep it a little while and see if husband eats it. Then we'll send it off to work with him.

I've still got the 24 hour morning sickness. Bleh. I'm ready to be done with the sick feeling part.

I'm not doing the NaBloPoMo or whatever it is. I thought about it, but I just won't post every single day. I will try though. I'll at least try to post more often that once a month.

It Aint Easy Being Green

So I'm only 8+ weeks along, but the morning sickness has kicked into full swing. This time around it's a bit different than the first. The first time, I felt queasy in the morning, threw up and then was fine and went about my day. This time I feel queasy all the time. Morning, noon, evening, during the middle of the night if I happen to wake up. Eating is the only thing that seems to help. One might think that's great, but I'm not a big fan of constantly eating. I'm trying to eat more healthy snacks, but sometimes what is in arms reach is what I get. Cookie? Sure. Apple? Great.

I'm going out of town for a few days for a big craft festival. I'm going with three other women. No children. It's crazy. I'm not sure I'll make it since we haven't left yet and I miss my boy already. I hope I can stay happy and healthy the whole way. We'll see. At least they are all sympathetic and will help me in any way they can.

What's new? Peanut started school last week. He seems to like it. He is a bit clingy at drop off, but settles down a minute after I leave. I think once he gets used to it he'll like it better. He's been napping there just fine.

We got to see new baby on screen at the last appointment. At least I did. Not much to see at this point really. There is just one and it's in the right place. Good to know.

Husband is getting his MBA. He starts this week. I think he is nervous, but he'll do great. I'm going to make every effort to give him time to study and do whatever homework he has to do. It's hard to give him space when I'm so happy he is home to play with Peanut for a while. We'll do our best.

Today is Peanut's birthday. I looked back at the pictures we have of him from birth. He was a big boy, but yet so tiny. He is a great kid and I look forward to many more birthdays with him. Both parties turned out OK in the end and he got lots of cool stuff.

Take care everyone! I'm off to my first vacation without Husband and the boy.

Sorry I Dozed Off.

I'm getting tired. Not quite the exhaustion that I had with Peanut, but I wear out much faster now. I went to work on a painting job yesterday and kept stopping and didn't get much done. Today I had the day to myself. Peanut went to stay with J. Since I would have no interruptions I thought I'd get huge amounts done. While it feels like I did, I can't really see the difference.

In hopes of staying more alert and lest vomitous (it's a pregnant lady word) I'm reading about what to eat when expecting. So far it makes me very sleepy to read it, but hopefully I'll get in gear and start eating better. My diet isn't horrible, but it could get a lot better.

Today I made the OB appointment. Husband is excited. He must have asked a dozen times when I was going. Does it make it more official to go to the Dr? She's just going to have me piddle on a stick and tell me to come back in a month. Oh well.

This is the time of year that always slips by so fast. Once the Holidays start rolling around it zooms by until February. Then it creeps until summer. I'm not ready. I'd like another couple months of summer. We have some outdoor projects that need finishing before winter and I'm not sure how much we'll get done. We have something planned for every weekend in October. While I'm excited for all the activities, I'm not so excited that nothing will be getting done on my house. One day at a time. The basement is starting to look pretty good. Slowly things are coming together.

I'm worn out from all this typing. I better go lie down.

Sweet Jesus What Have We Done?

So I'm like 3 days pregnant and my not quite two year old is screaming his head off upstairs. I'm not sure what set it off. He had an odd nap, but slept. He played pretty hard today with several other kids and maybe that was too much. I don't know.

We tried not to rush him, but it was past bedtime so we were pushing to go up and change to pj's. He went upstairs crying, but not screaming. Then we tried to take his clothes off. Whoa, he freaked. We basically ripped his clothes off and wrestled his pajamas on. Then he kept screaming. Want to read books? Noooooo. Want to snuggle? Nooooo. Want to go to bed? No answer, but not really a yes. After about 15 minutes of this husband put him in bed. Peanut took it to the next level.

He is now hysterically calling for Mama and Dada, but shoves us away and screams louder when we try to go in there. I just want to curl up and cry my eyes out. I'm doing this again? What made me think I can do this with two? Why on Earth did I think I could handle this? Did we just make the biggest mistake of our lives?

Every fiber tells me to go get him, but it only makes him angrier. Help.

I Knew It.

This whole pregnancy thing seems to be a numbers game. With cycle days and times and ovulation days and all the other numerical oddities that seem to come up.

