My Smile is Upside Down

I'm tired. I seem to be constantly annoyed and/or angry. I feel slow, sluggish, heavy and foggy. I hate that I feel any of this because my husband and son are paying for it. Part of it is PMS and part of it is depression. The PMS will go away in a while, but I'm not sure what to do about the other.

I tried a therapist and she seemed good, but then she stood me up one day. That's not really something you want to do with someone that is depressed with self-esteem issues. My silly brain said something like "screw you, see how you like it if I never come back". Which is silly because it doesn't really hurt her if I don't come back. It only hurts me (and those around me).

Her logic was that I'm depressed because I am a very creative person with no creative outlet. She said I needed to tap into that to feel fulfilled. OK. I get that. I don't seem to have time. Sure I have some free time twice a week, but then there are usually things I want to do or get done. Creativity seems to take a back seat for the most part. Would that help with my marriage? Would that help deal with my son? I kind of don't think so. Maybe though. I'm in such a horrible place right now. I don't want to be, but I kind of don't give a crap either.

What would do me some good is a swift kick in the butt to get me on my way. You know, like one of those life coaches on tv where they go live in a house and they change their whole lives for the better. I need that, but I'm only free two days a week and I have no money to spend. Other than that, sign me up. Really.

I'd say I need a vacation, but it hasn't been all that long since I took one. I really don't know what I need at this point. A job? A hobby? A friend? A life? Yah. Probably a little of each.