Last cycle was all weird. We read this excerpt on how to have a girl and we were trying it out. Basically, the theory is you have sex for seven days after your period and then stop. That's all fine and dandy, but I didn't ovulate until something like cycle day 19. So even though husband thought we were pregnant, we were not.

Both of us were pretty sad about it. Funny, we were not totally sure we were ready for the second child, but once we didn't have it, we realized we wanted it. Make sense? Oh well. We both were comforted knowing it was a fluke cycle and we'd have more chances.

So this cycle we decided to just enjoy each other and not worry so much about taking an ovulation test every day. I sort of had a hint of when I ovulate. I guess this is pretty true for me. Gross, but true. So when it happened I sent husband a message telling him to come home so we could make a baby. Funny thing. He was playing soccer that night with his friends. They went out for a beer and he sent a message letting me know. Then I sent him my message saying I was laying eggs and he should come home. He felt the need to tell his friends. Great. Does a whole soccer team need to know when I'm fertile?

I anticipated my "." on a Tuesday and so on Friday I took a preggo test. Negative. See I really thought this time was it. I just felt like it was right. I would see pregnant women and just feel connected somehow. I guess wanting to be pregnant like other women makes me have something in common.

So about a week before I think my "." is going to start I start getting PMS cranky. It comes full boil on Tuesday night. Peanut us pushing me and I'm just raging mad for no reason. Then Wednesday morning I realize why. PMS. Time for the "." to start. Except it doesn't. I get like three drops and then it stops. I figure the stress and all sort of stopped it. But three days later still nothing. So I 'started' on Wednesday morning, nothing on Wednesday, nothing on Thursday, on Thursday afternoon I start to wonder what's going on. Is my body being weird again? What happens if we can't get pregnant at all? Two of my sisters both had trouble getting pregnant, what if I have trouble too? What lengths are we willing to go? Even though I already had one negative test I decided to take another. At least if it's negative I can relax and just let nature do it's thing and try again next cycle.

I guess that's why I didn't really get my "." this time. I'm pregnant.

Whole Bunch of Nothing

So this is my first week without any daycare. So far it's going OK, but not great. Yesterday, Peanut took no nap. Today he is napping, or at least he is very quiet in his room. I don't dare go check for fear of waking him.

I've been trying to plan the birthday. As you may or may not recall Peanut is 3 days younger than his cousin C. I called my sister to ask if she wanted to do a joint party again. She said yes and we picked a weekend. Great. My mom's reunion is that weekend and she will be out of town. Not great. Even though she went on and on about if we had to have it then she'd have to miss it, blah blah blah. Right. Like we're having it without her and want to hear about it for eternity. So sister sends me a message asking about the weekend before that. I said great. So I sent a message to another sister to see if she was free that weekend. She said she was planning on going to see sister #4. Not great. Do we run over their plans? We're sort of running out of weekends in October. This is why I HATE that they share a birthday. Because if it was just Peanut I would plan a party and whoever shows up gets to have a blast. Instead we have to play "please all the family all the time". It's starting to be annoying.

How old am I? By the look of my face you might guess 13. You'd be wrong, of course, but my pimples don't know that. I thought as you got older they sort of naturally went away. What gives? It seems like in the last week or so it's gotten way bad. It was one two once in a while and now is a bunch, now! I switched soap to something aimed at acne, but I'm not holding my breath. I guess I should drink more water and eat better. Will that help?

Also, I'm lonely. I took Peanut to the Mall today and realized how badly I'd like someone to go with me to talk. Most everyone I know is either A) at work or B) lives too far away. My sister is close and doesn't work, but her kids schedules are so wonky she has to leave by 11:30 to go get one of them. We didn't even get to the mall until 10:45. That doesn't leave my social time. Really I'd like to go shopping, to movies or out to eat with someone. I could take Peanut, but it would be nice to go as adults. Oh well. That's the price of having children. What do I need new clothes for anyway? Playing peek-a-boo a hundred times isn't exactly wearing out anything.

Blah blah blah, must be PMS.

Poke a Hole in His Head

My son was born with a mild hearing loss. We found this out within his first few weeks of life. When he was only a few months old he got his first set of hearing aids. We've never really known if they help him or not. Some times they really do and others it feels like a waste of time to get them in.

We see an audiologist every month. They take him in the sound booth and test his hearing for a few minutes. At his age he has little patience so they do a little bit each time. The theory is after a while you get the whole picture by putting the pieces together. Each time we go they also to a tympanogram test. For the last (almost) year his levels have been flat (bad), indicating fluid in the ears.

In July we were sent to our ENT to discuss the chronic fluid. We had to wait a month to see the ENT. Once there, he looked fine. So we didn't do anything. Today we went back to the audiologist and once again he had flat levels. Great. Funny thing though, our ENT happens to work at that hospital on various days. He was there today and we were able to see him. Yes. There is fluid. He didn't seem to offer much in the way of a solution. He mentioned ear tubes, but didn't really push one way or another.

The audiologist was pushing for ear tubes. She thinks it will be great for him. So we went ahead and made an appointment to have it done. We have a couple weeks to change our minds, but I don't think we will. It's a simple procedure, but they will knock him out. I'm not wild about that part.

This whole adventure is a catch 22. He isn't really old enough to tell us if the aids help him or not. So we go get testing done. Every time we test he has compromised ears (fluid) so his results are not normal. We have no idea day to day how he is hearing. The aids are set at levels based on his testing. What happens on those days the fluid is gone? Are we blasting him out of the water?

I hope these tubes resolve the fluid issue. Then we can test and I might actually believe the results. Then we can see where to go from there.

Now They Come to Me

So I was wondering why no one was commenting on my posts. DUH! I never updated my email from the move. There are comments, I just usually read them through email instead of in the actual comments sections.

Barbies New House

This is my new house. It's on a quiet street with nice neighbors. You can see the huge trees that line the back yard. When we are in the back yard or look out the back we feel like we're in the country. Since our street is curved the neighbor's houses are angled away and harder to see unless you are all the way in front or back.

So far things are going well. I'm hoping once we get pictures on the wall and such that it will feel more like home. It's definitely our house, but it's not quite my home yet. Make any sense? I'll post more pictures when it gets more organized.

It has four bedrooms upstairs so Peanut gets his own room and if we ever have the sequel he/she can have his/her own room too. The laundry is up there too. There is also a full basement with a full bathroom, storage area and wet bar. Our awesome friends J&A bought us a bar fridge for a housewarming gift. Cool. Things are starting to get where they should be, but it's taking a while.

Where'd It Go?

Peanut has a new trick. He holds his hands out palms up and says "Where'd it Go?" It's too cute! Now he asks about everything. If daddy is at work he asks "Where Daddy?" We saw a squirrel at the park and it ran into the trees "Where Go?"

It's seems in the last few days he is finally talking more. He's putting words together and saying more coherent things. He has always been a talker, but we couldn't understand any of it. Now we can usually get some or all of it. I'd say 85% of the time we at least know what he means even if we can't get all the words.

The move was rough on him, but he has finally settled down and is my sweet boy again. We still have moments, but they are normal almost two year old behavior moments. He has little tantrums once in a while and he carefully sits down and lays his head on the floor and then starts to wail. It's like "I'm having a fit, but I refuse to bonk my head about it". Too funny.

We're still trying for the sequel. We'll see what happens this month. I didn't do any egg laying testing, though I think we did time things better. Who knew it would be a 35 day cycle last time? This one seems more normal, but what do I know? I'll do a pregnancy test in a few days. I could do one now, but I'll wait just to be cautious. Or maybe I'll run upstairs and do it now. Aaagh.

Today is the last day of daycare for Peanut. I'm happy to be saving the money and the drive time for Husband, but sad I may lose my mommy days. My sister lives fairly close and we've talked about trading daycare days with each other. Free daycare, woo hoo! I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic. Their lives are much more hectic than mine so if something comes up it will be on her end. We'll see how it all works out.

Downright Neighborly

So we moved into out new house eight days ago. Yesterday evening during a walk with Husband and I asked about being neighborly. At the old house when we moved in one set of neighbors brought us treats. When we got new neighbors earlier this year we took over a pan of krispy treats. So after being here a week and not getting anything more than a hello from the neighbors I asked if people did that anymore. Husband thought maybe it was a lost polite act or people are too busy with work and kids in school. Oh well.

Then tonight we got home around 8:45pm and as we were getting Peanut ready for bed the doorbell rang. Fairly odd since we don't know many folks around here yet. One of the neighbors across the street brought us cookies. Our faith in nice neighbors has been restored. I guess they were letting us get settled a bit first. Either way, it made us feel special.

Do you think she heard me talking to Husband?